Punch (7.1844)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

THE VAUXHALL MASQUERADE,

2T{)e i&cgenEratfon of Trafalgar ^(juare.

Dear Punch,

We are so deeply
impressed with the fatherly
interest you have always
evinced for the Nelson
Column, that we write
to request your gracious
permission for the erec-
tion of the accompany-
ing design for an eques-
trian statue of yourself.
We mean it as a token of
gratitude for the invaluable
services you have rendered
to the statues and columns
in general of London.
Perhaps, to add to the
obligation, you will be
kind enough to send us an
inscription for ihe pedestal,
which, if you have no ob-
jection, we should like to
be the one now vacant in
Trafalgar Square. We
ought to say that Mr.
Wyatt has touched up
your nose, and trimmed
your calves a bit. Are
they the thing ? Your
slippers and the stirrups
were left out purposely, to
match with the statue of
George the Fourth.

Your very grateful, obedient Servants,

1 be Commissioners of Woods and Forests.

Dear Woods and Forests,

Do just as you like. My modesty does not allow me to say
" yes," but still my hearty good wishes for the morals of the metropolis as
Know ye the scene where the clerks and the tailors strongly prevent me saying " no." The only thing I dislike is beiDg

Are deck'd out in costume both dirty and fine ; vis a-vis to George the Fourth, but perhaps, as a healthy antidote

is wanted to that royal bane, it will be as well to put me up just fur the
principle of the thing. Mind, however, I stipulate for two coats of paint
for my horse every year. As for an inscription, what do you think of the
following—

- A GRATEFUL COUNTRY TO PUNCH."

Where till-robbing shop-bo)s, as soldiers and sailors,
Now stoop down to beer—now ascend up to wine ?
'Tis the place for a feast : not the region of fun.
Can we smile on the jokes that are made there ?—not one.
Oh, pointless and dull, as Ojibbeway yell,
Are the tricks which they play, and the bon mots they tell.

There a bevy of noodles, by puffing extreme,

Are tempted to muster in numerous throng ;
They 're off to Vauxhall, where they drink, dance, and scream,

And fancy they come it exceedingly strong.
Vauxhall's Great Bal Masque I ne'er can forget ;

And oft when alone, at the close of the year,
I think, are the vagabonds dancing there yet ?

Are they still at their brandy and water, and beer ?

OMISSIONS OF THE COURT CIRCULAR.

The gentleman whose duty it is to concoct the Court Circular is, in
Booth, a strange forgetful person—a man of marvellous short memory.
The blunders committed by him—the omissions of which he has been
guilty—during the visit of the King of the French, have, however,
exceeded all previous errors. He has duly given the names of Dukes,
and Marquises, and Ambassadors, and so forth, honoured by a command
to the royal table, but he has in no one instance chronicled any name of
the host of poets, philosophers, painters, authors, musicians, sculptors, and
other professional men who were expressly invited that Louis-Philippe
might see the representatives of much of the intellect of the country.
What is the man of the Court Circular about ? It would almost seem
that he has so long attended to the mere doings of a palace, that he has a
strange grudge against intellect. We trust he will be more attentive for
the future.

THE BOOK OF THE SEASON.
Shortly will be published, handsomely bound in calf, The Mysteries
of London. The first number will be filled with an account of the election
of Alderman Gihbs as Lord Mayor. The second will give facsimiles of the
receipts of the Alderman during his Churchwardenship of St. Stephens,
Walbrook.

I am, dear Woods and Forests,

P. S. Don't you think I shall crush the National Gallery ? A Doric
mustard-pot, however, to keep the pepper-boxes company might give it
elevation. Couldn't you get Smirke to run up a couple \

ACCIDENT ON THE KENSINGTON RAILWAY.
The up and down train, which keeps running up and down the line to
make believe there's a passenger, had just left the Kensington station
with its usual freight of enginemen, stokers, and policemen, when the
train was overtaken by a man running at a pretty smart pace after it.
The policeman supposing it might be a passenger, and yet hardly think-
ing such a thing possible, called to the stoker to stop, but the stoker sup-
posing the policeman only wanted to get down, and cut a salad for supper
as he had frequently done before, no attention was paid to the summons.
Ultimately the engineer, being desirous of going home, stopped the engine,
and it was then ascertained that the train had passed over two horses,
without either stoker, policeman, or engineer having known anything
about it. The unfortunate horses had, it seems, broken away from a
groom, and the sagacious animals having observed the very little traffic
on the line, thought there could be no possible danger in indulging in a
scamper down it. The unfortunate beasts were, however, out in their
calculation, for though they were right iu supposing they would meet no
passengers, they were not prepared for the extraordinary practice of
sending empty carriages up and down the line—a custom which proved
fatal to the noble quadrupeds.

CHANGE OF RESIDENCE.

The Parasol of the Emperor of Morocco, from the plains of Isly to
the Tuileries of Paris, for change of air. The parasol, during its stay Lb
the French capital, will put up at the celebrated Hotel des Invalides.