Punch (7.1844)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

191

THE MEL.K REMONSTRANCE OF THE MAN WISDOM OF THE COURT OF ALDERMEN.

IN BRASS '. Bigotrv is a spicy dish ; and we know exactly the sort of faces

I that glow above it—the sort of ears pricked up with keen delight at
TO Ma. alderman gibbs. tng savourv niorsel. Delicious is turtle ; nevertheless, it is occa-

last twenty years, Sir, I i sionally flat, insipid, compared to a highly-seasoned prejudice, cooked
have always been one i according to that time-honoured recipe—"the wisdom of our ances-
of the principal sights tors." Within these few davs, the Court of Aldermen have been glut-
at the Lord Mayor's tonous at such feeding. Yes ; they have banqueted upon a Jew,
Show. When i" say ail(i filled themselves to their very hearts' enjoyment,
this I needn't tell you 1 Mr. Salomons, it is well known, has been elected Alderman of
that I am the man who Portsoken. He has, however, been rejected by a majority of the
rides in brass armour, j Court of Aldermen, who would not even give him time—a poor

fortnight—to consult counsel. Me. Salomons might have sneaked
into the violet and miniver "as a separatist," under the Act of 1838.
But Ma. Salomons is, in the noblest sense of the word, a gentleman;
fatal modesty of tern- auc* he refused to do so. He might have subscribed the declaration
perament, failed as an '"upon the true faith of a Christian ;" but he rejected the quibble

For, as Touchstone's knight swore " upon his honour, that the mustard
was naught f yet, on Touchstone's showing, was not forsworn, seeing
he had no honour to be sworn upon ; so might Mr. Salomons have
subscribed £i upon the true faith of a Christian," being La the strictest
sense of the Jewish nation. But Mb. Salomons, with a true nobility
of nature, spurned the subterfuge.

Sin Peter Laurie attempted to be very learned in the law. As
we read his speech, we saw in our mind's eye a plethoric flesh-fly
kicking and struggling in a cobweb, aud fixing itself the faster with
thought I could profit every wriggle.

bv brass in some shape. However, the Court of Aldermen vindicated the ways of good old

Madani Bigotry, and rejected the philanthropist, the gentleman—
Lavid Salomons. Poor Bigotry ! the time was, when the flushed

1 was brought up to
the Bar, but having,
in consequence of a

Old Bailey pleader, I
was compelled to make
the most of my very
fine figure by riding
the high horse every
ninth of November in
a complete suit of mail.
Denied the Old Bailey
Bar, I nevertheless still

I confess it ; I have very often thought myself elevated above my
merits. When, riding in state, and looking over the heads of certain

Aldermen, I have thought that nature had created them with a harridan rejoiced herself at an auto-da-fe—when she delighted herselr
larger claim to the brass than myself. Nevertheless, I have thought ™th a Jew roasting at the stake! "That time, with all its aching joys,
they had sufficient opportunity of exhibiting their native metal on "past; nevertheless, if she cannot still burn.a Jew for his faith she
the'magistrate's bench and at Guildhall meetings. Hereupon I did mav Y** "suit him for the creed that is within him-and that is
not feel wholly abashed at the unworthiness of my elevation. something. Is it not great, wise, benevolent Sin Peter ?

Alas, Sir, now it is otherwise 1 With you, elected as Lord Mayor, —
my position is gone. It is impossible that 1 can stand against such

rivalry. I shall be no more thought of in the show than so much a>? BATHS FOR THE MILLION,

gilt gingerbread. Those who deign to look at me will turn away JjU ldgi.ng, fionithe public meetings, buildings will

from my despised glories, as men turn away from bad money. " You £Sn*—-W m 60011 be wanted for the new public baths. We

the man in brass I " they will cry, with contemptuous unbelief— MLyJr propose Covent Garden Theatre : it is useless,

" Pooh—pooh—a rascally counterfeit." And then, Sir, they will | .A^-^ ''I of a capital size, and an overflow in any part

turn to a certain carriage, and, with an exulting shout—a shout that,' /Sm^~^L^ 1 of the house would be 1uite a noveltv there,

through my metal, must wither my very marrow—will acknowledge , 0 The pit would niake a capital bath' and the

the presence of the true thing—the Man of the Greatest Brass in 1 VM *f M(^> faSe a hm-iate springing-board. Thechan-

ail lamed London's citv. Ml l^Z* l? w ° ^ T*"

T, , 0. ., . . r ... T , , . , r Tl W/'w W//\ bath in the world, and .the one-shilling gallerv

I beseech you Sir, think or my condition. Let me be paid, for I j m KfJY fa ^ tb; for areservoir> Xh| «iva£

cannot forego the fee ; but, good Sir, dispense with my services on \ <* A JJPj boxes wil] giye ready.made dressing-rooms,
the coming ninth of November. Why should I be set upon horse- j >^|^^C< aud the scenery-room from its height will at

back, only to 6erve as a foil to your surpassing merits \ Besides, j J^ij &M\ any time dry a million of towels. Shampooing

to put metal upon metal is bad heraldry. Therefore, Sir, let me, on the VrML t * ^ might be performed in the treasury. The

important ninth, remain in the bosom of my family. Do not enforce jP%'^A^, T^jfrnl J scenery from The Daughter of the Danube,
tny presence in the procession only to conquer me. As you are \ ttUj/flf/ [^//Ulll)mw: j )l Ml or tue Bath-scene from the Revolt of the

strong, be merciful ; and so you shall ever have the sympathising ^--Harem, could be carried round the stage,

admiration of Yours, eclipsed, and flowers from spicy Arabia planted in the

ry ,f p. slips. Quadrille parties might be given once

he i an i.\ RAsa. a.^-ee^ and Polkas be danced every Saturday, Jullien's orchestra being
= rowed about in a large wherry, or tugged by a small steamer. In winter

THE GEESE ON THE THAMES 1 tne coulu easily be frozen over aud turned into a Glaciarium. This

new Bath-Theatre, we are confident, would answer, especially as the
E regret to say that the Lord Mayor and civic authorities, jealous of depth under the stage going, as it does, more than half-way towards an
the attraction of Mr. Barry in his washing tub drawn by geese, which Artesian well, would enable 'the Proprietors to get their water merely for
threatened to extinguish the glories of swan-hopping day, have forbidden tue Dorin°-

all such exhibitions for the future. We believe, however, that that ====-
incentive person, Mr. Richard Lambert Jones, has suggested to Mr.

Gibbs that it would have a famous effect if, instead of using the Lord Lovely law.

Mayor's barge, in the next civic water-party, Mr. Gibbs were to allow Sarah Greengrove, a hungry girl, pulls a few turnips iu a field near

limself to be drawn in a tub by four of his supporters chosen from the
Court of Aldermen. Sir Peter Laurie is all a-gog for the scheme, and
there is a tremendous competition among the members of the court for
the honour of appearing in harness. Sir Peter will, of course, take the

Maidstone. She is brought before the Petty Sessions, and fined fourpence
for the turnips, with three-and-sispenee costs, and sixpence penalty. The
crime is assessed at sixpence ; and the thief is then robbed by Law (with
a crape upon its face), disguised as Costs, of—three-and-sixpence ! Wa

place of one of the leading ganders. I ask, which is the greatest thief ? How often does some magistrate, with a

____ j Burgundy face, mouth it very solemnly on the necessity of the poor

I respecting the lawe ! With such cases as the above hefore us, why not
approaching alliance. j preacn reSpect for Sawney Bean, or any other child-eater I

Shortly will be united in the bonds of political wedlock, Repeal, of
Dublin, to Whigqism, closely allied to a wealthy Bedford family.
Mr. O'Connell will give away Repeal. After the union, the happy pair
will make tlie u/and tour of Ireland, and towards February repair to their
parents' seats iu the House of Commons.

a railway recipe.

The Richmond Railway purposes, we see, to carry its line over the
Hungerford Suspension Bridge. Mrs. Glass's advice was never more
needed than in this instance, a First catch your Hungerford Bridge."

f