DOI issue:
January to June, 1845
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16521#0019
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
23
CATTLE SHOW MANOEUVRE.
We are told that,
line of the description
of the Queen, the
Prince, and the Ox,
is replete with pathos;
and if iEsoP had been
alive he would have,
no doubt, hit off a
very nice little fable
on the subject.
" After entering the enclosure, the first animal which
attracted the attention of Hie Majesty and Pbince
Albkst, and which had been removed from the dark
earner it had previously occupied into the light near the
entrance, was the black polled ox of the Scotch breed,
bred bv his Ro^al Highness."
The reader will remark the extreme slynes6
of the committee in taking the royal ox out of " the
dark corner," into which he had been huddled,
and bringing him'* into the light near the entrance," because the illus-
trious owner of the snubbed and slighted brute was about to visit the
Cattle Show. This is a manoeuvre worthy of a crafty schoolmaster, who
keeps a clean collar and a hair-brush always ready to rig-out the particu-
lar boy whose friends or parents happen to pop iii unexpectedly. It is
quite clear, that though the judges at the Cattle Show adjudged a prize to
the Albert Ox, they considered him no great shakes, or they would not
have stowed him away in a dark corner to be brought out " into the
light near the entrance " only in case of a visit from Her Majesty.
gt political j?able.
If not exactly since Creation,
As long as she has been a nation,
England has ever, day by day,
Been going headlong to decay;
Whilst how to save her from perdition
Has puzzled every politician.
Once on a time—of recent date—
Ruin impending o'er the state,
A consultation grave took place,
Of learned Doctors, on the case
Of Britain's body politic,
Thus lying perilously sick,
Of chronic febrile inflammation,
And inanition, from Taxation ;
On the disorder all agreed ;
But how to treat it \ How indeed !
Some tax must be repealed ; but what i
Each had his own suggestion got.
A Householder, " From Britons' backs,"
Exclaitn'd, " take off the Window-Tax."
" The tax on Malt," a Maltster said ;
A Cotton Lord, " The Tax on Bread ;"
" Bread !" a Tobacconist cried, * stuff! "
" Tobacco is the thing—and snuff."
" Well, Sirs," exclaimed an ancient Buck,
Who still unto his pigtail stuck,
" To renovate the Constitution,
To save us from a Revolution,
Credit maintain, recruit Finance,
And keep us from a war with France,
There's nothing (here his voice rose louder)
Like taking off the Tax on Powder ! "
moral.
Since we perceive that nothing can
Suit the complaint of every man,
But to reduce the Nation's dues
So as to meet his private views,
The dullest mind must clearly see
What line Sir Robert Peel's should be,
As every one cries, '' Nought like leather,"
Take off Taxation altogether.
HINT TO. THE HUMANE SOCIETY.
Wb fear that the benevolent exertions of the Humane Society tend
somewhat to encourage foolhardiness. To skate where the ice is marked
44 Dangerous" looks very brave, and is tolerably safe. For the in-
scription "Dangerous" we would substitute " Ice Thin. Good Skating
for Simpletons and Idiots."
LORD BROUGHAM TO PUNCH.
We have received the subjoined epistle from Lord Brotj&ham.
It is not often our fortune—good or bad—to agree with the noble
Lord : nevertheless, in the present instance our acute sense of right
assures us that he is justified in his complaints, and we publish them
accordingly :—
Dear Punch, Dec. 30, Cannes.
I have just read the English papers containing the accounts of
the English pantomimes. After much pondering thereon, I come to the
conclusion that both you and myself have been scurvily treated. I find
that I am introduced in the Sadler's Wells pantomime dressed as I
lately appeared in your incomparable pages. I feel, sir, that the manager
—whoever ha may be—of the playhouse has herein grossly infringed
upon your inalienable right. I know not what you may think ; but for
myself, I feel that I am the exclusive property of Punch. Where, by
this time, I should have been, had he not kept me before the public eye, I
know not. I therefore, sir, protest agaiDSt this gross dishonesty, — I can
use no other word. I feel, sir, that you have made me; and that you
owe it to me and to yourself to protect the property you have in me.
Pray sue for an injunction.
I believe that all the London playhouses are at present under the
government of the Lord Chamberlain. Mr. John Kemble is the Licenser
of Plays vice his father, Charles Kemble, resigned, (that was a job, I
think). Now, Mr. Punch, I shall in my place in Parliament, beg to
know of the Chamberlain if his officer is to permit the personation of a
living peer of the realm in a pantomime ? Mr John Kemble is, I have
heard, a great precisian in the matter of words ; but, as it seems, admits
of any latitude when the thing to be represented is a nobleman of the
Uuited Kingdom.
I have the honour to be,
Your obliged servant ever,
Brougham and Vaux.
P.S.—Do press for an injunction.
THE MONSTER MEETING.
The attraction of the Great Agitator is daily diminiflhing, and his
Monster Meetings are getting so " small by degrees and beautifully less,"
that he will soon be in the same case as the provincial manager, who on
going forward to make an apology to the audience, was about to commence
in the usual manner, " Ladies and Gentlemen," when seeing only a few-
females and one male in the house, he substituted " Ladies and Sir" for
the usual exordium.
If matters go on progressing backwards—to make use of an Irishism—
as they have been doing lately, the Monster Meeting will dwindle to
two or three loitering juveniles, and perhaps a Repeal dog or a horse of
Anti-Union principles. What will become of the famous couplet addressed
to the " Hereditary bondsme/i," if the meeting consists only of two or three
children \ The line must be altered to " Hereditary bonds-traU," &«. StC^
in order to render it applicable.
23
CATTLE SHOW MANOEUVRE.
We are told that,
line of the description
of the Queen, the
Prince, and the Ox,
is replete with pathos;
and if iEsoP had been
alive he would have,
no doubt, hit off a
very nice little fable
on the subject.
" After entering the enclosure, the first animal which
attracted the attention of Hie Majesty and Pbince
Albkst, and which had been removed from the dark
earner it had previously occupied into the light near the
entrance, was the black polled ox of the Scotch breed,
bred bv his Ro^al Highness."
The reader will remark the extreme slynes6
of the committee in taking the royal ox out of " the
dark corner," into which he had been huddled,
and bringing him'* into the light near the entrance," because the illus-
trious owner of the snubbed and slighted brute was about to visit the
Cattle Show. This is a manoeuvre worthy of a crafty schoolmaster, who
keeps a clean collar and a hair-brush always ready to rig-out the particu-
lar boy whose friends or parents happen to pop iii unexpectedly. It is
quite clear, that though the judges at the Cattle Show adjudged a prize to
the Albert Ox, they considered him no great shakes, or they would not
have stowed him away in a dark corner to be brought out " into the
light near the entrance " only in case of a visit from Her Majesty.
gt political j?able.
If not exactly since Creation,
As long as she has been a nation,
England has ever, day by day,
Been going headlong to decay;
Whilst how to save her from perdition
Has puzzled every politician.
Once on a time—of recent date—
Ruin impending o'er the state,
A consultation grave took place,
Of learned Doctors, on the case
Of Britain's body politic,
Thus lying perilously sick,
Of chronic febrile inflammation,
And inanition, from Taxation ;
On the disorder all agreed ;
But how to treat it \ How indeed !
Some tax must be repealed ; but what i
Each had his own suggestion got.
A Householder, " From Britons' backs,"
Exclaitn'd, " take off the Window-Tax."
" The tax on Malt," a Maltster said ;
A Cotton Lord, " The Tax on Bread ;"
" Bread !" a Tobacconist cried, * stuff! "
" Tobacco is the thing—and snuff."
" Well, Sirs," exclaimed an ancient Buck,
Who still unto his pigtail stuck,
" To renovate the Constitution,
To save us from a Revolution,
Credit maintain, recruit Finance,
And keep us from a war with France,
There's nothing (here his voice rose louder)
Like taking off the Tax on Powder ! "
moral.
Since we perceive that nothing can
Suit the complaint of every man,
But to reduce the Nation's dues
So as to meet his private views,
The dullest mind must clearly see
What line Sir Robert Peel's should be,
As every one cries, '' Nought like leather,"
Take off Taxation altogether.
HINT TO. THE HUMANE SOCIETY.
Wb fear that the benevolent exertions of the Humane Society tend
somewhat to encourage foolhardiness. To skate where the ice is marked
44 Dangerous" looks very brave, and is tolerably safe. For the in-
scription "Dangerous" we would substitute " Ice Thin. Good Skating
for Simpletons and Idiots."
LORD BROUGHAM TO PUNCH.
We have received the subjoined epistle from Lord Brotj&ham.
It is not often our fortune—good or bad—to agree with the noble
Lord : nevertheless, in the present instance our acute sense of right
assures us that he is justified in his complaints, and we publish them
accordingly :—
Dear Punch, Dec. 30, Cannes.
I have just read the English papers containing the accounts of
the English pantomimes. After much pondering thereon, I come to the
conclusion that both you and myself have been scurvily treated. I find
that I am introduced in the Sadler's Wells pantomime dressed as I
lately appeared in your incomparable pages. I feel, sir, that the manager
—whoever ha may be—of the playhouse has herein grossly infringed
upon your inalienable right. I know not what you may think ; but for
myself, I feel that I am the exclusive property of Punch. Where, by
this time, I should have been, had he not kept me before the public eye, I
know not. I therefore, sir, protest agaiDSt this gross dishonesty, — I can
use no other word. I feel, sir, that you have made me; and that you
owe it to me and to yourself to protect the property you have in me.
Pray sue for an injunction.
I believe that all the London playhouses are at present under the
government of the Lord Chamberlain. Mr. John Kemble is the Licenser
of Plays vice his father, Charles Kemble, resigned, (that was a job, I
think). Now, Mr. Punch, I shall in my place in Parliament, beg to
know of the Chamberlain if his officer is to permit the personation of a
living peer of the realm in a pantomime ? Mr John Kemble is, I have
heard, a great precisian in the matter of words ; but, as it seems, admits
of any latitude when the thing to be represented is a nobleman of the
Uuited Kingdom.
I have the honour to be,
Your obliged servant ever,
Brougham and Vaux.
P.S.—Do press for an injunction.
THE MONSTER MEETING.
The attraction of the Great Agitator is daily diminiflhing, and his
Monster Meetings are getting so " small by degrees and beautifully less,"
that he will soon be in the same case as the provincial manager, who on
going forward to make an apology to the audience, was about to commence
in the usual manner, " Ladies and Gentlemen," when seeing only a few-
females and one male in the house, he substituted " Ladies and Sir" for
the usual exordium.
If matters go on progressing backwards—to make use of an Irishism—
as they have been doing lately, the Monster Meeting will dwindle to
two or three loitering juveniles, and perhaps a Repeal dog or a horse of
Anti-Union principles. What will become of the famous couplet addressed
to the " Hereditary bondsme/i," if the meeting consists only of two or three
children \ The line must be altered to " Hereditary bonds-traU," &«. StC^
in order to render it applicable.