DOI Heft:
January to June, 1845
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16521#0028
32
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
who laughed and joked, drank Champagne and the exhilarating Hodgson,
and brought the latest news from Dumdum Futtyghur.
I happened to sit next at table to the French gentleman before men-
tioned, Colonel Sourcillon, in the service of the Rajah of Lahore,
returning to Europe on leave of absence. The Colonel is six feet high-
The Education of Husbands.
of a grim and yellow physiognomy, with a red ribbon at his button-hole, \ it %T§^f3K fearful to reflect how many per-
of course, and large black mustacliios, curling up to his eyes—to one eye ; /^l'&C!§;ok. /N^V*X^^h sons rus^ mt0 matl'miony> totally
that is—the other was put out in mortal combat, which has likewise left /^^Cll^sk kjwr^^v*5w} unprepared for the awful change
a furious purple gash down one cheek, a respectable but terrible sight. I V 'vlfiJjS^r §\ W^>2££»^7 tnat awa't3 them. A man may
" Vous regardez ma cicatrice," said the Colonel, perceiving that I eyed ^T/^/vgl V^^Sl^^/ ta^e a w^e at twent)'-one' before
him with interest. " Je I'ai recue en Espagne, Monsieur, a la bataille de ■ \ r~TC ffe^^nr-^gny^i^^y ne •a'ow8 tne difference between
Vittoria, que nous avons gaguee sur vous. J'ai tue de ma main le grrredin ', ^.1 > - '"u'j - Ja ~ fV^L\ JziS^A a C"1'P and a Leghorn! We
de Feldmarechal Anglais qui m'a donne cette noble blessure. Elle n'est pas | ',^1 I H /^r^^v&rl would no more grant a marriage
la seule, Monsieur. Je possede encore soixante-quatorze cicatrices sur le y5| "7^'/v!-3J IF { ^tfc5fl ^'cence t0 anybody simply because
corps. Mais j'ai fait sooner partout le grrrand nom de la Frrance. Vous ] if Sc/wh-ffl ; ' 1 3El ne *s °^ aSe> tnan a licence, on
etes militaire, Monsieur ? Non ?—Passez-moi le poivre-rouge, s'il vous I Jjp''*^ Hj % bE 3.1 that ground only, to practise ai
plait."
The Colonel emptied the cayenne pepper cruet over his fish, and
directed his conversation entirely to me. He told me that ours was a
perfidious nation, that he esteemed some individuals, but detested the
country, which he hoped to see ecrrrase un jour. He said I spoke French
with remarkable purity ; that on board all our steamers there was an
infamous conspiracy to insult every person bearing the name of French-
man ; that he would call out the Captain directly they came ashore ; that
he could not even get a cabin ; had I one 1 On my affirmative reply, he
ow suggestive is the new year of bills ;
and bills of house-keeping. It is
an Apothecary. Husbands ought
to be educated. We should like
to have the following questions
put to young and inexperienced
" Persons about to Marry :" —
Are you aware, Sir, of the price of coals and candles ?
Do you know which is more economical, the aitch-bone, or the round !
How far, young man, will a leg of mutton go in a small family !
How much dearer, now, is silver than Britannia \
said I was a person of such amiable manners, and so unlike my country- Please to give the average price of a four-poster,
men, that he would share my cabin with me—and instantly shouted to the | Declare, if you can, rash youth, the sum, per annum, that chemisettes,
steward to put his trunks into number 202.
What could I do ? When I went on deck to smoke a cigar, the Colonel
retired, pretending a petite sante', suffering a horrible mal de mer, and
dreadful shooting pains in thirty-seven of his wounds. What, I say
pelerines, cardinals, bonnets, veils, caps, ribbons, flowers, gloves, cutis,
and collars, would probably come to in the lump.
If unable to answer these inquiries, we would say to him, " Go back to
school."
could I do t I had not the cabin to myself He had a right to sleep | He that WQuM be a husband should als0 undergo a training, physical
there-at any rate, I had the best berth, and if he did not snore, my rest Rnd moral He should be further examined thus :_
would not be disturbed. „ , »
But ah ! my dear friends-when I thought I would go down and sleep £an 1™ read or wrlte amld the -\ells ?ff a n,UrSery ?
-the first sleep after seven weeks-fancy what I saw-he was asleep in £an )'ou walt an7 8lven tlme for breakfast»
mv berth ^an vou malutalQ your serenity during a washing-day s
His sword, gun, and pistol-cases, blocked up the other sleeping-place ; £an >'ou ctut old friends » _
his bags, trunks, pipes, cloaks, and portmanteaus, every coinei- of the £an you stand being contradicted in the face of all reason ?
little room Can y°u keep your temper when you are not listened to s
« Qui vl la ? » roared the monster, with a terrific oath, as I entered ■ fan ?ou do what ^ou told witlhout ,beinS tofldwhy ■
the cabin. » Ah ! c 'est vous, Monsieur, pourquoi diable faites-vous tant: If a word> ^unS Slr> have/ou the patience of Job \
de bruit 1 J'ai une petite sante ; laissez moi dormir en paix." If you can >'our haud ,UP0n ^0Ur heart and aaS*6r * ^ ^
I went upon deck. I shan't sleep till I get back to England again. I :' our hcense and marry-not else,
paid my passage all the way home : but I stopped, and am in quarantine !
at Malta. I could n't make the voyage with that Frenchman. I have no j —
money ; send me some, and relieve the miseries of him who was once
The Fat Co.vrRiBUTOR.' „* „„„ ,,
A « WARM, WOOLLEN PRISON DRESS."
John Matthews was recently discharged from Brinkworth Gaol,
~» , . , „ I Wiltshire; he having been committed there for two months for
ministration 01 ^eamcil. I desertion of his wife and children. That is, the man went to Wales,
rom the 1st of January, the Merchant Sea- to obtain work' \e*™% Ms wife children in the workhouse. He
men's Act came into operation, and we was unsuccessful in his attempt to be employed-no shirking idler,
understand that the first person who he it remembered—he returned to the workhouse, and was sent to
applied to be registered under it, was gaol. In this way, in some places in merry England, does Justice
^jr^^^^C^ Mr. T. P. Cooke, the most popular play the grim mountebank! The man was discharged in the late
British Tar that this country has produced bitter cold weather.
since the immortal Nelson. At the time! . , ,, ■ j e
nf i-Po-is^oti™ * " He was moat miserablv clad, having exenanged his warm, woollen prison dress tot
ot r egistration certam questions are put his Qwn ciothe3_mere raes ; the upper garments consisting of au old waistcoat and a thin
to the seaman, all of which Mr. T. P. slop. He was also suffering from a diseased heart, a complaint oflong standing !"
Cooke answered in the most satisfactory i m, , . ,, _ , . , , , .
manner. On being asked what en<ra<*e- The end 18 80on told- He had no money '■> he took shelter m a
ments he had been in, he replied that °he ' hovel near the road, where there happened to be some straw,
was in several engagements at the Surrey, | ,< Herei according t0 h;3 own account, he remained from the Wednesday evening till
from which he had carried off a large the Monday morning, during a most intense frost, and haying nothing to eat except th«
amount of prize-money. As to the actions remaining portion of the loaf which was given him on leaving the prison."
in which he had taken a part, he stated | Qn th Wednesd afternoon the man was conveyed to the
that he was at the dancing of the doub e , , „ * . , . , r . vuf„„ ft,„* »i „
hornpipe in the Baltic Ocean, and distin- Malmesbury Union, his feet being so badly frost-bitten that the
guished himself at the taking of his own surgeon declared he must lose them ! The man died on the Saturday.
Benefit, when he fought three pirates with His wife, on the inquest, said that he « had always been kind towards
a sword in each hand, a bayonet in his i her and the child, was a sober man, and brought his earnings home,
mouth, and a pistol peeping from his when able to work." The jury returned the following verdict : —
pocket.
That deceased died from the inclemency of the weather, and the jury are of opinion,
We understand that the lessee of the Surrey will be expected to make tnat disease of the heart, and sudden exposure to cold on leaving the prison with insuf-
a return of ail the seamen engaged in any nautical melodrama that may ! ficient clothing, rendered him peculiarly susceptible of its effects."
henceforth be brought out, and a statement must be made of the capacity I .... , , , ,, , ■ , ., .
i • , u u j , . , . ■ ., e' And thus it is Droved to a bold peasantry, a country s pride, that
in which each has served, whether as Admiral, common sailor, or one of -^uu l"u" u. ■= w y
the nautical ballet, which every theatrical vessel carries with her on her
voyage. By this arrangement there will always be a corps of dramatic
mariners ready to do their country's bidding at a moment's notice, and an
it is better to endure, with all its ignominy, "a warm, woollen /<- .< >/.
dress," than to 6eek, by the honest employment of their euergies, the
comfortable clothing of a free labourer. In the one case he is w;4l-
addition of even six supernumeraries to the British Bulwarks is " always1 fed, and well-clothed ; in the other, lie is starved, and dies w;tu
something." (gangrened legs, the victim of "bitter weather.''
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
who laughed and joked, drank Champagne and the exhilarating Hodgson,
and brought the latest news from Dumdum Futtyghur.
I happened to sit next at table to the French gentleman before men-
tioned, Colonel Sourcillon, in the service of the Rajah of Lahore,
returning to Europe on leave of absence. The Colonel is six feet high-
The Education of Husbands.
of a grim and yellow physiognomy, with a red ribbon at his button-hole, \ it %T§^f3K fearful to reflect how many per-
of course, and large black mustacliios, curling up to his eyes—to one eye ; /^l'&C!§;ok. /N^V*X^^h sons rus^ mt0 matl'miony> totally
that is—the other was put out in mortal combat, which has likewise left /^^Cll^sk kjwr^^v*5w} unprepared for the awful change
a furious purple gash down one cheek, a respectable but terrible sight. I V 'vlfiJjS^r §\ W^>2££»^7 tnat awa't3 them. A man may
" Vous regardez ma cicatrice," said the Colonel, perceiving that I eyed ^T/^/vgl V^^Sl^^/ ta^e a w^e at twent)'-one' before
him with interest. " Je I'ai recue en Espagne, Monsieur, a la bataille de ■ \ r~TC ffe^^nr-^gny^i^^y ne •a'ow8 tne difference between
Vittoria, que nous avons gaguee sur vous. J'ai tue de ma main le grrredin ', ^.1 > - '"u'j - Ja ~ fV^L\ JziS^A a C"1'P and a Leghorn! We
de Feldmarechal Anglais qui m'a donne cette noble blessure. Elle n'est pas | ',^1 I H /^r^^v&rl would no more grant a marriage
la seule, Monsieur. Je possede encore soixante-quatorze cicatrices sur le y5| "7^'/v!-3J IF { ^tfc5fl ^'cence t0 anybody simply because
corps. Mais j'ai fait sooner partout le grrrand nom de la Frrance. Vous ] if Sc/wh-ffl ; ' 1 3El ne *s °^ aSe> tnan a licence, on
etes militaire, Monsieur ? Non ?—Passez-moi le poivre-rouge, s'il vous I Jjp''*^ Hj % bE 3.1 that ground only, to practise ai
plait."
The Colonel emptied the cayenne pepper cruet over his fish, and
directed his conversation entirely to me. He told me that ours was a
perfidious nation, that he esteemed some individuals, but detested the
country, which he hoped to see ecrrrase un jour. He said I spoke French
with remarkable purity ; that on board all our steamers there was an
infamous conspiracy to insult every person bearing the name of French-
man ; that he would call out the Captain directly they came ashore ; that
he could not even get a cabin ; had I one 1 On my affirmative reply, he
ow suggestive is the new year of bills ;
and bills of house-keeping. It is
an Apothecary. Husbands ought
to be educated. We should like
to have the following questions
put to young and inexperienced
" Persons about to Marry :" —
Are you aware, Sir, of the price of coals and candles ?
Do you know which is more economical, the aitch-bone, or the round !
How far, young man, will a leg of mutton go in a small family !
How much dearer, now, is silver than Britannia \
said I was a person of such amiable manners, and so unlike my country- Please to give the average price of a four-poster,
men, that he would share my cabin with me—and instantly shouted to the | Declare, if you can, rash youth, the sum, per annum, that chemisettes,
steward to put his trunks into number 202.
What could I do ? When I went on deck to smoke a cigar, the Colonel
retired, pretending a petite sante', suffering a horrible mal de mer, and
dreadful shooting pains in thirty-seven of his wounds. What, I say
pelerines, cardinals, bonnets, veils, caps, ribbons, flowers, gloves, cutis,
and collars, would probably come to in the lump.
If unable to answer these inquiries, we would say to him, " Go back to
school."
could I do t I had not the cabin to myself He had a right to sleep | He that WQuM be a husband should als0 undergo a training, physical
there-at any rate, I had the best berth, and if he did not snore, my rest Rnd moral He should be further examined thus :_
would not be disturbed. „ , »
But ah ! my dear friends-when I thought I would go down and sleep £an 1™ read or wrlte amld the -\ells ?ff a n,UrSery ?
-the first sleep after seven weeks-fancy what I saw-he was asleep in £an )'ou walt an7 8lven tlme for breakfast»
mv berth ^an vou malutalQ your serenity during a washing-day s
His sword, gun, and pistol-cases, blocked up the other sleeping-place ; £an >'ou ctut old friends » _
his bags, trunks, pipes, cloaks, and portmanteaus, every coinei- of the £an you stand being contradicted in the face of all reason ?
little room Can y°u keep your temper when you are not listened to s
« Qui vl la ? » roared the monster, with a terrific oath, as I entered ■ fan ?ou do what ^ou told witlhout ,beinS tofldwhy ■
the cabin. » Ah ! c 'est vous, Monsieur, pourquoi diable faites-vous tant: If a word> ^unS Slr> have/ou the patience of Job \
de bruit 1 J'ai une petite sante ; laissez moi dormir en paix." If you can >'our haud ,UP0n ^0Ur heart and aaS*6r * ^ ^
I went upon deck. I shan't sleep till I get back to England again. I :' our hcense and marry-not else,
paid my passage all the way home : but I stopped, and am in quarantine !
at Malta. I could n't make the voyage with that Frenchman. I have no j —
money ; send me some, and relieve the miseries of him who was once
The Fat Co.vrRiBUTOR.' „* „„„ ,,
A « WARM, WOOLLEN PRISON DRESS."
John Matthews was recently discharged from Brinkworth Gaol,
~» , . , „ I Wiltshire; he having been committed there for two months for
ministration 01 ^eamcil. I desertion of his wife and children. That is, the man went to Wales,
rom the 1st of January, the Merchant Sea- to obtain work' \e*™% Ms wife children in the workhouse. He
men's Act came into operation, and we was unsuccessful in his attempt to be employed-no shirking idler,
understand that the first person who he it remembered—he returned to the workhouse, and was sent to
applied to be registered under it, was gaol. In this way, in some places in merry England, does Justice
^jr^^^^C^ Mr. T. P. Cooke, the most popular play the grim mountebank! The man was discharged in the late
British Tar that this country has produced bitter cold weather.
since the immortal Nelson. At the time! . , ,, ■ j e
nf i-Po-is^oti™ * " He was moat miserablv clad, having exenanged his warm, woollen prison dress tot
ot r egistration certam questions are put his Qwn ciothe3_mere raes ; the upper garments consisting of au old waistcoat and a thin
to the seaman, all of which Mr. T. P. slop. He was also suffering from a diseased heart, a complaint oflong standing !"
Cooke answered in the most satisfactory i m, , . ,, _ , . , , , .
manner. On being asked what en<ra<*e- The end 18 80on told- He had no money '■> he took shelter m a
ments he had been in, he replied that °he ' hovel near the road, where there happened to be some straw,
was in several engagements at the Surrey, | ,< Herei according t0 h;3 own account, he remained from the Wednesday evening till
from which he had carried off a large the Monday morning, during a most intense frost, and haying nothing to eat except th«
amount of prize-money. As to the actions remaining portion of the loaf which was given him on leaving the prison."
in which he had taken a part, he stated | Qn th Wednesd afternoon the man was conveyed to the
that he was at the dancing of the doub e , , „ * . , . , r . vuf„„ ft,„* »i „
hornpipe in the Baltic Ocean, and distin- Malmesbury Union, his feet being so badly frost-bitten that the
guished himself at the taking of his own surgeon declared he must lose them ! The man died on the Saturday.
Benefit, when he fought three pirates with His wife, on the inquest, said that he « had always been kind towards
a sword in each hand, a bayonet in his i her and the child, was a sober man, and brought his earnings home,
mouth, and a pistol peeping from his when able to work." The jury returned the following verdict : —
pocket.
That deceased died from the inclemency of the weather, and the jury are of opinion,
We understand that the lessee of the Surrey will be expected to make tnat disease of the heart, and sudden exposure to cold on leaving the prison with insuf-
a return of ail the seamen engaged in any nautical melodrama that may ! ficient clothing, rendered him peculiarly susceptible of its effects."
henceforth be brought out, and a statement must be made of the capacity I .... , , , ,, , ■ , ., .
i • , u u j , . , . ■ ., e' And thus it is Droved to a bold peasantry, a country s pride, that
in which each has served, whether as Admiral, common sailor, or one of -^uu l"u" u. ■= w y
the nautical ballet, which every theatrical vessel carries with her on her
voyage. By this arrangement there will always be a corps of dramatic
mariners ready to do their country's bidding at a moment's notice, and an
it is better to endure, with all its ignominy, "a warm, woollen /<- .< >/.
dress," than to 6eek, by the honest employment of their euergies, the
comfortable clothing of a free labourer. In the one case he is w;4l-
addition of even six supernumeraries to the British Bulwarks is " always1 fed, and well-clothed ; in the other, lie is starved, and dies w;tu
something." (gangrened legs, the victim of "bitter weather.''