DOI issue:
January to June, 1845
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16521#0125
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
129
THE PREMIER'S DREAM, deodand extension.
Lord Campbell has brought into ths
House of Peers a bill for the abolition
of deodands. The use of a deodand is,
in steam-boat, railway, and other accidents
arising from somebody's fault, to teach
careless blockheads to mind what they are
about in future ; human nature being so
constituted, that people, for the most part,
prefer paying attention to paying some
thousand pounds. bo far the law of
deodand is tolerably sensible, further than
that it is exceedingly preposterous, and
therefore we expect that their Lordships
will maintain it. For our own part, we
would not abolish deodands to any extent
Turtle and venison often prove destruc-
tive to Aldermen ; there ought, in our
opinion, to be a deodand on such turtle
and venison. Brougham will certainly
one of these days be the death of us •
when he is, we hope there will be a
deodand on Brougham. In cases in which
people die of laughing, we do not say that
we would not have a deodand on jokes.
We shall always object to any deodand on
Punch.
Fourth Figure (a half-pay Captain).
Peel, my allowance could not well be shorter ;
To my half-pay why will you give no quarter ?
Fifth Figure (a poor Widow),
. Why dig your hands into poor widows' purees i
Scene, Downing Street. The Premier, in the garb j But with the widow's sevenpence, take her curses.
of Richard the Third, on a sofa with a tapestried . . K
window at the back. | SlXTH FlGBRE (a p°°r arl*st)-
E'en the poor artist is compell'd to give
{Six figures are seen to pass at the back, each j out of the means on which he scarce can live.
of which in turn address the Premier. >x;s narci t^e lnC0me Tax on him to lay,
_ ^ , i, r„ j \ Whom even priucelv patrons poorly pay
First Figure (a small Tradesman). r • 1 r j r j
Let my reproach your soul with anguish ftli,
See my small profits, my exhausted till ;
Feel thou the pain which now my bosom racks,
a wretched victim to your Income Tax.
Second Figure (a briefless Barrister).
Another martyr, Peel, behold in me,
Without a brief—almost without a fee ;
Briefless I am, but so would not appear ;
i pay the tax on what I do not clear.
[ The figures all vanish, the Premier starts
up, rushes to the front of the stage,
looks round, and sees nothing.
The Premier.
"JVas but an idle vision fill'd my brain :
Shadows, avaunt ! Robert's himself again.
[He begins making some calculations about
the Sugar Duties, and the scene
closes in.]
THE CITY TOLLS.
We understand that the Lord Mayor
has received a letter signed Rebecca,
threatening to pull down not only Temple
Bar, but all the side bars on that
trust, if the City toll is not immediately
abolished.
In the South, an enlightened example
has been set by the removal of the Marsh
Gate, which now exists only in the memo-
ries of those who have seen it, and wiL
very shortly glide away into the pages cf
history.
advertisement.
Wanted a Quotation, that has not
previously obtained the meed of Parlia.
mentary approbation.—Apply to Sir R,
Peel, Downing Street.
THE HONOUR OF THE BAR.
The Correspondent of an eminent Sunday paper, which has all the
latest news from Newgate, informs us that the following Circular has
made considerable sensation among the company at that place of resort:—
TO THE UNFORTUNATE.
Mr. Oily Gammon, Q..C, still continues to give his valuable assistance to
gentlemen and ladies in difficulties, on his usual moderate terms. Mr.
Gammon undertakes to prove or disprove anything, to bully any witness,
to melt the heart of any judge on the bench, or to cut jokes that shall
make even the unfortunate gentleman in the dock burst out laughing.
Me. Oily engages to cry at the domestic passages of his speech, and
provide his own pocket-handkerchief. According to the case, (and
dependent upon previous arrangements, to be settled with Mr. Gammon's
clerk,) Mr. G. will blow his nose and whimper, or faint and turn pale, or
burst out into a regular howl, accompanied by a shower of real tears,
that may be measured by the tea-spoonful. The degrees of sentiment
will vary with the case—say larceny, forgery, or murder.
In cases where both jokes and tears are to be supplied, the terms will,
of course, be in proportion. Mr. Gammon need not say that both articles
are prime, the jokes especially of the most decent and gentlemanlike
character.
Parties requiring the latter are requested to send a short notice, as they
cannot be had without previous consultation—the tears are always ready,
and a fine assortment of religious appeals, which can work upon the
feelings of any twelve men in England.
To--, Esq.
&i present detained in Her Majesty's prison of-.
PROFESSORS PEEL AND HOLLOWAY.
Lately, on perusing an advertisement of a quack medicine, called
Holloway's Pills and Ointment, a striking parallel occurred to us between
Mr. Holloway and Sir Robert Peel. Holloway styles himself a Pro-
fessor, and Peel professes that he is now again " trying on" the Income
Tax as a financial experiment ; so that Peel and Holloway are both
Professors of Empiricism. We likewise discern an analogy between the
pill of Holloway and the tax of Peel, especially in this—that we strongly
object to swallow either of them. And when we reflect on Holloway's
Ointment, we are forcibly reminded of Peel's Tariff, which is the salve
to accompany his pill. We cannot express our feelings on this subject
better than by the following exemplifications of the Rule of Three :—
1. As Ointment : Pill : : Income-Tax : Tariff.
2. As Quack : Empiric : : Holloway : Peel.
The Temperance Movement.
We are happy to hear from a newspaper paragraph that -■ the spots on
the face of the sun are considerably less this year." This looks as if old
Sol had been taking the pledge, and that this improvement was owing to
his having entirely renounced the use of " mountain dew " and other
alcohol. Let us hope, now he has turned teetotaller, he will get up some-
what earlier for the future, and endeavour to show his face i_i London a
little before one or two o'clock in the day.
Vol. 8.
5
129
THE PREMIER'S DREAM, deodand extension.
Lord Campbell has brought into ths
House of Peers a bill for the abolition
of deodands. The use of a deodand is,
in steam-boat, railway, and other accidents
arising from somebody's fault, to teach
careless blockheads to mind what they are
about in future ; human nature being so
constituted, that people, for the most part,
prefer paying attention to paying some
thousand pounds. bo far the law of
deodand is tolerably sensible, further than
that it is exceedingly preposterous, and
therefore we expect that their Lordships
will maintain it. For our own part, we
would not abolish deodands to any extent
Turtle and venison often prove destruc-
tive to Aldermen ; there ought, in our
opinion, to be a deodand on such turtle
and venison. Brougham will certainly
one of these days be the death of us •
when he is, we hope there will be a
deodand on Brougham. In cases in which
people die of laughing, we do not say that
we would not have a deodand on jokes.
We shall always object to any deodand on
Punch.
Fourth Figure (a half-pay Captain).
Peel, my allowance could not well be shorter ;
To my half-pay why will you give no quarter ?
Fifth Figure (a poor Widow),
. Why dig your hands into poor widows' purees i
Scene, Downing Street. The Premier, in the garb j But with the widow's sevenpence, take her curses.
of Richard the Third, on a sofa with a tapestried . . K
window at the back. | SlXTH FlGBRE (a p°°r arl*st)-
E'en the poor artist is compell'd to give
{Six figures are seen to pass at the back, each j out of the means on which he scarce can live.
of which in turn address the Premier. >x;s narci t^e lnC0me Tax on him to lay,
_ ^ , i, r„ j \ Whom even priucelv patrons poorly pay
First Figure (a small Tradesman). r • 1 r j r j
Let my reproach your soul with anguish ftli,
See my small profits, my exhausted till ;
Feel thou the pain which now my bosom racks,
a wretched victim to your Income Tax.
Second Figure (a briefless Barrister).
Another martyr, Peel, behold in me,
Without a brief—almost without a fee ;
Briefless I am, but so would not appear ;
i pay the tax on what I do not clear.
[ The figures all vanish, the Premier starts
up, rushes to the front of the stage,
looks round, and sees nothing.
The Premier.
"JVas but an idle vision fill'd my brain :
Shadows, avaunt ! Robert's himself again.
[He begins making some calculations about
the Sugar Duties, and the scene
closes in.]
THE CITY TOLLS.
We understand that the Lord Mayor
has received a letter signed Rebecca,
threatening to pull down not only Temple
Bar, but all the side bars on that
trust, if the City toll is not immediately
abolished.
In the South, an enlightened example
has been set by the removal of the Marsh
Gate, which now exists only in the memo-
ries of those who have seen it, and wiL
very shortly glide away into the pages cf
history.
advertisement.
Wanted a Quotation, that has not
previously obtained the meed of Parlia.
mentary approbation.—Apply to Sir R,
Peel, Downing Street.
THE HONOUR OF THE BAR.
The Correspondent of an eminent Sunday paper, which has all the
latest news from Newgate, informs us that the following Circular has
made considerable sensation among the company at that place of resort:—
TO THE UNFORTUNATE.
Mr. Oily Gammon, Q..C, still continues to give his valuable assistance to
gentlemen and ladies in difficulties, on his usual moderate terms. Mr.
Gammon undertakes to prove or disprove anything, to bully any witness,
to melt the heart of any judge on the bench, or to cut jokes that shall
make even the unfortunate gentleman in the dock burst out laughing.
Me. Oily engages to cry at the domestic passages of his speech, and
provide his own pocket-handkerchief. According to the case, (and
dependent upon previous arrangements, to be settled with Mr. Gammon's
clerk,) Mr. G. will blow his nose and whimper, or faint and turn pale, or
burst out into a regular howl, accompanied by a shower of real tears,
that may be measured by the tea-spoonful. The degrees of sentiment
will vary with the case—say larceny, forgery, or murder.
In cases where both jokes and tears are to be supplied, the terms will,
of course, be in proportion. Mr. Gammon need not say that both articles
are prime, the jokes especially of the most decent and gentlemanlike
character.
Parties requiring the latter are requested to send a short notice, as they
cannot be had without previous consultation—the tears are always ready,
and a fine assortment of religious appeals, which can work upon the
feelings of any twelve men in England.
To--, Esq.
&i present detained in Her Majesty's prison of-.
PROFESSORS PEEL AND HOLLOWAY.
Lately, on perusing an advertisement of a quack medicine, called
Holloway's Pills and Ointment, a striking parallel occurred to us between
Mr. Holloway and Sir Robert Peel. Holloway styles himself a Pro-
fessor, and Peel professes that he is now again " trying on" the Income
Tax as a financial experiment ; so that Peel and Holloway are both
Professors of Empiricism. We likewise discern an analogy between the
pill of Holloway and the tax of Peel, especially in this—that we strongly
object to swallow either of them. And when we reflect on Holloway's
Ointment, we are forcibly reminded of Peel's Tariff, which is the salve
to accompany his pill. We cannot express our feelings on this subject
better than by the following exemplifications of the Rule of Three :—
1. As Ointment : Pill : : Income-Tax : Tariff.
2. As Quack : Empiric : : Holloway : Peel.
The Temperance Movement.
We are happy to hear from a newspaper paragraph that -■ the spots on
the face of the sun are considerably less this year." This looks as if old
Sol had been taking the pledge, and that this improvement was owing to
his having entirely renounced the use of " mountain dew " and other
alcohol. Let us hope, now he has turned teetotaller, he will get up some-
what earlier for the future, and endeavour to show his face i_i London a
little before one or two o'clock in the day.
Vol. 8.
5