Punch (9.1845)

84

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

THE TROOPS AND THE WEATHER.

Thocgh there can be no doubt of the readiness of our gallant
soldiers at all times to stand fire, it is obvious that they can't stand
water. If there is to be a review, and a shower of rain comes on,
our cohorts are clearly afraid of it. The idea of a weather-beaten
soldier is evidently taken from the fact that a soldier is easily
beaten by the weather.

As the postponement of a review is a serious disappointment to the
public, we should recommend umbrellas to be added to the guns, in
the same way as parasols are appended to ladies' driving whips. The
experiment might be tried at all events with one regiment, who
should be called the " First Parapluies." The exercise need bevery
simple, and " Put up umbrellas" might correspond with " Fix
bayonets."

We seriously throw out this hint for the consideration of the
War Office. If it is thought advisable to apply the same plan to the
Cavalry, there could be a corps called the " Heavy Ginghams."

If our plan of adding umbrellas to the accoutrements of the
military were to be carried out, it would be necessary to make

some alterations in the martial songs of our native land; but to
show how easily this might be done, we subjoin a spirit-stirring
specimen.

March to the battle-field,

We fear not horrida Bella ;
Dastard is the slave who'd yield,

Wave high the stout umbrella.

What though the foes may fly,

As they run we '11 wing 'em,
Conquer we, or bravely die :

Unfurl, unfurl the gingham.

Ease is the coward slave

Who would turn and flee ;
None but the good and brave

Shall wield the parapluie.

Hence, then, with knavish fears !

The road to glory's plain,
Whene'er that parapluie appears,
Which p'rhaps will brave a thousand years

The battle and the rain.

"THE MAID AND THE SPIDER."

Having at heart the true interests of the drama, we beg to recommend
to the attention of play-pasters, scissor-poets, and others who ply the
" dreadful trade," the following anecdote, quoted in the newspapers from
the Gazette des Tribunaux. The story will not be less welcome to the
adaptors because from the French. A gentleman had two enamel
shirt-studs, decorated with a small fly of burnished steel ; a fly so deli-
cately, naturally made, that it required but a little imagination in the
beholder to hear it buzz in the bosom of the wearer. The flies were
doubtless from the eggs of the celebrated iron fly of Regismantanus,
for a further account of which see Wanleys Wonders. Well, one of the
studs was lost; and Madame P. looked at the servant as mistresses are
apt to look at maids when anything is missing. A year passed, the
second stud was gone ; whereupon, the before suspected maid was in-

stantly cashiered. A few days afterwards Madame P. observed a large
spider's web behind the wainscot; she brushed it, and—down fell the
iron studs I A simple spider, deceived by the art of man, had caught the
steel flies in its web ; and finding it could make nothing of its victims,
must have been plaguily puzzled : like unto a sharp attorney with an
unprofitable case. Now, we trust that this story will be immediately
adapted to the powers of that acknowledged heroine of broken hearts,
Miss Vincent, for the beneficial teaching of the maid-servants of the
New Cut. A fine household moral is to be cooked from the narrative ;
for it is plain that the servant, although guiltless of the felony, was right-
fully punished, as Audrey would say, for her sluttishness. A powerfu.
and pathetic warning this to maids-of-all-work never to spare the cobwebs.

To crown the attraction, could not Fitzball do something with the spider
in the way of Mr. Osbaldiston ? We think it quite in the actor's line.