Punch (9.1845)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

101

THE GREAT DESERT OF LONDON.

he Desert we are about to write upon is not
the sandy waste of Libya, for it would be
waste indeed of our valuable time to write
on sand, for posterity would find no trace
left, and this is what Punch could never
think of submitting to. The Desert of
London has a strange peculiarity, namely,
that it assumes the character of the Desert
only during a certain period of the year,
which is generally during the months of
August, September, and October. It is
divided, like the great African concern,
into two unequal parts—that to the West
'being called the Western, or Regent Street, Desert, and that
to the East, the Great City Desert, or the Waste of Fleet Street.
There are a few spots called Oases, like islands in the ocean, and the
Stock Exchange is just now the great Oasis of the City, where the
inhabitants that still remain in the Desert of the East, may daily be
seen to congregate. It would be difficult to point out an eligible oasis
in the Desert of the West, for the Italian Opera, which offered an
asylum until the latter end of August, became by that time as dreary
a waste as the rest of the western regions.

The Caravans that traverse the Desert are omnibuses, the drivers
■and conductors of which thirst in vain for a good draft—of passen-
gers. Malte-Brux informs us that " the caravans describe a tortuous
road, in order to profit by the Oases;" and in the Great London
Desert an omnibus will go roundabout ways in the vague hope of
passing some Oasis where it may be possible to pick up a passenger.
"Such is the awful influence of the terrible Simoom, that the cab
diorse has been known to drop exhausted for want of water, like the

THE DYING CAB-HORSE IN THE GREAT DESERT OF LONDON.

-camels, which in the year 1805 fell victims to a dearth of that deli-
■cious, but—when unmixed with alcohol—decidedly feeble element.

Running out of the Great Western Desert are numerous tracts,
including the strong pass of Pall Mall, with its great solitudes,
known as the Clubs, which form its southern boundary. Connected
'by the equally sterile Strand it joins the Fleet Street Desert, from
which it is only separated by a rocky pile, called Temple Bar, giving
-a -duller aspect to the dismal solitude. Crossing the river by the
now unfrequented pass of Blackfriars, we again meet with a vast
sandy tract, known as Blackfriars Road, and occupying the whole
space between the dismal river, and scarcely less dismal Bedlam.

Proceeding eastwards we come to two Oases at the foot of London
Bridge, where a wharf on one side, and a railway terminus on the
■other, afford an opportunity to the wretched inhabitants to fly on
the wings of steam as far as possible from the eastern and western
Deserts of London.

The doomed individuals who are compelled to remain mav be
•seen wanaering about in a state of listless exhaustion, while a
*ettled melancholy pervades every countenance, and the passenger
■*inks under the fatigue of hailing a cab, and the cabman is scarcely
-<ap*hle of the effort of responding to the summons.

SONG OF THE UNREPORTED BARRISTER.

Oh ! no, they never mention me,

My name is never heard;
The press has now refused to speak

That unimportant word.
From Court to Court I hurry me,

But sad is my regret;
For, even should I win a fee,

No notice can I get.

They bid me seek at Common Law

The business others gain,
But if I e'en tried Chancery

My efforts would be vain.
'Tis true that many I behold

Who by reporting get
What I ne'er could, by pen or fee,

To my extreme regret.

They tell me there are many now,

Who in their early day
Were aided by the press, but I

Don't care for what they say.
I only know I've struggled hard

Reporter's work to get,
But can't ; and so 'gainst those who can,

I '11 make the deadest set.

A REASONABLE REQUEST.

To the Poor Law Commissioners : The Humble Petition of
the Inmates of the Andover Union Workhouse.

"Whereas the undersigned, Your Petitioners, now under sentence of
imprisonment for their poverty in the Andover workhouse, have been
constrained by extreme hunger, to gnaw the bones of horses and
other animals, which they were employed to crush, in order to
appease the same ; and whereas, such bones being in a state unfit
for human consumption, your said Petitioners fear that a further
recourse to that expedient will entail on them divers diseases, and
ultimately death, a punishment which, they venture to hope, you will
esteem somewhat too grievous for their offences :

" And whereas, in divers parts of the county of Hampshire, certain
animals called swine are greatly over-fed, and thereby rendered
much fatter than any pork ought rightly to be :

"And further whereas, in the said county and elsewhere, large quantities
of potato-peelings and turnip-rinds, are daily thrown and cast away,
of which turnip-rinds and potato-peelings Your Petitioners would be
very glad :

" Your Petitioners humbly request that your Honourable Board will, in
such manner as your wisdom may direct, cause a reasonable quantity
of the species of food termed grains, now and heretofore consumed
by the said swine, and also of the rinds and peelings cast away as
aforesaid, to be collected and allotted to the use of Your Petitioners,
that their bodies may be sustained by a better and less noxious kind
of offal than what they have been reduced to devour. For Your
Petitioners assure you that they would fain partake of the refuse of
the kitchen, and of the grain which the swine aforesaid do eat.

" And Your Petitioners, as by their chaplain taught, and as in duty
bound, will ever pray, &c."

{Here follow the marks and other signatures of the Petitioners.)

Royal Reward.

Baron Humboldt, and other literary gentlemen, were invited to dinner
by the King of Prussia, expressly to meet the Queen of England. The
Baron was delighted with the affability of Her Majesty, who, by her
easy familiarity, showed how much she had been accustomed in her own
country to the society of the most eminent literary characters. Previous
to her departure, the Queen conferred on Baron Humboldt the Grand
Cross of the " Order of Merit," which waa instituted by Her Majesty
for the encouragement of science and literature. We must state that the
Order was the wonder and admiration of every one in the room, as.
singular to say, a specimen of it had never been seen, or even heard Otp
{on the Continent before !