DOI issue:
July to December, 1845
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16541#0166
158
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
BRIGHTON.
bt " punch's " commissioner.
As there are some consumptive travellers, who, by dodging about to
Italy, to Malta, to Madeira, manage to cheat the winter, and for whose
lungs a perpetual warmth is necessary ; so there are people to whom, in
like manner, London is a necessity of existence, and who follow it all the
year round. Such individuals, when London goes out of town, follow it to
Brighton, which is, at this season, London plus prawns for breakfast and
the sea-air. Blessings ou the sea-air, which givesyou an appetite to eat them!
You may get a decent bed-room and sitting-room here for a guinea a
day. Our friends the Botibols have three rooms, and a bedstead disguised
like a chest of drawers in the drawing-room, for which they pay something
less than a hundred pounds a month. I could not understand last night
why the old gentleman, who usually goes to bed early, kept yawning and
fidgetting in the drawing-room after tea ; until, with some hesitation, he
made the confession that the apartment in question was his bed-room,
and revealed the mystery of the artful chest of drawers. Botibol's house
in Bedford Square is as spacious as an Italian palace : the second-floor
front, in which the worthy man sleeps, would accommodate a regiment,
and here they squeeze him into a chiffonniere ! How Mrs. B. and the four
delightful girls can be stowed away in the back room, I tremble to think:
what bachelor has a right to ask ? But the air of the sea makes up for
the closeness of the lodgings. I have just seen them on the Cliff—mother
and daughters were all blooming like crimson double dahlias !
You meet everybody on that Cliff. For a small charge you may
hire the very fly here represented ; with the very horse, and the very
postilion, in a pink striped chintz jacket—which may have been the
cover of an arm-chair once—and straight whitey-brown hair, and little
wash-leather inexpressibles, the cheapest little caricature of a post-boy
eyes have ever lighted on. I seldom used to select his carriage, for the
horse and vehicle looked feeble, and unequal to bearing a person of
weight; but, last Sunday I saw an Israelitish family of distinction en-
sconced in the poor little carriage—the ladies with the most flaming
polkas, and flounces all the way up ; the gent, in velvet waistcoat, with
pins in his breast big enough once to have surmounted the door of his
native pawnbroker's shop, and a complement of hook-nosed children, mag-
nificent in attire. Their number and magnificence did not break the
carriage down ; the little postilion bumped up and down as usual, as the
old horse went his usual pace. How they spread out, and basked, and
shone, and were happy in the sun there—those honest people ! The
Mosaic Arabs abound here ; and they rejoice and are idle with a grave
and solemn pleasure, as becomes their Eastern origin.
If you don't mind the expense, hire a ground-floor window on the Cliff,
and examine the stream of human nature which passes by. That stream
is a league in length ; it pours from Brunswick Terrace to Kemp Town,
and then tumbles back again; and so rolU, and as it rolls perpetually,
keeps rolling on from three o'clock till dinner-time.
Ha ! what'a crowd of well-known London faces you behold here—only
the sallow countenances look pink now, and devoid of care. I have
this very day, at least—
Forty-nine Railroad directors, who would
have been at Baden-Baden but for the lines
in progress ; and who, though breathing the
fresh air, are within an hour and a half of
the City.
Thirteen barristers, of more or less repute,
including the Solicitor-General himself,
whose open and jovial countenance beamed
with benevolence upon the cheerful scene.
A Hebrew dentist driving a curricle.
At least twelve well-known actors or actresses.
It went to my heart to see the most fashion-
able of them, driving about in a little four-
wheeled pony-chaise, the like of which might
be hired for five shillings.
Then you have tight-laced dragoons, trotting
up and down with solemn, handsome, stupid faces,
and huge yellow mustachios. Myriads of flies,
laden with happy cockneys ; pathetic invalid
chairs trail along, looking too much like coffins
already, in which poor people are brought out
to catch a glimpse of the sun. Grand equip-
ages are scarce ; I saw Lady Wilhelmina
Wiggjns's lovely nose and auburn ringlets peeping out of a cab, hired at
half-a-crown an hour, between her ladyship and her sister, the Princess
Oysterowski.
The old gentleman who began to take lessons when we were here three
years ago, at the Tepid Swimming Bath, with the conical top, I am given
to understand is still there, and may be seen in the water, from nine till five.
"THERE IS NO DECEPTION."
There is now exhibiting, somewhere near Whitechapel, a very affable
gentleman, who enjoys the peculiarity of being a salamauder—nay, we beg
pardon,—a " salamander, &c." He is, of course, not native, although to
the manner born ; but a Frenchman—a Monsieur du-. Psha ! we
have forgotten the rest of his surname : however, we can vouch for the
genuineness of the du. This remarkable man professes that no place can
be too hot to hold him. In fact, fire is to him what salary is to advertis-
ing governesses, " not so much an object as a comfortable situation." All
his triumphs are literally blazes. We find,upon reference to the programme,
that the Monsieur " has the power of resisting the effects of poison ; " in
proof of which he empties a glass of prussic acid lout de suite, as one would
toss off a seidlitz-powder, and makes nothing of putting a bit of arsenic
into his pipe and smoking it.
But we can convey no adequate notion of the amazing powers of this
" salamander, &c," except in his own concluding words : —
" *m* In order to convince the most sceptical that there is no deceit or trickery in the
above wonderful performances, medical gentlemen are requested to ascend the stage,
and to bring their own poisun 1"
This is indeed a touch of earnest altogether o-^.t of the reach of jest !
Lawyers' Labels.
Much inconvenience has been experienced by the public, on account of
the functionaries connected with the law having gone out of town for the
long vacation, leaving no notices on their doors, and dooming the various
suitors or their attorneys to continue kicking their heels about on the top
of a staircase, without knowing what has become of the occupants of the
chambers.
Very considerable annoyance has been caused by the Taxing Masters
having rushed out of town, without putting a piece of paper on their
doors stating where they have gone to, and when they are coining back
again. We have therefore to propose a series of labels for the use of the
legal profession in general, but the Taxing Masters in particular. " Gone
to the Rhine ; please to wait," would do very well in many cases : or, " At
Baden-Baden ; return immediately," might encourage applicants for a
little while longer to keep their patience. " Gone to the Isle of Wight—
soon be back;" "The Taxing Master in Italy—Clerkat Margate," would
also meet the circumstances of the case in numerous instances.
A RAIL WAV PANIC.
The Boulogne News emphatically calls upon the public to refrain from
railway speculation, on the ground that many schemes will be unfinished
for want of the necessary iron. To say the truth, we do not anticipate
a stoppage from want of iron, though we expect there will some day or
other be a frightful smash for want of tin.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
BRIGHTON.
bt " punch's " commissioner.
As there are some consumptive travellers, who, by dodging about to
Italy, to Malta, to Madeira, manage to cheat the winter, and for whose
lungs a perpetual warmth is necessary ; so there are people to whom, in
like manner, London is a necessity of existence, and who follow it all the
year round. Such individuals, when London goes out of town, follow it to
Brighton, which is, at this season, London plus prawns for breakfast and
the sea-air. Blessings ou the sea-air, which givesyou an appetite to eat them!
You may get a decent bed-room and sitting-room here for a guinea a
day. Our friends the Botibols have three rooms, and a bedstead disguised
like a chest of drawers in the drawing-room, for which they pay something
less than a hundred pounds a month. I could not understand last night
why the old gentleman, who usually goes to bed early, kept yawning and
fidgetting in the drawing-room after tea ; until, with some hesitation, he
made the confession that the apartment in question was his bed-room,
and revealed the mystery of the artful chest of drawers. Botibol's house
in Bedford Square is as spacious as an Italian palace : the second-floor
front, in which the worthy man sleeps, would accommodate a regiment,
and here they squeeze him into a chiffonniere ! How Mrs. B. and the four
delightful girls can be stowed away in the back room, I tremble to think:
what bachelor has a right to ask ? But the air of the sea makes up for
the closeness of the lodgings. I have just seen them on the Cliff—mother
and daughters were all blooming like crimson double dahlias !
You meet everybody on that Cliff. For a small charge you may
hire the very fly here represented ; with the very horse, and the very
postilion, in a pink striped chintz jacket—which may have been the
cover of an arm-chair once—and straight whitey-brown hair, and little
wash-leather inexpressibles, the cheapest little caricature of a post-boy
eyes have ever lighted on. I seldom used to select his carriage, for the
horse and vehicle looked feeble, and unequal to bearing a person of
weight; but, last Sunday I saw an Israelitish family of distinction en-
sconced in the poor little carriage—the ladies with the most flaming
polkas, and flounces all the way up ; the gent, in velvet waistcoat, with
pins in his breast big enough once to have surmounted the door of his
native pawnbroker's shop, and a complement of hook-nosed children, mag-
nificent in attire. Their number and magnificence did not break the
carriage down ; the little postilion bumped up and down as usual, as the
old horse went his usual pace. How they spread out, and basked, and
shone, and were happy in the sun there—those honest people ! The
Mosaic Arabs abound here ; and they rejoice and are idle with a grave
and solemn pleasure, as becomes their Eastern origin.
If you don't mind the expense, hire a ground-floor window on the Cliff,
and examine the stream of human nature which passes by. That stream
is a league in length ; it pours from Brunswick Terrace to Kemp Town,
and then tumbles back again; and so rolU, and as it rolls perpetually,
keeps rolling on from three o'clock till dinner-time.
Ha ! what'a crowd of well-known London faces you behold here—only
the sallow countenances look pink now, and devoid of care. I have
this very day, at least—
Forty-nine Railroad directors, who would
have been at Baden-Baden but for the lines
in progress ; and who, though breathing the
fresh air, are within an hour and a half of
the City.
Thirteen barristers, of more or less repute,
including the Solicitor-General himself,
whose open and jovial countenance beamed
with benevolence upon the cheerful scene.
A Hebrew dentist driving a curricle.
At least twelve well-known actors or actresses.
It went to my heart to see the most fashion-
able of them, driving about in a little four-
wheeled pony-chaise, the like of which might
be hired for five shillings.
Then you have tight-laced dragoons, trotting
up and down with solemn, handsome, stupid faces,
and huge yellow mustachios. Myriads of flies,
laden with happy cockneys ; pathetic invalid
chairs trail along, looking too much like coffins
already, in which poor people are brought out
to catch a glimpse of the sun. Grand equip-
ages are scarce ; I saw Lady Wilhelmina
Wiggjns's lovely nose and auburn ringlets peeping out of a cab, hired at
half-a-crown an hour, between her ladyship and her sister, the Princess
Oysterowski.
The old gentleman who began to take lessons when we were here three
years ago, at the Tepid Swimming Bath, with the conical top, I am given
to understand is still there, and may be seen in the water, from nine till five.
"THERE IS NO DECEPTION."
There is now exhibiting, somewhere near Whitechapel, a very affable
gentleman, who enjoys the peculiarity of being a salamauder—nay, we beg
pardon,—a " salamander, &c." He is, of course, not native, although to
the manner born ; but a Frenchman—a Monsieur du-. Psha ! we
have forgotten the rest of his surname : however, we can vouch for the
genuineness of the du. This remarkable man professes that no place can
be too hot to hold him. In fact, fire is to him what salary is to advertis-
ing governesses, " not so much an object as a comfortable situation." All
his triumphs are literally blazes. We find,upon reference to the programme,
that the Monsieur " has the power of resisting the effects of poison ; " in
proof of which he empties a glass of prussic acid lout de suite, as one would
toss off a seidlitz-powder, and makes nothing of putting a bit of arsenic
into his pipe and smoking it.
But we can convey no adequate notion of the amazing powers of this
" salamander, &c," except in his own concluding words : —
" *m* In order to convince the most sceptical that there is no deceit or trickery in the
above wonderful performances, medical gentlemen are requested to ascend the stage,
and to bring their own poisun 1"
This is indeed a touch of earnest altogether o-^.t of the reach of jest !
Lawyers' Labels.
Much inconvenience has been experienced by the public, on account of
the functionaries connected with the law having gone out of town for the
long vacation, leaving no notices on their doors, and dooming the various
suitors or their attorneys to continue kicking their heels about on the top
of a staircase, without knowing what has become of the occupants of the
chambers.
Very considerable annoyance has been caused by the Taxing Masters
having rushed out of town, without putting a piece of paper on their
doors stating where they have gone to, and when they are coining back
again. We have therefore to propose a series of labels for the use of the
legal profession in general, but the Taxing Masters in particular. " Gone
to the Rhine ; please to wait," would do very well in many cases : or, " At
Baden-Baden ; return immediately," might encourage applicants for a
little while longer to keep their patience. " Gone to the Isle of Wight—
soon be back;" "The Taxing Master in Italy—Clerkat Margate," would
also meet the circumstances of the case in numerous instances.
A RAIL WAV PANIC.
The Boulogne News emphatically calls upon the public to refrain from
railway speculation, on the ground that many schemes will be unfinished
for want of the necessary iron. To say the truth, we do not anticipate
a stoppage from want of iron, though we expect there will some day or
other be a frightful smash for want of tin.