DOI issue:
July to December, 1845
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16541#0215
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
207
the sacred animal luckily escaped—whilst the men, it was shewn,
were mowing. The charge was dismissed by the magistrate, as—
" It ought to be proved that they were actually and in fact hunting with the dog,
whereas by the evidence produced they were all !a«iully employed in mowing their
master's corn; and while they were doing so, the shepherd's dog accidentally started a
myself in the hitching.'1 And, so saying, I took a dignafied ajew of these
minnial domestics ; and asending to my epartment in the 4 pair back,
brushed the powder out of my air and, taking hoff those hojous livries
for hever, put on a new soot, made for me by Cullin, of St. Jeames
Street, and which fitted my manly figger as tight as whacks.
JEAMES'S DIARY.
hare." " There was one pusson in the house with womb I was rayther anxious
, , ■, , ,-, i-iijj ilt0 evoid a persnal leave-taking—Mary Hann Oggtns, I mean—for my
Mr. Berkeley was defeated,although it was plain he had dressed i art ig natural tenderi aU(J l ^ ab;de seeir)g a pQre gal b pane_ j ,d
himself for conquest, taking his seat on the Bench, '-in his shooting j „iven her previous the infamation of mv departure—doing the ansom
attire,"—doubtless, prepared, like a sporting Brennus, to cast his ihing by her at the same time—paying her back 201b., which she'd lent
powder-horn and shot-belt in the scale of justice, which, unhappily j me 6 months before : and paying her back not ony the interest, but I
for his piety, did not turn against the accused. : gave her an andsome pair of scissars and a silver thimbil, by way of
; boanus. ' Mary Hann,' says I, ' suckimstancies has haltered our rellatif
_ | positions in life. I quit the Servnts' Hall for hever, (for has for your
marrying a person in my rank, that my dear is hall gammiu), and so I
wish you a good by my good gal, and if you want to better yourself,
halwavs refer to me.'
'; Mary Hann didn't hanser my speech, (which I think was remarkable
ne day in the panic week, our friend Jeames kind), but looked at me in the face quite wild like, and bust into some-
called at our Office, evidently in great perturba- I think betwigst a laugh & a cry, and fell down with her ed on the kitching
tion of mind and disorder of dress. He had dresser, where she lay until her young Missis rang the dressing-room
no flower in his button-hole ; his yellow kid bell. Would you bleave it ? she left the thimbil & things, & my check
gloves were certainly two days old. He had for 201b. 10s on the tabil, when she went to hanser the beil ? And now I
not above three of the ten chains he usually ■ heard her sobbing and vimpering in her own room nex but one to mine,
sports, and his great coarse knotty-knuckled old vith the dore open, peraps expecting I should come in and say good by.
hands were deprived of some dozen of the But, as soon as I was dressed, I cut down stairs, hony desiring Frederick
rubies, emeralds, and other carneos with which, my f'ellow-servnt, to fetch me a cabb, and requesting permission to take
since his elevation to fortune, the poor fellow j leaf of my lady & the famly before my departure."
has thought fit to adorn himself. * * * * *
" How's scrip ? Mr. Jeames," said we plea-1 " How Mrss Hemly didhogle me to be sure ! Her ladyship told me what a
santly, greeting our esteemed contributor. sweet gal she was—hamiable, fond of poetry, plays the gitter. Then she
" Scrip be-," replied he, with an expression we cannot repeat, and a basked me if I liked blond bewties and haubiu hair. Haubin, indeed ! I
look of agony it is impossible to describe in print, and walked abo»t the I don't like can-its ! as it must be confest Miss Hemly's his—and has for a
parlour whistling, humming, rattling his keys and coppers, and showing : blond buty she as pink I's like a Halbino, and her face looks as if it were
other signs of agitation. At last, " Mr. Punch" says he, after a
moment's hesitation, " I wish to speak to you on a pint of businiss. I
wish to be paid for my contribewtions to your paper. Suckmstances is
haltered with me. 1—I—in a word, can you lend me —-£ for the
account %"
He named the sum. It was one so great, that we don't care to mention
dipt in a brann mash. How she squeeged my & as she went away !
" Mary Hann now has haubin air, and a curnplexion like roses and
hivory, and I's as blew as Evin.
I gev Frederick two and si
hact the gentleman in hall things. How he stared
it here; but on receiving a cheque for the amount (on Messrs. Pump " 25th.—I am now director of forty-seven hadvantageous hnes, and
and Aldgate, our bankers), tears came into the honest fellow's eves. have P'^ hal> da.v in the Citty- Although I've hate or nine new soots of
He squeezed our hand until he nearly wrung it off, and, shouting to a cab, close> aad Mr- Cullin fitts me heligant, yet I fansy they hall reckonise
he plunged into it at our office-door, and was off to the City. j me. Conshns wispers to me—' Jeams, you'r hony a footman tn disguise
Returning to our study, we found he had left on our table an open pocket- j hafter all.' " _
book ; of the contents of which (for the sake of safety) we took an inventory, j « mh.-Been to the Hopra. Music tol lol. That Lablash is a wopper
It contained :- three tavern-bills, paid ; a tailor s_ ditto, unsettled ; 1 at ■ ; T CQodn mak/out why som(3 peopie called out 'Bravo,' some
forty-nine allotments in different.companies, twenty-six thousand seven t Bravar,' and some < Bravee.' < Bravee, Lablash.' says I, at which
hundred shares m all, ot which the market value we take, on an average, bever bodv laft
to be J discount; and in an old bit of paper tied with pink riband a lock ^4 in my new stall. I've add new costings put in, and my harms
of chesnut hair, with the init,als M. A. H m goold on tl/e back. l >m dressed hali m black, excep a gold waistcoat
In the diary of the pocket-book was a Journal, jotted down by the pro. t anf dimmd studds in the embriderd busom of my shameese. I wear a
prietor from time to time. At first the entries are insignificant; as. for Camallia Jiponiky in my button ole, and have a double-barreld opera glas,
instance :— 3rd January-Oar beer in the Suvnts' Hall so precious so bi tha/T raake Timmins, my seend man, bring it in the other cabb.
small at this Christmas time that I reely muss give warning, & wood, but j « What an if,stronry exabishn that Pawdy Carter is ! If those four gals
for my dear Mary Hann. " February 7—That broot Screw, the Butler, 1 are fai.ies Tell.oni is sutnly the fairy Queend. She can do all that they
wanted to kis her, but my dear Mary Hann boxt his hold hears, & served can do and somethink they "can't. There's an indiscrible grace about her,
hrm right. / datest Screw."—and so forth. Then the diary relates to and cUrlotty, my sweet Carlotty, she sets my art in flams.
Stock Exchange operations, until we come to the time when, haying « Ow that Miss Hemly was noddin and winkiu at me out of their box
achieved his successes, Mr. James quitted Berkeley Square aud his livery, j on tne fourth tear
and began his life as a speculator and a gentleman upon town. It is
from the latter part of his diary that we make the following
EXTRAX.—
" What linx i's she must av. As if I could mount up there !
" P. S. Talking of mounting hup! the St. Helena's walked up 4 per
c^nt. this very day." _
" 2nd July. Rode my bay oss Desperation in the park. There was me,
u Wen I anounced in the Servnts All my axeshn of forting, and that by , Lord George Ringwood (Lord Cinqbar's son), Lord Ballybunnion,
the exasize of my own talince and ingianiuty I had reerlized a summ of j Honorable Capting Trap, & sevra! bother young swells. Sir John's
20,000 lb. (it was only 5, but what's the use of a mann depreshiating the i carridge there in coarse. Miss Hemly lets fall her booky as I pass, and
qualaty of his own mackyrel ?). Wen I enounced my abrup intention to I'm obleged to get hoff and pick it hup, & get splashed up to the his.
cut—you should have sean tbe sensation among hall the people ! Cook The gettin on hoss back agin is hal ways the juice & hall. Just as I was
wanted to know whether I woodn like a sweatbred, or the slise of the I hon, Desperation begins a porring the hair with his 1 feet, and sinks down
brest of a Cold Tucky. Screw, the butler, (womb I always detested as
a hinsalant hoverbaring beest) begged me to walk in to the Hupper Servnts
All, and try a glass of Shuperior Shatto Margo. Heven Visp, the coa-ch-
min, eld out his and, & said, ' Jeames, I hopes theres no quarraling
betwigst you & me, & I 'II stand a pot of beer with pleasure.'
" The sickofnts !—that wery Cook had split ou me to the Housekeeper
ony last week (catchin me priggin some cold tuttle soop, of which I'm
remarkable fond). Has for the Butler, 1 always ebomminaled him for
his precious snears and imperence to all us Gents who woar livry, (he
never would sit in our parlour, fasooth, nor drink out of our mugs) ; and
in regard of Visp—why, it was ony the day before the wulgar beest hof-
fered to fite me, and thretnd to give me a good iding if I refused. ' Gentle-
men and ladies,' says I, as haughty as may be, ' there's nothink that I
want for that I can't go for to buy with my hown money, and take at my
lodgins in Halbany, letter Hex ; if I'm ungry I've no need to refresh
so on his anches, that I'm blest if I didn't slipp hoff agin over his tail ;
at which Ballybunnion & the other chaps rord with latter.
" As Bally has istates in Queen's County, I've put hiin on the Saint
Helena direction. We call it the ' Great St. Helena Napoleon Junction,'
from Jamestown to Longwood.' The French are taking it hup heagerly."
" 6th July. Dined to-day at the London Tavin with one of the Welsh
bords of Direction I'm hon. The Gwrwmwrw i± Plmwyddlywm, with
tunnils through Snowding & Plinlimming.
" Great nashnallity of coarse. Ap Siiinkin in the enair, Ap Llwydd
in the vice; Welsh mutton for- dinner ; Welsh iron knives & forks ;
Welsh rabbit after dinner ; and a Welsh harper, be hanged to him : he
went strummint on his hojous hinstrument, and played a toon piguliarly
disagreeble to me.
" It was Pore Mary Hann. The clarrit holmost choaked me as I
207
the sacred animal luckily escaped—whilst the men, it was shewn,
were mowing. The charge was dismissed by the magistrate, as—
" It ought to be proved that they were actually and in fact hunting with the dog,
whereas by the evidence produced they were all !a«iully employed in mowing their
master's corn; and while they were doing so, the shepherd's dog accidentally started a
myself in the hitching.'1 And, so saying, I took a dignafied ajew of these
minnial domestics ; and asending to my epartment in the 4 pair back,
brushed the powder out of my air and, taking hoff those hojous livries
for hever, put on a new soot, made for me by Cullin, of St. Jeames
Street, and which fitted my manly figger as tight as whacks.
JEAMES'S DIARY.
hare." " There was one pusson in the house with womb I was rayther anxious
, , ■, , ,-, i-iijj ilt0 evoid a persnal leave-taking—Mary Hann Oggtns, I mean—for my
Mr. Berkeley was defeated,although it was plain he had dressed i art ig natural tenderi aU(J l ^ ab;de seeir)g a pQre gal b pane_ j ,d
himself for conquest, taking his seat on the Bench, '-in his shooting j „iven her previous the infamation of mv departure—doing the ansom
attire,"—doubtless, prepared, like a sporting Brennus, to cast his ihing by her at the same time—paying her back 201b., which she'd lent
powder-horn and shot-belt in the scale of justice, which, unhappily j me 6 months before : and paying her back not ony the interest, but I
for his piety, did not turn against the accused. : gave her an andsome pair of scissars and a silver thimbil, by way of
; boanus. ' Mary Hann,' says I, ' suckimstancies has haltered our rellatif
_ | positions in life. I quit the Servnts' Hall for hever, (for has for your
marrying a person in my rank, that my dear is hall gammiu), and so I
wish you a good by my good gal, and if you want to better yourself,
halwavs refer to me.'
'; Mary Hann didn't hanser my speech, (which I think was remarkable
ne day in the panic week, our friend Jeames kind), but looked at me in the face quite wild like, and bust into some-
called at our Office, evidently in great perturba- I think betwigst a laugh & a cry, and fell down with her ed on the kitching
tion of mind and disorder of dress. He had dresser, where she lay until her young Missis rang the dressing-room
no flower in his button-hole ; his yellow kid bell. Would you bleave it ? she left the thimbil & things, & my check
gloves were certainly two days old. He had for 201b. 10s on the tabil, when she went to hanser the beil ? And now I
not above three of the ten chains he usually ■ heard her sobbing and vimpering in her own room nex but one to mine,
sports, and his great coarse knotty-knuckled old vith the dore open, peraps expecting I should come in and say good by.
hands were deprived of some dozen of the But, as soon as I was dressed, I cut down stairs, hony desiring Frederick
rubies, emeralds, and other carneos with which, my f'ellow-servnt, to fetch me a cabb, and requesting permission to take
since his elevation to fortune, the poor fellow j leaf of my lady & the famly before my departure."
has thought fit to adorn himself. * * * * *
" How's scrip ? Mr. Jeames," said we plea-1 " How Mrss Hemly didhogle me to be sure ! Her ladyship told me what a
santly, greeting our esteemed contributor. sweet gal she was—hamiable, fond of poetry, plays the gitter. Then she
" Scrip be-," replied he, with an expression we cannot repeat, and a basked me if I liked blond bewties and haubiu hair. Haubin, indeed ! I
look of agony it is impossible to describe in print, and walked abo»t the I don't like can-its ! as it must be confest Miss Hemly's his—and has for a
parlour whistling, humming, rattling his keys and coppers, and showing : blond buty she as pink I's like a Halbino, and her face looks as if it were
other signs of agitation. At last, " Mr. Punch" says he, after a
moment's hesitation, " I wish to speak to you on a pint of businiss. I
wish to be paid for my contribewtions to your paper. Suckmstances is
haltered with me. 1—I—in a word, can you lend me —-£ for the
account %"
He named the sum. It was one so great, that we don't care to mention
dipt in a brann mash. How she squeeged my & as she went away !
" Mary Hann now has haubin air, and a curnplexion like roses and
hivory, and I's as blew as Evin.
I gev Frederick two and si
hact the gentleman in hall things. How he stared
it here; but on receiving a cheque for the amount (on Messrs. Pump " 25th.—I am now director of forty-seven hadvantageous hnes, and
and Aldgate, our bankers), tears came into the honest fellow's eves. have P'^ hal> da.v in the Citty- Although I've hate or nine new soots of
He squeezed our hand until he nearly wrung it off, and, shouting to a cab, close> aad Mr- Cullin fitts me heligant, yet I fansy they hall reckonise
he plunged into it at our office-door, and was off to the City. j me. Conshns wispers to me—' Jeams, you'r hony a footman tn disguise
Returning to our study, we found he had left on our table an open pocket- j hafter all.' " _
book ; of the contents of which (for the sake of safety) we took an inventory, j « mh.-Been to the Hopra. Music tol lol. That Lablash is a wopper
It contained :- three tavern-bills, paid ; a tailor s_ ditto, unsettled ; 1 at ■ ; T CQodn mak/out why som(3 peopie called out 'Bravo,' some
forty-nine allotments in different.companies, twenty-six thousand seven t Bravar,' and some < Bravee.' < Bravee, Lablash.' says I, at which
hundred shares m all, ot which the market value we take, on an average, bever bodv laft
to be J discount; and in an old bit of paper tied with pink riband a lock ^4 in my new stall. I've add new costings put in, and my harms
of chesnut hair, with the init,als M. A. H m goold on tl/e back. l >m dressed hali m black, excep a gold waistcoat
In the diary of the pocket-book was a Journal, jotted down by the pro. t anf dimmd studds in the embriderd busom of my shameese. I wear a
prietor from time to time. At first the entries are insignificant; as. for Camallia Jiponiky in my button ole, and have a double-barreld opera glas,
instance :— 3rd January-Oar beer in the Suvnts' Hall so precious so bi tha/T raake Timmins, my seend man, bring it in the other cabb.
small at this Christmas time that I reely muss give warning, & wood, but j « What an if,stronry exabishn that Pawdy Carter is ! If those four gals
for my dear Mary Hann. " February 7—That broot Screw, the Butler, 1 are fai.ies Tell.oni is sutnly the fairy Queend. She can do all that they
wanted to kis her, but my dear Mary Hann boxt his hold hears, & served can do and somethink they "can't. There's an indiscrible grace about her,
hrm right. / datest Screw."—and so forth. Then the diary relates to and cUrlotty, my sweet Carlotty, she sets my art in flams.
Stock Exchange operations, until we come to the time when, haying « Ow that Miss Hemly was noddin and winkiu at me out of their box
achieved his successes, Mr. James quitted Berkeley Square aud his livery, j on tne fourth tear
and began his life as a speculator and a gentleman upon town. It is
from the latter part of his diary that we make the following
EXTRAX.—
" What linx i's she must av. As if I could mount up there !
" P. S. Talking of mounting hup! the St. Helena's walked up 4 per
c^nt. this very day." _
" 2nd July. Rode my bay oss Desperation in the park. There was me,
u Wen I anounced in the Servnts All my axeshn of forting, and that by , Lord George Ringwood (Lord Cinqbar's son), Lord Ballybunnion,
the exasize of my own talince and ingianiuty I had reerlized a summ of j Honorable Capting Trap, & sevra! bother young swells. Sir John's
20,000 lb. (it was only 5, but what's the use of a mann depreshiating the i carridge there in coarse. Miss Hemly lets fall her booky as I pass, and
qualaty of his own mackyrel ?). Wen I enounced my abrup intention to I'm obleged to get hoff and pick it hup, & get splashed up to the his.
cut—you should have sean tbe sensation among hall the people ! Cook The gettin on hoss back agin is hal ways the juice & hall. Just as I was
wanted to know whether I woodn like a sweatbred, or the slise of the I hon, Desperation begins a porring the hair with his 1 feet, and sinks down
brest of a Cold Tucky. Screw, the butler, (womb I always detested as
a hinsalant hoverbaring beest) begged me to walk in to the Hupper Servnts
All, and try a glass of Shuperior Shatto Margo. Heven Visp, the coa-ch-
min, eld out his and, & said, ' Jeames, I hopes theres no quarraling
betwigst you & me, & I 'II stand a pot of beer with pleasure.'
" The sickofnts !—that wery Cook had split ou me to the Housekeeper
ony last week (catchin me priggin some cold tuttle soop, of which I'm
remarkable fond). Has for the Butler, 1 always ebomminaled him for
his precious snears and imperence to all us Gents who woar livry, (he
never would sit in our parlour, fasooth, nor drink out of our mugs) ; and
in regard of Visp—why, it was ony the day before the wulgar beest hof-
fered to fite me, and thretnd to give me a good iding if I refused. ' Gentle-
men and ladies,' says I, as haughty as may be, ' there's nothink that I
want for that I can't go for to buy with my hown money, and take at my
lodgins in Halbany, letter Hex ; if I'm ungry I've no need to refresh
so on his anches, that I'm blest if I didn't slipp hoff agin over his tail ;
at which Ballybunnion & the other chaps rord with latter.
" As Bally has istates in Queen's County, I've put hiin on the Saint
Helena direction. We call it the ' Great St. Helena Napoleon Junction,'
from Jamestown to Longwood.' The French are taking it hup heagerly."
" 6th July. Dined to-day at the London Tavin with one of the Welsh
bords of Direction I'm hon. The Gwrwmwrw i± Plmwyddlywm, with
tunnils through Snowding & Plinlimming.
" Great nashnallity of coarse. Ap Siiinkin in the enair, Ap Llwydd
in the vice; Welsh mutton for- dinner ; Welsh iron knives & forks ;
Welsh rabbit after dinner ; and a Welsh harper, be hanged to him : he
went strummint on his hojous hinstrument, and played a toon piguliarly
disagreeble to me.
" It was Pore Mary Hann. The clarrit holmost choaked me as I