DOI issue:
July to December, 1845
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16541#0219
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
211
prodigality of diablerie, he has thrown about the building ; but as we left
SERMONS IN STONES them, we could not help feeling that the legal scarecrows which the archi-
1 tect has hung over every door of the benchers' granary to warn all birds
We were looking at the Gothic ornaments of the New Lincoln's Inn of ffi from the fields of litigation, would drive very few away, for it is
Hall the other day, and wondering what object the architect could have ^ } ?n Pers"ns do uot rush lnto Chancery with their eyes open,
had in making them so repulsively ugly. We asked an intelligent mason, •But ^ they return, they may not be so stone-blind to the many pointed
who evidently saw the fix we were mentally in, and the ingenuous fellow moralities of the new Lincoln a-Inn Hall; and this instruction, enforced
spoke as follows :—« Why, Sir, you see they have been made ugly on by an emPf-v Pocket> may prevent them paying the domains of Chancery
purpose.
" Ma Hardwicke's design, Sir, was to make them so hideous that
they should frighten silly people, if possible, from going to law. Each of
the heads about the building has
a meaning in it. That ugly old
woman there, sir, in the off corner,
with a mouth large enough for the
river Thames, is a-tearing of her
hair, because she has lost a Chan-
cery suit she had begun at the age
of 22. The suit was against her
dearest friend, so you can imagine
how savage she must have been
when she lost it. The matter
in dispute was of no consequence
to either, but by the good-natured
suggestions of friends and the
unwearied exertions of the law-
yers, the suit lasted three Lord
Chancellors, to say nothing of a
• lumber of Vices. It was at last
given against the lady on the spout; and the above is a correct portrait taken
of her at the moment of her learning
the decision.
" The barrister, whom you see crawling
in the gutter, is a celebrated Old Bailey
lawyer. He is represented in the above
attitude on account of his stooping to
any kind of dirty work, with the view
of getting on. In the corner of his left
eye you will notice there is a tear. It
is a faithful copy of a memorable one he
shed at the trial of a murderer, when he
swore to his innocence. He is gnashing
his teeth in rage, because no jury after-
wards would believe him. He was
obliged to leave the bar, and he is put
up there as a warning to young bar-
risters, who have not yet begun to
' utter.' The old gentleman near him,
just over the Treasurer's apartment, is
the likeness done in stone, of a celebrated
Alderman. He was a churchwarden, and
threw a whole parish, poor and all, into
Chancery, because they expressed a desire
to look at his accounts, after one-and-
twenty years. Only look at him, how he
is affecting to be a martyr ! His face is
considered to be a most perfect bit of
chiselling. At first his hands were closed,
but they were afterwards opened, to
express his habit of grasping at every-
thing.
"The judge, to his right, is the
facsimile of a well-known Chancellor,
who has an extraordinary talent for
speaking on both sides, and at all
times. This is the reason he is held
up to ridicule as an empty spout. The
other heads are in the same vigorous
way, all taken from the life. There
are trustees, cruel guardians, game-
preservers, bad landlords and tenants,
and oppressive masters, of every hi-
deous variety. All the bad passions,
on which the law feeds and fattens,
are there depicted in their true ugli-
ness, so that the public may see that
they are the real pillars that support
a legal institution like the present.
They are done in stone, a3 being the
best material to express the hard
hearts of those who make it their
business to go to law."
We thanked the mason for the lec-
ture he had read us in illustration of
Me. Habdwi ;ke's expressive imps and eloquent monsters, that, with a
WOODSTOCK ELECTION.
An address to persons, jocularly called by the House of Blenheim
the Electors of Woodstock, has appeared in the papers, purporting to-
be written by Lord Alfred Churchill. The address makes him
speak of " those feelings of good-will and kind-heartedness with
which, upon the strength of old family interests and connections,
they have so kindly, so unhesitatingly, and so unanimously received
his humble pretensions." It need not be said that this address is a
forgery. The thing speaks for itself: Lord Churchill is a
soldier, and would not insult the unfortunate. "We are exclusively
enabled to print the real address, issued by his lordship to his father's
tenants :—
" to the electors of woodstock.
'; Serfs,_I have been among you ; and I am glad to say that among
three-hundred-and-eighty bondmen, 1 have only found four rebellious
varlets who have refused me their votes. I am happy to find that you
know so well what you owe to the House of Blenheim, as you evidently
do not forget what the House of Blenheim owes to you.
" My military duties call me away to drill ; but fear not, I shall return
to drill you : and if any of you are found disobedient to the word of com-
mand, it is possible-but I scorn to threaten any free and independent
elector of Woodstock. Ha ! ha !
" I am, your master's son,
" Alfred Spencer Churchill."
OPENING OF THE RAILWAY PARLIAMENT.
When we hear of Railways being carried along the streets of
London supported on the iron posts of the gas-lamps, and other inge-
nious contrivances; when we tumble over surveyors at every turn,
taking levels, and sometimes unexpectedly finding their own by a
sudden collision with somebody coming sharp round a corner ; when
all this is going on in the streets of London, we feel quite certain
that there must be a Railway Parliament; that is to say, a
Parliament devoting itself exclusively to Railway business, entirely
separate from the legislature employed in the ordinary work of the
Session. Every established line should be allowed to send two-
members, while the new schemes should each return a representative,
the privilege of voting being conferred on those who have paid their
deposits. The Stag districts might perhaps be allowed one member
to protect their interests; and every person who had signed his
name to a deed for any one else, should be considered a bona fide
Stag for election purposes. In the debates the members could allude
to each other, as the honourable representatives of the line that
might have returned them ; or, if in the Upper House, the titles of
Lord Thames Embankment, the Marquis of Central Terminus,
Baron Broad Gauge, and Earl Atmospheric, would be extremely
appropriate. The absorbing interest of Railways renders a Railway
Parliament absolutely indispensable, and we recommend the forma-
tion of one at the earliest possible period. London is apparently to be
laced with iron-work, and we really believe that the thoroughfares
have all been blocked up to give the engineers an excuse and oppor-
tunity for taking levels, or calculating gradients, without being
disturbed by the traffic. We saw with our own eyes an eminent
engineer making an estimate of the mean inclination of Holborn
Hill, standing in the middle of the road amid the cries of " Now,
spooney i" " Can't you get out of the way, stupid ? " and a hundred
other complimentary exclamations from the passing cads and cab-
drivers. We have Metropolitan Junctions that are to go all round
London without going into it—a convenience that those who are m
the habit of taking a circuit of the entire outskirts of London will
duly appreciate, and there is to be a line to run people up and
down Milbauk, where nobody goes, with an extension to the Temple
211
prodigality of diablerie, he has thrown about the building ; but as we left
SERMONS IN STONES them, we could not help feeling that the legal scarecrows which the archi-
1 tect has hung over every door of the benchers' granary to warn all birds
We were looking at the Gothic ornaments of the New Lincoln's Inn of ffi from the fields of litigation, would drive very few away, for it is
Hall the other day, and wondering what object the architect could have ^ } ?n Pers"ns do uot rush lnto Chancery with their eyes open,
had in making them so repulsively ugly. We asked an intelligent mason, •But ^ they return, they may not be so stone-blind to the many pointed
who evidently saw the fix we were mentally in, and the ingenuous fellow moralities of the new Lincoln a-Inn Hall; and this instruction, enforced
spoke as follows :—« Why, Sir, you see they have been made ugly on by an emPf-v Pocket> may prevent them paying the domains of Chancery
purpose.
" Ma Hardwicke's design, Sir, was to make them so hideous that
they should frighten silly people, if possible, from going to law. Each of
the heads about the building has
a meaning in it. That ugly old
woman there, sir, in the off corner,
with a mouth large enough for the
river Thames, is a-tearing of her
hair, because she has lost a Chan-
cery suit she had begun at the age
of 22. The suit was against her
dearest friend, so you can imagine
how savage she must have been
when she lost it. The matter
in dispute was of no consequence
to either, but by the good-natured
suggestions of friends and the
unwearied exertions of the law-
yers, the suit lasted three Lord
Chancellors, to say nothing of a
• lumber of Vices. It was at last
given against the lady on the spout; and the above is a correct portrait taken
of her at the moment of her learning
the decision.
" The barrister, whom you see crawling
in the gutter, is a celebrated Old Bailey
lawyer. He is represented in the above
attitude on account of his stooping to
any kind of dirty work, with the view
of getting on. In the corner of his left
eye you will notice there is a tear. It
is a faithful copy of a memorable one he
shed at the trial of a murderer, when he
swore to his innocence. He is gnashing
his teeth in rage, because no jury after-
wards would believe him. He was
obliged to leave the bar, and he is put
up there as a warning to young bar-
risters, who have not yet begun to
' utter.' The old gentleman near him,
just over the Treasurer's apartment, is
the likeness done in stone, of a celebrated
Alderman. He was a churchwarden, and
threw a whole parish, poor and all, into
Chancery, because they expressed a desire
to look at his accounts, after one-and-
twenty years. Only look at him, how he
is affecting to be a martyr ! His face is
considered to be a most perfect bit of
chiselling. At first his hands were closed,
but they were afterwards opened, to
express his habit of grasping at every-
thing.
"The judge, to his right, is the
facsimile of a well-known Chancellor,
who has an extraordinary talent for
speaking on both sides, and at all
times. This is the reason he is held
up to ridicule as an empty spout. The
other heads are in the same vigorous
way, all taken from the life. There
are trustees, cruel guardians, game-
preservers, bad landlords and tenants,
and oppressive masters, of every hi-
deous variety. All the bad passions,
on which the law feeds and fattens,
are there depicted in their true ugli-
ness, so that the public may see that
they are the real pillars that support
a legal institution like the present.
They are done in stone, a3 being the
best material to express the hard
hearts of those who make it their
business to go to law."
We thanked the mason for the lec-
ture he had read us in illustration of
Me. Habdwi ;ke's expressive imps and eloquent monsters, that, with a
WOODSTOCK ELECTION.
An address to persons, jocularly called by the House of Blenheim
the Electors of Woodstock, has appeared in the papers, purporting to-
be written by Lord Alfred Churchill. The address makes him
speak of " those feelings of good-will and kind-heartedness with
which, upon the strength of old family interests and connections,
they have so kindly, so unhesitatingly, and so unanimously received
his humble pretensions." It need not be said that this address is a
forgery. The thing speaks for itself: Lord Churchill is a
soldier, and would not insult the unfortunate. "We are exclusively
enabled to print the real address, issued by his lordship to his father's
tenants :—
" to the electors of woodstock.
'; Serfs,_I have been among you ; and I am glad to say that among
three-hundred-and-eighty bondmen, 1 have only found four rebellious
varlets who have refused me their votes. I am happy to find that you
know so well what you owe to the House of Blenheim, as you evidently
do not forget what the House of Blenheim owes to you.
" My military duties call me away to drill ; but fear not, I shall return
to drill you : and if any of you are found disobedient to the word of com-
mand, it is possible-but I scorn to threaten any free and independent
elector of Woodstock. Ha ! ha !
" I am, your master's son,
" Alfred Spencer Churchill."
OPENING OF THE RAILWAY PARLIAMENT.
When we hear of Railways being carried along the streets of
London supported on the iron posts of the gas-lamps, and other inge-
nious contrivances; when we tumble over surveyors at every turn,
taking levels, and sometimes unexpectedly finding their own by a
sudden collision with somebody coming sharp round a corner ; when
all this is going on in the streets of London, we feel quite certain
that there must be a Railway Parliament; that is to say, a
Parliament devoting itself exclusively to Railway business, entirely
separate from the legislature employed in the ordinary work of the
Session. Every established line should be allowed to send two-
members, while the new schemes should each return a representative,
the privilege of voting being conferred on those who have paid their
deposits. The Stag districts might perhaps be allowed one member
to protect their interests; and every person who had signed his
name to a deed for any one else, should be considered a bona fide
Stag for election purposes. In the debates the members could allude
to each other, as the honourable representatives of the line that
might have returned them ; or, if in the Upper House, the titles of
Lord Thames Embankment, the Marquis of Central Terminus,
Baron Broad Gauge, and Earl Atmospheric, would be extremely
appropriate. The absorbing interest of Railways renders a Railway
Parliament absolutely indispensable, and we recommend the forma-
tion of one at the earliest possible period. London is apparently to be
laced with iron-work, and we really believe that the thoroughfares
have all been blocked up to give the engineers an excuse and oppor-
tunity for taking levels, or calculating gradients, without being
disturbed by the traffic. We saw with our own eyes an eminent
engineer making an estimate of the mean inclination of Holborn
Hill, standing in the middle of the road amid the cries of " Now,
spooney i" " Can't you get out of the way, stupid ? " and a hundred
other complimentary exclamations from the passing cads and cab-
drivers. We have Metropolitan Junctions that are to go all round
London without going into it—a convenience that those who are m
the habit of taking a circuit of the entire outskirts of London will
duly appreciate, and there is to be a line to run people up and
down Milbauk, where nobody goes, with an extension to the Temple