Punch (13.1847)

72

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

Qlfyt Bmf\ of ttjc Butl

Some people a clause

Would insert in our laws,
Which already quite amply absurd are :

These good people tore willing,

In a duel, that killing
Should be reckon'd as " Killing no Murder.'

They say, that in vain

Has the capital pain
Been against the offender enacted,

When we know very well,

As it lately befel,
That it ne'er, by a chance, is cxacted.

In law, as in fact,

Let the duellist's act
As a species of murder be reckoned;

Let the principals 'scape,

Bat hang up by the nape,
Without mercy, each knave ol a second.

Such being the rule,

Let fool fight with fool;
For—like innocent crackers exploding—

We may prophesy this,

That the pistols will miss,
Whilst the seconds take care of the loading.

To learn the "gun-trick"

Will seconds be quick,
And the duels that any one's shot on

Will but rarely befal,

Whdst a " friend " adds the bail
(If he daresl to gunpowder or cotton.

PUNCH'S PRIZE NOVELISTS.

CRINOLINE.

by JE— mes TL—sh, esq

gloarus, libberal, and peasable country. In one word, Jools de.
Chacabac was a penny-a-liner.

"I will go see with my own I's," he said, "that infimus hiland of
which the innabitants are shop-keepers, gorged with roast beef and
treason. I will go and see the murderers of the Hirish, the pisoners of
the Chynese, the villians who put the Hemperor to death in Saintyleany.
the artful dodges who wish to smother Europe with their cotton, and
can't sleep or rest heasy for henvy and hatred of the great inwinsabh
French nation. I will lgsammin, face to face, these hotty insularies ; )
will pennytrate into the secrets of their Jessywhittickle cabinet, ant;
beard Palmerston in his denn." When he jumpt on shor at Foaxtoi
(after having been tremenguously sick in the four-cabbing), he exclaimed,
" Enfin je te tiens, He maudite ! je te crache a la figure, vieille Angleterre .'
Je te foule a mes pieds an nam du monde outrage" and so proseaded lo-
in wade the metropulus.

As he wisht to micks with the very chicest sosiaty, and git the best
of infmation about this country, Munseer Jools of coarse went and
lodgd in Lester Square—Lester Squarr, as he calls it—which, as he was
inlommed in the printed suckular presented to him by a very greasy
but polite comishner at the Custumus Stares, was in the scenter of the
town, contiggus to the Ouses of Parlyment, the prinsple Theayters, the
Parx, St. Jams Pallice, and the Corts of Lor. " I can surwhey them
all at one cut of the eye," Jools thought; "the Sovring, the infamus
Ministers plotting the destruction of my immortial country; the busi-
ness and pleasure of these pusproud Londoners and aristoxy • I can
look round and see all." So he took a three-pair back in a French
hotel, the Hotel de 1'Ail, kep by Monsieur Gigotot, Cranbourne
Street, Lester Squarr, London.

In this Otell there's a billiard room on the first floor, and atabbledoat
at eighteenpence peredd at 5 o'clock • and the landlord, who kern into'
Jools's room smoakin a segar, told the young gent that the house was
friquent^d by all the Brittish nobillaty, who reglar took their dinners
there. "They can't ebide their own quiseen," he said. "You'll see
what a dinner we'll serve you to-day." Jools wrote off to his paper—
" The members of the haughty and luxurious English aristocracy,,
like all the rest of the world, are obliged to fly to France for the in-
dulgence of their luxuries. The nobles of England, quitting their
homes, their wives, miladies and mislriss, so fair but so cold, dine uni-
versally at the tavern. That from which I write is frequented by Peel
and Palmeeston. I fremis to think that I may meet them at the
board to day."

Singlar to say, Peel and Palmerston didn't dine at the Hotel de
l'Ad on that evening. " Its quite igstronnary they don't come," said.
Munseer de l'Ail."

"Peraps they're ingaged at some boxing match, or some combaic de
cock," Munseer Jools sejested; and the landlord egreed that was very
likely.

I'm not at libbaty to divulj | Instedd of English there was, however, plenty of foring sociaty, of
the reel names of the 2 every nation under the sun. Most of the noblemen were great hama-

tures of hale and porter. The tablecloth was marked over with brown
suckles, made by the pewter pots on that and the privious days.

"It is the usage here," wrote Jools to his newspaper, "among the
Anglais of the fashonne to absorb immense quantities of ale and porter
during their meals. These stupefying, but cheap, and not unpalatable
liquors are served in shining pewter vessels. A mug of foaming hafanuf
(so a certain sort of beer is called), was placed by the side of most of the

that this singlar story of
rewmantic love, absobb-
ing pashn, and likewise
of genteel life, is, in the
mam fax, trew. The
suckmstanzas I elude to,
ocurd in the rain of our
presnt GratiousMadjisty
and her beluvd and roil
Concert Prince Hal-

bert.

Welthen. Some time
in the seazen of 18—(mor
I dar not rewheel) there
arrived in this metropu-
lus, per seknd class of
the London and Dover
Railway, an ellygant young foring gentleman, whom I shall danomminate
Munseer Jools De Chacabac.

Having read through the Vicker of Wackfield in the same oridganal
English tung, in which this very harticle I write is wrote too, and halways
been remarkyble, both at collidge and in the estamminy, for his aytred
and orror of perfldgus Halbion, MunjAser Jools was considered by the
prapriretors of the newspaper in which he wrote, at Parris, the very
man to come to this country, igsamin its manners and customs, cast an'i
upon the politticle and fmanshle stat of the Hempire, and igspose the
mackynations of the infymus Palmerston, and the ebomminable Sir
Till—both enemies of France, as is every other Britten of that great,

Eroes of the igstrawny
Tail which I am abowt
to relait to those un-
lightnd paytrons of leta-
rature and true conny-
shures of merrit — the
great Brittish public— ;

But I pledj my varacity j convives. I was disappointed of seeing Sir Peel : he was engaged to a.

combat of cocks which occurs at Windsor."

Not one word of English was spoke during this dinner, exep when the
gentlemen said " Garsong de fafanaf" but Jool was very much pleased'
to meet the eleet of the foringers in town, and ask their opinion about
the reel state of thinx. Was it Ukely that the Bishops were to be
turned out of the Chambre des Communes ? Was it true that Lor
Palmerston had boxed with Lor Broghamm in the House of Lords,,
until they were sepparayted by the Lor Maire ? Who was the Lor
Maire ? 'Wasn't he Premier Minister ? and wasn't the Archeveqwe
de Cantorbery a Quaker ? He got answers to these questions from
the various gents round about during the dinner—which, he remarked,,
was very much bke a French dinner, only dirtier. And he wrote off all
the infamation he got to his newspaper.

"The Lord Maire, Lord Lansdowne, is Premier Ministre. His-
Grace has his dwelling in the City. The Archbishop of Cantabery is
not turned Quaker, as some people stated. Quakers may not marry nor
sit in the Chamber of Peers. The minor Bishops have seats in the
House of Commons, where they are attacked by the bitter pleasantries
of Lord Brougham. A boxer is in the House; he taught Palmerston
the science of the pugilate, who conferred upon him the seat," &c. &c.

His writing hover, Jools came down and ad a gaym at pool with
two Poles, a Bulgian, and 2 of his own countrymen. This bemg done
amidst more hafanaf, without which nothink is done in England, and
as there was no French play that night, he & the two French gents
walked round and round Lester Squar smoking segaws in the faces of
other French gents who were smoaking 2. And they talked about the
granjer of France and the perfidgusness of England, and looked at the
aluminated pictur of Madame Wharton as Haryadney, till bed-time.