DOI issue:
January to June, 1851
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16607#0031
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 23
to wear out, or to be spoilt, or broken; and,
in short, that everything ought to last for
ever
PLAYING AT CHANCERY.
That a poor lone woman is never to have
any pleasure, but always, always, to stop at
home, and "mind her children"—{I'm tired
of such nonsense).
That the wish to go to the Opera is to be
the sure prelude to a quarrel.
That their daughters can learn music,
painting, playing, dancing, and all the accom-
plishments, without the aid of a single master.
That the expenses of one's household do
not increase with one's family, but, rather,
that ten children can be supported for the
same cost as one.
That no husband is perfect, like Hercules,
without his club, and that the less a wife sees
of her husband, the fonder she actually grows
of him.
That it is a pleasure for us to sit up for
them.
Our fair correspondent says, she thinks the
above Fallacies are enough for the present,
and we certainly agree with her; but if the
gentlemen show any more of their airs, she %// u j auu ^"^> ^^..^^
declares that she will give them a lot more. | ^7^A^^o^^^>T~ C^^*^'Wia\M\?^ /OTsLXll > were JomiS gentlemen
home for the holidays, who
Fashionable Intelligence.
(From our own Correspondent.)
Among the equipages in the Park last
Sunday, it was rumoured that Mr. Dunup
was observed in a Clarence and pair; but, on
inquiry, the rumour proved only partially
correct, for Me,. Duntjp, instead of having
turned out a Clarence and pair, had turned
out himself in a new pair of Clarences.
HE subjoined extract from
an arrangement for "Law
Sittings," announced the
other day in the Morning
Post, might suggest a plea-
sing picture:—
" Before Master Horne. —
Orphan Asylum v. Stokoe.
'" Before Master Brougham.
—Barber v. Moulsey ; Moul-
sey v. Barber.
" Before Master Richards.
— Barker v. Greenwood ;
Speyer v. Thomsok, &c.
" Before Master Humphrey.
—"Williams v. Miller," &c,
&c, &c.
Were not the reader
aware that Chancery is
no child's play, he might
imagine that Master
Horne, Master Brough-
am, Master Richards,
and Master Humphrey,
had got up some mimic
equity suits, for the pur-
pose of amusing them-
selves and a " distinguish-
ed circle." Imagination
naturally views them with
chubby cheeks and little fat limbs, and curly locks peeping out under their wigs; and claps
wings to their backs, turning Master Brougham (confounded with his more famous relative)
into a Cupid, and Masters Richards, Humphrey, and Horne into tombstone cherubs.
And really, though these sittings are not held in the Vacation for the diversion of innocents,
perhaps there is about as much business done at them as if they were.
WHY CAN'T THEY LEAYE US ALONE IN THE
HOLYDAYS ?
" From Home, as yet. 10 th January.
espected Mr. Punch,—I am
a young gentleman of good
family, and exceedingly gentle
disposition, and at present at
home for the Christmas holy-
days with my dear Papa and
Mamma. I believe I am not
considered clever at school,
being always last in my class :
and the Doctor, the Usher,
the French Master, and all
the boys, except Tibbs Mini-
mus (who is only six, and in
the last form with me) beat
me and ill use me a great deal.
And it's a great shame that
I for my part am not allowed
to whop Tibbs Minimus, which
I could, being 14 myself last-
birthday ; but that nasty hrute
Tibbs Minor says he'll thrash
me if I do—and it's very unkind of him ; for, when he was a child in
petticoats, and I was ten, and he was in the last class with me, I never
beat him, as I easily could have done, and now the unkind boy is always
attacking and wooriting me.
" 1 cannot do lessons and that, Mr. Punch: for when the Dr. calls me
up my tongue cleaves to the roof of my mouf, V m so fritned: and same
way in French, and same in Arythmetic; and I can't fight like some
boys, because I'm a nervous boy: but the big boys keep me awake
telling stories to 'em all night; and 1 knowewr so many, and am always
making stories in my head; and somehow I feel that I'm better than
many of the chaps—only I can't do anything. And they chaff me and
laugh at me because I'm afraid of being in the dark and seeing ghosts
and that, which I can't help it. My mamma had a fright before I was
born, and that's what it is, I suppose.
* Sir, I am very miserable at school with everybody licking me • and
hate the place: and the going back to it.—and the idear of it altogether.
Why was schools ever invented P When I'm at my dear home with
dear Ma and sisters, and in bed as long as I choose, and wish twice to
meat, or three times, if I bke ; and I walk in the Park, and go to see
a lovely Pantamime j and so I lose the horrid thought of school; and
it's only in my dreams, sometimes, I see that abommanable old
Doctor.
" What I want you to do in the interest of all School Boys, is to
stop the Times in holy time from publishing those advertisements about
schools. On this day, Wednesday, jest against the leading article,
there's no less than 2 columns of schools; and Papa, who's always
jokin' and chaffin' me, reads 'em out, and says, 'Tom, how'd you like
this ?—Education of a superior kind, Birchwood Briars. No extras,
no holydays.' Or, ' Tom, here's a chance for you—To Laundresses.
A schoolmaster wishes to receive into his establishment the Son of a
respectable Laundress, on reciprocal terms. Address,' &c. 'My dear,'
Pa says to dear Ma, 'what a pity you wasn't a washerwoman, and we
could get this stupid boy educated for nothing.' I'm sure I've been
mangled enough by that bully, Bob Cuef, if 1 hav'n't been ironed and
hung up to dry! Or, ' To Booksellers, Grocers, Butchers, and Bakers.
—In a well-appreciated seminary, within five miles of London, the
children of the above tradesmen will be received. The whole of the
school account will be taken in goods.' And Pa wonders if he were to
send back our calf with me in our cart, and one of our sheep, whether
the Doctor would take them in payment of the quarter's account?
And then he says that one calf ought to pay for another, and laughs
and makes me miserable for the whole day.
" And next week my pleasures, 1 know, will be dampt by reading
the Christmas Vacation of the Chipping-Rodbury Grammar School will
conclude on the 24th inst., when the boys are expected to reassemble;
the young gentlemen of Dr. Bloxam's Academy will meet on the25th;
or Mr. Broomback's young friends will reassemble alter the Christmas
recess; or so and so. Why are these horrid thoughts always to be
brought before us ? I'm sure, at Christmas time, managers of news-
papers might be kind and keep these horrid advertisements out of sight.
And if our uncles, and people who come to our house, when we 're at
home for the holydays, would but be so obliging as never to mention school,
or make jokes about flogging, or going back, or what we have for
dinner, or that, I'm sure we should be very much the happier, and
you won't have heard in vain from your wretched reader,
" Under Petty."
a batch op proofs.
The proof of a pudding is in the eating :
The proof of a woman is in making a pudding:
And the proof of a man is in being able to dine withonl one.
to wear out, or to be spoilt, or broken; and,
in short, that everything ought to last for
ever
PLAYING AT CHANCERY.
That a poor lone woman is never to have
any pleasure, but always, always, to stop at
home, and "mind her children"—{I'm tired
of such nonsense).
That the wish to go to the Opera is to be
the sure prelude to a quarrel.
That their daughters can learn music,
painting, playing, dancing, and all the accom-
plishments, without the aid of a single master.
That the expenses of one's household do
not increase with one's family, but, rather,
that ten children can be supported for the
same cost as one.
That no husband is perfect, like Hercules,
without his club, and that the less a wife sees
of her husband, the fonder she actually grows
of him.
That it is a pleasure for us to sit up for
them.
Our fair correspondent says, she thinks the
above Fallacies are enough for the present,
and we certainly agree with her; but if the
gentlemen show any more of their airs, she %// u j auu ^"^> ^^..^^
declares that she will give them a lot more. | ^7^A^^o^^^>T~ C^^*^'Wia\M\?^ /OTsLXll > were JomiS gentlemen
home for the holidays, who
Fashionable Intelligence.
(From our own Correspondent.)
Among the equipages in the Park last
Sunday, it was rumoured that Mr. Dunup
was observed in a Clarence and pair; but, on
inquiry, the rumour proved only partially
correct, for Me,. Duntjp, instead of having
turned out a Clarence and pair, had turned
out himself in a new pair of Clarences.
HE subjoined extract from
an arrangement for "Law
Sittings," announced the
other day in the Morning
Post, might suggest a plea-
sing picture:—
" Before Master Horne. —
Orphan Asylum v. Stokoe.
'" Before Master Brougham.
—Barber v. Moulsey ; Moul-
sey v. Barber.
" Before Master Richards.
— Barker v. Greenwood ;
Speyer v. Thomsok, &c.
" Before Master Humphrey.
—"Williams v. Miller," &c,
&c, &c.
Were not the reader
aware that Chancery is
no child's play, he might
imagine that Master
Horne, Master Brough-
am, Master Richards,
and Master Humphrey,
had got up some mimic
equity suits, for the pur-
pose of amusing them-
selves and a " distinguish-
ed circle." Imagination
naturally views them with
chubby cheeks and little fat limbs, and curly locks peeping out under their wigs; and claps
wings to their backs, turning Master Brougham (confounded with his more famous relative)
into a Cupid, and Masters Richards, Humphrey, and Horne into tombstone cherubs.
And really, though these sittings are not held in the Vacation for the diversion of innocents,
perhaps there is about as much business done at them as if they were.
WHY CAN'T THEY LEAYE US ALONE IN THE
HOLYDAYS ?
" From Home, as yet. 10 th January.
espected Mr. Punch,—I am
a young gentleman of good
family, and exceedingly gentle
disposition, and at present at
home for the Christmas holy-
days with my dear Papa and
Mamma. I believe I am not
considered clever at school,
being always last in my class :
and the Doctor, the Usher,
the French Master, and all
the boys, except Tibbs Mini-
mus (who is only six, and in
the last form with me) beat
me and ill use me a great deal.
And it's a great shame that
I for my part am not allowed
to whop Tibbs Minimus, which
I could, being 14 myself last-
birthday ; but that nasty hrute
Tibbs Minor says he'll thrash
me if I do—and it's very unkind of him ; for, when he was a child in
petticoats, and I was ten, and he was in the last class with me, I never
beat him, as I easily could have done, and now the unkind boy is always
attacking and wooriting me.
" 1 cannot do lessons and that, Mr. Punch: for when the Dr. calls me
up my tongue cleaves to the roof of my mouf, V m so fritned: and same
way in French, and same in Arythmetic; and I can't fight like some
boys, because I'm a nervous boy: but the big boys keep me awake
telling stories to 'em all night; and 1 knowewr so many, and am always
making stories in my head; and somehow I feel that I'm better than
many of the chaps—only I can't do anything. And they chaff me and
laugh at me because I'm afraid of being in the dark and seeing ghosts
and that, which I can't help it. My mamma had a fright before I was
born, and that's what it is, I suppose.
* Sir, I am very miserable at school with everybody licking me • and
hate the place: and the going back to it.—and the idear of it altogether.
Why was schools ever invented P When I'm at my dear home with
dear Ma and sisters, and in bed as long as I choose, and wish twice to
meat, or three times, if I bke ; and I walk in the Park, and go to see
a lovely Pantamime j and so I lose the horrid thought of school; and
it's only in my dreams, sometimes, I see that abommanable old
Doctor.
" What I want you to do in the interest of all School Boys, is to
stop the Times in holy time from publishing those advertisements about
schools. On this day, Wednesday, jest against the leading article,
there's no less than 2 columns of schools; and Papa, who's always
jokin' and chaffin' me, reads 'em out, and says, 'Tom, how'd you like
this ?—Education of a superior kind, Birchwood Briars. No extras,
no holydays.' Or, ' Tom, here's a chance for you—To Laundresses.
A schoolmaster wishes to receive into his establishment the Son of a
respectable Laundress, on reciprocal terms. Address,' &c. 'My dear,'
Pa says to dear Ma, 'what a pity you wasn't a washerwoman, and we
could get this stupid boy educated for nothing.' I'm sure I've been
mangled enough by that bully, Bob Cuef, if 1 hav'n't been ironed and
hung up to dry! Or, ' To Booksellers, Grocers, Butchers, and Bakers.
—In a well-appreciated seminary, within five miles of London, the
children of the above tradesmen will be received. The whole of the
school account will be taken in goods.' And Pa wonders if he were to
send back our calf with me in our cart, and one of our sheep, whether
the Doctor would take them in payment of the quarter's account?
And then he says that one calf ought to pay for another, and laughs
and makes me miserable for the whole day.
" And next week my pleasures, 1 know, will be dampt by reading
the Christmas Vacation of the Chipping-Rodbury Grammar School will
conclude on the 24th inst., when the boys are expected to reassemble;
the young gentlemen of Dr. Bloxam's Academy will meet on the25th;
or Mr. Broomback's young friends will reassemble alter the Christmas
recess; or so and so. Why are these horrid thoughts always to be
brought before us ? I'm sure, at Christmas time, managers of news-
papers might be kind and keep these horrid advertisements out of sight.
And if our uncles, and people who come to our house, when we 're at
home for the holydays, would but be so obliging as never to mention school,
or make jokes about flogging, or going back, or what we have for
dinner, or that, I'm sure we should be very much the happier, and
you won't have heard in vain from your wretched reader,
" Under Petty."
a batch op proofs.
The proof of a pudding is in the eating :
The proof of a woman is in making a pudding:
And the proof of a man is in being able to dine withonl one.