DOI issue:
January to June, 1851
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16607#0153
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
145
A PEETTY TUNE FOR A ROMISH ORGAN.
UNCH must unequivocally con-
demn one mode of attack some-
times resorted to against Popery,
— namely, misrepresentation.
There is nothing in warfare so
base and dastardly: poisoned
arrows, red-hot shot, are fair and
honourable weapons to the shafts
of calumny. JN ow, for instance,
with a view to prejudice the
faith of a body of high-minded
gentlemen in the House of
Commons, it is very shameful
to represent their religion as
obliging them systematically to
impede the progress of public
affairs, not only in opposing the
Ecclesiastical Titles Bill, but by
striving generally to embarrass
the Government. It is disgrace-
ful to say—as if asserting Roman
Catholic principles—that,
" Besides this, it is the duty of the
Irish members to be obstructive in
every other department of public busi-
ness ; to dabble in finance, law reform,
colonial reform, foreign affairs, and to
occupy the time of the House as much
as possible with questions, motions,
amendments, speeches, and the other
manoeuvres of a Parliamentary
guerilla."
If this is the line of policy
which Roman Catholicism pre-
scribes to its professors, as legislators,—if it requires them to behave in this unscrupulous manner,
more like a set of perverse and vexatious women than a body of rational individuals—to vote against
their own convictions and to the national detriment, for the indirect promotion, by indirect _ means,
of the supposed interests of their Church;—if their religion obliges them to practise such villany as
this, the plain inference is, that they have no business in the House of Commons at all, and a case is
clearly made out for the repeal of the Emancipation Bill. But no. Let us be fair in our opposition, at
any rate. Let us not dress up Roman Catholicism as a monster to excite animosity against it, as
Nero disguised the early Christians in the skins of wild beasts, and then baited them. No. We
won't do that.
Again, it is surely a cruel slander to represent the Roman Catholic mind as breathing such a spirit
of malignant and outrageous detraction, and hatred, and disrespect for constituted authorities, as is
evinced in the following extract relative to Loud John Russell :—
" He is a man of small precedents; and, as there is still a Catholic Lord Staffoed, perhaps the Premier might consider him
to have a prescriptive title to the block; or, .for the sake of variety, would he plunge his knife into the bowels of some
other innocent victim ? "
We really must disown the Protestant who would put forward language, replete, as the two
foregoing specimens, with profligacy and violence, as expressive of Roman Catholic sentiments. We
must leave him to be stigmatised as a shameless calumniator,—a wilful impugner of the known truth,—
a deceitful, malicious, abandoned heretic,—to be branded, in short, in every possible way, except, we
will say, with the actual cautery.
But, soft!—as the hero says in the minor drama. Gentle reader, the precious paragraphs above
quoted, are copied from the Tablet newspaper, which professes to be the organ of Roman Catholicism!
A petition for deliverance from friends, one would think should be added to the invocations of the
Roman Litany.
FORMATION OF THE EARTH.
We have been watching the progress of the Earth for several days past, in Leicester Square, and have
arrived at the following conclusions, built upon the premises, as far as they are advanced in that Arabia
Petrsea of all Wyld spots in England.
The primary strata of the Earth consisted of oyster shells, old marrow-bones, lobster claws, and
broken bricks. Occasionally, a defunct dog or cat was found with them. These were mingled with
decayed shrubs and small mounds of mud, relieved with bright fragments of crockery ware, and picked
out here and there with a perfect specimen of a ginger-beer bottle.
These formed the foundation; but as it was supposed that the Earth would have a very uneasy seat of
it, if it rested upon nothing stronger than the above heterogeneous compound, the whole mass was
carted away, and a stronger foundation laid down, of bricks firmly cemented with mortar. Upon this
foundation, six feet deep, does the World now rest.
The shape of the Earth partakes very much of the appearance of a lady's powder-box; or it may be
said to resemble a compressed Colosseum. But as the Earth alters in appearance every minute, and
grows visibly in size every day, it would be hasty and premature on our part to say just at present what
the Earth is like, or what it is ultimately like to be. Accordingly, we reserve our opinion.
In altitude the Earth reaches as high as the garret windows of the Linwood Gallery. In width it
could easily gallop down Piccadilly without breaking a shop-window on either side. What the thimble
is to the pea, so is St. Paul's to the circumference of the Earth.
But, as galloping down Piccadilly implies a sense of motion, we must distinctly state that the Earth,
so far from revolving, is as stationary as Smithfield Market, or any other London nuisance can be ; and
that no order from a policeman, if such a thing was to be found on the surface of the Earth, could
induce it to "move on." This is
lucky for the human beings that live
round the Earth, as one of the revo-
lutions would instantly bring their
houses about their ears, in a way as
summary as the Erench Revolutions
have proved to the Orleans, the
Bourbon, and other Houses, since fallen
completely to the ground.
The Earth has but one Pole, and
that is one on which a flag is flying
from the summit, or chimney, or ven-
tilator, or whatever the small orifice
may be that is on the top, like the slit
in a money-box.
The Centre of the Earth is occupied
by a plaster statue of one of England's
kings on horseback, but which king is
on horseback our geological researches
have not enabled us to discover, for
we have not yet penetrated into the
interior.
The only persons that at present
inhabit the Earth are a few carpenters
and glaziers, who walk upon it_ by
means of ladders—a very inconvenient
way of walking, if a person had to
travel for many days to distant climes.
What the products of the Earth may
be, we cannot take upon ourselves to
say; but we are told that the interior
is entirely filled with hoarding, pre-
viously to the monster casts taking
possession of it. This brings it some-
what into relationship with the Earth
we ourselves inhabit, where we know
too well that hoarding is the occupa-
tion of a very large caste of men. The
monster casts, we are told, are taken
from moulds, in which respect the
Model Earth differs from our own,
where the mould is all on the outside.
The Earth has already cost a world
of money, is just four weeks old, and
is expected to last three years; after
which period it will be taken to pieces,
and sold for rubbish.
We had nearly forgotten to state
that the principal deposits of the
Earth will be the money paid at the
door. Its mineral products will be
silver and gold; but no diggings will
be allowed for the discovery of the
latter in the regions of California.
We have only as yet scratched up
the ground of this very fertile subject,
and so shall take the liberty of return-
ing to the Earth in a day or two.
A Pretty Scale of Prices.
A fashionable Portrait Painter,
whose name it would not be fair to his
many rivals to mention, when asked
what are his terms, invariably answers:
—"I have no scale of prices. In fact,
I generally leave it open to the libera-
lity of my patrons. I have but one
rule to guide me in taking likenesses,
and that, to be candid, is, ' Handsome
is, who Handsome does.'"
What an April Fool!
A young correspondent, who writes
on the 1st of Aprd, says he has been
directed by his friends to inquire of us,
"What kind of fish is the Poisson
d'Jvrilf" We have the greatest
pleasure in informing our juvenile cor-
respondent that the fish in question is
a very odd fish, and in its general cha-
racteristics is supposed to be very like
a whale!
145
A PEETTY TUNE FOR A ROMISH ORGAN.
UNCH must unequivocally con-
demn one mode of attack some-
times resorted to against Popery,
— namely, misrepresentation.
There is nothing in warfare so
base and dastardly: poisoned
arrows, red-hot shot, are fair and
honourable weapons to the shafts
of calumny. JN ow, for instance,
with a view to prejudice the
faith of a body of high-minded
gentlemen in the House of
Commons, it is very shameful
to represent their religion as
obliging them systematically to
impede the progress of public
affairs, not only in opposing the
Ecclesiastical Titles Bill, but by
striving generally to embarrass
the Government. It is disgrace-
ful to say—as if asserting Roman
Catholic principles—that,
" Besides this, it is the duty of the
Irish members to be obstructive in
every other department of public busi-
ness ; to dabble in finance, law reform,
colonial reform, foreign affairs, and to
occupy the time of the House as much
as possible with questions, motions,
amendments, speeches, and the other
manoeuvres of a Parliamentary
guerilla."
If this is the line of policy
which Roman Catholicism pre-
scribes to its professors, as legislators,—if it requires them to behave in this unscrupulous manner,
more like a set of perverse and vexatious women than a body of rational individuals—to vote against
their own convictions and to the national detriment, for the indirect promotion, by indirect _ means,
of the supposed interests of their Church;—if their religion obliges them to practise such villany as
this, the plain inference is, that they have no business in the House of Commons at all, and a case is
clearly made out for the repeal of the Emancipation Bill. But no. Let us be fair in our opposition, at
any rate. Let us not dress up Roman Catholicism as a monster to excite animosity against it, as
Nero disguised the early Christians in the skins of wild beasts, and then baited them. No. We
won't do that.
Again, it is surely a cruel slander to represent the Roman Catholic mind as breathing such a spirit
of malignant and outrageous detraction, and hatred, and disrespect for constituted authorities, as is
evinced in the following extract relative to Loud John Russell :—
" He is a man of small precedents; and, as there is still a Catholic Lord Staffoed, perhaps the Premier might consider him
to have a prescriptive title to the block; or, .for the sake of variety, would he plunge his knife into the bowels of some
other innocent victim ? "
We really must disown the Protestant who would put forward language, replete, as the two
foregoing specimens, with profligacy and violence, as expressive of Roman Catholic sentiments. We
must leave him to be stigmatised as a shameless calumniator,—a wilful impugner of the known truth,—
a deceitful, malicious, abandoned heretic,—to be branded, in short, in every possible way, except, we
will say, with the actual cautery.
But, soft!—as the hero says in the minor drama. Gentle reader, the precious paragraphs above
quoted, are copied from the Tablet newspaper, which professes to be the organ of Roman Catholicism!
A petition for deliverance from friends, one would think should be added to the invocations of the
Roman Litany.
FORMATION OF THE EARTH.
We have been watching the progress of the Earth for several days past, in Leicester Square, and have
arrived at the following conclusions, built upon the premises, as far as they are advanced in that Arabia
Petrsea of all Wyld spots in England.
The primary strata of the Earth consisted of oyster shells, old marrow-bones, lobster claws, and
broken bricks. Occasionally, a defunct dog or cat was found with them. These were mingled with
decayed shrubs and small mounds of mud, relieved with bright fragments of crockery ware, and picked
out here and there with a perfect specimen of a ginger-beer bottle.
These formed the foundation; but as it was supposed that the Earth would have a very uneasy seat of
it, if it rested upon nothing stronger than the above heterogeneous compound, the whole mass was
carted away, and a stronger foundation laid down, of bricks firmly cemented with mortar. Upon this
foundation, six feet deep, does the World now rest.
The shape of the Earth partakes very much of the appearance of a lady's powder-box; or it may be
said to resemble a compressed Colosseum. But as the Earth alters in appearance every minute, and
grows visibly in size every day, it would be hasty and premature on our part to say just at present what
the Earth is like, or what it is ultimately like to be. Accordingly, we reserve our opinion.
In altitude the Earth reaches as high as the garret windows of the Linwood Gallery. In width it
could easily gallop down Piccadilly without breaking a shop-window on either side. What the thimble
is to the pea, so is St. Paul's to the circumference of the Earth.
But, as galloping down Piccadilly implies a sense of motion, we must distinctly state that the Earth,
so far from revolving, is as stationary as Smithfield Market, or any other London nuisance can be ; and
that no order from a policeman, if such a thing was to be found on the surface of the Earth, could
induce it to "move on." This is
lucky for the human beings that live
round the Earth, as one of the revo-
lutions would instantly bring their
houses about their ears, in a way as
summary as the Erench Revolutions
have proved to the Orleans, the
Bourbon, and other Houses, since fallen
completely to the ground.
The Earth has but one Pole, and
that is one on which a flag is flying
from the summit, or chimney, or ven-
tilator, or whatever the small orifice
may be that is on the top, like the slit
in a money-box.
The Centre of the Earth is occupied
by a plaster statue of one of England's
kings on horseback, but which king is
on horseback our geological researches
have not enabled us to discover, for
we have not yet penetrated into the
interior.
The only persons that at present
inhabit the Earth are a few carpenters
and glaziers, who walk upon it_ by
means of ladders—a very inconvenient
way of walking, if a person had to
travel for many days to distant climes.
What the products of the Earth may
be, we cannot take upon ourselves to
say; but we are told that the interior
is entirely filled with hoarding, pre-
viously to the monster casts taking
possession of it. This brings it some-
what into relationship with the Earth
we ourselves inhabit, where we know
too well that hoarding is the occupa-
tion of a very large caste of men. The
monster casts, we are told, are taken
from moulds, in which respect the
Model Earth differs from our own,
where the mould is all on the outside.
The Earth has already cost a world
of money, is just four weeks old, and
is expected to last three years; after
which period it will be taken to pieces,
and sold for rubbish.
We had nearly forgotten to state
that the principal deposits of the
Earth will be the money paid at the
door. Its mineral products will be
silver and gold; but no diggings will
be allowed for the discovery of the
latter in the regions of California.
We have only as yet scratched up
the ground of this very fertile subject,
and so shall take the liberty of return-
ing to the Earth in a day or two.
A Pretty Scale of Prices.
A fashionable Portrait Painter,
whose name it would not be fair to his
many rivals to mention, when asked
what are his terms, invariably answers:
—"I have no scale of prices. In fact,
I generally leave it open to the libera-
lity of my patrons. I have but one
rule to guide me in taking likenesses,
and that, to be candid, is, ' Handsome
is, who Handsome does.'"
What an April Fool!
A young correspondent, who writes
on the 1st of Aprd, says he has been
directed by his friends to inquire of us,
"What kind of fish is the Poisson
d'Jvrilf" We have the greatest
pleasure in informing our juvenile cor-
respondent that the fish in question is
a very odd fish, and in its general cha-
racteristics is supposed to be very like
a whale!