DOI Heft:
January to June, 1851
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16607#0170
162
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
MR. BRIGGS
RIDES
HIS MATCH.
His Friends recommend him a little Jumping
Mr. Briggs i- Weighed, op course. Powder.
CAXTON'S GHOST TO DR. MILMAN.
" My Dear Dean,
" Before your promotion from St. Margaret's, Westminster,
to the Cathedral, St Paul's, you stirred yourself in the laudable
endeavour to erect a monument of some sort to the memory of the first
English printer,—namely, myself, William Caxton. Now, we here in
the Shades—whatever your mundane philosophy may say to the con-
trary—are very much interested in the memories we leave behind us ;
very susceptible of the ill-treatment that the ingratitude of posterity
visits upon us. Thus, Nelson now and then fires up, as he could fire,
when from a new-comer he learns the unfinished condition of his
column; and even George the Third takes it unkind of posterity
that his copper pigtail, opposite Ransom's, is not kept as bright as the
gold in Ransom's coffers. Well, my worthy Dean, it is this spectral
weakness that urges me to put to you this simple question—
" Doctor Mil-man, Dean of St. Paul's, what do you propose to do
with the money, subscribed some years since, towards the Caxton
Monument ?
" I am told that a good round sum was collected. Poets and scholars
spared somewhat from their light pockets, whilst enthusiastic printers,
luce Messrs. Clowes—proud of their Caxton—threw down their
hundred pounds!
" Now, Doctor, putting away any bashfulness that may, even in my
present condition, linger about me,—I must ask of you, do you propose
to re-open the matter ? Is William Caxton to have a monument, or
are the sums subscribed to be returned—a very tedious and difficult
operation, by the way—to the donors ?
" I am told, when the monumental question was first opened, that
you, with poetic mind, suggested the adoption of a light and a fountain
to the memory of Caxton, as significant of the benefits of Caxton's
art to darkened and thirsting man. Permit me to offer another plan in
memory of my individual self.
" You are now Dean of the City Cathedral; and though, as a late
parishioner of Westminster, my monument ought to stand somewhere
near that ' side chapel of the Abbey' where my press creaked,—never-
theless, I will not reject the hospitality of St. Paul's. Have you
money enough in hand to buy me a good, stout, working-day statue
in stone ? If not, let me have a vera effigies in wax. Madame Tussaud
tells me that such an article may be turned out of hand on the most
moderate terms; and a wax-work statue of William Caxton would,
no doubt, add to the wonders of your Cathedral, and make the show a
still better twopenny-worth than is at present afforded by your
exhibition.
" Any way, a monument of some sort I will have—a monument of
marble, wax, or ginger-bread, or—depend upon it, Mr. Dean—you shall
again and again hear from
" The Ghost of Caxton.
"P. S. I have this moment heard that the St. Paul's twopence is
abolished; and that Mr. Punch — for his prowess in the twopenny
warfare—is to be invited to a solemn festival given by the repentant
Dean and Chapter. Is this true ? "
An Eligible Opening.
We have seen an advertisement in the papers headed with the
striking words, " Close of the Arctic Regions." We trust that be-
fore the- Arctic Regions really do close, we shall have some further
particulars, as the whole world is interested in keeping open this im-
portant No-thoroughfare.
THE OFFICIAL YEAR.
It seems that the 7th of April is the first day of the official year, and
may be looked upon, therefore, as a sort of New Year's Day at
Downing Street. _ We do not understand why the 7th of April should
be selected, and, indeed, it seems to us that the 1st would be quite as
appropriate. Why cannot official people commence their year when
other people do, instead of beginning more than ninety days after the
fair, when the rest of the world has entered upon its second quarter ?
We suppose that one of the reasons why nothing is done during the
two first months of the assembling of Parliament is, that the official
year has not commenced, and that the time has therefore not arrived
for business.
We beg to suggest the publication of an official almanack to enlighten
us as to the progress of time; for, perhaps, when we are lamenting that
we are half through the year.—without anything having been accom-
plished—we are, officially speaking, only just commencing the twelve-
month. We are afraid, however, that though the official year is
extremely slow to begin, it is quite as rapid as the ordinary time in its
flight, and that the year is consequently very soon over.
A new time-table should be immediately constructed for the use ot
the uninitiated, among whom we must acknowledge ourselves to be
numbered, though, if we may venture on a guess, we think the table to
calculate official time would be something after the following fashion:
Two Minutes make . .... One Official Hour.
Two Hours .... ... One Official Day.
Two Days........ One Official Week.
Two Weeks........ One Official Month.
Two Months .... . One Official Quarter
Two Quarters .... ... One Official Year.
In addition to the time-table proposed above, we would recommend a
sort of official calendar, marking down all the moveable feasts, including
the Ministerial White-bait Dinner, and other great solemnities of an
official character.
THAT "POOR CREATURE, THE POPE."
Father Newman has been glorifying, at Leeds, the celestial powers
of the Pope, in commemoration of certain converts made there. The
Father, with the meekness and truthfulness of his order, said:
" Why, they (the Protestants) had seen the holy father, the Pope, driven from Rome,
and obliged to take refuge elsewhere; they had seen him persecuted by his own
people, and had said, ' Here is a poor creature—he can do nothing!' They (the Roman
Catholics) took them at their word. It was true the Pope was not strong in this world ;
but if he was not strong in this world, and yet was strong, he suspeoted his strength
must come, not from this, but from some other world."
How beautifully true is this ! The Pope was taken from Gaeta to
Naples, and thence to Rome, by a sublime army, armed with celestial
weapons. The bayonets that again hoisted him into the chair of St.
Peter's (here Lady Morgan shakes her head) were forged of divine
temper—the bullets were manna, doing the duty of lead—the swords,
converted sunbeams, fighting the fight of Impius the Ninth.
There can be no doubt of the celestial nature of the weapons ; but—
we confess to the perplexity—we are much puzzled to learn how French
soldiers, in their gross mortality, managed to get hold of them. What
Archangel was Minister of Holy War on the blessed occasion ?
market removals.
Smithfield Market is to be removed, we know not where. But had
Ferrand been returned for Aylesbury, there is no doubt that Billings-
gate would have gone to Westminster.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
MR. BRIGGS
RIDES
HIS MATCH.
His Friends recommend him a little Jumping
Mr. Briggs i- Weighed, op course. Powder.
CAXTON'S GHOST TO DR. MILMAN.
" My Dear Dean,
" Before your promotion from St. Margaret's, Westminster,
to the Cathedral, St Paul's, you stirred yourself in the laudable
endeavour to erect a monument of some sort to the memory of the first
English printer,—namely, myself, William Caxton. Now, we here in
the Shades—whatever your mundane philosophy may say to the con-
trary—are very much interested in the memories we leave behind us ;
very susceptible of the ill-treatment that the ingratitude of posterity
visits upon us. Thus, Nelson now and then fires up, as he could fire,
when from a new-comer he learns the unfinished condition of his
column; and even George the Third takes it unkind of posterity
that his copper pigtail, opposite Ransom's, is not kept as bright as the
gold in Ransom's coffers. Well, my worthy Dean, it is this spectral
weakness that urges me to put to you this simple question—
" Doctor Mil-man, Dean of St. Paul's, what do you propose to do
with the money, subscribed some years since, towards the Caxton
Monument ?
" I am told that a good round sum was collected. Poets and scholars
spared somewhat from their light pockets, whilst enthusiastic printers,
luce Messrs. Clowes—proud of their Caxton—threw down their
hundred pounds!
" Now, Doctor, putting away any bashfulness that may, even in my
present condition, linger about me,—I must ask of you, do you propose
to re-open the matter ? Is William Caxton to have a monument, or
are the sums subscribed to be returned—a very tedious and difficult
operation, by the way—to the donors ?
" I am told, when the monumental question was first opened, that
you, with poetic mind, suggested the adoption of a light and a fountain
to the memory of Caxton, as significant of the benefits of Caxton's
art to darkened and thirsting man. Permit me to offer another plan in
memory of my individual self.
" You are now Dean of the City Cathedral; and though, as a late
parishioner of Westminster, my monument ought to stand somewhere
near that ' side chapel of the Abbey' where my press creaked,—never-
theless, I will not reject the hospitality of St. Paul's. Have you
money enough in hand to buy me a good, stout, working-day statue
in stone ? If not, let me have a vera effigies in wax. Madame Tussaud
tells me that such an article may be turned out of hand on the most
moderate terms; and a wax-work statue of William Caxton would,
no doubt, add to the wonders of your Cathedral, and make the show a
still better twopenny-worth than is at present afforded by your
exhibition.
" Any way, a monument of some sort I will have—a monument of
marble, wax, or ginger-bread, or—depend upon it, Mr. Dean—you shall
again and again hear from
" The Ghost of Caxton.
"P. S. I have this moment heard that the St. Paul's twopence is
abolished; and that Mr. Punch — for his prowess in the twopenny
warfare—is to be invited to a solemn festival given by the repentant
Dean and Chapter. Is this true ? "
An Eligible Opening.
We have seen an advertisement in the papers headed with the
striking words, " Close of the Arctic Regions." We trust that be-
fore the- Arctic Regions really do close, we shall have some further
particulars, as the whole world is interested in keeping open this im-
portant No-thoroughfare.
THE OFFICIAL YEAR.
It seems that the 7th of April is the first day of the official year, and
may be looked upon, therefore, as a sort of New Year's Day at
Downing Street. _ We do not understand why the 7th of April should
be selected, and, indeed, it seems to us that the 1st would be quite as
appropriate. Why cannot official people commence their year when
other people do, instead of beginning more than ninety days after the
fair, when the rest of the world has entered upon its second quarter ?
We suppose that one of the reasons why nothing is done during the
two first months of the assembling of Parliament is, that the official
year has not commenced, and that the time has therefore not arrived
for business.
We beg to suggest the publication of an official almanack to enlighten
us as to the progress of time; for, perhaps, when we are lamenting that
we are half through the year.—without anything having been accom-
plished—we are, officially speaking, only just commencing the twelve-
month. We are afraid, however, that though the official year is
extremely slow to begin, it is quite as rapid as the ordinary time in its
flight, and that the year is consequently very soon over.
A new time-table should be immediately constructed for the use ot
the uninitiated, among whom we must acknowledge ourselves to be
numbered, though, if we may venture on a guess, we think the table to
calculate official time would be something after the following fashion:
Two Minutes make . .... One Official Hour.
Two Hours .... ... One Official Day.
Two Days........ One Official Week.
Two Weeks........ One Official Month.
Two Months .... . One Official Quarter
Two Quarters .... ... One Official Year.
In addition to the time-table proposed above, we would recommend a
sort of official calendar, marking down all the moveable feasts, including
the Ministerial White-bait Dinner, and other great solemnities of an
official character.
THAT "POOR CREATURE, THE POPE."
Father Newman has been glorifying, at Leeds, the celestial powers
of the Pope, in commemoration of certain converts made there. The
Father, with the meekness and truthfulness of his order, said:
" Why, they (the Protestants) had seen the holy father, the Pope, driven from Rome,
and obliged to take refuge elsewhere; they had seen him persecuted by his own
people, and had said, ' Here is a poor creature—he can do nothing!' They (the Roman
Catholics) took them at their word. It was true the Pope was not strong in this world ;
but if he was not strong in this world, and yet was strong, he suspeoted his strength
must come, not from this, but from some other world."
How beautifully true is this ! The Pope was taken from Gaeta to
Naples, and thence to Rome, by a sublime army, armed with celestial
weapons. The bayonets that again hoisted him into the chair of St.
Peter's (here Lady Morgan shakes her head) were forged of divine
temper—the bullets were manna, doing the duty of lead—the swords,
converted sunbeams, fighting the fight of Impius the Ninth.
There can be no doubt of the celestial nature of the weapons ; but—
we confess to the perplexity—we are much puzzled to learn how French
soldiers, in their gross mortality, managed to get hold of them. What
Archangel was Minister of Holy War on the blessed occasion ?
market removals.
Smithfield Market is to be removed, we know not where. But had
Ferrand been returned for Aylesbury, there is no doubt that Billings-
gate would have gone to Westminster.