DOI Heft:
July to December, 1851
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16608#0158
146
PUNCH. OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI
THE NEW GROOM. f
Gentleman. " Do you mean to say that you understand the Care op Horses ?
Boy. " Well, Sir, I had ought to—for 1 've been amongst 'em all my Life."
Enough to Bring on Premature
Decay!
We read that a Parliamentary Com-
mittee has been sitting- for the last
seven years on Westminster Bridge.
Now, as we all know what a very
heavy thing a Parliamentary Com-
mittee is, it cannot be much wondered
at if the Bridge has been regularly
sinking under it. It says a great deal
for the strength of the structure that
it has not sunk long ago. But few
metropolitan buddings would be able
to stand up again, after a Parlia-
mentary Committee had been sitting
upon it for seven years. By-the-by,
we wish the experiment could be
tried, as soon as possible, upon the
National Gallery—first removing the
pictures to some place of safety. If
Trafalgar Square is "the finest site
in Europe," it is a thousand pities it
should have its sight weakened by
such a tremendous eye-sore as the
National Gallery. By all means get
a Parliamentary Committee to sit
upon it!
Tractarian Wiseacres.
Because the Archbishop op Can-
terbury will not deny the validity
of the ordination of foreign Protes-
tant Clergymen, the Puseyites are
abusing him for a latitudinarian. The
gentlemen who, in this instance, have
discovered the latitude, are not very
likely to find out the longitude.
THE ITTZFUNKS IN FRANCE.
The Prench President, taking especial care that no harm shall come
to the Republic, has given orders for a general registry of that mis-
chievous and unprofitable body of people, the resident English in
la belle France. We feel humiliated by the knowledge of the fact that
a conspiracy did exist—it is now crushed, like the broken egg of a
cockatrice—to seize the person of Louis Napoleon, and to convey it
far from France (the very island in the Pacific was confidentially named
as the future prison); and this diabolic plot—we blush again as we write
it—originated in the circle of an English family ! It would seem that
the hope, so darkly fostered, of the conspirators, was to bring back
Ledru Rollin at the very nick of the Presidential election. " Rovge
gagne " was the secret password of the traitors ! The plot had most
extensive ramifications, branching under the hearthstones of hundreds
of the English. Therefore, the President of the Republic can hardly be
accused of trepidation, in taking the strongest and most summary
means of defeating the conspirators. Let the reader, hasty to condemn
caution as pusillanimity, imagine himself now snug in cotton (gun-
powder cotton) in the Elysee, an object of a people's love, and of the
embraces of the dames de la Halle, and—presto !—dropt upon an island
"far amid the melancholy main," his rations raw turtle, cockles, and
cocoa-nuts ! For ourselves, friends of order, we heartily thank the
French President for his vigilance. We believe that he is every day
endearing himself to the ordained owners and masters of the human
race, the Francises, and Williams, and -Ferdinands, and Nonos.
Though as yet a humble lay-brother, he is doing their work submissively
and industriously ; and—who can doubt it ?—will have his abiding
reward.
The family of the Fitzfunks have long sojourned in France. Indeed,
Theophile Fitzfunk and Eulalie Fitzfunk were born in the Rue
St. Honore. Old Fitzfunk himself has forgotten half his English, and
in twenty years has learned just half his French. Mrs. or Madame Fitz-
funk.—she was the daughter of an attorney at Tadcaster—is tout-a-fait
Francaise. Nevertheless, this respected family—(the Fitzfunks have
had their house twice gutted by two revolutions,)—have been compelled
to wait a whole day at the gates of the Prefecture of Police to obtain
leave and permission to remain in Paris, to have, in the event of Revo-
lution No. 3, their household gods once more turned upon the pave.
Mr. Fitzfunk has been required to arm himself with four humili-
ating documents. No. 1, a passport! No. 2, a certificate of residence,
duly attested by the benevolent Commissarv of Police, residing in Fitz-
funk's quarter ! No. 3, a full and particular account of the means by
which he supports himself and family ; by funded property, or by the
ignoble sweat of his brow or brain. No. 4, a certificate that he is a
man of good conduct; moral, peaceable, and obedient to the law, as by
the President established.
_ Well, Mr. Fitzfunk complied with these formalities; and was then
directed to go straight home and wait for apermis de sejour, a sort of
ticket of residence; or for a notice to quit. For two days was the
household of the Fitzfunks in the most alarming state of anxiety lest
they should not be permitted, by the benevolence of the government, to
remain and lay out their income upon the tradesmen of Paris. Once
or twice old Fitzfunk grew savage, and the dormant patriot awaken-
ing in his breast, he clenched his fist, and looking up at the ceiling,
muttered someting about shaking the French dust from his shoes, and
betaking himself and Mrs. Fitzfunk to lay their bones in Tadcaster.
Whereupon, Mrs. Fitzfunk—who is the most patient of creatures—
mildly requested her husband not to make a fool of himself, as the
President—(she had herself seen him salute one of the market-women)
— was the most perfect gentleman, and, consulting the true interests of
France, would do the thing that was proper.
After another day and night passed in the most terrible suspense,
Mr. Fitzfunk received from the Commissary of Police, his permis de
sejour. Yes ; all honour to the enlightened policy of the President.
The English Fitzfdnks are graciously permitted to spend every
farthing of their income in la belle et bonne France !
An Idea for Greek Street.
There is a loud and general outcry against the delay in constructing
proper sewers for the metropolis. Old commissioners have been
superseded, and new commissioners appointed without effect; but we
have one plan to recommend, which we think might answer the end so
much desired. Let the matter be turned over to the Income Tax Com-
missioners ; who must be able to drain our streets, or anything else, if
we may judge by their proficiency in the art of draining our pockets.
A Title for Hobbs.—"The Leviathan of Locks." [We insert
this out of respect for the learned Prelate from whom we have received
it; but we must really ask him how many of the readers of Punch does
he suppose are aware that Hobbes, the metaphysician, wrote a work
called the Ixviathan ?~\
PUNCH. OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI
THE NEW GROOM. f
Gentleman. " Do you mean to say that you understand the Care op Horses ?
Boy. " Well, Sir, I had ought to—for 1 've been amongst 'em all my Life."
Enough to Bring on Premature
Decay!
We read that a Parliamentary Com-
mittee has been sitting- for the last
seven years on Westminster Bridge.
Now, as we all know what a very
heavy thing a Parliamentary Com-
mittee is, it cannot be much wondered
at if the Bridge has been regularly
sinking under it. It says a great deal
for the strength of the structure that
it has not sunk long ago. But few
metropolitan buddings would be able
to stand up again, after a Parlia-
mentary Committee had been sitting
upon it for seven years. By-the-by,
we wish the experiment could be
tried, as soon as possible, upon the
National Gallery—first removing the
pictures to some place of safety. If
Trafalgar Square is "the finest site
in Europe," it is a thousand pities it
should have its sight weakened by
such a tremendous eye-sore as the
National Gallery. By all means get
a Parliamentary Committee to sit
upon it!
Tractarian Wiseacres.
Because the Archbishop op Can-
terbury will not deny the validity
of the ordination of foreign Protes-
tant Clergymen, the Puseyites are
abusing him for a latitudinarian. The
gentlemen who, in this instance, have
discovered the latitude, are not very
likely to find out the longitude.
THE ITTZFUNKS IN FRANCE.
The Prench President, taking especial care that no harm shall come
to the Republic, has given orders for a general registry of that mis-
chievous and unprofitable body of people, the resident English in
la belle France. We feel humiliated by the knowledge of the fact that
a conspiracy did exist—it is now crushed, like the broken egg of a
cockatrice—to seize the person of Louis Napoleon, and to convey it
far from France (the very island in the Pacific was confidentially named
as the future prison); and this diabolic plot—we blush again as we write
it—originated in the circle of an English family ! It would seem that
the hope, so darkly fostered, of the conspirators, was to bring back
Ledru Rollin at the very nick of the Presidential election. " Rovge
gagne " was the secret password of the traitors ! The plot had most
extensive ramifications, branching under the hearthstones of hundreds
of the English. Therefore, the President of the Republic can hardly be
accused of trepidation, in taking the strongest and most summary
means of defeating the conspirators. Let the reader, hasty to condemn
caution as pusillanimity, imagine himself now snug in cotton (gun-
powder cotton) in the Elysee, an object of a people's love, and of the
embraces of the dames de la Halle, and—presto !—dropt upon an island
"far amid the melancholy main," his rations raw turtle, cockles, and
cocoa-nuts ! For ourselves, friends of order, we heartily thank the
French President for his vigilance. We believe that he is every day
endearing himself to the ordained owners and masters of the human
race, the Francises, and Williams, and -Ferdinands, and Nonos.
Though as yet a humble lay-brother, he is doing their work submissively
and industriously ; and—who can doubt it ?—will have his abiding
reward.
The family of the Fitzfunks have long sojourned in France. Indeed,
Theophile Fitzfunk and Eulalie Fitzfunk were born in the Rue
St. Honore. Old Fitzfunk himself has forgotten half his English, and
in twenty years has learned just half his French. Mrs. or Madame Fitz-
funk.—she was the daughter of an attorney at Tadcaster—is tout-a-fait
Francaise. Nevertheless, this respected family—(the Fitzfunks have
had their house twice gutted by two revolutions,)—have been compelled
to wait a whole day at the gates of the Prefecture of Police to obtain
leave and permission to remain in Paris, to have, in the event of Revo-
lution No. 3, their household gods once more turned upon the pave.
Mr. Fitzfunk has been required to arm himself with four humili-
ating documents. No. 1, a passport! No. 2, a certificate of residence,
duly attested by the benevolent Commissarv of Police, residing in Fitz-
funk's quarter ! No. 3, a full and particular account of the means by
which he supports himself and family ; by funded property, or by the
ignoble sweat of his brow or brain. No. 4, a certificate that he is a
man of good conduct; moral, peaceable, and obedient to the law, as by
the President established.
_ Well, Mr. Fitzfunk complied with these formalities; and was then
directed to go straight home and wait for apermis de sejour, a sort of
ticket of residence; or for a notice to quit. For two days was the
household of the Fitzfunks in the most alarming state of anxiety lest
they should not be permitted, by the benevolence of the government, to
remain and lay out their income upon the tradesmen of Paris. Once
or twice old Fitzfunk grew savage, and the dormant patriot awaken-
ing in his breast, he clenched his fist, and looking up at the ceiling,
muttered someting about shaking the French dust from his shoes, and
betaking himself and Mrs. Fitzfunk to lay their bones in Tadcaster.
Whereupon, Mrs. Fitzfunk—who is the most patient of creatures—
mildly requested her husband not to make a fool of himself, as the
President—(she had herself seen him salute one of the market-women)
— was the most perfect gentleman, and, consulting the true interests of
France, would do the thing that was proper.
After another day and night passed in the most terrible suspense,
Mr. Fitzfunk received from the Commissary of Police, his permis de
sejour. Yes ; all honour to the enlightened policy of the President.
The English Fitzfdnks are graciously permitted to spend every
farthing of their income in la belle et bonne France !
An Idea for Greek Street.
There is a loud and general outcry against the delay in constructing
proper sewers for the metropolis. Old commissioners have been
superseded, and new commissioners appointed without effect; but we
have one plan to recommend, which we think might answer the end so
much desired. Let the matter be turned over to the Income Tax Com-
missioners ; who must be able to drain our streets, or anything else, if
we may judge by their proficiency in the art of draining our pockets.
A Title for Hobbs.—"The Leviathan of Locks." [We insert
this out of respect for the learned Prelate from whom we have received
it; but we must really ask him how many of the readers of Punch does
he suppose are aware that Hobbes, the metaphysician, wrote a work
called the Ixviathan ?~\