DOI Heft:
July to December, 1851
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16608#0210
198
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
COAL AND KOH-I-NOOR.
i Being a Dialogue Punch heard in the Crystal
Palace.)
The Crystal Fount was sleeping,
And hushed the merry tune
Of its streams, that, tired of leaping,
Lay broad beneath the moon;
And near, two Shades were keeping
Their watch at midnight's noon.
One, a giant, smirched and wizened,
Uncouth aDd huge of size ;
Like a great furnace glistened
The red fire in his eyes ;
In his voice methought I listened
To a volcano's sighs.
The other was a maiden
Of beauty dusk and dim,
Luscious, and languor-laden.
Was flung each rounded limb ;
'Mid shawls, and hair gold-braiden,
Her eyes did flash and swim.
Koh-i-Noor Gnome.
Do homage to my beauty;
The diamonds' Queen am I;
Fealty, and Faith, and Duty,
Bow down when I go by:
But thou art scarred and sooty,
And loathsome to come nigh.
Coal Gnome.
Though lovely to the gazer,
Maiden, I may not be,
Greater than King or Kaiser,
I travel land and sea;
Nature, and what obeys her,
Are subject unto me.
Koh-i-Noor Gnome.
Much blood hath flowed around me ;
I've lit men to their graves ;
Their conqueror conquerors found me ;
I have turned saints to knaves;
Though many lords have bound me,
My masters are my slaves.
Coal Gnome.
Now, list to my rehearsing, Peace at my birth presided;
As I tell you, sooth and sure, 1 forged her chariot wheel;
Of the Indian maid's commercing
With the giant dark and dour—
Of the Gnome of the Coal conversing
With the Gnome of the Koh-i-Noor.
Though to ill hands confided,
1 've toiled at murd'rous steel,
The loom by me is guided,
And turned the rattling reel.
Koh-i-Noor Gnome.
I bask in Beauty's splendour,
With her breast I fall and rise,
More light my rays can lend her
Than her own sun-bright eyes;
And when all men commend her,
The praise is mine likewise.
Coal Gnome.
The poor man's dress I cheapen,
I cheer the poor man's hearth ;
Tunnel and mine I deepen,
Bring wealth from under earth;
By me the corn is reapen,
Ground, baked, and stored 'gainst dearth.
Koh-i-Noor Gnome.
It was a cage all golden
That high for me they raised,
And my bars were still enfolden
By a crowd that gaped and gazed.
I was weary of being beholden,
And weary of being praised.
Coal Gnome.
These crystal bays that sunder
Those western engine piles,
From where the organ's thunder
Rolls through yon eastern aisles—
This palace, with all. its wonder
Is my work of leisure whiles.
ANOTHER DEMAND FOR JUSTICE.
" Mr. Punch,
" After the neglect I have experienced, it's of no use at all
to appeal to the lloyal Commissioners; not the least. I shan't petition
Parliament, or trouble Prince Albert. I scorn such means. I appeal
to you for justice, which I feel sure is my only plan.
" All sorts of people have .been (knighted, and have had medals and
honourably-mentioneds, and all that—and been asked to Windsor, and
received bracelets, and letters autographed and lithographed—except me.
Not that I would take a knighthood, mark you—not I. That would be
putting myself on the level of an Alderman or a Sheriff—if nothing better
came with it; and City men, though they do boast of their feasts and
their eating and drinking, I look down upon from my loftier position
with contempt. But I have not even been offered that. Mr. Paxton
planned the building, and a very beautiful thing it's been, and he
deserves all that he's got or will get—and more. Then there's Cubitt
—he told them how to put the thing together; and then there's Fox—
(I speak of 'em in this familiar, matter-of-fact way, because they 're all
friends of mine)—there's Fox, I say, he built it all up—iron, and glass,
and the rest—and trouble enough it was, no doubt. But what's their
trouble and labour to mine ? Nobody knows what I have gone through ;
and nobody could know till the whole thing was finished. But now the
sum total's been made out, just look at it. Just look here, Mr. Punch
—see it all in black and white, I say, and then tell me who has had the
toughest work to do :—
Authorised Statement of the quantity and kinds of Refreshments supplied in the Central
Court (under the Transept) of the Great Exhibition, and to the adjoining Exhibitors'
Dining-Room, exclusive of food sold in the Eastern and Western Refreshment Courts.
grea(j _ 21536 f q,Hll'te™ Chocolate . . . 3,783 pounds
' \ loaves
Biscuits . ... 3,783
Penny Cottage Loaves . 57,528
French Rolls . . 7,617
Banbury Cakes . . 31,070
Threepenny Pound > npn-^
Cakes . . J- <3fa'9o°
Currant Pound Cakes . 28,828 pounds
Savoy Cakes . . . '20,415 „
Italian Cakes . . 2,197 „
Bath Buns . . . 311,731
Plain Buns . . 460,667
Coffee . . 9,181 pounds
Soda Water 40,869
Lemonade 130,698
Ginger Beer 365,050
Total - 536.617 bottles
Milk . . . . 17,257 quarts
Cream .... 14,047 „
Pickles • . 1,046 gallons
Rough Ice . . 180 tons
Salt . . . . 16 „
Potatoes ... SO „
Ham . . . 29 „
Meat .... 113 „
"Did you ever eat three thousand seven hundred and eighty-three
captain's biscuits, Sir, and no beer allowed ? And then the pound-
cake—that 's dry work, too, let me tell you, when you have to get
through thirty-six thousand pounds weight of it. That with the plums
was a little easier; but even plum-cake, when you have to dispose of it
by the hundred-weight, is no joke. Then there's the sandwiches—
(don't mention it, but between you and me, they never could have been
all got ready, if the Reaping Machine hadn't been brought to bear, to
cut the twenty-four thousand five hundred and thirty-six quartern
loaves into slices, whilst the Illustrated News Machine spread the
mustard.)—It was, indeed, warm work, though I say it;—but the ice—
the hundred and eighty tons of ice—enough to make a fine Alpine
avalanche, or an awkward Polar berg—helped to keep me cool through
the continued effort. And through it all I got: the three hundred and
sixty-five thousand bottles of ginger-beer, (Ugh!) the lemonade, the
milk, the soda-water, the cream, the mixed pickles, buns (plain and
Bath), the salt, the coffee, the potatoes, the chocolate, ham, penny-
loaves, Banbury-cakes, and all. And yet—when will the world be just r
—here I stand, Mr. Punch, un-decorated, un-knighted, un-medalled,
un-honourable-mentioned, un-C. B.-ed; and unsatisfied,
"But always yours,
" The Appetite of All Nations."
PROPOSAL FOR A NEW GOOSE CLUB.
ur readers are aware that the period has
arrived, when the homely goose, depicted
in water-colours, announces to the neigh-
bourhood from the windows of public-
houses, that a " Goose Club " is in course
of formation within.
Punch proposeth to establish a New
Goose Club, whereof the commercial
principle shall be the same, but whereof
the ultimate benefit will be to the sub-
scribers much greater.
The common Goose Club undertaketk,
for the weekly sixpence of instalment, to
provide to the subscriber at Christmas, a
Goose and a bottle of Gin.
Punch proposeth to receive an instal-
ment, but to provide to the subscriber
something more nutritious than goose,
something more beneficial than gin.
For Punch proposeth that the Fast Man, or the Idle Youth, shall pay
his weekly sixpence, and that at Christmas he shall receive some de-
lectable intellectual nutriment, highly beneficial to him. Let thctast
Man, or Idle Youth, pay his sixpence, and receive—
A Copy of Whately's Logic !
A Copy of the Vicar of Wakefield !
Consider, my brethren, the sad intellectual destitution that prevailed
amongst you—the long Christmas nights, wherein the tedium oi vacancy
will make you mutiny against the nature of things, and blasphemously
declare this noble Planet "slow!" Consider this, my brethren—and
subscribe
This is' the true Goose Club—which doth not propose the slaughter
of the Goose, but rather the benefit, and improved condition of the
same.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
COAL AND KOH-I-NOOR.
i Being a Dialogue Punch heard in the Crystal
Palace.)
The Crystal Fount was sleeping,
And hushed the merry tune
Of its streams, that, tired of leaping,
Lay broad beneath the moon;
And near, two Shades were keeping
Their watch at midnight's noon.
One, a giant, smirched and wizened,
Uncouth aDd huge of size ;
Like a great furnace glistened
The red fire in his eyes ;
In his voice methought I listened
To a volcano's sighs.
The other was a maiden
Of beauty dusk and dim,
Luscious, and languor-laden.
Was flung each rounded limb ;
'Mid shawls, and hair gold-braiden,
Her eyes did flash and swim.
Koh-i-Noor Gnome.
Do homage to my beauty;
The diamonds' Queen am I;
Fealty, and Faith, and Duty,
Bow down when I go by:
But thou art scarred and sooty,
And loathsome to come nigh.
Coal Gnome.
Though lovely to the gazer,
Maiden, I may not be,
Greater than King or Kaiser,
I travel land and sea;
Nature, and what obeys her,
Are subject unto me.
Koh-i-Noor Gnome.
Much blood hath flowed around me ;
I've lit men to their graves ;
Their conqueror conquerors found me ;
I have turned saints to knaves;
Though many lords have bound me,
My masters are my slaves.
Coal Gnome.
Now, list to my rehearsing, Peace at my birth presided;
As I tell you, sooth and sure, 1 forged her chariot wheel;
Of the Indian maid's commercing
With the giant dark and dour—
Of the Gnome of the Coal conversing
With the Gnome of the Koh-i-Noor.
Though to ill hands confided,
1 've toiled at murd'rous steel,
The loom by me is guided,
And turned the rattling reel.
Koh-i-Noor Gnome.
I bask in Beauty's splendour,
With her breast I fall and rise,
More light my rays can lend her
Than her own sun-bright eyes;
And when all men commend her,
The praise is mine likewise.
Coal Gnome.
The poor man's dress I cheapen,
I cheer the poor man's hearth ;
Tunnel and mine I deepen,
Bring wealth from under earth;
By me the corn is reapen,
Ground, baked, and stored 'gainst dearth.
Koh-i-Noor Gnome.
It was a cage all golden
That high for me they raised,
And my bars were still enfolden
By a crowd that gaped and gazed.
I was weary of being beholden,
And weary of being praised.
Coal Gnome.
These crystal bays that sunder
Those western engine piles,
From where the organ's thunder
Rolls through yon eastern aisles—
This palace, with all. its wonder
Is my work of leisure whiles.
ANOTHER DEMAND FOR JUSTICE.
" Mr. Punch,
" After the neglect I have experienced, it's of no use at all
to appeal to the lloyal Commissioners; not the least. I shan't petition
Parliament, or trouble Prince Albert. I scorn such means. I appeal
to you for justice, which I feel sure is my only plan.
" All sorts of people have .been (knighted, and have had medals and
honourably-mentioneds, and all that—and been asked to Windsor, and
received bracelets, and letters autographed and lithographed—except me.
Not that I would take a knighthood, mark you—not I. That would be
putting myself on the level of an Alderman or a Sheriff—if nothing better
came with it; and City men, though they do boast of their feasts and
their eating and drinking, I look down upon from my loftier position
with contempt. But I have not even been offered that. Mr. Paxton
planned the building, and a very beautiful thing it's been, and he
deserves all that he's got or will get—and more. Then there's Cubitt
—he told them how to put the thing together; and then there's Fox—
(I speak of 'em in this familiar, matter-of-fact way, because they 're all
friends of mine)—there's Fox, I say, he built it all up—iron, and glass,
and the rest—and trouble enough it was, no doubt. But what's their
trouble and labour to mine ? Nobody knows what I have gone through ;
and nobody could know till the whole thing was finished. But now the
sum total's been made out, just look at it. Just look here, Mr. Punch
—see it all in black and white, I say, and then tell me who has had the
toughest work to do :—
Authorised Statement of the quantity and kinds of Refreshments supplied in the Central
Court (under the Transept) of the Great Exhibition, and to the adjoining Exhibitors'
Dining-Room, exclusive of food sold in the Eastern and Western Refreshment Courts.
grea(j _ 21536 f q,Hll'te™ Chocolate . . . 3,783 pounds
' \ loaves
Biscuits . ... 3,783
Penny Cottage Loaves . 57,528
French Rolls . . 7,617
Banbury Cakes . . 31,070
Threepenny Pound > npn-^
Cakes . . J- <3fa'9o°
Currant Pound Cakes . 28,828 pounds
Savoy Cakes . . . '20,415 „
Italian Cakes . . 2,197 „
Bath Buns . . . 311,731
Plain Buns . . 460,667
Coffee . . 9,181 pounds
Soda Water 40,869
Lemonade 130,698
Ginger Beer 365,050
Total - 536.617 bottles
Milk . . . . 17,257 quarts
Cream .... 14,047 „
Pickles • . 1,046 gallons
Rough Ice . . 180 tons
Salt . . . . 16 „
Potatoes ... SO „
Ham . . . 29 „
Meat .... 113 „
"Did you ever eat three thousand seven hundred and eighty-three
captain's biscuits, Sir, and no beer allowed ? And then the pound-
cake—that 's dry work, too, let me tell you, when you have to get
through thirty-six thousand pounds weight of it. That with the plums
was a little easier; but even plum-cake, when you have to dispose of it
by the hundred-weight, is no joke. Then there's the sandwiches—
(don't mention it, but between you and me, they never could have been
all got ready, if the Reaping Machine hadn't been brought to bear, to
cut the twenty-four thousand five hundred and thirty-six quartern
loaves into slices, whilst the Illustrated News Machine spread the
mustard.)—It was, indeed, warm work, though I say it;—but the ice—
the hundred and eighty tons of ice—enough to make a fine Alpine
avalanche, or an awkward Polar berg—helped to keep me cool through
the continued effort. And through it all I got: the three hundred and
sixty-five thousand bottles of ginger-beer, (Ugh!) the lemonade, the
milk, the soda-water, the cream, the mixed pickles, buns (plain and
Bath), the salt, the coffee, the potatoes, the chocolate, ham, penny-
loaves, Banbury-cakes, and all. And yet—when will the world be just r
—here I stand, Mr. Punch, un-decorated, un-knighted, un-medalled,
un-honourable-mentioned, un-C. B.-ed; and unsatisfied,
"But always yours,
" The Appetite of All Nations."
PROPOSAL FOR A NEW GOOSE CLUB.
ur readers are aware that the period has
arrived, when the homely goose, depicted
in water-colours, announces to the neigh-
bourhood from the windows of public-
houses, that a " Goose Club " is in course
of formation within.
Punch proposeth to establish a New
Goose Club, whereof the commercial
principle shall be the same, but whereof
the ultimate benefit will be to the sub-
scribers much greater.
The common Goose Club undertaketk,
for the weekly sixpence of instalment, to
provide to the subscriber at Christmas, a
Goose and a bottle of Gin.
Punch proposeth to receive an instal-
ment, but to provide to the subscriber
something more nutritious than goose,
something more beneficial than gin.
For Punch proposeth that the Fast Man, or the Idle Youth, shall pay
his weekly sixpence, and that at Christmas he shall receive some de-
lectable intellectual nutriment, highly beneficial to him. Let thctast
Man, or Idle Youth, pay his sixpence, and receive—
A Copy of Whately's Logic !
A Copy of the Vicar of Wakefield !
Consider, my brethren, the sad intellectual destitution that prevailed
amongst you—the long Christmas nights, wherein the tedium oi vacancy
will make you mutiny against the nature of things, and blasphemously
declare this noble Planet "slow!" Consider this, my brethren—and
subscribe
This is' the true Goose Club—which doth not propose the slaughter
of the Goose, but rather the benefit, and improved condition of the
same.