DOI issue:
January to June, 1852
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16609#0027
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
19
RAILWAY MEETING IN CONSTANTINOPLE.
{From the Galata Gazette.)
Numerous and respectable
Meeting was held, a
few days since, at the
" Spicy Turban " Cof-
fee-house, Street of the
Water-pots, Constan-
tinople. The meeting
was not called for any
particular purpose, but
there was a general im-
pression, among those
who attended, that the
new Egyptian Railway
was to be the subject
of conversation, and
"if anything came of
it," as the promoters of
the meeting cautiously
worded the proposal,
" they would see what
happened next." This
programme, conceived
in an eminently na-
tional spirit, had been
published, orally, for some days, and so large was the attendance, that
the coffee-house keeper himself was actually obliged—with many male-
dictions on his misfortunes—to get up and assist his slaves in serving
sweetmeats and sherbet. This shows how incalculable is the influence
of the Railway, that mighty engine of intercourse, which—[Having
heard something of this kind before, we have ventured to compress
our respected contemporary.]
As there was no chair, nobody took it; but Slaphadjee Bey, pre-
ferring the stool near the fountain, made a motion (with his finger)
that the previous occupant should leave it. This motion did not fall to
the ground for want of seconding, because the original mover seconded it
with his foot; but the party most interested did. (Shouts of Afiert-
olmn !—May it do you good !)
The meeting smoked for two hours (the silence having been broken
only by an uncivil wish, by one of the party, in reference to the tomb xll a IHE rOOR xJAlLlJc p o.
of the father of a tobacconist who had sold him some exceptionable _ Tale of woe is not
tom-bok), after which— exactlv in Punch's
Slaphadjee Bey opened the business of the day, by remarking— // \\ . *
" Wallah Billah!" (Sensation.) jgk /f=d\ m the way per
Aiter a pause cf twenty minutes, the speaker resumed. Allah kerim, -^fBir A haps our readers
but we live in sharp times. Things alter every day. What once was </^l|f__ will 'nut un with
new is now old. (Applause?) Everything must be as it must. You a narrative which
cannot get coffee out of charcoal, nor roasted mutton out of the hind £g||j|| ^Bf^^^^^, is as brief as it
leg of an ass. (Applause.) Whose dog was Stephenson, that he iBfeJb ^t^^w^ is affecting
heard, and the box flew away of its own accord over the tops of
mountains, and into the deep bowels of the earth. At last it stopped,
and you were pulled out by soldiery; and those on whom Allah smiled
in their birth, received back their goods, or, it might be, received the
goods of others (but of less value); but to receive anything was the lot
of few, the goods being the spoil of the magicians. Along the road
stood fiends, with hands pointing the way in mockery, and these were
usually children of those who had been scalded or roasted by the con-
trivances of the magicians—sons, in fact, of burnt fathers. Demons,
with brass armour, and with eyes of carbuncles, larger than those of
Solomon himself, rolled hither and thither on wheels, spitting white
smoke, and whistling, and--
Slaphadjee Bey. Your face is darkened, 0 Bogaz, the lyingest old
man in Stamboul. Are we children ? Have we drunk wine ?
The preceding speaker intimated that, as far as he was concerned, no
such luck had occurred.
Slaphadjee Bey. How, then, child of many pumpkins ? Are we to
believe that these English have demons in their service ? Since when
have they shown themselves conjurors, I pray you? Are we donkeys,
and children of donkeys ? Is not my dentist a Erenchman ? may his
wrenching irons and other extortions be accursed! and has he not
spoken ? These English are made fools in all waters. Here, and by
the dogs of Athens, who were once our dogs, but are so no longer for
their sins. Also, in the waters of France, where my dentist informs me—
may his knives and his lancets enter into his own stomach!—no English
flag dares be seen. Also in the waters of the South, where terrible
black men, with spears a hundred yards long, even now pick them out
of their ships before they can land. These English are bosh—nothing,
nowhere: and who are you, with your lying wonders ? Speak, son of
stupefaction, and say at how many bottles of wine will you redeem your
ugly feet from the bastinado, as my tongue hungers and thirsts to
order you ?
Bogaz Kissalepj (humbly). Is it for me to stint my lord's drink, or
say when it shall cease ? Let the wine be brought: it is for him to cry
when he hath enough.
Slaphadjee Bey. Your face is whitened, 0 Bogaz, and shines like
the moon. Enough of these railways. Let the door be barred, that
scandal be not given to those well-meaning, but shallow persons, who,
not reading Al Koraun in a non-natural sense, deem wine prohibited to
the faithful. Mashallah—Look alive ! [Door and Scene close.
should teach the Faithful how to go on their journeys ? % n^^f^L The Hampshire
Wobblegaw Eppendi was of the same opinion as the last speaker, ylKSfcl <&&§%^ Independent re-
whose words, he said, were like the trickling of treacle from the bung- /Js|i|lk ^ \\ '^gBP lates that
hole of a cask. Backallum, we shall see—the meeting should see ; but f JfsPiIP*W '
these Franks talked like dragons. He had himself gone the journey ^T^^Wl^^^ "At Liverpool,a few
which the Frank now proposed to go in his newfangled manner. He ^Ifjr^jf \ * T^^^S rfffs' officers WdS
had crossed the sea—accursed be the days and nights !—in a Frankish
vessel, at great cost, and his very soul had been turned round within
him, until even brandy (Sensation), he meant sherbet, had lost its
sweetness to his mouth. The land-journey had taken him weeks, and
he had seen the faces of many moons, and now this Stephenson would
perform it in a few hours ! He would again remark, Backallum.
Howlop Skkonger (a barber) had heard much talk of these rail-
ways. So far as he could learn, they exactly resembled the Gehenna
of the Moslem, for you had flames and roaring sounds around you ; the
iron line on which you went was narrow as that of Al Sirat, and if you
got off it, you went, as an American patient had told him, to etarnal
smash. (Sensation, and cries of " Stafferillah ! "—Heaven forbid !)
LaPvUUPI Mush had been told that the Franks allowed their wives
to journey in this manner. This observation was the cause of con-
siderable delay in the business, as the allusion to the wives instantly
reminded every gentleman present of some anecdote illustrative of the
unworthiness of women, and the various narrations (interrupted for a
short time^by the hour of prayer) occupied a large part of the morning.
Bogaz Kissalepj said that he had spoken with the man who had
gone to the great Show, commanded by the King of England, in his new
Palace of Diamonds. That man had told him wonders, and he rather
believed he had heard lies, but they were pleasant as the jangling of the
bells of Paradise. Concerning these railways, they were the work of
magicians. If you entered them, you were stripped of your goods,
much money was taken of you, and you were forbidden, under dreadful
imprecations, to kindle your pipe. Thrust into a box, you sat on a seat
harder than the nether millstone, and then a scream* of a demon was
the steam-ship Baltic,
wh?n on the point of
Bailing Icr New York.
They stated that they
were in search of
an absconding debtor,
and as Captain Com-
stock refused to wait
till they found him,
they were carried off, notwithstanding all their entreaties to the contrary."
Poor fellows ! What must have been their suffering in being thus
severed from their wives and children! A bailiff must be more
sensitive than another man to the misery of such a separation, from
having been so often a witness of its attendant pangs. Think of the
melancholy situation of three men of a calling peculiarly contemptible
and odious in nautical eyes, friendless and helpless amongst a set of
derisive sailors! Imagine the coarse jests which would probably be
made on their features and their persuasion, if both the former and the
latter—as is most likely the case—were Hebrew ! Unthinking tars
do not consider that the employment of a sheriff's officer is a necessary
one: they regard as mere baseness the humility which is content to
accept it. Children of Israel in the hands of the Philistines, may too
truthfully be considered to represent the case of these unfortunates;
they were as the over-eager hawk that has imprisoned itself in the hen-
roost ; or the owl caught in the sunshine, m the midst of a flock of
sparrows.
Motto pop. the Submarine Telegraph.—" Vive La Ligne-"
19
RAILWAY MEETING IN CONSTANTINOPLE.
{From the Galata Gazette.)
Numerous and respectable
Meeting was held, a
few days since, at the
" Spicy Turban " Cof-
fee-house, Street of the
Water-pots, Constan-
tinople. The meeting
was not called for any
particular purpose, but
there was a general im-
pression, among those
who attended, that the
new Egyptian Railway
was to be the subject
of conversation, and
"if anything came of
it," as the promoters of
the meeting cautiously
worded the proposal,
" they would see what
happened next." This
programme, conceived
in an eminently na-
tional spirit, had been
published, orally, for some days, and so large was the attendance, that
the coffee-house keeper himself was actually obliged—with many male-
dictions on his misfortunes—to get up and assist his slaves in serving
sweetmeats and sherbet. This shows how incalculable is the influence
of the Railway, that mighty engine of intercourse, which—[Having
heard something of this kind before, we have ventured to compress
our respected contemporary.]
As there was no chair, nobody took it; but Slaphadjee Bey, pre-
ferring the stool near the fountain, made a motion (with his finger)
that the previous occupant should leave it. This motion did not fall to
the ground for want of seconding, because the original mover seconded it
with his foot; but the party most interested did. (Shouts of Afiert-
olmn !—May it do you good !)
The meeting smoked for two hours (the silence having been broken
only by an uncivil wish, by one of the party, in reference to the tomb xll a IHE rOOR xJAlLlJc p o.
of the father of a tobacconist who had sold him some exceptionable _ Tale of woe is not
tom-bok), after which— exactlv in Punch's
Slaphadjee Bey opened the business of the day, by remarking— // \\ . *
" Wallah Billah!" (Sensation.) jgk /f=d\ m the way per
Aiter a pause cf twenty minutes, the speaker resumed. Allah kerim, -^fBir A haps our readers
but we live in sharp times. Things alter every day. What once was </^l|f__ will 'nut un with
new is now old. (Applause?) Everything must be as it must. You a narrative which
cannot get coffee out of charcoal, nor roasted mutton out of the hind £g||j|| ^Bf^^^^^, is as brief as it
leg of an ass. (Applause.) Whose dog was Stephenson, that he iBfeJb ^t^^w^ is affecting
heard, and the box flew away of its own accord over the tops of
mountains, and into the deep bowels of the earth. At last it stopped,
and you were pulled out by soldiery; and those on whom Allah smiled
in their birth, received back their goods, or, it might be, received the
goods of others (but of less value); but to receive anything was the lot
of few, the goods being the spoil of the magicians. Along the road
stood fiends, with hands pointing the way in mockery, and these were
usually children of those who had been scalded or roasted by the con-
trivances of the magicians—sons, in fact, of burnt fathers. Demons,
with brass armour, and with eyes of carbuncles, larger than those of
Solomon himself, rolled hither and thither on wheels, spitting white
smoke, and whistling, and--
Slaphadjee Bey. Your face is darkened, 0 Bogaz, the lyingest old
man in Stamboul. Are we children ? Have we drunk wine ?
The preceding speaker intimated that, as far as he was concerned, no
such luck had occurred.
Slaphadjee Bey. How, then, child of many pumpkins ? Are we to
believe that these English have demons in their service ? Since when
have they shown themselves conjurors, I pray you? Are we donkeys,
and children of donkeys ? Is not my dentist a Erenchman ? may his
wrenching irons and other extortions be accursed! and has he not
spoken ? These English are made fools in all waters. Here, and by
the dogs of Athens, who were once our dogs, but are so no longer for
their sins. Also, in the waters of France, where my dentist informs me—
may his knives and his lancets enter into his own stomach!—no English
flag dares be seen. Also in the waters of the South, where terrible
black men, with spears a hundred yards long, even now pick them out
of their ships before they can land. These English are bosh—nothing,
nowhere: and who are you, with your lying wonders ? Speak, son of
stupefaction, and say at how many bottles of wine will you redeem your
ugly feet from the bastinado, as my tongue hungers and thirsts to
order you ?
Bogaz Kissalepj (humbly). Is it for me to stint my lord's drink, or
say when it shall cease ? Let the wine be brought: it is for him to cry
when he hath enough.
Slaphadjee Bey. Your face is whitened, 0 Bogaz, and shines like
the moon. Enough of these railways. Let the door be barred, that
scandal be not given to those well-meaning, but shallow persons, who,
not reading Al Koraun in a non-natural sense, deem wine prohibited to
the faithful. Mashallah—Look alive ! [Door and Scene close.
should teach the Faithful how to go on their journeys ? % n^^f^L The Hampshire
Wobblegaw Eppendi was of the same opinion as the last speaker, ylKSfcl <&&§%^ Independent re-
whose words, he said, were like the trickling of treacle from the bung- /Js|i|lk ^ \\ '^gBP lates that
hole of a cask. Backallum, we shall see—the meeting should see ; but f JfsPiIP*W '
these Franks talked like dragons. He had himself gone the journey ^T^^Wl^^^ "At Liverpool,a few
which the Frank now proposed to go in his newfangled manner. He ^Ifjr^jf \ * T^^^S rfffs' officers WdS
had crossed the sea—accursed be the days and nights !—in a Frankish
vessel, at great cost, and his very soul had been turned round within
him, until even brandy (Sensation), he meant sherbet, had lost its
sweetness to his mouth. The land-journey had taken him weeks, and
he had seen the faces of many moons, and now this Stephenson would
perform it in a few hours ! He would again remark, Backallum.
Howlop Skkonger (a barber) had heard much talk of these rail-
ways. So far as he could learn, they exactly resembled the Gehenna
of the Moslem, for you had flames and roaring sounds around you ; the
iron line on which you went was narrow as that of Al Sirat, and if you
got off it, you went, as an American patient had told him, to etarnal
smash. (Sensation, and cries of " Stafferillah ! "—Heaven forbid !)
LaPvUUPI Mush had been told that the Franks allowed their wives
to journey in this manner. This observation was the cause of con-
siderable delay in the business, as the allusion to the wives instantly
reminded every gentleman present of some anecdote illustrative of the
unworthiness of women, and the various narrations (interrupted for a
short time^by the hour of prayer) occupied a large part of the morning.
Bogaz Kissalepj said that he had spoken with the man who had
gone to the great Show, commanded by the King of England, in his new
Palace of Diamonds. That man had told him wonders, and he rather
believed he had heard lies, but they were pleasant as the jangling of the
bells of Paradise. Concerning these railways, they were the work of
magicians. If you entered them, you were stripped of your goods,
much money was taken of you, and you were forbidden, under dreadful
imprecations, to kindle your pipe. Thrust into a box, you sat on a seat
harder than the nether millstone, and then a scream* of a demon was
the steam-ship Baltic,
wh?n on the point of
Bailing Icr New York.
They stated that they
were in search of
an absconding debtor,
and as Captain Com-
stock refused to wait
till they found him,
they were carried off, notwithstanding all their entreaties to the contrary."
Poor fellows ! What must have been their suffering in being thus
severed from their wives and children! A bailiff must be more
sensitive than another man to the misery of such a separation, from
having been so often a witness of its attendant pangs. Think of the
melancholy situation of three men of a calling peculiarly contemptible
and odious in nautical eyes, friendless and helpless amongst a set of
derisive sailors! Imagine the coarse jests which would probably be
made on their features and their persuasion, if both the former and the
latter—as is most likely the case—were Hebrew ! Unthinking tars
do not consider that the employment of a sheriff's officer is a necessary
one: they regard as mere baseness the humility which is content to
accept it. Children of Israel in the hands of the Philistines, may too
truthfully be considered to represent the case of these unfortunates;
they were as the over-eager hawk that has imprisoned itself in the hen-
roost ; or the owl caught in the sunshine, m the midst of a flock of
sparrows.
Motto pop. the Submarine Telegraph.—" Vive La Ligne-"