DOI issue:
January to June, 1853
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16611#0147
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
139
~..r^ _, „ «. ^. Had presided at Courts Martial, and had had ample opportunities of
OUR INDIAN COMMISSION. forming an opinion on this point. Thought that new Furlough Regula-
"NTYT'itts 4." +1 i- u fL 1 tions ought to be granted, to enable young men to come home and see
JNAlu ub to throw hght on the +he vast improvements in every direction. Sees vast improvements
subject ol our Indian Empire, ; himself. Was particularly struck with New Oxford Street. Thinks
which the (jovemment seems ■ railways in India will never answer. It would require an army of
inclined to legislate tor on i Chokeedars to guard the line, and prevent the natives stealing the rails,
very imperfect information j A chokeedar is a watchman. Intends returning to India next
we have this week commenced | November and taking a Brigade command, if he can get one. Hopes
to get command of a Division in a few years. Thinks the Press of
India scurrilous and vile. Has seen in the newspapers an opinion,
that after sixty, Indian officers should be shelved. Considers that an
officer only begins to be fit for something when he reaches sixty-five.
Considers himself fit for anything. Is ready to take anything he
inquiry through our own
Indian Commission, and print
the first batch of evidence.
" Major Larkspur, of
H. M.'s— Regiment of Foot.
Served for six years in India.
Particularly observed the
country. Thought it a good
deal like Ireland, only hotter,
and the people not so well
clothed. Considered the Go-
vernment honourable enough;
they were always ready with
their pay for the troops.
Thought the dykes in some
of the principal stations ought
to be railed in: they were
dangerous at night to officers
returning from mess. Ob-
served the working of a
Cutcherry, or Court. Went there to ask the Magistrate for the loan
of an elephant, and a few men to beat the jungles, on a shooting excur-
sion. The Magistrate appeared hot and uncomfortable Did not
observe how justice was administered. Did not look. Had no doubt
it was all right. Could not say anything in favour of the Police.
Had a gun stolen, and never saw it again. Could not state whether
the people were oppressed or not; if they were, thought it was no
more than they deserved. Believes they are infernal liars. Knew
nothing of the Court of Directors, except from hearsay. The Court of
Directors were not the style of people he should like to be acquainted
with, unless he had lots of sons and lots of money, and wished to get
rid of both by sending the sons into the Bengal Army. Could suggest
several improvements and alterations in India. Would improve the
roads, and make the conveyance of mess stores less expensive.
Would alter the climate, and have the mean temperature 75 degrees in
the summer, instead of 102 and 110 degrees under punkahs. Thought
the passage to India was exorbitantly high. It was painful enough to
go out there at all, without the additional annoyance of having to
come down with a large sum."
" Captain Stifflip, of Her Majesty's — Regiment of Dragoons.
Had been five years in India. Thought the Company a low set. Had
a horse shot under him in the Punjaub campaign, and the Company
evaded giving compensation by a paltry quibble. Thought the system
of Government in India infamous in every respect. _ Would go to-
morrow to see every member of the -Court of Directors hanged.
Thought the Bengal Civil Service a mistake. Young civilians wore
moustaches. Had a contempt for any civilian who wore moustaches.
The men belonging to the Queen's regiments were shamefully used^
and so were their wives and families; while the sepoys were treated
with absurd indulgence. Sepoys were no good : they generally bolted
whenever they had a chance. Had seen some of the leading civilians in
Calcutta. Thought them awful snobs. Bebeved several of them had
recently been detected in mal-practices. Heard them spoken of as
' such fools' for being found out: not as ' such rogues,' for having
been guilty." . .
" Colonel Mangosteen, of the Bengal Native Infantry. Is in his
sixty-seventh year. Has been fifty-six years in India. Came home last
spring. Pelt the climate of England tell upon his constitution. _ Had
been hardly used by the Horse Guards, in not receiving a C.B.ship for
past services: considered he had a claim. Knew a man who had laid
in a nullah at Sobraon till the fighting was over, and then came out
and got a C.B. A nullah means a deep ditch. Thought India the
finest country under the sun. The climate nothing like so bad as was
represented. Considers the great curse in India to be the inefficient
state of the Bankrupt Law. Lost a lac and ten thousand rupees by
the failure of the House of Gammon, Rampum, & Co. The Bengal
Army is not what it was when he first joined it. It is the finest army
in the world still. There is no soldier like the sepoy. He shows
British troops the way to victory in hard-fought fields. Has the
highest opinion of the people of India. They made excellent servants.
Will allow you to thrash and abuse them without resisting. Queen's
officers treated their servants very badly in India. Wouldn't take the
trouble to study the native language; and then punched their
servants' heads for not understanding them. Would abohsh the
Civil Service, and give their appointments to military men of standing
and experience. Military men make the best judges in the world.
can get;
THE CORONATION OF LOUIS NAPOLEON.
It has always been admitted that a barrister is nothing without his
wig, a beadle is nobody when divested of his cocked hat, and a fortiori
an Emperor without his crown must be deficient of at least half his
dignity. Louis Napoleon nevertheless remains without a bit of
crown to his head, like an individual in a hatless state, liable to take
cold, and we should not wonder if coolness should come upon the
Emperor who continues so long without his diadem. Numerous
reasons have been assigned for the delay in putting the finishing touch
to the idol of " universal suffrage," by the playing off of what may be
termed the "crowning joke" of the piece that has been played in so
many eccentric acts by the French people. Sometimes we are told the
delay is occasioned by the difficulty in securing the services of the
Pope, who, it is expected, will be engaged to head the supernumeraries
in the spectacle about to be got up on a scale of unprecedented
splendour in the French Capital. Others say that the Pope has his
triple tiara already packed up like a small telescope in his hat, ready
to present himself when the ' cue " is given him to come on, and that
there is no truth in the rumours of the " Sacred College" having
hidden his carpet bag, or any portion of his luggage, to prevent him
from setting out on his " starring " expedition.
One of the latest reports in circulation to account for the coronation's
not coming off is, that " the crown is not ready," though the order for
it has long been given to the Court jeweller. This is an absurdity on
the face of it, for any pawnbroker would get up a real crown at a
week's notice, and a magnificent diadem could be procured for a song,
or indeed for a single note of any solvent bank, at any decent masque-
rade warehouse. But if even there were any difficulty in obtaining the
Imperial crown at the places indicated, we have only to call to mind
the fact of the recent sale at Her Majesty's Theatre, where a crown
might have been picked up for a shilling, if the French Government
had only sent over a commissioner empowered to make a bidding. The
crown of Semiramide with the back hair removed, and an Emperor's
crop substituted, or the whole of the upper part filled in with a shock
wig, coidd have been purchased for two-and-six; or, if that would not
have been suitable, we are quite sure that we have seen something worn
by Signor Venafra in an old ballet—an arrangement between a
chaplet and a helmet, studded profusely with precious (large) stones—
that might have been easily converted into an article fit for the coro-
nation of the Emperor. Considering the friendship that always existed
between the Government of the Italian Opera m London, and the
present ruler of the French, we are convinced that the latter had only
to ask the favour, and the whole of the dramatic regalia of either
estabbshment would have been at the disposal of Louis Napoleon.
We will not hear of the further postponement of the coronation in
France for want of a crown, and we beg to say that, by way of sup-
plying the necessary article, we are ready at once to place two half-
crowns in the hands of the Pope, or any other French agent who may
be empowered to call for them.
Military, but not Civil.
Which is the stupidest regiment in the whole of the service ?—The
Few-Silliers (the Fusibers) !
One thousand pounds reward will be given for the head, or rather,
for the brains—if any—of 'the perpetrator of this atrocity. A free
pardon will be given to all but the principal concerned in making this
pun. Any one harbouring him after this notice will be punishable as an
accompbce. ^__
the latest london improvement.
The immense wooden hoarding erected (not unlike an envelope-box)
over the statue at Charing-Cross has been called, by certain playful
antiquarians, " A New Statue of Charles concealed in the Wood."
Female Infallibility.—A man frequently admits that he was in
the wrong, but a woman, never—she was " only mistaken."
139
~..r^ _, „ «. ^. Had presided at Courts Martial, and had had ample opportunities of
OUR INDIAN COMMISSION. forming an opinion on this point. Thought that new Furlough Regula-
"NTYT'itts 4." +1 i- u fL 1 tions ought to be granted, to enable young men to come home and see
JNAlu ub to throw hght on the +he vast improvements in every direction. Sees vast improvements
subject ol our Indian Empire, ; himself. Was particularly struck with New Oxford Street. Thinks
which the (jovemment seems ■ railways in India will never answer. It would require an army of
inclined to legislate tor on i Chokeedars to guard the line, and prevent the natives stealing the rails,
very imperfect information j A chokeedar is a watchman. Intends returning to India next
we have this week commenced | November and taking a Brigade command, if he can get one. Hopes
to get command of a Division in a few years. Thinks the Press of
India scurrilous and vile. Has seen in the newspapers an opinion,
that after sixty, Indian officers should be shelved. Considers that an
officer only begins to be fit for something when he reaches sixty-five.
Considers himself fit for anything. Is ready to take anything he
inquiry through our own
Indian Commission, and print
the first batch of evidence.
" Major Larkspur, of
H. M.'s— Regiment of Foot.
Served for six years in India.
Particularly observed the
country. Thought it a good
deal like Ireland, only hotter,
and the people not so well
clothed. Considered the Go-
vernment honourable enough;
they were always ready with
their pay for the troops.
Thought the dykes in some
of the principal stations ought
to be railed in: they were
dangerous at night to officers
returning from mess. Ob-
served the working of a
Cutcherry, or Court. Went there to ask the Magistrate for the loan
of an elephant, and a few men to beat the jungles, on a shooting excur-
sion. The Magistrate appeared hot and uncomfortable Did not
observe how justice was administered. Did not look. Had no doubt
it was all right. Could not say anything in favour of the Police.
Had a gun stolen, and never saw it again. Could not state whether
the people were oppressed or not; if they were, thought it was no
more than they deserved. Believes they are infernal liars. Knew
nothing of the Court of Directors, except from hearsay. The Court of
Directors were not the style of people he should like to be acquainted
with, unless he had lots of sons and lots of money, and wished to get
rid of both by sending the sons into the Bengal Army. Could suggest
several improvements and alterations in India. Would improve the
roads, and make the conveyance of mess stores less expensive.
Would alter the climate, and have the mean temperature 75 degrees in
the summer, instead of 102 and 110 degrees under punkahs. Thought
the passage to India was exorbitantly high. It was painful enough to
go out there at all, without the additional annoyance of having to
come down with a large sum."
" Captain Stifflip, of Her Majesty's — Regiment of Dragoons.
Had been five years in India. Thought the Company a low set. Had
a horse shot under him in the Punjaub campaign, and the Company
evaded giving compensation by a paltry quibble. Thought the system
of Government in India infamous in every respect. _ Would go to-
morrow to see every member of the -Court of Directors hanged.
Thought the Bengal Civil Service a mistake. Young civilians wore
moustaches. Had a contempt for any civilian who wore moustaches.
The men belonging to the Queen's regiments were shamefully used^
and so were their wives and families; while the sepoys were treated
with absurd indulgence. Sepoys were no good : they generally bolted
whenever they had a chance. Had seen some of the leading civilians in
Calcutta. Thought them awful snobs. Bebeved several of them had
recently been detected in mal-practices. Heard them spoken of as
' such fools' for being found out: not as ' such rogues,' for having
been guilty." . .
" Colonel Mangosteen, of the Bengal Native Infantry. Is in his
sixty-seventh year. Has been fifty-six years in India. Came home last
spring. Pelt the climate of England tell upon his constitution. _ Had
been hardly used by the Horse Guards, in not receiving a C.B.ship for
past services: considered he had a claim. Knew a man who had laid
in a nullah at Sobraon till the fighting was over, and then came out
and got a C.B. A nullah means a deep ditch. Thought India the
finest country under the sun. The climate nothing like so bad as was
represented. Considers the great curse in India to be the inefficient
state of the Bankrupt Law. Lost a lac and ten thousand rupees by
the failure of the House of Gammon, Rampum, & Co. The Bengal
Army is not what it was when he first joined it. It is the finest army
in the world still. There is no soldier like the sepoy. He shows
British troops the way to victory in hard-fought fields. Has the
highest opinion of the people of India. They made excellent servants.
Will allow you to thrash and abuse them without resisting. Queen's
officers treated their servants very badly in India. Wouldn't take the
trouble to study the native language; and then punched their
servants' heads for not understanding them. Would abohsh the
Civil Service, and give their appointments to military men of standing
and experience. Military men make the best judges in the world.
can get;
THE CORONATION OF LOUIS NAPOLEON.
It has always been admitted that a barrister is nothing without his
wig, a beadle is nobody when divested of his cocked hat, and a fortiori
an Emperor without his crown must be deficient of at least half his
dignity. Louis Napoleon nevertheless remains without a bit of
crown to his head, like an individual in a hatless state, liable to take
cold, and we should not wonder if coolness should come upon the
Emperor who continues so long without his diadem. Numerous
reasons have been assigned for the delay in putting the finishing touch
to the idol of " universal suffrage," by the playing off of what may be
termed the "crowning joke" of the piece that has been played in so
many eccentric acts by the French people. Sometimes we are told the
delay is occasioned by the difficulty in securing the services of the
Pope, who, it is expected, will be engaged to head the supernumeraries
in the spectacle about to be got up on a scale of unprecedented
splendour in the French Capital. Others say that the Pope has his
triple tiara already packed up like a small telescope in his hat, ready
to present himself when the ' cue " is given him to come on, and that
there is no truth in the rumours of the " Sacred College" having
hidden his carpet bag, or any portion of his luggage, to prevent him
from setting out on his " starring " expedition.
One of the latest reports in circulation to account for the coronation's
not coming off is, that " the crown is not ready," though the order for
it has long been given to the Court jeweller. This is an absurdity on
the face of it, for any pawnbroker would get up a real crown at a
week's notice, and a magnificent diadem could be procured for a song,
or indeed for a single note of any solvent bank, at any decent masque-
rade warehouse. But if even there were any difficulty in obtaining the
Imperial crown at the places indicated, we have only to call to mind
the fact of the recent sale at Her Majesty's Theatre, where a crown
might have been picked up for a shilling, if the French Government
had only sent over a commissioner empowered to make a bidding. The
crown of Semiramide with the back hair removed, and an Emperor's
crop substituted, or the whole of the upper part filled in with a shock
wig, coidd have been purchased for two-and-six; or, if that would not
have been suitable, we are quite sure that we have seen something worn
by Signor Venafra in an old ballet—an arrangement between a
chaplet and a helmet, studded profusely with precious (large) stones—
that might have been easily converted into an article fit for the coro-
nation of the Emperor. Considering the friendship that always existed
between the Government of the Italian Opera m London, and the
present ruler of the French, we are convinced that the latter had only
to ask the favour, and the whole of the dramatic regalia of either
estabbshment would have been at the disposal of Louis Napoleon.
We will not hear of the further postponement of the coronation in
France for want of a crown, and we beg to say that, by way of sup-
plying the necessary article, we are ready at once to place two half-
crowns in the hands of the Pope, or any other French agent who may
be empowered to call for them.
Military, but not Civil.
Which is the stupidest regiment in the whole of the service ?—The
Few-Silliers (the Fusibers) !
One thousand pounds reward will be given for the head, or rather,
for the brains—if any—of 'the perpetrator of this atrocity. A free
pardon will be given to all but the principal concerned in making this
pun. Any one harbouring him after this notice will be punishable as an
accompbce. ^__
the latest london improvement.
The immense wooden hoarding erected (not unlike an envelope-box)
over the statue at Charing-Cross has been called, by certain playful
antiquarians, " A New Statue of Charles concealed in the Wood."
Female Infallibility.—A man frequently admits that he was in
the wrong, but a woman, never—she was " only mistaken."