Punch (25.1853)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 23

THE JOKE OE THE SESSION.

One great cause of the heaviness of Parliamentary debates is the
jokes with which they are interspersed, although these are not
numerous. A speech may contain but a single joke; but that one
joke, or attempt at joking, is such as to give a weight to the whole
discourse which it would not derive irom the arguments advanced in
it. To quote a House of Commons’ witticism is generally to quote
Joe Miller, whom Honourable Gentlemen seem to cram m order to
amuse, as they cram Adam Smith with a view to instruct one another.
Their jokes, like a very different kind of things. Chancery decisions,
are warranted by precedent. Liberals though some of them may be
in earnest, they are all Tories in lun. Stare super antiquos jocos is the
motto of the extremest Radicals among them. The boldest innova-
tors of the Manchester School show a veneration for antiquity as far
| as that goes. When the cellars of the House of Commons are searched
for Guy Eawkes, it is wonderful that no explosive matter is found in
them; no jokes in bottles, laid down many years ago, full of beeswing,
so to speak ; old and dry. The foregoing reflections were suggested !
by a report, in the Parliamentary intelligence, of the most brilliant
joke that has for a long time, as a gentleman in the Brigade might
say, shaken the walls of St. Stephen’s. This highly successful sally
was made in Committee on the Expenses of Elections’ Bill by

“ Mr. Elliott, the Member for Roxburghshire, who expressed anxiety to know, as
the clauses prohibited persons playing, whether in future any of his constituents
would be fined for playing the Scotch fiddle ? ” |

If this pun is not very witty, at least it savours of the quality
nearest allied to wit. Mr. Elliott’s humorous question, moreover,
is no unmeaning joke. It expresses a feeling probably very general
among his constituents, who, we trust, will not, by any ungenerous
legislation, be deprived of that relief, under circumstances of suffer-
ing, which they have always enjoyed under the ancient Scottish
constitution.

PAPA TO HIS HEIR.

A FAST MINOR.

My sou, a father’s warning heed;

I think my end is nigh :

And then, you dog, you will succeed
Unto my property.

But, seeing you are not, just yet.

Arrived at man’s estate,

Before you full possession get.

You ’ll have a while to wait.

A large allowance I allot
You during that delay;

And I don’t recommend you not
To throw it all awmy.

To such advice you’d ne’er attend;

You won’t let prudence rule
Your courses; but, I know, will spend
Your money like a fool.

I do not ask you to eschew
_ The paths of vice and sin ;

Y’ou ’ll do as all young boobies, who
Are left, as you say, tin.

You’ll sot, youM bet; and being green.
At all that’s right you’ll joke;

Your life will be a constant scene
Of billiards and of smoke.

With bad companions you ’ll consort,
With creatures vile and base.

Who ’ll rob you; yours will be, in short,
The puppy’s common case.

But oh, my son ! although you must
t Through this ordeal pass.

You will not be, I hope—I trust—

A wholly senseless ass.

Of course, at prudence you will sneer,
On that theme I won’t harp;

Be good, I won’t say—that’s severe ;
But be a little sharp.

All rascally associates shun
To bid you were too much,

But oh! beware, my spooney son
Beware one kind of such.

It asks no penetrative mind
To know these fellows : when
You meet them, you, unless you’re blind.
Yt once discern the men.

Tne turgid lip, the piggish eye,

The nose in form of hook,

The rings, the pins, you tell them by.
The vulgar flashy look.

Spend every sixpence, if you please.

But do not, I implore.

Oh! do not go, my son, to these
Yidtures to borrow more.

Live at a foolish wicked rate,

My hopeful, if you choose,

But don’t your means anticipate
Through bill-discounting Jews.

LAW ON ITS LAST LEGS.

Oe all the indignities to which the legal profession has been exposed,
we know of nothing to equal the insult just passed upon it by the
parish authorities of St. James’s, Westminster, who have advertised
for a first-rate lawyer to fill the place of Parochial Messenger. Our
assertion might appear incredible, were it not sustained by the following
extract from one of the Tines'' Supplements :—

AROCH1AL MESSKNGER.—-St. James’s, Westminster.—WANTED, by
the Governors and Directors of tlie Poor, a respectable PERSON, of active habits,
to fill the above situation. He must be thoroughly acquainted with the Law of
Settlement, the practice at sessions relating to appeals, and with parish business
| generally concerning the poor. The duties and salary annexed to the appointment
may be ascertained at my office, No. 50, Poland Street, Oxford Street, daily, between
9 and 6 o’clock; where also applications, accompanied by testimonials of character and
ability, are to be left on or before Thursday, the 14th instant. order

Gborge Buzzard, Clerk.

Now every lawyer is perfectly aware that the law of settlement is a
subject so abstruse aud difficult that a “ thorough acquaintance ” with
it can only be derived from years of study and practice at the Bar ;
aud it is, therefore, quite evident that the Guardians of the Poor of
St. James’s, Westminster, expect one of the ablest Sessions barristers
that can be found to undertake the place of messenger. We will
admit that business has sadly fallen off, but we are not yet prepared to
believe that our Bodkins and our Balia.ntines, or even our
Horrids aud our Elorids, will yet be content to undertake the
task of running on parochial errands, and delivering parochial
messages. We shall, however, not be surprised at finding a forensic
sergeant advertised for as a sergeant of police, because it is neces-
sary the latter should know the law; but we hope it will be long
before our Wilkinses cease to ornament our Bar by their splendid
talents, and begin to exchange the coif for the cape, or the big wig for
the baton.

TO CORRESPONDENTS.

Sunday at Blackwall—Mr. Punch would be glad to know where
i a letter would find you.