DOI issue:
July to December, 1853
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16612#0199
188
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
THE BEARD AND MOUSTACHE MOVEMENT.
Railway Gkuard. “Now, Ma’am, is this your Luggage?”
Old Lady (who concludes she is attacked by Brigands'). “Oh yes! Gentlemen, it’s mine. Take it—take all I have; but
SPAKE, OH SPAKE OUR LIVES ! ! ”
DR, CANTWELL’S INCOME-TAX MADE EASY.
Dk. Cantwell—by appointment of the Pope, Lord Bishop oe
Meath—has written a letter to Mr. Pollard Urquhart, M.P., to
inquire how far he, the said Dr. Cantwell, is liable to the Income-
Tax, inasmuch as he appears to be prohibited, by the Ecclesiastical
Titles’ Act, from returning himself under Schedule D as the recipient
of any income by the title of Bishop or Meath. Mr. Urquiiart,
who seems to be the Mawworm to the Cantwell, answers, that he
is rejoiced at any incident that has tended to make more manifest the
absurdity of the Ecclesiastical Titles’Act; but that he is “unable to
propound any solution of the difficulty, and, indeed, thinks it would
require a very wise man to do so.” In that opinion he may be correct;
nevertheless the problem is very obviously soluble to Bunch.
All that Dr. Cantwell—who declares himself “ unwilling even to
appear to resist any law, however unjust and oppressive”—all that
titular Bishop Cantwell has to do—is simply to return himself as
being in the receipt of an income in this country derived from an office
which he holds under a foreign power. What may be the denomination
of that office he need not state, unless he would wish to contribute to
IIer Majesty’s Exchequer the fine of a hundred pounds, in addition
to the lesser penalty of sevenpence in the pound.
It is not everybody that Pimch would take the trouble of teaching
how to place himself under Schedule D; but really Dr. Cantwell
appears so very anxious to pay his Income-Tax conscientiously, that
Mr. Bunch cannot deny himself the pleasure of assisting the right
reverend gentleman in the discharge of that agreeable duty.
Synonymous Slang.
The opinions of a certain eminent member of the Peace Society
respecting the British Lion are calculated to render the phrase
“Honour Bright,” equivalent in popular estimation to “Hookey
Walker.”
THE DYE OE GUILT.
The Kentucky Legislature have resolved—
“ That the keeper of the Penitentiary shall procure a suitable chymical dye, such
as will stain the skin perfectly black, so that it cannot he removed, until time shall
wear it away, and Nature furnish a new cuticle or surface.”
Wlieu the dye is obtained, the nose of each male convict is to be
painted thoroughly black; the paint to be renewed until about to be
restored to the world, when the convict shall be restored to society
with a clean nose. We hardly perceive the moral and social use of
this nose-dyeing; it may also be difficult to obtain the dye of sufficient
blackness. In which case Bunch advises Kentucky to apply to Mrs.
Stowe for the use of her ink-bottle : for that lady has dyed not only
the noses, but the whole faces of the Legrees with such well-merited
blackness, that Nature must find them not only new skins, but new
hearts, ere they can show even tolerably white again.
AN ARMY OE RESERVE.
The foreign correspondent of the Times announces that the Porte
has issued an address, “ calling on those troops whose courage may
fail them to avow the fact without hesitation, so that they may be em-
ployed at a distance from the scene of combat.” Eor onr own parts,
havino- more of the civil than the military in our composition, we
should expect the invitation to be rather generally responded to, as
the scenery of a combat is of that kind with reference to which
“distance lends enchantment to the view.” If the majority of the
troops of the Porte should make a “ candid avowal ” of their desire to
remain at a respectful distance from the scene of action, the whole
affair might become “void for remoteness ”—as the lawyers expressively
have it.
An Arch Impostor.—Temple Bar.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
THE BEARD AND MOUSTACHE MOVEMENT.
Railway Gkuard. “Now, Ma’am, is this your Luggage?”
Old Lady (who concludes she is attacked by Brigands'). “Oh yes! Gentlemen, it’s mine. Take it—take all I have; but
SPAKE, OH SPAKE OUR LIVES ! ! ”
DR, CANTWELL’S INCOME-TAX MADE EASY.
Dk. Cantwell—by appointment of the Pope, Lord Bishop oe
Meath—has written a letter to Mr. Pollard Urquhart, M.P., to
inquire how far he, the said Dr. Cantwell, is liable to the Income-
Tax, inasmuch as he appears to be prohibited, by the Ecclesiastical
Titles’ Act, from returning himself under Schedule D as the recipient
of any income by the title of Bishop or Meath. Mr. Urquiiart,
who seems to be the Mawworm to the Cantwell, answers, that he
is rejoiced at any incident that has tended to make more manifest the
absurdity of the Ecclesiastical Titles’Act; but that he is “unable to
propound any solution of the difficulty, and, indeed, thinks it would
require a very wise man to do so.” In that opinion he may be correct;
nevertheless the problem is very obviously soluble to Bunch.
All that Dr. Cantwell—who declares himself “ unwilling even to
appear to resist any law, however unjust and oppressive”—all that
titular Bishop Cantwell has to do—is simply to return himself as
being in the receipt of an income in this country derived from an office
which he holds under a foreign power. What may be the denomination
of that office he need not state, unless he would wish to contribute to
IIer Majesty’s Exchequer the fine of a hundred pounds, in addition
to the lesser penalty of sevenpence in the pound.
It is not everybody that Pimch would take the trouble of teaching
how to place himself under Schedule D; but really Dr. Cantwell
appears so very anxious to pay his Income-Tax conscientiously, that
Mr. Bunch cannot deny himself the pleasure of assisting the right
reverend gentleman in the discharge of that agreeable duty.
Synonymous Slang.
The opinions of a certain eminent member of the Peace Society
respecting the British Lion are calculated to render the phrase
“Honour Bright,” equivalent in popular estimation to “Hookey
Walker.”
THE DYE OE GUILT.
The Kentucky Legislature have resolved—
“ That the keeper of the Penitentiary shall procure a suitable chymical dye, such
as will stain the skin perfectly black, so that it cannot he removed, until time shall
wear it away, and Nature furnish a new cuticle or surface.”
Wlieu the dye is obtained, the nose of each male convict is to be
painted thoroughly black; the paint to be renewed until about to be
restored to the world, when the convict shall be restored to society
with a clean nose. We hardly perceive the moral and social use of
this nose-dyeing; it may also be difficult to obtain the dye of sufficient
blackness. In which case Bunch advises Kentucky to apply to Mrs.
Stowe for the use of her ink-bottle : for that lady has dyed not only
the noses, but the whole faces of the Legrees with such well-merited
blackness, that Nature must find them not only new skins, but new
hearts, ere they can show even tolerably white again.
AN ARMY OE RESERVE.
The foreign correspondent of the Times announces that the Porte
has issued an address, “ calling on those troops whose courage may
fail them to avow the fact without hesitation, so that they may be em-
ployed at a distance from the scene of combat.” Eor onr own parts,
havino- more of the civil than the military in our composition, we
should expect the invitation to be rather generally responded to, as
the scenery of a combat is of that kind with reference to which
“distance lends enchantment to the view.” If the majority of the
troops of the Porte should make a “ candid avowal ” of their desire to
remain at a respectful distance from the scene of action, the whole
affair might become “void for remoteness ”—as the lawyers expressively
have it.
An Arch Impostor.—Temple Bar.