Punch (25.1853)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI

253

the parlour—should they wonder at, should they punish poor Susan
with the gypsey in the kitchen ?

Take care—oh, ye masters and mistresses !—of the half-crowns, and
in good time the spoons will take care of themselves.

A GOOD HATER OF BLUE-STOCKINGS.

“If anything could increase my extreme horror of Blue-Stockings, it
would be the terrible suspicion I cannot divest myself of that every
Blue-Stocking drinks. I fancy that the only person she pays her
devoirs to—and those only in secret—is Old Tow ; and that it is as
much as she can do to keep her lips away from him. The suspicion is a
very ungallant one, but I cannot help imagining that when two Blue-
Stockings get together, they do love a good soaking. In fact, who
was the goddess who first gave her countenance to Gin ? Pallas, to
be sure ; and her very origin was the result of a drunken frolic, for are
we not told that she came into the world during one of Jove’s
splitting headaches? Now Pallas is the confessed patroness of all
Blue-Stockings; and as a public-house is to this day called, in honour
of her, a “ Gin Pallas,” it is not very unreasonable to suppose that her
protegees are addicted to the same terrible practice ! It is sad, indeed,
to think—and I only hope it is not true—that the Tree of Knowledge
should, with elderly ladies, be a Juniper Tree.”—Anon.

PHRENOLOGICAL ORGAN MUSIC.

IIE Philharmonic
Concerts are tole-
rably good ; those
of the Sacred Har-
monic Society are
pretty fair, but
there is a musical
entertainment now
going on. which,
if it realises the
object it aims at,
must beat every
other quite out of
the field. A lady,
Mrs. Hamilton,
under the title of
“Practical Phreno-
logist,” professes,
by advertisement,
to give public
performances, de-
scribed by her as
“Phrenology illus-
trated by Music.”
The shallow punster will of course remark that he imagined that the
only organs susceptible of musical expression were those of the
sort invented by St. Cecilia, and not such as were discovered by
Gall and Spurzheim ; except that the phrenological organ of tune
might, perhaps, sing for itself. However, Handel may be considered
to have illustrated the organ of Yeneration in bis Oratorios; Weber
that of Marvellousness in his Der Freischiitz and Obcron ; Beethoven
that of Ideality and the organs of the other sentiments proper to man,
in combination with those of the reflective faculties, in his symphonies
and sonatas; Bellini and Donizetti the organs of Adhesiveness and
Amativeness. Rossini might also be adduced as an illustrator of'
Gaiety or Mirthfulness, and Imitation, or the dramatic organ. Bat
Mrs. Hamilton’s music, which is to illustrate Phrenology at large,

and consequently all the organs, must, if it accomplishes as much as it
attempts, be equal to Handel’s, Beethoven’s, Weber’s, Bossini’s,
Bellini’s, Donizetti’s ; indeed to the music of aL the great composers
put together. She must be a sort of musical Shakspere—than whom
nobody else ever suceeded in giving illustrations of Phrenology, or the
philosophy of human nature, at large.

To illustrate the whole of Phrenology by Music in one evening must
be impossible. The shortest way to do it would be by means of a
symphony, consisting of no less than thirty-five movements, if we are
to consider the “ Love of Life ” and “ Alimentiveness ” as established
organs. The latter of these might be elucidated, musically, by the
introduction of “ The Roast Beef of Old Fnglandfor the former, just
now, the best notion would, perhaps, be the Bussian National Anthem
turned into a fugue, to signify Prince Gortschakoff’s troops saving
themselves as fast as possible from Omar Pacha. But a series of per-
| formances would be required by the extensive nature of the subject;

; for any one organ, taken in all its combinations, might be. played upon
for a whole evening. Some of the organs are susceptible enough of
| musical treatment: “ Philoprogenitiveness,” or the instinct of paternal
and maternal affection, but more especially of the latter, has its melody
in the music of nature, as heard in the nursery, or issuing therefrom,
mellowed by distance—the mellower from that cause the better, ^ The
effect in question Mrs. Hamilton (who appears to be a Scottish lady)
might produce by the judicious employment—it would have to be judi-
cious—of the bagpipes. “Acquisitiveness” rejoices in the jingling of
money, which might be expressed by means of the triangles, intro-
ducing the appropriate air of “ Still so gently o’er me stealing.” “ Self-
esteem ” would blow its own trumpet, of course; the want of it being
expressed by transition to a minor key. “ Destructiveness ” could be
disposed of by a crash. “ Combativeness ” might come out in the
drums and fifes. “ Firmness ” might persist in a violoncello accompa-
niment. “ Cautiousness,” slow and sure, would speak in a gentle adagio.
A lively allegretto would represent “ Wit.” The music of Masonry
would supply some hints for “ Constructiveness.” There are organs,
however, which may rather puzzle a composer. No harmonious mea-
sures that one can well imagine would give any idea of “Form” or
“ Size,” and “ Locality” would seem to be quite out of the musical
way.

Mrs. Hamilton informs the public, that she will lecture on living
heads from the audience, assisted by the celebrated Mrs. Carter,
“the Jenny Lind of Scotland.” Hence, it seems that the music will
be, partly at least, vocal. It may be surmised that Mrs. Hamilton’s
lecture consists principally of recitative, which would be more
suitable than an aria, a bravura, a ca7izonet, cr a part in a duet,
to the statement of anatomical and physiological facts. Mrs. Cartes,
we are told, will sing Scotch, English, and Irish songs. There is an
Irish song called “ Fonnybrook Fair,” which alludes strongly to the
shillelagh, and may therefore be conceived to be very pertinent to
bumps. England, doubtless, has ballads adapted to various organs
besides the grinding; and in addition to “ John Andersen my Jo,” and
many other songs of the affective faculties, there is a particular Scotch
song that might be very useful to a lecturer on Phrenology. Mrs,
Hamilton, in lecturing on living heads, may be obliged to describe the
upper story of some gentleman as being similar in its build to that ct
the late Mr. Rush. Any unpleasant feeling, or objection on his part
to such a statement, might be quelled by Mrs. Carter immediately
striking up, “ A man ’s a man for a’ that.”

Whether Phrenology is made any clearer or not by Mrs. Hamilton’s
musical illustrations of it, we dare say that those illustrations are-
anyhow very well worth hearing.

Fine Feeders.

It appears that the Sheriffs of London are fined from £500 to £600,
in the guise of a subscription to the Lord Mayor’s Dinner. Now
this is a tolerable fork-out, for any one who can stand it, even it
destined to the promotion of a high object, but considering what kind
of purpose it is actually squandered on, wTe must call it a knife-and-
fork- out that is quite intolerable.

THE CZAR’S CHECK.

The Emperor of Russia has drawn his money out of the Bank of
England, which he seems to identify with that of the Danube, whereon
a handsome check was presented to him by the Turks.

Pretty Little Thought.—The Squirrel jumps from branch to
branch, the Flirt from beau to beau.

A B.eal Scottish Grievance.—Lord Aberdeen.

Knowledge.—The Offspring of Thought, but much oftener an
Adopted Child.