DOI issue:
July to December, 1854
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16614#0131
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
123
A DIG WITH A LADY'S PARASOL
tjngii, you naughty
fellow ! — You laugh
at our bonnets, and
the funny way in
which we ladies wear
the bearer look as though he literally had been
walking into cherry^ tart. Such pantaloons we
think are only fit for a pantomime, and must
elsewhere be regarded as breaches of good sense.
For soldiers who have sometimes to lie in
ambuscade, any clothing is absurd which tends
to make them conspicuous; and we cannot help
thinking that our military authorities would be
them. I only wish j puzzled to _ adduce a colourable pretext for
you gentlemen would putting their men in such a coloured dress as
look at your own i 01}lj renders them the better mark for the ridicule
dress a little, before | 01" iheir friends, and the rifles of their enemies,
you think of laughing
at ours. Our bonnets
after all are not hall
so ugly as your hats
—nasty black things,
that have no more
A PRE-SCIENTIEIC PEEE.
you
could see yourselves
—you would be a little
more careful then how
you go out of your
way to ridicule us.
As for your scarfs,
also—I would sooner
go bare-necked than
put round my throat
anything half so non-
sensical. Why, I have
seen young gentlemen wear neck handkerchiefs no thicker than the ribbon we should think
of putting round the neck of a little kitten. They are not half so broad as watch-ribbons.
I declare in size they are no broader than the white satin favours we tie up wedding-cake
with. You will be wearing your shoestrings for a necktie next. I will tell you what they
put me in mind of—whenever I see one of these pretty dears, I imagine he is the lavourite
lap-dog belonging to some lady, and has slipt his string. The next morning I expect to
read in the papers an advertisement, describing his hair, ears, and eyes, and offering a
reward of ten shillings if any one will return him to his disconsolate mistress. Mind, these
are not shop-boys—they are not lawyers' clerks, or medical students, but elegant young men
who part their hair down the middle, indulge in the most extraordinary shirt-collars, sport
black stripes down their legs, and altogether pretend to some degree of taste. Then the
shirt-collars !—No military stock ever strangled a poor unfortunate soldier half so cruelly
as one of these ' all-round collars' cut and torture the unfortunate physiognomy that is
locked up in it. What! if I were to direct public attention to those stupid stripes down
your trowsers ? What do they mean ? Are they useful ? Are they even ornamental ? Is
it not an affectation of the military style, which argues that those who adopt it are anything
but military men ? Must you be marked all over like a giraffe ?—need you be scored about
with broad gashes like a leg of pork ? You only see those black lines on the body of a
mule, and we all know that the mule is the nearest approach to the donkey. I will not say
anything more—but will simply conclude by asking you, cker Punchey. if you think it is fair
to attack us for anything ridiculous—the ridicule" with us sinning only on the side of beauty
—whilst you, gentlemen, if you do sin in matters of dress, are sure to sin on the ugly side. I
wonder you are not ashamed of yourselves. And you, Mr. P., as an admirer of our sex, as a
lover of everything that is beautiful, I'm sure you ought to know better. Nevertheless,
_ Poor Lord Derby appeared at the Associa-
, lion for the Advancement of Science at Liver-
shape m them than an poo]> and there-before the wise ones of the
elephant s leg. 1 m , earth—lamented his ignorance with a fund
sure I should be sorry j of huinour> He }iad beeu born in dark ti
to put the slice ol a; before the ligh{s of scjence had dawned. He
chimney-pot _ on my j presented himself as a specimen of nobleman
head . 1 wish you ignorance, and was received as a remarkable
addition to the large stock already on hand.
Professor Owen pointed out to the com-
pany the peculiar characteristics presented in
the noble Earl; and called upon his audience
to mark and reflect upon the development of
the moral qualities that, when put forth under a
coronet, may exert an extraordinary fascination
upon mankind in general; when, in fact, without
the coronet, the influence of the animal might,
even to the most sagacious of men, have remained
altogether unacknowledged. The learned Pro-
fessor next called the attention of the assembly
to the pouch, or pocket, of the specimen before
him ; observing that, if time permitted, he could
show the extraordinary powers of the specimen,
latent in their strength, and existing in aurife-.
rous secretions, that, with such organisations,
must continue to have a most noble influence
my Dear Polichinelle, I remain,
Yours, not angry, only indignant,
" Emma Jane Maria Sophia," &c.
upon all surrounding bodies. The Professor was
continuing these profound speculations, when
the noble specimen of a pre-scientific age, broke
from his hands; and struck up a comic song.
We have only room for the last stanza; which
was sung in jig time, the members of the Asso-
ciation all joining in chorus :
" Here stands with head of coroneted earth,
An Earl to quartz and mastodons unknown;
A golden spoon did feed him at his birth—
And Whig and Tory marked him for their own."
The noble Earl made such an impression upon
the audience in general, that more than one of
the Liverpool council was heard to remark that
" after all, the real, condescending, hearty igno-
rance of a true nobleman was worth all the
bothering knowledge of a bundle of professors."
A very melancholy opinion for the philosopher to
reflect on! But then, how very brilliant igno-
rance must be when it is embedded in fifty
thousand a-year!
COMMON SENSE IN REGIMENTALS. INCREASE OF ALDERMEN
Thanks to the war, common sense has lately had unusual influence with our military
authorities, and "ease before elegance" is to be henceforth the order of the day. In their
race for glory, our soldiers will no longer be so heavily weighted, and their arms in future
will be rather more reasonably proportioned to thei/legs. Troops on active service will
have a better chance allowed them of displaying their activity, and the feat of " standing
at ease " in their regimentals will cease to be viewed as an impossible attainment. Time
and the Times have happily exploded the old martinet theory, that to make a useful soldier
you must begin by half strangling him; nor will our men, in order to look smart on parade,
be any more prevented by tight clothes from being "smart" on service.
But while reforming our soldiers' clothing, the authorities, it appears, have not exactly acted
upon Hamlet's principle, and " reformed it altogether." A recent paragraph informs us that—
In describing the livery of Mr. Alderman
Muggeridge, one of the Sheriffs elect, the
Morning Post says :
" Pendant from the left shoulder, from a chastely-executed
shoulder-badge, is a plaited egleottaire, tiie badge represent-
ing, in exquisite embroidery work, the arms of the worthy
alderman, with the motto—1 Dat Deus incrementuvi' "
As a text looks rather out of place on a
shoulder-badge, would it not be as well to make
a slight alteration in this motto, which wrould
secularise it, and at the same time render it more
xppropriate; namely, by the change of a single
" Sealed patterns of new uniforms have been received at the Horse Gu«rds, and are now under consideration. In
all of them, we understand, there is very considerable alteration as to cut; but as tar as we can learn there will be j word ; tllUS : " Dat testlldo incremenfcim"—" The
uttie, if any, change in point of colour." turtle gives tlie increase ? " We are not acquainted
We suppose it is from mere force of habit that the British army so persists in sticking with the dimensions of Mr. Muggeridge ; but
to its colours, else we should fancy there are not many in the service but would be
glad to have the brickdust shaken i'rom their coats. In trowsers, too, we are not our-
selves particular to a shade, but we cannot think that exactly a becoming one, which makes
surely his motto would derive, from the substi-
tution proposed, a peculiar fitness for the livery
of an Alderman.
123
A DIG WITH A LADY'S PARASOL
tjngii, you naughty
fellow ! — You laugh
at our bonnets, and
the funny way in
which we ladies wear
the bearer look as though he literally had been
walking into cherry^ tart. Such pantaloons we
think are only fit for a pantomime, and must
elsewhere be regarded as breaches of good sense.
For soldiers who have sometimes to lie in
ambuscade, any clothing is absurd which tends
to make them conspicuous; and we cannot help
thinking that our military authorities would be
them. I only wish j puzzled to _ adduce a colourable pretext for
you gentlemen would putting their men in such a coloured dress as
look at your own i 01}lj renders them the better mark for the ridicule
dress a little, before | 01" iheir friends, and the rifles of their enemies,
you think of laughing
at ours. Our bonnets
after all are not hall
so ugly as your hats
—nasty black things,
that have no more
A PRE-SCIENTIEIC PEEE.
you
could see yourselves
—you would be a little
more careful then how
you go out of your
way to ridicule us.
As for your scarfs,
also—I would sooner
go bare-necked than
put round my throat
anything half so non-
sensical. Why, I have
seen young gentlemen wear neck handkerchiefs no thicker than the ribbon we should think
of putting round the neck of a little kitten. They are not half so broad as watch-ribbons.
I declare in size they are no broader than the white satin favours we tie up wedding-cake
with. You will be wearing your shoestrings for a necktie next. I will tell you what they
put me in mind of—whenever I see one of these pretty dears, I imagine he is the lavourite
lap-dog belonging to some lady, and has slipt his string. The next morning I expect to
read in the papers an advertisement, describing his hair, ears, and eyes, and offering a
reward of ten shillings if any one will return him to his disconsolate mistress. Mind, these
are not shop-boys—they are not lawyers' clerks, or medical students, but elegant young men
who part their hair down the middle, indulge in the most extraordinary shirt-collars, sport
black stripes down their legs, and altogether pretend to some degree of taste. Then the
shirt-collars !—No military stock ever strangled a poor unfortunate soldier half so cruelly
as one of these ' all-round collars' cut and torture the unfortunate physiognomy that is
locked up in it. What! if I were to direct public attention to those stupid stripes down
your trowsers ? What do they mean ? Are they useful ? Are they even ornamental ? Is
it not an affectation of the military style, which argues that those who adopt it are anything
but military men ? Must you be marked all over like a giraffe ?—need you be scored about
with broad gashes like a leg of pork ? You only see those black lines on the body of a
mule, and we all know that the mule is the nearest approach to the donkey. I will not say
anything more—but will simply conclude by asking you, cker Punchey. if you think it is fair
to attack us for anything ridiculous—the ridicule" with us sinning only on the side of beauty
—whilst you, gentlemen, if you do sin in matters of dress, are sure to sin on the ugly side. I
wonder you are not ashamed of yourselves. And you, Mr. P., as an admirer of our sex, as a
lover of everything that is beautiful, I'm sure you ought to know better. Nevertheless,
_ Poor Lord Derby appeared at the Associa-
, lion for the Advancement of Science at Liver-
shape m them than an poo]> and there-before the wise ones of the
elephant s leg. 1 m , earth—lamented his ignorance with a fund
sure I should be sorry j of huinour> He }iad beeu born in dark ti
to put the slice ol a; before the ligh{s of scjence had dawned. He
chimney-pot _ on my j presented himself as a specimen of nobleman
head . 1 wish you ignorance, and was received as a remarkable
addition to the large stock already on hand.
Professor Owen pointed out to the com-
pany the peculiar characteristics presented in
the noble Earl; and called upon his audience
to mark and reflect upon the development of
the moral qualities that, when put forth under a
coronet, may exert an extraordinary fascination
upon mankind in general; when, in fact, without
the coronet, the influence of the animal might,
even to the most sagacious of men, have remained
altogether unacknowledged. The learned Pro-
fessor next called the attention of the assembly
to the pouch, or pocket, of the specimen before
him ; observing that, if time permitted, he could
show the extraordinary powers of the specimen,
latent in their strength, and existing in aurife-.
rous secretions, that, with such organisations,
must continue to have a most noble influence
my Dear Polichinelle, I remain,
Yours, not angry, only indignant,
" Emma Jane Maria Sophia," &c.
upon all surrounding bodies. The Professor was
continuing these profound speculations, when
the noble specimen of a pre-scientific age, broke
from his hands; and struck up a comic song.
We have only room for the last stanza; which
was sung in jig time, the members of the Asso-
ciation all joining in chorus :
" Here stands with head of coroneted earth,
An Earl to quartz and mastodons unknown;
A golden spoon did feed him at his birth—
And Whig and Tory marked him for their own."
The noble Earl made such an impression upon
the audience in general, that more than one of
the Liverpool council was heard to remark that
" after all, the real, condescending, hearty igno-
rance of a true nobleman was worth all the
bothering knowledge of a bundle of professors."
A very melancholy opinion for the philosopher to
reflect on! But then, how very brilliant igno-
rance must be when it is embedded in fifty
thousand a-year!
COMMON SENSE IN REGIMENTALS. INCREASE OF ALDERMEN
Thanks to the war, common sense has lately had unusual influence with our military
authorities, and "ease before elegance" is to be henceforth the order of the day. In their
race for glory, our soldiers will no longer be so heavily weighted, and their arms in future
will be rather more reasonably proportioned to thei/legs. Troops on active service will
have a better chance allowed them of displaying their activity, and the feat of " standing
at ease " in their regimentals will cease to be viewed as an impossible attainment. Time
and the Times have happily exploded the old martinet theory, that to make a useful soldier
you must begin by half strangling him; nor will our men, in order to look smart on parade,
be any more prevented by tight clothes from being "smart" on service.
But while reforming our soldiers' clothing, the authorities, it appears, have not exactly acted
upon Hamlet's principle, and " reformed it altogether." A recent paragraph informs us that—
In describing the livery of Mr. Alderman
Muggeridge, one of the Sheriffs elect, the
Morning Post says :
" Pendant from the left shoulder, from a chastely-executed
shoulder-badge, is a plaited egleottaire, tiie badge represent-
ing, in exquisite embroidery work, the arms of the worthy
alderman, with the motto—1 Dat Deus incrementuvi' "
As a text looks rather out of place on a
shoulder-badge, would it not be as well to make
a slight alteration in this motto, which wrould
secularise it, and at the same time render it more
xppropriate; namely, by the change of a single
" Sealed patterns of new uniforms have been received at the Horse Gu«rds, and are now under consideration. In
all of them, we understand, there is very considerable alteration as to cut; but as tar as we can learn there will be j word ; tllUS : " Dat testlldo incremenfcim"—" The
uttie, if any, change in point of colour." turtle gives tlie increase ? " We are not acquainted
We suppose it is from mere force of habit that the British army so persists in sticking with the dimensions of Mr. Muggeridge ; but
to its colours, else we should fancy there are not many in the service but would be
glad to have the brickdust shaken i'rom their coats. In trowsers, too, we are not our-
selves particular to a shade, but we cannot think that exactly a becoming one, which makes
surely his motto would derive, from the substi-
tution proposed, a peculiar fitness for the livery
of an Alderman.