DOI issue:
July to December, 1854
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16614#0139
A QUEER GUIDE TO GOVERNMENT SITUATIONS. THE WAR IN PARiS
It has been dimly evident to the British Public for some months ^Bfe^ f °iZr^ S&fe K
From these paragraphs tha public may learn hew T. Percy Jones
Deputy Assistant Tidewaiter, has at length been overtaken by "that
tide in the affairs of men" for which he has so long been waiting, and
which has now taken him on the flood and borne him on to be an
Assistant Tidewaiter. Thence we learn too (under the head of Custom s)
that there are as many "classes of clerks for general business in
London," as there were circles in Dante's Inferno—and we may trace
the progress, painful and slow, of many Browns and Greens towards
the giddy heights of first class and £300 per annum.
It is not generally known, and Mr. Punch rather prides himself upon
the discovery, that the hebdomadal announcements of vacant appoint-
ments are ooncocted by contumacious "Civil Servants," who well
know what trouble will thence ensue to the chiefs of their several
departments. But though not generally known, this will be generally
understood, when it is stated that on the last intimation that there was
a vacancy for a third class probationary clerk in the Subsorting depart-
ment of the General Post Office, no less than 394 country curates
(whose united families comprised 4855 persons), 478 widowa (whose
united incomes amounted to £8567 13s. 4>^d ), and 832 lieutenants in
the Navy (who had served in the aggregate 4296 years, and had seen
13,676 juniors go over them), wrote urgently to entreat Lord Canning
to bestow the appointment " on one who would never give him reason
to repent of the kindness he had shown to a distressed," &c. &c. Some
idea of the labours of his Lordship's private secretary may be gleaned
from the fact that he was occupied for three months, eight days, and
nine hours, in reading these applications, and that he wrote 1714 polite
notes setting forth that.
past, that the "Civil Servants of the Crown," (with which mouth- ^^RE5l8r%J t«f w % ^
filling title Government clerks eke out their scanty emoluments,) haw ^ fWm^M^M /-llcatr£ of Tf' ft6 \ren°fl
acquired an "organ" of their own-an organ, too/with a trumpet stop ( ##SsRgK^ have been tolerably busy at he
of such peculiar power as to tempt the performers to a frequent use of v\ f MpBk 1 ^eaftres of Pans>.a ™™&r-
it. Of this orgaS, however, the. British public would probably not be M-ffffWig^ I ^^J^L^lf Ml.
cognisant were it 'not that certain hebdomadal paragraphs, purporting WTM^ ^SSSm- Wk ^es a week in resisting the Siege
to contain the latest intelligence of vacancies and appointments in wMz^lfiM^^ ^ of Silistria at the Hippodrome The
temporaries. g: %*/^ij&*S$S^ ^ affair," and we have no doubt that
if the managers of the Cirque had
been entrusted with the management
of the whole campaign, the Rus-
sians would now be licking the dust
of Cronstadt as completely as they
are now licking the sand of the
arena outside the barrier of Paris.
The French are so essentially a
theatrical people that they require
a stage manager for their movements
in the field, as well as for their manoeuvres behind the footlights. If
Mons. Roqueplan had been sent out to the East with a sufficient staff
of maUres de ballet, and directors of the mise en scene, we should by
this time have seen the curtain ready to drop on a brilliant tableau,
in which Russia would have been represented as effectually quashed
by the spurs of the Gallic Game Cock and the claws of the British
Lion.
The Siege of Silistria is got up at the Hippodrome with such splendour
and effect that we doubt if the real thing could have been half so good
as the imitation; and it is quite certain that we have nothing in the
British army that can compare with the Scotch regiment of little men
with long black beards, which strikes terror into the Russians at the
Hippodrome.
In order to give as much reality as possible to the siege, the troops
are commanded by real French officers; who do not think it beneath
their dignity to take part in the "scenes in the circle," under the
guidance of some Parisian Widdicomb. We understand that several
gallant soldiers of high rank take part in the mimic Siege of Silistria—
an arrangement which could not be copied among ourselves, for we
can hardly imagine Lord Baglan galloping backwards and forwards
on Astley^s stage, or H. B. H. the Duke op Cambridge dashing up a
at nt t> i i v. j ■ e i.- i-u n- -i • platform on his richly caparisoned steed, and inviting six mounted
Now Mr. Punch, who has designs oi his own upon the Civil service, 1 ' • , r n„ T• ___i, /kq oniZnna n x> c,;a*.
™aM+W ^Vl^^™—!.^ thp JLw stwinn »J\ supernumeraries to follow him through the upper entrance 0. P. side
" Unfortunately the appointment had been filled up six days before the notice of the
vacancy had appeared in the public prints, and that indeed, as a rule, such valuable
appointments were not given away to the Public, but were reserved exclusively for
the eldest sons of such meritorious Civil servants as had been more than 50 years in
their respective posts."
peruses these weekly announcements with the greatest attention, and t0^pat-i, „ „;„j
very much surprised was he to read a few days since the following ~~ r victory
startling notice
" The appointment of Postmaster of Bath is vacant, caused by the death of Mb.
Musgeavk ; j£400 per annum, vice Smith, in the gift of the Postmaster General."
As far as the word " Mtjsgrave " the sentence was sufficiently clear,
but after that word, the master of sentences himself could not fathom
its mystery. Does slavery then exist in England? Has the Post-
master General a serf named Smith, whom he can devise at pleasure
like any other chattel ? Who of all the Smiths ? But, No! that way
madness lay. Mr. Punch could not pursue that inquiry. Still, how-
ever, there were the tempting words " £400 per annum vice Smith, in
the gift of the Postmaster General." Of course if he were free to
choose, Mr. Punch would take £400 per annum vice Smith, but how
the Postmaster General could be so mad as to retain Smith vice £400
per annum, Mr. Punch could not tell. Backed by conflicting thoughts
We think our French neighbours are a little premature in converting
Silistria already into a stage spectacle; and although the events now
passing will hereafter be read in those great pages of history—the
Astley's playbills—we think the War with Russia is not yet quite ripe
for the pen of the dramatist or the riding whip of Widdicomb, the
undying one.
CARDINAL VIRTUES IN A HAT.
In an aocount recently of the death of Cardinal Mai, we are told
that" the Cardinal owed his hat to the high position which he had acquired
in the learned world." Considering that a Cardinal is almost as con-
spicuous ior his red legs as his head-dress, we do not see why any
particular reference should be made to his hat, and why are we not
informed to what he owes his stockings ? We object to all affectations
he passed a sleepless night and on the morrow m his extreme wrath ■ hraseolo and we theref0re enter our protest against the expres
with the paragraph which had so perplexed him, he reverted to the > { J fa -' d If M Bmej?1es£ were to diej we should be
words caused by the death of Mr. Mtjsgbave," and exclaimed: greatly jrritqated J ^biogTapher were to tell us that " he owed his wig
" i'd give the lands of Deioraine to the Benchers who called him to the Bar," or that "he owed his
Dark Musobave were alive again.' gown to the liberality of his robe-maker, who had never received—or
' sued him for—a farthing of the money." The fact is that Cardinal
Mai did not owe his hat, or the price of his hat, to anybody but his
hatter. His elevation to the rank of Cardinal may have been owing to
his " position in the learned world," but to confound his hat with his
rank is to allow the former to get a-head of the latter in a manner we
cannot approve. _
Not Bad, Hay
A Gallant and discontented ornament of Her Majesty's naval
service transmits to us the following recipe for preventing burglary.
Inscribe on your door plate, and under your aame, the words " Naval
Half-pay Lieutenant." The severity of the satire is, so far as we are
concerned, slightly alleviated by our not in the least understanding
what it means, but we trust that the Fkst Lord of the Admiralty will
feel himself duly scarified.
A Wishy-washy Joke.
The Australian steamer Croesus having been laid up at Sydney with
a leak, we beg leave to suggest that her name should be forthwith
changed to the Water Croesus.
the czars cousins german.
It appears that the Czar has no end of German eousins. Every j
clay brings forth some fresh proof of the enormity of his cozenage. The True Cap. of Liberty.—The Percussion Cap.
hint to russian serfs.
It has been dimly evident to the British Public for some months ^Bfe^ f °iZr^ S&fe K
From these paragraphs tha public may learn hew T. Percy Jones
Deputy Assistant Tidewaiter, has at length been overtaken by "that
tide in the affairs of men" for which he has so long been waiting, and
which has now taken him on the flood and borne him on to be an
Assistant Tidewaiter. Thence we learn too (under the head of Custom s)
that there are as many "classes of clerks for general business in
London," as there were circles in Dante's Inferno—and we may trace
the progress, painful and slow, of many Browns and Greens towards
the giddy heights of first class and £300 per annum.
It is not generally known, and Mr. Punch rather prides himself upon
the discovery, that the hebdomadal announcements of vacant appoint-
ments are ooncocted by contumacious "Civil Servants," who well
know what trouble will thence ensue to the chiefs of their several
departments. But though not generally known, this will be generally
understood, when it is stated that on the last intimation that there was
a vacancy for a third class probationary clerk in the Subsorting depart-
ment of the General Post Office, no less than 394 country curates
(whose united families comprised 4855 persons), 478 widowa (whose
united incomes amounted to £8567 13s. 4>^d ), and 832 lieutenants in
the Navy (who had served in the aggregate 4296 years, and had seen
13,676 juniors go over them), wrote urgently to entreat Lord Canning
to bestow the appointment " on one who would never give him reason
to repent of the kindness he had shown to a distressed," &c. &c. Some
idea of the labours of his Lordship's private secretary may be gleaned
from the fact that he was occupied for three months, eight days, and
nine hours, in reading these applications, and that he wrote 1714 polite
notes setting forth that.
past, that the "Civil Servants of the Crown," (with which mouth- ^^RE5l8r%J t«f w % ^
filling title Government clerks eke out their scanty emoluments,) haw ^ fWm^M^M /-llcatr£ of Tf' ft6 \ren°fl
acquired an "organ" of their own-an organ, too/with a trumpet stop ( ##SsRgK^ have been tolerably busy at he
of such peculiar power as to tempt the performers to a frequent use of v\ f MpBk 1 ^eaftres of Pans>.a ™™&r-
it. Of this orgaS, however, the. British public would probably not be M-ffffWig^ I ^^J^L^lf Ml.
cognisant were it 'not that certain hebdomadal paragraphs, purporting WTM^ ^SSSm- Wk ^es a week in resisting the Siege
to contain the latest intelligence of vacancies and appointments in wMz^lfiM^^ ^ of Silistria at the Hippodrome The
temporaries. g: %*/^ij&*S$S^ ^ affair," and we have no doubt that
if the managers of the Cirque had
been entrusted with the management
of the whole campaign, the Rus-
sians would now be licking the dust
of Cronstadt as completely as they
are now licking the sand of the
arena outside the barrier of Paris.
The French are so essentially a
theatrical people that they require
a stage manager for their movements
in the field, as well as for their manoeuvres behind the footlights. If
Mons. Roqueplan had been sent out to the East with a sufficient staff
of maUres de ballet, and directors of the mise en scene, we should by
this time have seen the curtain ready to drop on a brilliant tableau,
in which Russia would have been represented as effectually quashed
by the spurs of the Gallic Game Cock and the claws of the British
Lion.
The Siege of Silistria is got up at the Hippodrome with such splendour
and effect that we doubt if the real thing could have been half so good
as the imitation; and it is quite certain that we have nothing in the
British army that can compare with the Scotch regiment of little men
with long black beards, which strikes terror into the Russians at the
Hippodrome.
In order to give as much reality as possible to the siege, the troops
are commanded by real French officers; who do not think it beneath
their dignity to take part in the "scenes in the circle," under the
guidance of some Parisian Widdicomb. We understand that several
gallant soldiers of high rank take part in the mimic Siege of Silistria—
an arrangement which could not be copied among ourselves, for we
can hardly imagine Lord Baglan galloping backwards and forwards
on Astley^s stage, or H. B. H. the Duke op Cambridge dashing up a
at nt t> i i v. j ■ e i.- i-u n- -i • platform on his richly caparisoned steed, and inviting six mounted
Now Mr. Punch, who has designs oi his own upon the Civil service, 1 ' • , r n„ T• ___i, /kq oniZnna n x> c,;a*.
™aM+W ^Vl^^™—!.^ thp JLw stwinn »J\ supernumeraries to follow him through the upper entrance 0. P. side
" Unfortunately the appointment had been filled up six days before the notice of the
vacancy had appeared in the public prints, and that indeed, as a rule, such valuable
appointments were not given away to the Public, but were reserved exclusively for
the eldest sons of such meritorious Civil servants as had been more than 50 years in
their respective posts."
peruses these weekly announcements with the greatest attention, and t0^pat-i, „ „;„j
very much surprised was he to read a few days since the following ~~ r victory
startling notice
" The appointment of Postmaster of Bath is vacant, caused by the death of Mb.
Musgeavk ; j£400 per annum, vice Smith, in the gift of the Postmaster General."
As far as the word " Mtjsgrave " the sentence was sufficiently clear,
but after that word, the master of sentences himself could not fathom
its mystery. Does slavery then exist in England? Has the Post-
master General a serf named Smith, whom he can devise at pleasure
like any other chattel ? Who of all the Smiths ? But, No! that way
madness lay. Mr. Punch could not pursue that inquiry. Still, how-
ever, there were the tempting words " £400 per annum vice Smith, in
the gift of the Postmaster General." Of course if he were free to
choose, Mr. Punch would take £400 per annum vice Smith, but how
the Postmaster General could be so mad as to retain Smith vice £400
per annum, Mr. Punch could not tell. Backed by conflicting thoughts
We think our French neighbours are a little premature in converting
Silistria already into a stage spectacle; and although the events now
passing will hereafter be read in those great pages of history—the
Astley's playbills—we think the War with Russia is not yet quite ripe
for the pen of the dramatist or the riding whip of Widdicomb, the
undying one.
CARDINAL VIRTUES IN A HAT.
In an aocount recently of the death of Cardinal Mai, we are told
that" the Cardinal owed his hat to the high position which he had acquired
in the learned world." Considering that a Cardinal is almost as con-
spicuous ior his red legs as his head-dress, we do not see why any
particular reference should be made to his hat, and why are we not
informed to what he owes his stockings ? We object to all affectations
he passed a sleepless night and on the morrow m his extreme wrath ■ hraseolo and we theref0re enter our protest against the expres
with the paragraph which had so perplexed him, he reverted to the > { J fa -' d If M Bmej?1es£ were to diej we should be
words caused by the death of Mr. Mtjsgbave," and exclaimed: greatly jrritqated J ^biogTapher were to tell us that " he owed his wig
" i'd give the lands of Deioraine to the Benchers who called him to the Bar," or that "he owed his
Dark Musobave were alive again.' gown to the liberality of his robe-maker, who had never received—or
' sued him for—a farthing of the money." The fact is that Cardinal
Mai did not owe his hat, or the price of his hat, to anybody but his
hatter. His elevation to the rank of Cardinal may have been owing to
his " position in the learned world," but to confound his hat with his
rank is to allow the former to get a-head of the latter in a manner we
cannot approve. _
Not Bad, Hay
A Gallant and discontented ornament of Her Majesty's naval
service transmits to us the following recipe for preventing burglary.
Inscribe on your door plate, and under your aame, the words " Naval
Half-pay Lieutenant." The severity of the satire is, so far as we are
concerned, slightly alleviated by our not in the least understanding
what it means, but we trust that the Fkst Lord of the Admiralty will
feel himself duly scarified.
A Wishy-washy Joke.
The Australian steamer Croesus having been laid up at Sydney with
a leak, we beg leave to suggest that her name should be forthwith
changed to the Water Croesus.
the czars cousins german.
It appears that the Czar has no end of German eousins. Every j
clay brings forth some fresh proof of the enormity of his cozenage. The True Cap. of Liberty.—The Percussion Cap.
hint to russian serfs.