DOI issue:
July to December, 1854
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16614#0177
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. iw
THE PIANO IN THE FARM-HOUSE.
Mr. Punch quite agrees with Hie sentiments respecting the piano
and farmers' wives, which Mb,. C. 11. Colvile meant to express at the
Sparkenhoe Farmers5 Club Dinner ; but then,, if Mr. Punch had been
Mr. Colvile, he would have said what he meant, and not the reverse.
Mb. Colvile, of course, was joking : but never venture on irony with
ladies, or farmers either, still less with both together ; your joke will
most likely create a disturbance, as his did; and what is worse, you
may also have to explain it; which, iikewise, was liis unhappy case.
The following betises, as the remarks in question were universally
denominated "by the ladies of trie Sparkenhoe farmers, are reported by
the Sun to have been delivered by that unlucky gentleman, in proposing
"The Ladies," as a toast. Having noticed the circumstance of their
presence as a new feature in agricultural meetings, and alluded to a
notion generally prevalent, that farmers' wives were " too proud for
their business," undeterred by the disapprobation which followed these
words, Mb. Colvile thus injudiciously proceeded :—
" It is, therefore, that I have observed with the greatest pleasure so many fair faceo
around me, and see, them take an interest in agricultural affairs; for, depend upon it,
if you intend to make a good dairy of cheese, you have not too much time to play upon
the piano."
Well; then came the storm which might have been expected. Had
Mr. Punch been in the place of Mk. Colvile, the papers would have
had to report the subjoined observations in place of the above :—
Mr. Punch, in proposing the toast of " The Ladies," said : "In the
discharge of the pleasing duty which has been confided to me, I cannot
sufficiently express my gratification at the sight of the ladies who have
done us the honour of coming here. Their presence on this occasion
refutes the vulgar calumny which asserts that farmers' wives are above
their business. This vile slander is grounded on the circumstance that
the accomplishment of music is general amongst them. They are
accused of playing upon the piano. And why should they not—when
they have nothing else to do ? All work and no play—we know what
the consequence of that is; and if farmers' ladies must have some
playing, what can they play better than the piano ? Are they to go
jingling about with the cupboard-keys and the keys of the cellar con-
tinually, and never rattle over the ivory*keys by way of a change of
key ? Then it is said that if they want a good dairy, there must be no
piano-playing That is, I suppose, for fear what is called a thundering
accompaniment should turn the milk sour. Fiddlestick ! When a
farmer comes home of an evening he requires amusement; he does not
always want to go to sleep—and what else can he go to?—he has no
theatre, no concert, no Exeter Hall. Then what can be more suitable
to his circumstances than that his wife should sit, down at her instru-
ment, and give him a bit of music. Suppose she plays something from
Haydn's Seasons—for instance, 'With cheerfulness the husbandman:'
is not that, just the sort of thing to raise his spirits, when perhaps they
are depressed by the circumstance that the weather is bad for the
corn ; or if good for the corn, bad for the turnips ? Or she might per-
form a selection from Acts and Galatea, that beautiful composition of
Handel's, so pastoral in its expression, and therefore so calculated to
soothe his mind when anxious on account of his live stock. Well then
she may refresh that affection which is the source of domestic happi-
ness, by means of some tender melody of Mozart's : and there are
THE ONE SHOP A-LIGHT IN THE STREET.
one of the chief thoroughfares of
one of the chief cities
of the world, there
exists a money-grub in
the form of a hosier.
All the other hosiers
in that thoroughfare
have, for the last two
years, closed their
shops at eight o'clock
in the evening, so as
to aliowr their assistants
some little time daily
to keep up the intel-
lect, recruit the facul-
ties, and exercise the
affections which dis-
tinguish the human
being from the ox and
the ass and the pig.
But this grub of a
hosier persists in keep-
ing his shop open till
nine or ten at night;
hence fears are enter-
tained that the rest of
the neighbouring ho-
siers will be obliged
in self-defence to return
to the old barbarous
system of keepingtheir
shops open equally
late.
Deputations without number, consisting both of employers and
employed, have, we understand, repeatedly waited on this sock-seller,
and vainly endeavoured to prevail upon him to abandon his greedy
practice of late closing. To all their remonstrances and entreaties a
deaf ear has been turned by the obstinate and incorrigible snob.
The hosiers' assistants of the city alluded to, who have published the
above-mentioned particulars in a handbill, further observe that the greedy
"party" who keeps the hosiery nighthouse in the thoroughfare in
question, will be at once discovered by means of a walk t hrough that
thoroughfare after eight o'clock in the evening. They also point out
that by simply abstaining from the purchase of any hosiery subsequently
to that hour, the inhabitants of the said city may protect the early
closing hosiers from the loss now accruing to them, from competition,
at a disadvantage, with those who close late.
We hope the residents of the Boulevard des Italiens will carefully
perambulate that great thoroughfare on the first convenient evening
five minutes after eight, mark the hosier whose shop remains open,
and book his name. We trust that the people of Broadway, New York,
will do the like.
And lest—but the thing is almost impossible—lest there should, per-
many passages in Beethoven's works by which she might awaken j adventure, dwell any such linseywoolsey caitiff in the midst of our
those sensibilities, which the grandeur and beauty of that Nature, j metropolis—lest, perchance any such worsted polypus should infest the
amid whose glories he exercises his calling, do not perhaps always J heart of London—suppose, a-ood fellow citizens, we also take a walk
arouse as much as they ought in the mind of the British Farmer, j together the first convenient evening, shortly after eight—say—through
Or should he, as may sometimes be the case, have not quite enough j Cheapside.
spirituality in him to understand that sort of thing, she might —-____
at least amuse his ear, and accelerate his slumber by the pleasant I
tinkle of a polka. Talking of that, I would venture to express! the fleet's farewell to the Baltic.
the hope that the refining influence of music in the rural dis-'
tricts will ultimately reach the agricultural labourer, for whose im-
provement we are all so anxious • insomuch that no long time will elapse
before the harvest home is held in the drawing-room, and whilst the
ploughmen take the milkmaids gracefullv around the room, the farmer's
wife sits down at the piano, and plays the Schottische or the Cellarkis." Aberdeen at full Length.
Of course this speech would have been received with mild applause,! The good people of Aberdeen have hung a full length of their
and gentle laughter: and instead of the following sentiment having pacific Earl in the Town Hall. It is generally understood that the
been proposed in consequence: 1 artist has been allowed to take a duplicate copy for the library of
T,„ro. . ., . . .. , ' .I Nicholas, to be shipped for St. Petersburg when the present gun-
Hereis to the wife of a jolly good farmer, who can make a jolly good cheese, and ; „„„rj___li__.__„„_ s 1 o
For the winter we quit, 1o return with the swallow,
And then—Heaven only knows what is to follow!
iy,
play a jolly good tune on a jolly good piano to a jolly good famih
which indicates a very late hour and a yet more advanced state of beer;
the Sparkenhoe farmers would have given " The health of our sallant
friend, Mr. Punch, the chivalrous Protectionist of the Agricultural
Ladies."
La»y A-e L-a S--e F--z-v has obliged us with
the following:—In the event of Cerito's engagement at St. Petersburg,
do you suppose the Emperor will allow the Galop from Alma to be
nlayed !!
powder cloud has quite blown over.
base attempt on the crimea.
Name of ill omen to that province-gulper,
In the Crimea he '11 Cry mea culpa !
Advice for the Gold Fields.—-The last advice that has been for-
warded to the Diggings is the advice to remember the difference
bet ween mine and thine.
Vol. 27.
6—2
THE PIANO IN THE FARM-HOUSE.
Mr. Punch quite agrees with Hie sentiments respecting the piano
and farmers' wives, which Mb,. C. 11. Colvile meant to express at the
Sparkenhoe Farmers5 Club Dinner ; but then,, if Mr. Punch had been
Mr. Colvile, he would have said what he meant, and not the reverse.
Mb. Colvile, of course, was joking : but never venture on irony with
ladies, or farmers either, still less with both together ; your joke will
most likely create a disturbance, as his did; and what is worse, you
may also have to explain it; which, iikewise, was liis unhappy case.
The following betises, as the remarks in question were universally
denominated "by the ladies of trie Sparkenhoe farmers, are reported by
the Sun to have been delivered by that unlucky gentleman, in proposing
"The Ladies," as a toast. Having noticed the circumstance of their
presence as a new feature in agricultural meetings, and alluded to a
notion generally prevalent, that farmers' wives were " too proud for
their business," undeterred by the disapprobation which followed these
words, Mb. Colvile thus injudiciously proceeded :—
" It is, therefore, that I have observed with the greatest pleasure so many fair faceo
around me, and see, them take an interest in agricultural affairs; for, depend upon it,
if you intend to make a good dairy of cheese, you have not too much time to play upon
the piano."
Well; then came the storm which might have been expected. Had
Mr. Punch been in the place of Mk. Colvile, the papers would have
had to report the subjoined observations in place of the above :—
Mr. Punch, in proposing the toast of " The Ladies," said : "In the
discharge of the pleasing duty which has been confided to me, I cannot
sufficiently express my gratification at the sight of the ladies who have
done us the honour of coming here. Their presence on this occasion
refutes the vulgar calumny which asserts that farmers' wives are above
their business. This vile slander is grounded on the circumstance that
the accomplishment of music is general amongst them. They are
accused of playing upon the piano. And why should they not—when
they have nothing else to do ? All work and no play—we know what
the consequence of that is; and if farmers' ladies must have some
playing, what can they play better than the piano ? Are they to go
jingling about with the cupboard-keys and the keys of the cellar con-
tinually, and never rattle over the ivory*keys by way of a change of
key ? Then it is said that if they want a good dairy, there must be no
piano-playing That is, I suppose, for fear what is called a thundering
accompaniment should turn the milk sour. Fiddlestick ! When a
farmer comes home of an evening he requires amusement; he does not
always want to go to sleep—and what else can he go to?—he has no
theatre, no concert, no Exeter Hall. Then what can be more suitable
to his circumstances than that his wife should sit, down at her instru-
ment, and give him a bit of music. Suppose she plays something from
Haydn's Seasons—for instance, 'With cheerfulness the husbandman:'
is not that, just the sort of thing to raise his spirits, when perhaps they
are depressed by the circumstance that the weather is bad for the
corn ; or if good for the corn, bad for the turnips ? Or she might per-
form a selection from Acts and Galatea, that beautiful composition of
Handel's, so pastoral in its expression, and therefore so calculated to
soothe his mind when anxious on account of his live stock. Well then
she may refresh that affection which is the source of domestic happi-
ness, by means of some tender melody of Mozart's : and there are
THE ONE SHOP A-LIGHT IN THE STREET.
one of the chief thoroughfares of
one of the chief cities
of the world, there
exists a money-grub in
the form of a hosier.
All the other hosiers
in that thoroughfare
have, for the last two
years, closed their
shops at eight o'clock
in the evening, so as
to aliowr their assistants
some little time daily
to keep up the intel-
lect, recruit the facul-
ties, and exercise the
affections which dis-
tinguish the human
being from the ox and
the ass and the pig.
But this grub of a
hosier persists in keep-
ing his shop open till
nine or ten at night;
hence fears are enter-
tained that the rest of
the neighbouring ho-
siers will be obliged
in self-defence to return
to the old barbarous
system of keepingtheir
shops open equally
late.
Deputations without number, consisting both of employers and
employed, have, we understand, repeatedly waited on this sock-seller,
and vainly endeavoured to prevail upon him to abandon his greedy
practice of late closing. To all their remonstrances and entreaties a
deaf ear has been turned by the obstinate and incorrigible snob.
The hosiers' assistants of the city alluded to, who have published the
above-mentioned particulars in a handbill, further observe that the greedy
"party" who keeps the hosiery nighthouse in the thoroughfare in
question, will be at once discovered by means of a walk t hrough that
thoroughfare after eight o'clock in the evening. They also point out
that by simply abstaining from the purchase of any hosiery subsequently
to that hour, the inhabitants of the said city may protect the early
closing hosiers from the loss now accruing to them, from competition,
at a disadvantage, with those who close late.
We hope the residents of the Boulevard des Italiens will carefully
perambulate that great thoroughfare on the first convenient evening
five minutes after eight, mark the hosier whose shop remains open,
and book his name. We trust that the people of Broadway, New York,
will do the like.
And lest—but the thing is almost impossible—lest there should, per-
many passages in Beethoven's works by which she might awaken j adventure, dwell any such linseywoolsey caitiff in the midst of our
those sensibilities, which the grandeur and beauty of that Nature, j metropolis—lest, perchance any such worsted polypus should infest the
amid whose glories he exercises his calling, do not perhaps always J heart of London—suppose, a-ood fellow citizens, we also take a walk
arouse as much as they ought in the mind of the British Farmer, j together the first convenient evening, shortly after eight—say—through
Or should he, as may sometimes be the case, have not quite enough j Cheapside.
spirituality in him to understand that sort of thing, she might —-____
at least amuse his ear, and accelerate his slumber by the pleasant I
tinkle of a polka. Talking of that, I would venture to express! the fleet's farewell to the Baltic.
the hope that the refining influence of music in the rural dis-'
tricts will ultimately reach the agricultural labourer, for whose im-
provement we are all so anxious • insomuch that no long time will elapse
before the harvest home is held in the drawing-room, and whilst the
ploughmen take the milkmaids gracefullv around the room, the farmer's
wife sits down at the piano, and plays the Schottische or the Cellarkis." Aberdeen at full Length.
Of course this speech would have been received with mild applause,! The good people of Aberdeen have hung a full length of their
and gentle laughter: and instead of the following sentiment having pacific Earl in the Town Hall. It is generally understood that the
been proposed in consequence: 1 artist has been allowed to take a duplicate copy for the library of
T,„ro. . ., . . .. , ' .I Nicholas, to be shipped for St. Petersburg when the present gun-
Hereis to the wife of a jolly good farmer, who can make a jolly good cheese, and ; „„„rj___li__.__„„_ s 1 o
For the winter we quit, 1o return with the swallow,
And then—Heaven only knows what is to follow!
iy,
play a jolly good tune on a jolly good piano to a jolly good famih
which indicates a very late hour and a yet more advanced state of beer;
the Sparkenhoe farmers would have given " The health of our sallant
friend, Mr. Punch, the chivalrous Protectionist of the Agricultural
Ladies."
La»y A-e L-a S--e F--z-v has obliged us with
the following:—In the event of Cerito's engagement at St. Petersburg,
do you suppose the Emperor will allow the Galop from Alma to be
nlayed !!
powder cloud has quite blown over.
base attempt on the crimea.
Name of ill omen to that province-gulper,
In the Crimea he '11 Cry mea culpa !
Advice for the Gold Fields.—-The last advice that has been for-
warded to the Diggings is the advice to remember the difference
bet ween mine and thine.
Vol. 27.
6—2