Punch (29.1855)

4

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

INDEMNITY FOR THE WAR.

HE Cochin-China Cock—that
vain long-legged nuisance in
scanty feathers—is the allowed
disturber of the peace of
families. All orderly people
have a crow to pick with bini.
We are, however, rejoiced to
learn, tbat another sort of
cock—a cock from the Black
Sea—according to the papers
—"is likely to prove a for-
midable rival " to the Chanti-
cleer of Confucius. It is alto-
gether a more handsome,
more delicate bird; for " it is
crested, and has feathered
legs ; " whereas the manner
in which the Cochins stalk
about before their pantaloons
are feathered is, at least, un-
comfortable to the eye of the
benevolent. Now, as respects
the Crimean Cock:—

" Its most distinguishing peculi-
arity is in the arrangement of the
tail feathers. These are very few,
and do not project as in other birds,
but drop down and lie clone to the body,
so that the creature appears tailless,
and when its head is erect scarcely
has the appearance of a bi rd."

How capitally will this
Crimean Cock—with his
feathers down, witli no appa-
rent tail—remain to us in our farm-yards, a living useful testimony of our triumph over
Russia. John Bull will fondly treasure the bird as his own—the Cock of the Black Sea.
But the great blessing bestowed upon quiet people will be in the utter destruction, as
promised, of the Cocbin-China Cock by the Cock of the Crimea. At present Cochin-China
is horribly obstreperous ! How frightful, in these early mornings, is Cochin-China's " cock-a-
doodle-t/o /" How pleasing to think, that with the triumph of the Crimean Cock, the
Cochin's "cock-a-doodle-do," will be a "Cock-a-doodle-a?0/>?<?/"

SOYEB/S BIVOUAC COOKERY.

M. Soyer has favoured the Times with "some of the most important receipts concocted out
of the soldier's rations." Marvellous has been the Frenchman's cunning exercised on mere
salted pork, and common household onions. He has immortalised the great Turkish General
in a dish of " Stewed Salt Beef and Pork a la Omar Pasha :" he has, moreover, stood
sponsor to a mess of raisins, fat treacle, &c, calling the compound—" Cossack's Pudding."
Now these things, with others, M. Soyer has made known to the Times. To Mr. Punch alone
Alexis Soyer has communicated the receipts subjoined:—

Potage a la Aberdeen.

Take the leanest rib of the leanest Isle of Skye sheep : if a sheep is not to be had, try the
old leather of the regimental bagpipe. Take three thistles ; pluck away the down, and
carefully skin the thistles. If for two quarts of soup, split two peas. Skimming is not
necessary.

Monster Plum pudding a la Gladstone.

A pudding for six hundred and fifty-eight. Take a handful of raisins, stone them ; divide the
s'ones into, say a hundred equal parts ; and alter shaking them together, divide the parts into
five hundred more. Crack three eggs (from any mare's nest) and beat together. Let your
shreds of lemon-peel be excessively candied. Take another handful of raisins of the sun,
with half as many currants of the moonshine. Thicken with flour at will. Stir with an
Exchequer tally, and boil in a pudding-cloth from an Oxford surplice.

LORD ROBERT GROSVENOR'S
CANTICLE.

The mansions of the just I'll share,

Nor live where sinners dwell;
My heart delighteth in May-Pair,

But hateth Clerkenwell.
My house shall in Tyburnia be;

My home in Pimlico ;
1 will not rest in Bermondsey,

Or sleep nigh Bunhill Row.

Mount Pleasant is a wicked place ;

A naughty folk's abode.
And let me not, in any case,

Beside by Gosweli Road.
But on Hay-Hill I will rejoice,

In Grosvenor Square the Sbine s
The latter place give me, for choice,

By reason of the name.

Oh ! come on Sunday from your lanes,

And courts, ye straying sheep ;
And here behold what quiet reigns,

And how we Sunday keep !
You '11 see no fish for sale, nor meat,

No public-houses here,
Whence ragged girls, with slipshod feet,

Are fetching pots of beer.

You '11 never, on that holy day,

Unhaliow'd shoulders view,
Of mutton, brought from o'er the way,

Our blessed gates unto,
With baked potatoes under that,

Upon a tray of tin,
All smoking hot, and soak'd with fat,

But steep'd still more in sin.

No kind of work our servants do,
(Por aught that you can see;)

That we are even such as you,
And eat and drink, deem ye ?

Make others cook that we may dine ?
That we can do such wrong?

So grossly break the law divine ?

0 misbelieving throng!

Though every day, on sumptuous fare,

1 feast, of all the seven ;
And purple and fine linen wear,

I still may hope for heaven.
Because ou Sunday my repast

A. righteous meal will be,
Since I shall make the poor man fast,

And pray—perhaps !—for me.

THE DANGERS OP THE THAMES.

We read in the account of the Henley regatta,
that one of the boat races was " lost by Mis-
adventure, in consequence of Mr. Lewis, of
Chelsea, having broken his scull." This an-
nouncement is somewhat alarming, and indeed
it is rather unintelligible, for we do not see how
Mr. Lewis can have caused the frightful fracture
which incapacitated him from further exertion;
though it is possible that he may have received
from his competitor in the heat of the moment—
, . ,. ...... which appears to have been the Second Heat—an

Choose any beet, except the beet ot a Nmeveh bull, lor it is too tough tor the purposes 'injury of the kind described. We are great ad-
of a bouilh (bully) ? Boil in salt water, and flavour with onions (the Netherby sort are the
best if at hand). Plavour the liquor with a yarn of any sort.

Boiled Beee a la Sir James Graham.

mirers of aquatic sports, and we have otten
" pulled up " a cabman, which is no very ea^y or
agreeable task ; but when we find we are liable
to have our s-cull broken, we are almost deter-
mined to keep out of anything in the shape of

Pigeon Pie a la Peace Party.

If no pigeons or doves are to be had, take a Russian duck. If a duck is not to be bad,
take a gull. If no gull is at hand, anything will do as well. The only necessary precaution [ a row, or a rowing match as long as we live,
to be taken for a Peace Pie is this,—whattver may be contained within the dish, there must
be pigeon's feet peeping out of the crust. These made with paste, and varnished with egg
—(if Manchester-laid the better)—will serve all purposes.

Parisian Bakings Carefully Attended to.—It must be confessed, that our drama-
tists and actors of the present day make their bread mostly out of French Roles.

Lord Palmerston's Evil Example.—There's
Soyer now—that other Minister of the Interior,
—who not satisfied with attending to the diffe-
rent Messes in the Crimea, la actually making
joke*'