DOI issue:
July 28, 1855
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16616#0051
July 28, 1855.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 39
in
m
THE WHITEBAIT'S REVENGE.
is an elderly Whitebait, j " Cheer up, cheer up, old Flounder,
a Greenwich boatman's well, ! And bear a stiffer tail;
is way to the fatal kitchen I He's no true fish that for dredge or dish
Of the Trafalgar Hotel. Turns dull in a single scale.
Around him in countless thousands, | "^^^S^ for my death-bed>
His hapless fellows press'd, ^f^f h? J". Tf V
And he knew the batter was mixing \ BVL l^p/r ^ 11 £ P*™™'
Wherewith they should soon be dress'd. | And devi11 d 1 soou sha11 be !
| " But a fig for the smart and for Mr. Hart—
And as the well-boat pass'd under I die as my fathers died ;
The Trafalgar windows wide, j Ne'er a Whitebait yet of my famdy,
He might see the parties feeding But in batter he was fried.
On his brethren of the tide ! i
j 1 was bred by my sire to face the fire,
By his side swam an ancient Flounder, i And the lemon-juice so keen;
Oh heavily swam he, 1 ^n"- ca'm to confront the scorching brunt
Of the water-souche thinking, Of the batterie de cuisine,
" An alderman's self it can lay on the shelf
With the appetite he reveres ;
And thinner and thinner'twill make the dinner
Where dine the Ministeres.
" Oh, fouler it flows, and grosser it grows—
Still fouler, and grosser still,—
Till from Greenwich hotels it more repels
Than headache or dinner-bill.
" Soon the time will come that dark and dumb
These coffee-rooms shall stand,—
No more parties fines from those casements
shall lean,
Tossing browns to the boys on the strand!
" Or if Englishmen's will be so potent still,
That yet at those tables you find them,
Ere arriving here, they '11 have left, 'tis clear,
Where sodden he soon shodd be! , Then if Whitebait caQ die SQ m^ Their appetites behind them !
You might see the steam-boats landing
Their crowds at the Greenwich pier,
But little, I ween, those faces green
Betoken'd of diner's cheer.
Oh! pale to be seen, or a sad sea green,
Were the parties that sped away,
From sewer-stain'd flood, and sewer-soak'd
mud.
Over Greenwich pier that day!
Then loud laugh'd the elderly Whitebait,
And his silvery tail wagg'd clear,
As he marK'd the hue, betwixt green and
blue,
Of each river-sick passengere.
And he turn'd to the ancient Flounder
That fiopper'd at his side,
And with cheerful grin, 'neath his belly fin,
He poked him, and gaily cried:—
Oh, why should Flounder dread
In souche of water, to perish a martyr
On a verdant parsley bed ?
" Our friends of old no comfort had
In the batter as they lay,
Save the thought of the bill their devoixrers
Would certainly have to pay—
" Save the thought of the bill, and how very ill,
From cold punch and iced champagne,
The gents who dined would probably find
Themselves, when they left the train;
"But thou and I, and our family-fry
Have a friend our sires ne'er knew,
In the nausea that rides the Thames' rank tides,
Which to eat us folks pass through.
"Oh, rank and rich, froui the tidal ditch
The stink comes steaming up !
And well I wot there's more headache in that
Than in punch or claret-cup.
" Oh, in batter to lie, 'neath a dull dead eye,
That with hunger had gloated of old !
To defy the fork, that once went to work,
Ere a napkin you could unfold !
" To see his plate that once yearn'd for bait
Push'd languidly away !
Instead of lust, to create disgust,
Let bitters do all they may !
" Thus 'twill be, I wis, and the hope of this,
Is strong in the Whitebait's heart—
It nerves us to look with scorn on the cook,
And defy him and all his art !
" Aye, thought of this gives scorn to my hiss,
E'en out of the frying-pan,
And I fold me all proud, in my batter shroud,
And laugh at the hunger of man!
" Then cheer up, thou ancient Flounder,
And like me bravely die--"
The rest of the speech he had spoken,
But they put him on to fry !
A LOWE STYLE OF LOGIC.
By speaking on Mil. Roebuck's motion, Mr. Lowe is reported to
have said—
" Why, the House of Commons was now asked whether it would not pass a vote of
censure on the Government of this country, and on the Empekob of the French."
But Mb. Roebuck proposed to the House of Commons to censure
the late Administration for "the sufferings of our army during the
winter campaign in the Crimea," on the ground that the conduct of
that Administration " was the first and chief cause of the calamities
which befell that Army." The Emperor of the French in no way
contributed to the starvation and gelation of our brave soldiers, except
by not insisting that they should not accompany his own. flow he
could have done that, we would thank Mr. Lowe to inform our readers,
and should also be glad if Mb. Lowe would explain to the world by
what means Louis Napoleon could have become acquainted with our
extreme want of military organisation.
If Mb. Roebuck's motion is, in Mr. Lowe's opinion, a vote of
censure on the Emperor of the French, Mb. Lowe must consider
Mr. Roebuck as calling upon the House of Commons to declare that
Louis Napoleon ought to have been cognisant of our defective
military, organisation, and of the want of concert existing between the
Treasury, the War Office, the Board of Ordnance, and the Admiralty ;
that it was his place to represent these circumstances to the British
Government, and to protest that he would be no party to the
destruction of British troops by cold, and want of food, clothing, and
shelter, at the side of the well-cared-for and comfortable French. As if,
in case he had interfered in our affairs by any such representation, he
would have beea credited ; and as if, moreover, he would not have been
invited to mind that business to which the condition of the French
army last winter proves him considerably more capable of attending
than the Aberdeen Society were of managing theirs. No, Mb. Lowe,
the condemnation of Louis Napoleon is not involved in a vote of
censure on the Balaclava Ministry.
A Chapter without an End.—The. Cathedral Chapter crying out
as usual for more Bishops.
RESPECTABLE RASCALS.
We are really beginning to be afraid ol everything in the shape of
respectability, for recent events have shown us, that the shape of
respectability may very probably include the form alone without the
substance. The cloak of religion seems to be nothing better than an
extensive wrap-rascal, and we are afraid that we should find the garb
of piety very often little better than a sort of moral Mackintosh thrown
over the loose habits of the wearer. One of the latest instances of
respectable rascality is that of a pious prig who has collected subscrip-
tions for a number of ragged schools, and pocketed the proceeds. This
gentleman will probably confess the weakness of the flesh, allude to
the human race in general as poor worms, and after a few ebullitions
of cant, will no doubt be received again with open arms by his puri-
tanical brethren, and with open pockets by his unfortunate _victims.
We wish that the public would open their eyes instead of their purses
to those pious impostors, who are getting just now " as plentiful as
blackberries," or, more appropriately speaking, " as thick as thieves."
The Hose and the River.
The River doth offend the nerves
Which sense affords to noses:
The Thames, which the Loed Mayor conserves,
Is no Conserve of Roses.
a bussian malady.
The Czar has been said to be in a decline. This rumour has beea
contradicted; but whether Alexander is in a decline or not, it is
tolerably certain that his Empire is in a consumption.
muscovite holiness.
Gortschakoff talks of " Holy Russia." Let us hope that the Allied
rifles will make the Russian savages " more holy than righteous."
in
m
THE WHITEBAIT'S REVENGE.
is an elderly Whitebait, j " Cheer up, cheer up, old Flounder,
a Greenwich boatman's well, ! And bear a stiffer tail;
is way to the fatal kitchen I He's no true fish that for dredge or dish
Of the Trafalgar Hotel. Turns dull in a single scale.
Around him in countless thousands, | "^^^S^ for my death-bed>
His hapless fellows press'd, ^f^f h? J". Tf V
And he knew the batter was mixing \ BVL l^p/r ^ 11 £ P*™™'
Wherewith they should soon be dress'd. | And devi11 d 1 soou sha11 be !
| " But a fig for the smart and for Mr. Hart—
And as the well-boat pass'd under I die as my fathers died ;
The Trafalgar windows wide, j Ne'er a Whitebait yet of my famdy,
He might see the parties feeding But in batter he was fried.
On his brethren of the tide ! i
j 1 was bred by my sire to face the fire,
By his side swam an ancient Flounder, i And the lemon-juice so keen;
Oh heavily swam he, 1 ^n"- ca'm to confront the scorching brunt
Of the water-souche thinking, Of the batterie de cuisine,
" An alderman's self it can lay on the shelf
With the appetite he reveres ;
And thinner and thinner'twill make the dinner
Where dine the Ministeres.
" Oh, fouler it flows, and grosser it grows—
Still fouler, and grosser still,—
Till from Greenwich hotels it more repels
Than headache or dinner-bill.
" Soon the time will come that dark and dumb
These coffee-rooms shall stand,—
No more parties fines from those casements
shall lean,
Tossing browns to the boys on the strand!
" Or if Englishmen's will be so potent still,
That yet at those tables you find them,
Ere arriving here, they '11 have left, 'tis clear,
Where sodden he soon shodd be! , Then if Whitebait caQ die SQ m^ Their appetites behind them !
You might see the steam-boats landing
Their crowds at the Greenwich pier,
But little, I ween, those faces green
Betoken'd of diner's cheer.
Oh! pale to be seen, or a sad sea green,
Were the parties that sped away,
From sewer-stain'd flood, and sewer-soak'd
mud.
Over Greenwich pier that day!
Then loud laugh'd the elderly Whitebait,
And his silvery tail wagg'd clear,
As he marK'd the hue, betwixt green and
blue,
Of each river-sick passengere.
And he turn'd to the ancient Flounder
That fiopper'd at his side,
And with cheerful grin, 'neath his belly fin,
He poked him, and gaily cried:—
Oh, why should Flounder dread
In souche of water, to perish a martyr
On a verdant parsley bed ?
" Our friends of old no comfort had
In the batter as they lay,
Save the thought of the bill their devoixrers
Would certainly have to pay—
" Save the thought of the bill, and how very ill,
From cold punch and iced champagne,
The gents who dined would probably find
Themselves, when they left the train;
"But thou and I, and our family-fry
Have a friend our sires ne'er knew,
In the nausea that rides the Thames' rank tides,
Which to eat us folks pass through.
"Oh, rank and rich, froui the tidal ditch
The stink comes steaming up !
And well I wot there's more headache in that
Than in punch or claret-cup.
" Oh, in batter to lie, 'neath a dull dead eye,
That with hunger had gloated of old !
To defy the fork, that once went to work,
Ere a napkin you could unfold !
" To see his plate that once yearn'd for bait
Push'd languidly away !
Instead of lust, to create disgust,
Let bitters do all they may !
" Thus 'twill be, I wis, and the hope of this,
Is strong in the Whitebait's heart—
It nerves us to look with scorn on the cook,
And defy him and all his art !
" Aye, thought of this gives scorn to my hiss,
E'en out of the frying-pan,
And I fold me all proud, in my batter shroud,
And laugh at the hunger of man!
" Then cheer up, thou ancient Flounder,
And like me bravely die--"
The rest of the speech he had spoken,
But they put him on to fry !
A LOWE STYLE OF LOGIC.
By speaking on Mil. Roebuck's motion, Mr. Lowe is reported to
have said—
" Why, the House of Commons was now asked whether it would not pass a vote of
censure on the Government of this country, and on the Empekob of the French."
But Mb. Roebuck proposed to the House of Commons to censure
the late Administration for "the sufferings of our army during the
winter campaign in the Crimea," on the ground that the conduct of
that Administration " was the first and chief cause of the calamities
which befell that Army." The Emperor of the French in no way
contributed to the starvation and gelation of our brave soldiers, except
by not insisting that they should not accompany his own. flow he
could have done that, we would thank Mr. Lowe to inform our readers,
and should also be glad if Mb. Lowe would explain to the world by
what means Louis Napoleon could have become acquainted with our
extreme want of military organisation.
If Mb. Roebuck's motion is, in Mr. Lowe's opinion, a vote of
censure on the Emperor of the French, Mb. Lowe must consider
Mr. Roebuck as calling upon the House of Commons to declare that
Louis Napoleon ought to have been cognisant of our defective
military, organisation, and of the want of concert existing between the
Treasury, the War Office, the Board of Ordnance, and the Admiralty ;
that it was his place to represent these circumstances to the British
Government, and to protest that he would be no party to the
destruction of British troops by cold, and want of food, clothing, and
shelter, at the side of the well-cared-for and comfortable French. As if,
in case he had interfered in our affairs by any such representation, he
would have beea credited ; and as if, moreover, he would not have been
invited to mind that business to which the condition of the French
army last winter proves him considerably more capable of attending
than the Aberdeen Society were of managing theirs. No, Mb. Lowe,
the condemnation of Louis Napoleon is not involved in a vote of
censure on the Balaclava Ministry.
A Chapter without an End.—The. Cathedral Chapter crying out
as usual for more Bishops.
RESPECTABLE RASCALS.
We are really beginning to be afraid ol everything in the shape of
respectability, for recent events have shown us, that the shape of
respectability may very probably include the form alone without the
substance. The cloak of religion seems to be nothing better than an
extensive wrap-rascal, and we are afraid that we should find the garb
of piety very often little better than a sort of moral Mackintosh thrown
over the loose habits of the wearer. One of the latest instances of
respectable rascality is that of a pious prig who has collected subscrip-
tions for a number of ragged schools, and pocketed the proceeds. This
gentleman will probably confess the weakness of the flesh, allude to
the human race in general as poor worms, and after a few ebullitions
of cant, will no doubt be received again with open arms by his puri-
tanical brethren, and with open pockets by his unfortunate _victims.
We wish that the public would open their eyes instead of their purses
to those pious impostors, who are getting just now " as plentiful as
blackberries," or, more appropriately speaking, " as thick as thieves."
The Hose and the River.
The River doth offend the nerves
Which sense affords to noses:
The Thames, which the Loed Mayor conserves,
Is no Conserve of Roses.
a bussian malady.
The Czar has been said to be in a decline. This rumour has beea
contradicted; but whether Alexander is in a decline or not, it is
tolerably certain that his Empire is in a consumption.
muscovite holiness.
Gortschakoff talks of " Holy Russia." Let us hope that the Allied
rifles will make the Russian savages " more holy than righteous."