DOI Heft:
August 4, 1855
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16616#0056
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[August 4, 1855.
business is with bangs, not bungs. Besides, spirits are often above
proof, but- Mr. Punch nas seldom heard of a policeman who was above
proving anything that he was ordered to prove.
In tue Commons, Major Reed asked Lord Palmerstos a very
proper question, namely, whether in the event of peace being made
during the recess, be would call Parliament together before ratifying
the terms. To which Lord Palmerston replied witb one of bis best,
pieces of courteous impertinence, namely, that if anything occurred
rendering it necessary to call Parliament together, he should feel it his
duty to do so.
An Education vote of £296,521, making, with a previous vote, about
three hundred and eighty thousand pounds—all that England, with a
collected national revenue of sixty millions, can afford to spend on the
education of her children—was then taken, as was an Irish vote for the
same purpose. There was a debate in which rather more sense was
talked upon the subject than usual—which is perhaps not saying much,
the locality being remembered.
Friday. In the Lords, Brougham came out again in his old' charac-
ter of " our Henry." He declared himself to be an attached friend of
the Church of England, and an opponent of Dissenters, but he intro-
duced a bill for sweeping away about 100 old penal acts against
religionists of other convictions than his own. ,
In the Commons, Mr. Gladstone renewed his attempt to embarrass ! Its Btanduw or sinking an absolute lottery-
the Government and insult our French Ally, in re'erenee to the Turkish I lf the fall of the roof should ope that to the sky!
loan, but he was tackled by almost as subtle a logician as himself, the ™haf V^f oi ion[ litter from basement to attic!
Solicitor General, and may", " in the language of the Schools " (in which Tir/Vhat ?ust> ",ean1t in John Bull s poor eyes to be thrown !—
Le delights), be said to have cotched it rather. The desirability of a i What red-taped and docketted lies diplomatic
good understanding between ourselves and the French was further!. Which, but tor that smash, never daylight had known!
illustrated by the inability of the House of Commons to agree upon the What rickettv tie-beams, now made to pass muster,
meaning of the French word, by which it was intended to bind the Ad(1 c|ench British interests in critical case!
allies _severally; lhe Loan, however, met with no successful; "What under-pinned,clerks'rooms~a_tumble-down cluster,
opposition. _ Bv familv buttressing scarce kept in place!
lhe Committee on the Sunday Beer Bill having reported that it What cracks gapmg wide, where the light should be shut out ?
ought to be altered, the preparatory steps were taken tor that purpose.
DANGER IN DOWNING STREET.
Look out, my Palmerston—look out, my Clarendon,
Look out, my Molesworth—clean-sweeping new broom—
Now that you've got your long session and barren done,
Now lungs have breathing-time, elbows have room—
Would you clap stoppers on out-of-door movements,
Take the wind from the sails of Lowe, Layard, and Co. P
There's an opening for work in Westminster improvements—
Out with plumb-line and trowel—with pick-axe and crow.
Read the Report of the Commons' Committee,—
The Report on the Downing Street Offices' Bill,—
And rotten as banks may turn out in the City,
You'll find public offices rottener still.
Strahan, Paul, and Bates may be Titans in robbery,
In private securities driving a trade ;
But their row has been mild to what you '11 have of bobbery,
Till public security surer be made.
First, the old Foreign Office is awfully tottery,
Its bottom a quicksand, its walls all awry:
This is Mr. Punch's doing.
'HE COMPLAINT OF CHEMISTRY.
{To Mr. Punch.)
ib,—I am a young female, being a
What windows brick'd up, where light should be let in!
What, worm-eaten sleepers that ought to be cut out!
What veneering where good two-inch oak were too thin 1
When all this is set right, if you've pluck to begin it,
The Colonial Office may next claim your care;
Come Sir William, and show what a Mole's worth, this minute,
Burrow down to its roots, and let in light and air.
Your function, at once, one for Draco and Solon is,
In cutting out old work and putting up new,
science of recent origin : the i For amateur builders have work'd at the Colonies,
sciences, _ you know, are invested | Till a nice state of things they have brought matters to.
with petticoats, and all sisters. You
behold in me, Mr. Punch, a case of I There's Grey's been employing his rule of Procrustes,
beauty in distress : for I am beau- Trusting, doctrinaire-like, more to measures than men—
tiful, though I sav it: ask Pro- 'Twill be lucky for you too, if Grey's work the worst is—
fessor Faraday if he does not If his building was rotten, his plans were meant well—
flunk so. Mv unhappiness arises But take warning from him,—as at schemes architectural,
from the circumstance of being In your office you'11 soon have to do what you can—
compelled to be subservient to the Trust no grey-headed wisdom, sublimely conjectural,
designs of an odious and brutal Cut your coat by your cloth, and your cloth by your man.
tyrant and his thralls, whilst by Colonial M ag RlCARD0 will tell 0
the noble and the brave, the chain- Are builty wood and s0 & they rot;
p.ons of liberty, to whose assist- Bu, Col(mm[ officials,—for them friends will sell you
ance I would devote myself with gtuff h boldest Colonia] ship.builder would not.
all my heart and soul, I am coldly Qf used T daTldjes and ^ Ush cousins
neglected. The Russian Govern- Yqu ,n £ d wheQ £ rebuild I'm afraid,
ment has established a commis- Uncommon bad lots on your hands thrown, by dozens,
sion at St. Petersburg, with a view Condemn'd as unfit for all use in home trade,
to extort from me all the de-
structive devices they possibly can—to be employed against the Then to work with you, Palmerston, Clarendon, Molesworth ;
Allies. My chlorate of potash, my sulphuric acid, my galvanism, they In modelling Downing Street use the recess—
press into their abominable service, using their utmost efforts to render 'Tis the desperate task shows the strenuous soul's worth;
me ancillary to the subjugation and the degradation of mankind. By- Think how Hercules dealt with the Augean mess,
and-by they will arrive at the power of wielding my fulminating silver, Then when new Downing Street challenges censure,
and my chloride and iodide of nitrogen—and then what will become of Colonial Office, and Foreign, and all—
civilisation ! 1 am arming savages with thunderbolts. I cannot help ; Grown bold by experience, next year you may venture
myself. Those who choose can win me, and will wear me. That horrid j On like work in Parliament Street and Whitehall.
man Jacobi, or Jacobs, was encouraged to apply me to the construe-__
tion of his infernal machines, and you have only to thank his imperfect
knowledge of me, and my sister, Mechanics, that a considerable por-
tion of the Baltic Fleet has not been blown out of the water. Has the
A Turk's Head Broom for a Vatican Spider.
British Government ever consulted, even, with Faraday, or any of my Scarcely delivered frem Russian aggression, the unfortunate Sultan
other wooers, to the intent of employing me against the common is to be exposed to aggression from Rome. " The Pope is about to
enemy ? " Try me, ply me," as the song says; you won't knosv what appoint an Italian Bishop to the vacant see of Constantinople." There
I am capable of till you do : indeed, I don't know that myself, exactly, is another vacant see close to Constantinople, called, in maps, the Sea
But I do know that I possess tremendous powers of destruction, re- of Marmora; and if the intruding priest should, on his arrival, be in-
quiring only to be developed, and I wish that those could be employed ducted thereinto by the Turkish hierarchy, we trust Holy Father
by generous and gentle freemen for the extermination of ferocious and Pms will not be severe on a mere clerical error,
cruel slaves, I would, my dear Mr. Punch, wish to be, _—-
" Your faithful Handmaid, Correct Measurement—Tell me how many Ladies'-maids a ljady
" Albemarle Street, July, 1855. "Chemistry." has had, and I will tell you her temper
[August 4, 1855.
business is with bangs, not bungs. Besides, spirits are often above
proof, but- Mr. Punch nas seldom heard of a policeman who was above
proving anything that he was ordered to prove.
In tue Commons, Major Reed asked Lord Palmerstos a very
proper question, namely, whether in the event of peace being made
during the recess, be would call Parliament together before ratifying
the terms. To which Lord Palmerston replied witb one of bis best,
pieces of courteous impertinence, namely, that if anything occurred
rendering it necessary to call Parliament together, he should feel it his
duty to do so.
An Education vote of £296,521, making, with a previous vote, about
three hundred and eighty thousand pounds—all that England, with a
collected national revenue of sixty millions, can afford to spend on the
education of her children—was then taken, as was an Irish vote for the
same purpose. There was a debate in which rather more sense was
talked upon the subject than usual—which is perhaps not saying much,
the locality being remembered.
Friday. In the Lords, Brougham came out again in his old' charac-
ter of " our Henry." He declared himself to be an attached friend of
the Church of England, and an opponent of Dissenters, but he intro-
duced a bill for sweeping away about 100 old penal acts against
religionists of other convictions than his own. ,
In the Commons, Mr. Gladstone renewed his attempt to embarrass ! Its Btanduw or sinking an absolute lottery-
the Government and insult our French Ally, in re'erenee to the Turkish I lf the fall of the roof should ope that to the sky!
loan, but he was tackled by almost as subtle a logician as himself, the ™haf V^f oi ion[ litter from basement to attic!
Solicitor General, and may", " in the language of the Schools " (in which Tir/Vhat ?ust> ",ean1t in John Bull s poor eyes to be thrown !—
Le delights), be said to have cotched it rather. The desirability of a i What red-taped and docketted lies diplomatic
good understanding between ourselves and the French was further!. Which, but tor that smash, never daylight had known!
illustrated by the inability of the House of Commons to agree upon the What rickettv tie-beams, now made to pass muster,
meaning of the French word, by which it was intended to bind the Ad(1 c|ench British interests in critical case!
allies _severally; lhe Loan, however, met with no successful; "What under-pinned,clerks'rooms~a_tumble-down cluster,
opposition. _ Bv familv buttressing scarce kept in place!
lhe Committee on the Sunday Beer Bill having reported that it What cracks gapmg wide, where the light should be shut out ?
ought to be altered, the preparatory steps were taken tor that purpose.
DANGER IN DOWNING STREET.
Look out, my Palmerston—look out, my Clarendon,
Look out, my Molesworth—clean-sweeping new broom—
Now that you've got your long session and barren done,
Now lungs have breathing-time, elbows have room—
Would you clap stoppers on out-of-door movements,
Take the wind from the sails of Lowe, Layard, and Co. P
There's an opening for work in Westminster improvements—
Out with plumb-line and trowel—with pick-axe and crow.
Read the Report of the Commons' Committee,—
The Report on the Downing Street Offices' Bill,—
And rotten as banks may turn out in the City,
You'll find public offices rottener still.
Strahan, Paul, and Bates may be Titans in robbery,
In private securities driving a trade ;
But their row has been mild to what you '11 have of bobbery,
Till public security surer be made.
First, the old Foreign Office is awfully tottery,
Its bottom a quicksand, its walls all awry:
This is Mr. Punch's doing.
'HE COMPLAINT OF CHEMISTRY.
{To Mr. Punch.)
ib,—I am a young female, being a
What windows brick'd up, where light should be let in!
What, worm-eaten sleepers that ought to be cut out!
What veneering where good two-inch oak were too thin 1
When all this is set right, if you've pluck to begin it,
The Colonial Office may next claim your care;
Come Sir William, and show what a Mole's worth, this minute,
Burrow down to its roots, and let in light and air.
Your function, at once, one for Draco and Solon is,
In cutting out old work and putting up new,
science of recent origin : the i For amateur builders have work'd at the Colonies,
sciences, _ you know, are invested | Till a nice state of things they have brought matters to.
with petticoats, and all sisters. You
behold in me, Mr. Punch, a case of I There's Grey's been employing his rule of Procrustes,
beauty in distress : for I am beau- Trusting, doctrinaire-like, more to measures than men—
tiful, though I sav it: ask Pro- 'Twill be lucky for you too, if Grey's work the worst is—
fessor Faraday if he does not If his building was rotten, his plans were meant well—
flunk so. Mv unhappiness arises But take warning from him,—as at schemes architectural,
from the circumstance of being In your office you'11 soon have to do what you can—
compelled to be subservient to the Trust no grey-headed wisdom, sublimely conjectural,
designs of an odious and brutal Cut your coat by your cloth, and your cloth by your man.
tyrant and his thralls, whilst by Colonial M ag RlCARD0 will tell 0
the noble and the brave, the chain- Are builty wood and s0 & they rot;
p.ons of liberty, to whose assist- Bu, Col(mm[ officials,—for them friends will sell you
ance I would devote myself with gtuff h boldest Colonia] ship.builder would not.
all my heart and soul, I am coldly Qf used T daTldjes and ^ Ush cousins
neglected. The Russian Govern- Yqu ,n £ d wheQ £ rebuild I'm afraid,
ment has established a commis- Uncommon bad lots on your hands thrown, by dozens,
sion at St. Petersburg, with a view Condemn'd as unfit for all use in home trade,
to extort from me all the de-
structive devices they possibly can—to be employed against the Then to work with you, Palmerston, Clarendon, Molesworth ;
Allies. My chlorate of potash, my sulphuric acid, my galvanism, they In modelling Downing Street use the recess—
press into their abominable service, using their utmost efforts to render 'Tis the desperate task shows the strenuous soul's worth;
me ancillary to the subjugation and the degradation of mankind. By- Think how Hercules dealt with the Augean mess,
and-by they will arrive at the power of wielding my fulminating silver, Then when new Downing Street challenges censure,
and my chloride and iodide of nitrogen—and then what will become of Colonial Office, and Foreign, and all—
civilisation ! 1 am arming savages with thunderbolts. I cannot help ; Grown bold by experience, next year you may venture
myself. Those who choose can win me, and will wear me. That horrid j On like work in Parliament Street and Whitehall.
man Jacobi, or Jacobs, was encouraged to apply me to the construe-__
tion of his infernal machines, and you have only to thank his imperfect
knowledge of me, and my sister, Mechanics, that a considerable por-
tion of the Baltic Fleet has not been blown out of the water. Has the
A Turk's Head Broom for a Vatican Spider.
British Government ever consulted, even, with Faraday, or any of my Scarcely delivered frem Russian aggression, the unfortunate Sultan
other wooers, to the intent of employing me against the common is to be exposed to aggression from Rome. " The Pope is about to
enemy ? " Try me, ply me," as the song says; you won't knosv what appoint an Italian Bishop to the vacant see of Constantinople." There
I am capable of till you do : indeed, I don't know that myself, exactly, is another vacant see close to Constantinople, called, in maps, the Sea
But I do know that I possess tremendous powers of destruction, re- of Marmora; and if the intruding priest should, on his arrival, be in-
quiring only to be developed, and I wish that those could be employed ducted thereinto by the Turkish hierarchy, we trust Holy Father
by generous and gentle freemen for the extermination of ferocious and Pms will not be severe on a mere clerical error,
cruel slaves, I would, my dear Mr. Punch, wish to be, _—-
" Your faithful Handmaid, Correct Measurement—Tell me how many Ladies'-maids a ljady
" Albemarle Street, July, 1855. "Chemistry." has had, and I will tell you her temper