DOI issue:
August 11, 1855
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16616#0067
August 11, 1855.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
55
OUR OWN COMMITTEE ON THE BEER BILL. THERE IS NAE LUCK ABOUT THE
HE Committee ap-
pointed by Mr. Punch
to inquire into the
operation of the Sun-
day Beer. Act reports
that Sabbatarian legis-
lation for the purpose
of getting sots to go
HOUSE OF COMMONS.
There is nae luck about the House,
There is nae luck at a';
There is nae luck about the House,
Now its gude man's awa'.
To lead it there's nae mon alive,
Like puir Sib Robert Peel,
, , -. It winna prosper—dinna thrive—
to church is a day too , >Tis ganging to the deil.
late It is remarked There 1S nae luck &c_
by the Committee that
almost everybody who When a' gude people should unite
is addicted to inebri- Against the common toe,
ety, especially if a Its factions with ilk irher fight,
member of the cellar- And let their business go ;
less and clubless i And whilst they jangle, jaw, and jar,
classes, is nearly sure j And words rm unco high,
to get drunk on a' This House of ours neglects the War,
Saturday night, and ! And everything forbye, \
to lie a-bed the nextj There is nae luck, &c.
day. To have such
a person, then, in
church-going condi-
tion on Sunday inorn-
Diskaeli here, and Gladstone there,
Indulge in adverse prate.
And Bkight and Cobden idly share
, , - , In wild and vague debate,
lag it would be neces- And wee Lqrd £ ftUSSETjL) a>e.
sary to close the pub-1 Has something to explain,
ic-houses. early on ; Aud pALMEBSTOsN h]s £ugh must hae,
the evening before. Whilst, heroes fall in vam.
XSKtaSSSI There is nae luck, &c
w
hich it ^ would be j As^leaves in Autumn fall and fade,
So bills in Summer die;
Scarce ae gude Act thae chiels hae made,
Eor a' they've pass'd July ;
And now is August here, and sune
This gude-for-naetliing House,
Wi' nought, but aiblins mischief dune,
Will just adjourn to grouse.
There is nae luck, &c.
Oh ! gif the parties, out o' doors,
When capercailzies aslc their aim,
And not their country's weal.
There is nae luck, &c.
necessary to shut up
the liquor-shops on Saturday evening would be a very early one indeed, in order that t^e
votaries of Bacchus might have time to get sufficiently sober to attend to their religious
duties. This arrangement would, in London at least, be attended with a serious inconvenience.
Playgoers, fainting with thirst from the heat of theatres, or from their own exertions _ m
laughing at farces and comedies, and crying at tragedies (or the reverse), and from perspiring
at both, would be unable to step out between the acts to get a draught of stout; still less
to procure a pull of that, beverage after the performances.
To meet this difficulty two several courses are suggested by Mr. Punch's Committee^
One is, to enact that the public-houses shall be permitted to supply refreshment to bond
fide playgoers, inclusive of persons attending meetings and oratorios, if any, at, Exeter Hall, j As in the House, were split,
in case'of their choosing to demand a "drain" under that, denomination. Audiences and How mony birdies, on the Moors
attendants of all other concerts and meetings, not being "free and eas.v," and ot lectures,! Wad they be like tc> hit t
provided the lecture be dry, that is, unaccompanied by grog or malt liquor, would be [ But parties a pursue their game
entitled to the same privilege. The claimants would be required to produce a refreshment- w£^, „ ^^?l!f;„*n
ticket, which would be supplied at the theatre, concert, or lecture-room. The ticket would
be stamped by Government, to prevent imposition: the machinery for this purpose might
involve some expense, but what would that be to the people compared with the advantage
they would derive from having the kind and gracious designs of a pious Aristocracy for their ^. . ^ j ag pL0£BUCK trv
moral and spiritual improvement carried out? Thus, the objection to the word bond fide , , 1i1;T1~'hf. mio-hr
would be obviated: and the Committee adds, that in order to secure the genuineness of ^ ° 4™t"Huf "° °"f"lf
the tickets, it might be advisable to make the counterfeiting of them felony, thereby the Is°Sure lto come to nought
more certainly to render the sumptuary project of the sumptuous orders feasible. The other ^« ■ vanour and in smoke
course recommended by Mr. Punch's Committee, is to let all sumptuary and Sabbatarian The mountain breeds a mouse'
legislation whatever alone. AJ1 ,g barren> e>eu the PiiEMiEll>'s jokej
== In this uncanny House.
There is nae luck, &c.
EDUCATION AT THE ANTIPODES. , . , ,. , ,
But at their clavers whilst they keep,
Melbourne had, according to the last advices from Australia, just opened its University, ]?or a> the nation's ills,
after a magnificent speech from the Chancellor, whose style of eloquence combines all the The wind they sow, aud whirlwind reap,
rotundity of the cannon-ball with all the hollowness of the cannon. We are of course great By Sabbatarian Bills,
advocates for the spread of education all over the world ; but we are afraid there is not much John Bull from day to day may bleed,
prospect for the cause, from the state of things at Melbourne: where, after an estimate of Wi'disregarded lot,
£110,000 for the building, £20,000 for the land, and £9000 a-year for the endowment of the gut on a Sunday they tak' heed
new University, there are only sixteen students to profit by the tremendous outlay. The John Barleycorn shall not.
institution is to stand on forty acres of land, which will give precisely two acres and a half There is na luck, &c.
to each pupil. Perhaps the better mode of turning the concern to account will be to convert ,
it into a vast gymnasium, with a Professorship of Cricket, who should give lectures on long- Oh ! wad aDout this House sae daft,
stop, and other physical accomplishments, which seem to be congenial to the youth of Auld Noll could rise and be,
Victoria. It is really a reflection on the colony, that its inhabitants are so immersed in Prom dolties doure and sumphits saft,
money-grubbing that they cannot even spare their sons from the degrading pursuit, and only St. Stephen 8 Ha to free,
sixteen youths can be mustered throughout the whole of the vast locality to accept the And thunder, glow rm at the Mace,
offer of a liberal education. The fact is, that nearly everybody in the colony is making " That bauble tak' awa' ! "
haste to get rich, in the hope of returning to England, where" after all they are only doomed Nae better luck than sic disgrace
to disappointment; for the vulgar rich—who have nothing but their dross to recommend 2; now -tne House beta.'
them—are happily at a discount on this side of the world, as from their numbers they There is nae luck, &c.
necessarily are on the other. -
j Verbal Navigation.—Disraeli calls one of
A Drawing-Room Test.— You can generally tell how popular you are with a Lady by the Bright's long speeches against the War "a
iength of time she keeps you waiting whilst dressing to receive you. Pacific Ocean of 'words."
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
55
OUR OWN COMMITTEE ON THE BEER BILL. THERE IS NAE LUCK ABOUT THE
HE Committee ap-
pointed by Mr. Punch
to inquire into the
operation of the Sun-
day Beer. Act reports
that Sabbatarian legis-
lation for the purpose
of getting sots to go
HOUSE OF COMMONS.
There is nae luck about the House,
There is nae luck at a';
There is nae luck about the House,
Now its gude man's awa'.
To lead it there's nae mon alive,
Like puir Sib Robert Peel,
, , -. It winna prosper—dinna thrive—
to church is a day too , >Tis ganging to the deil.
late It is remarked There 1S nae luck &c_
by the Committee that
almost everybody who When a' gude people should unite
is addicted to inebri- Against the common toe,
ety, especially if a Its factions with ilk irher fight,
member of the cellar- And let their business go ;
less and clubless i And whilst they jangle, jaw, and jar,
classes, is nearly sure j And words rm unco high,
to get drunk on a' This House of ours neglects the War,
Saturday night, and ! And everything forbye, \
to lie a-bed the nextj There is nae luck, &c.
day. To have such
a person, then, in
church-going condi-
tion on Sunday inorn-
Diskaeli here, and Gladstone there,
Indulge in adverse prate.
And Bkight and Cobden idly share
, , - , In wild and vague debate,
lag it would be neces- And wee Lqrd £ ftUSSETjL) a>e.
sary to close the pub-1 Has something to explain,
ic-houses. early on ; Aud pALMEBSTOsN h]s £ugh must hae,
the evening before. Whilst, heroes fall in vam.
XSKtaSSSI There is nae luck, &c
w
hich it ^ would be j As^leaves in Autumn fall and fade,
So bills in Summer die;
Scarce ae gude Act thae chiels hae made,
Eor a' they've pass'd July ;
And now is August here, and sune
This gude-for-naetliing House,
Wi' nought, but aiblins mischief dune,
Will just adjourn to grouse.
There is nae luck, &c.
Oh ! gif the parties, out o' doors,
When capercailzies aslc their aim,
And not their country's weal.
There is nae luck, &c.
necessary to shut up
the liquor-shops on Saturday evening would be a very early one indeed, in order that t^e
votaries of Bacchus might have time to get sufficiently sober to attend to their religious
duties. This arrangement would, in London at least, be attended with a serious inconvenience.
Playgoers, fainting with thirst from the heat of theatres, or from their own exertions _ m
laughing at farces and comedies, and crying at tragedies (or the reverse), and from perspiring
at both, would be unable to step out between the acts to get a draught of stout; still less
to procure a pull of that, beverage after the performances.
To meet this difficulty two several courses are suggested by Mr. Punch's Committee^
One is, to enact that the public-houses shall be permitted to supply refreshment to bond
fide playgoers, inclusive of persons attending meetings and oratorios, if any, at, Exeter Hall, j As in the House, were split,
in case'of their choosing to demand a "drain" under that, denomination. Audiences and How mony birdies, on the Moors
attendants of all other concerts and meetings, not being "free and eas.v," and ot lectures,! Wad they be like tc> hit t
provided the lecture be dry, that is, unaccompanied by grog or malt liquor, would be [ But parties a pursue their game
entitled to the same privilege. The claimants would be required to produce a refreshment- w£^, „ ^^?l!f;„*n
ticket, which would be supplied at the theatre, concert, or lecture-room. The ticket would
be stamped by Government, to prevent imposition: the machinery for this purpose might
involve some expense, but what would that be to the people compared with the advantage
they would derive from having the kind and gracious designs of a pious Aristocracy for their ^. . ^ j ag pL0£BUCK trv
moral and spiritual improvement carried out? Thus, the objection to the word bond fide , , 1i1;T1~'hf. mio-hr
would be obviated: and the Committee adds, that in order to secure the genuineness of ^ ° 4™t"Huf "° °"f"lf
the tickets, it might be advisable to make the counterfeiting of them felony, thereby the Is°Sure lto come to nought
more certainly to render the sumptuary project of the sumptuous orders feasible. The other ^« ■ vanour and in smoke
course recommended by Mr. Punch's Committee, is to let all sumptuary and Sabbatarian The mountain breeds a mouse'
legislation whatever alone. AJ1 ,g barren> e>eu the PiiEMiEll>'s jokej
== In this uncanny House.
There is nae luck, &c.
EDUCATION AT THE ANTIPODES. , . , ,. , ,
But at their clavers whilst they keep,
Melbourne had, according to the last advices from Australia, just opened its University, ]?or a> the nation's ills,
after a magnificent speech from the Chancellor, whose style of eloquence combines all the The wind they sow, aud whirlwind reap,
rotundity of the cannon-ball with all the hollowness of the cannon. We are of course great By Sabbatarian Bills,
advocates for the spread of education all over the world ; but we are afraid there is not much John Bull from day to day may bleed,
prospect for the cause, from the state of things at Melbourne: where, after an estimate of Wi'disregarded lot,
£110,000 for the building, £20,000 for the land, and £9000 a-year for the endowment of the gut on a Sunday they tak' heed
new University, there are only sixteen students to profit by the tremendous outlay. The John Barleycorn shall not.
institution is to stand on forty acres of land, which will give precisely two acres and a half There is na luck, &c.
to each pupil. Perhaps the better mode of turning the concern to account will be to convert ,
it into a vast gymnasium, with a Professorship of Cricket, who should give lectures on long- Oh ! wad aDout this House sae daft,
stop, and other physical accomplishments, which seem to be congenial to the youth of Auld Noll could rise and be,
Victoria. It is really a reflection on the colony, that its inhabitants are so immersed in Prom dolties doure and sumphits saft,
money-grubbing that they cannot even spare their sons from the degrading pursuit, and only St. Stephen 8 Ha to free,
sixteen youths can be mustered throughout the whole of the vast locality to accept the And thunder, glow rm at the Mace,
offer of a liberal education. The fact is, that nearly everybody in the colony is making " That bauble tak' awa' ! "
haste to get rich, in the hope of returning to England, where" after all they are only doomed Nae better luck than sic disgrace
to disappointment; for the vulgar rich—who have nothing but their dross to recommend 2; now -tne House beta.'
them—are happily at a discount on this side of the world, as from their numbers they There is nae luck, &c.
necessarily are on the other. -
j Verbal Navigation.—Disraeli calls one of
A Drawing-Room Test.— You can generally tell how popular you are with a Lady by the Bright's long speeches against the War "a
iength of time she keeps you waiting whilst dressing to receive you. Pacific Ocean of 'words."