DOI issue:
August 25, 1855
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16616#0091
August 25, 1855.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 79
ADULTERATION OF GOVERNMENT.
as they could be, and he
doubted strongly, if they
were made auy purer,
whether the people of this
country would like them
half so well. He had found
the specimen marked "Re-
form Bill" extremely diffi-
cult to analyse. The diffi-
culty principally _ lay in
ascertaining precisely its
c:constituent" parts. He
had been several years in-
tent upon solving its various
antagonistic elements, and
he should persevere several
years longer, until he clearly
saw a proper settlement of
them, though as one of the Old School, he was strongly averse to precipitating
anything. Decidedly in all Governments a little adulteration was desirable, and
fie could recommend nothing better for the purpose than a few grains of Whig's
Paradise, better known in the trade as " Elliott's Entire." About two or three
dozen of these tender sprigs generally gave the ministerial mixture a fine bitter
flavour, which made it go down wonderfully with the multitude, and did harm lo
nobody. Had examined a packet of Whig statements, and had detected in them
no colouring-matter whatever. Strongly believed that Whig principles had never
been adulterated since the days of Magna Charta. Purity of representation was
decidedly requisite to ensure a good constitution, and he begged to differ from
that great authority, Mb. Coppock, whose wonderful laboratory at the Reform
Club for the manu'acture of votes was well known, inasmuch as it was his
conviction that purity of representation did not necessarily require a large deposit
of tin. Brass would do just as well, and in many cases went further. Eor instance,
a few brass filings from some of the strongest pillars of the aristocracy were
notoriously a capital thing for purifying the most corrupt channels of Government.
Had repeatedly analysed the votes of the House of Commons, and never foui cl
anything but the purest, motives in them. Had no particular test of ability, save
Debrett's Peerage, and never knew that to fail
The Right. Hon. B. Disraeli.—Had principally devoted his time to the
manufactuie of retorts. He had brought them to the highest state of perfection,
and his retorts were celebrated all over the world for discharging a greater number
of sparks consecutively than any other. Their brilliancy would often illumine
an entire House. Had often tried the power of his retorts on the Whigs, but
they were such a dense body, that they had failed in making anything of an im-
pression. The result of his analytical inquiries had all tended to one uniform
result,—viz., that Whig Government was a regular drug in this country,—a drug so
largely adulterated, that it could not be allowed for any length of time without
doing the greatest injury to the strongest constitution. The only remedy he knew
was a strong infusion of Tory Politics. Had submitted the principles of the Peace
Party to analysis, and had detected in them a deleterious colour called " Drab,"
mixed up in large quantities with a popular fraud 3 of a pale transparent colour,
calied " Gladstone," which had been recently imported to a painful extent fiom
St. Petersburg. He had applied the microscope 1o this "Gladstone," and, after
reducing him to an impalpable powder, had succeeded in detecting in it. ia the most
tangible portions of its secret nature, a large preponderance of " Jesuit's Bark : "
and, though he had divided this Bark into three heads—as though the Bark in
question belonged to Cerberus [a laugh)—still he had not found much to repay him
for the search in either head. He certainly had not been able to detect in the whole
composition of " Gladstone " a single; grain of sense {generalexpression of'surprise).
This revelation might be a startling one, but still it was based upon the most
careful analyses,—each one painfully arrived at, only after the most minute divisions
and sub-divisions of character. However, the effect of this " Drab " mixture was
unquestionably very enervating; and when administered in large doses, created
nausea, and moreover had the curious effect of making people quarrel. The most
dangerous results were to be apprehended from a general use of this irascible
narcotic.
Mr. J. A. Roebuck, the popular lecturer of Sheffield, deposed that he had
examined innumerable quantities of Parliamentary Loaves and Eishes, marked
both "Whig" and "Tory," and really it was difficult to say which of the two
contained the greater mass of impurities. Botn were
grossly unfit for public consumption. It was, indeed,
wonderful, how the Body Politic could have existed so long
upon such corrupt aliment. The power of vitality must
have been great indeed, to have withstood such daily en-
croachments on its strength. However, it was time that
a stop was put for once and for ever to the circulation
of such deleterious poisons, and a thoroughly healthy system
of government introduced for the nourishment of the people.
The whole heap of adulterations must be swept clean out
of the national shop, and for the future nothing but the
plainest political food of the most simple and invigorating
kind administered to the public. As we value the fu'ure
health of England, it was expedient that Adulteration
should be deposed from the throne of Government it too
long has occupied, and Purify henceforth reign in its
scopic skill upon were as \ stead (loud symptoms of approval, tcith difficulty restrained
free from deleterious matter by tfa Court)
Lord John Russell was recalled, and said that lie
still had hopes of being able, in the course of time, to find
a solution of the Reform Bill. The witness, being closely
questioned, was evidently at a loss to fix any particular
period.
Lord John Russell. Politi-
cal Druggist, late of Vienna,
stated that he had had con-
siderable experience in the
practice of adulteration,
fore particularly in political
drugs. Had examined seve-
ral samples of Whig Govern-
ment, and found them all
perfectly pure. Absolute
purity in most cases was
unattainable, but the articles
he had exercised his micro-
Mrs. Polls. "i tell you, mrs. cowl, you 're a perfects
Nuisance ! you've been screeching and groaning ali
night."
Mr,--. Cowl. "You'he another, Ma'am."
OUR NAVAL GREATNESS.
The circumstance that the Admiralty persists in building
vessels like the Marlborough, of a size enormously dispro-
portionate to the requirements of service, suggests-the idea
that my Lords who constitute that Board must be a set of
old Pantaloons, whose notions of magnitude in reference to
utility arc derived from ^mtoraimes, in which exhibitions
a tea-spoon becomes m> large as a shovel, and a watch
acquires the dimensj.-ms of a frying-pan. One would expect
them to carry out me propensity to physical exaggeration
in their domestic arrangements, eating their dinners with
knives bigger tnarf broad-swords, and forks only a little
shorter in the handle than garden-prongs; writing letters
with pens as'long and as thick as walking-sticks, and tying
up despatches, covennz more space than flag-stones, with
red tape broader than the palm of the hand.
A Confidential Communication from Hayter.
This is the great characteristic of all Government
appointments:—That whereas on the part of candidates
there is constant application until they are appointed, yoc
notice but precious little application aiterwards.
how to stir up a nation.
An experimental Chemist proposes throwing into Prussia
an enormous quantity of German Yeast, with the view of
trying whether it would have the effect of making the
Germans rise ?
ADULTERATION OF GOVERNMENT.
as they could be, and he
doubted strongly, if they
were made auy purer,
whether the people of this
country would like them
half so well. He had found
the specimen marked "Re-
form Bill" extremely diffi-
cult to analyse. The diffi-
culty principally _ lay in
ascertaining precisely its
c:constituent" parts. He
had been several years in-
tent upon solving its various
antagonistic elements, and
he should persevere several
years longer, until he clearly
saw a proper settlement of
them, though as one of the Old School, he was strongly averse to precipitating
anything. Decidedly in all Governments a little adulteration was desirable, and
fie could recommend nothing better for the purpose than a few grains of Whig's
Paradise, better known in the trade as " Elliott's Entire." About two or three
dozen of these tender sprigs generally gave the ministerial mixture a fine bitter
flavour, which made it go down wonderfully with the multitude, and did harm lo
nobody. Had examined a packet of Whig statements, and had detected in them
no colouring-matter whatever. Strongly believed that Whig principles had never
been adulterated since the days of Magna Charta. Purity of representation was
decidedly requisite to ensure a good constitution, and he begged to differ from
that great authority, Mb. Coppock, whose wonderful laboratory at the Reform
Club for the manu'acture of votes was well known, inasmuch as it was his
conviction that purity of representation did not necessarily require a large deposit
of tin. Brass would do just as well, and in many cases went further. Eor instance,
a few brass filings from some of the strongest pillars of the aristocracy were
notoriously a capital thing for purifying the most corrupt channels of Government.
Had repeatedly analysed the votes of the House of Commons, and never foui cl
anything but the purest, motives in them. Had no particular test of ability, save
Debrett's Peerage, and never knew that to fail
The Right. Hon. B. Disraeli.—Had principally devoted his time to the
manufactuie of retorts. He had brought them to the highest state of perfection,
and his retorts were celebrated all over the world for discharging a greater number
of sparks consecutively than any other. Their brilliancy would often illumine
an entire House. Had often tried the power of his retorts on the Whigs, but
they were such a dense body, that they had failed in making anything of an im-
pression. The result of his analytical inquiries had all tended to one uniform
result,—viz., that Whig Government was a regular drug in this country,—a drug so
largely adulterated, that it could not be allowed for any length of time without
doing the greatest injury to the strongest constitution. The only remedy he knew
was a strong infusion of Tory Politics. Had submitted the principles of the Peace
Party to analysis, and had detected in them a deleterious colour called " Drab,"
mixed up in large quantities with a popular fraud 3 of a pale transparent colour,
calied " Gladstone," which had been recently imported to a painful extent fiom
St. Petersburg. He had applied the microscope 1o this "Gladstone," and, after
reducing him to an impalpable powder, had succeeded in detecting in it. ia the most
tangible portions of its secret nature, a large preponderance of " Jesuit's Bark : "
and, though he had divided this Bark into three heads—as though the Bark in
question belonged to Cerberus [a laugh)—still he had not found much to repay him
for the search in either head. He certainly had not been able to detect in the whole
composition of " Gladstone " a single; grain of sense {generalexpression of'surprise).
This revelation might be a startling one, but still it was based upon the most
careful analyses,—each one painfully arrived at, only after the most minute divisions
and sub-divisions of character. However, the effect of this " Drab " mixture was
unquestionably very enervating; and when administered in large doses, created
nausea, and moreover had the curious effect of making people quarrel. The most
dangerous results were to be apprehended from a general use of this irascible
narcotic.
Mr. J. A. Roebuck, the popular lecturer of Sheffield, deposed that he had
examined innumerable quantities of Parliamentary Loaves and Eishes, marked
both "Whig" and "Tory," and really it was difficult to say which of the two
contained the greater mass of impurities. Botn were
grossly unfit for public consumption. It was, indeed,
wonderful, how the Body Politic could have existed so long
upon such corrupt aliment. The power of vitality must
have been great indeed, to have withstood such daily en-
croachments on its strength. However, it was time that
a stop was put for once and for ever to the circulation
of such deleterious poisons, and a thoroughly healthy system
of government introduced for the nourishment of the people.
The whole heap of adulterations must be swept clean out
of the national shop, and for the future nothing but the
plainest political food of the most simple and invigorating
kind administered to the public. As we value the fu'ure
health of England, it was expedient that Adulteration
should be deposed from the throne of Government it too
long has occupied, and Purify henceforth reign in its
scopic skill upon were as \ stead (loud symptoms of approval, tcith difficulty restrained
free from deleterious matter by tfa Court)
Lord John Russell was recalled, and said that lie
still had hopes of being able, in the course of time, to find
a solution of the Reform Bill. The witness, being closely
questioned, was evidently at a loss to fix any particular
period.
Lord John Russell. Politi-
cal Druggist, late of Vienna,
stated that he had had con-
siderable experience in the
practice of adulteration,
fore particularly in political
drugs. Had examined seve-
ral samples of Whig Govern-
ment, and found them all
perfectly pure. Absolute
purity in most cases was
unattainable, but the articles
he had exercised his micro-
Mrs. Polls. "i tell you, mrs. cowl, you 're a perfects
Nuisance ! you've been screeching and groaning ali
night."
Mr,--. Cowl. "You'he another, Ma'am."
OUR NAVAL GREATNESS.
The circumstance that the Admiralty persists in building
vessels like the Marlborough, of a size enormously dispro-
portionate to the requirements of service, suggests-the idea
that my Lords who constitute that Board must be a set of
old Pantaloons, whose notions of magnitude in reference to
utility arc derived from ^mtoraimes, in which exhibitions
a tea-spoon becomes m> large as a shovel, and a watch
acquires the dimensj.-ms of a frying-pan. One would expect
them to carry out me propensity to physical exaggeration
in their domestic arrangements, eating their dinners with
knives bigger tnarf broad-swords, and forks only a little
shorter in the handle than garden-prongs; writing letters
with pens as'long and as thick as walking-sticks, and tying
up despatches, covennz more space than flag-stones, with
red tape broader than the palm of the hand.
A Confidential Communication from Hayter.
This is the great characteristic of all Government
appointments:—That whereas on the part of candidates
there is constant application until they are appointed, yoc
notice but precious little application aiterwards.
how to stir up a nation.
An experimental Chemist proposes throwing into Prussia
an enormous quantity of German Yeast, with the view of
trying whether it would have the effect of making the
Germans rise ?