DOI issue:
October 13, 1855
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16616#0157
October 13, 1855.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
145
IMPROVEMENT OF THE RAILWAY WHISTLE.
A patent lias just
been taken out for an
invention which will
very much increase
the pleasure, and in
the same degree di-
minish the danger of
travelling by railway.
Not only that, but
the excursion of a few
will be rendered con-
ducive to the delight
of the many by this
contrivance.
The railway whistle
has hitherto been a
necessary nuisance.
But what a nuisance !
Ten thousand screech-
owls, as many cats,
and an equal number
of infants in concert,
could hardly make a
mote horrible noise.
It is worse than the
most piercing squall
wherewith any young
lady that couldn't sing
and would sing ever
split our ears at an
evening party.
The invention above
alluded to will substitute railway harmony and railway melody, for railway discord and_ rail-
way din. It will supersede the "steam-whistle. It is, in fact, a sort of Steam Apollonicon;
to be connected witb the engine, capable either of mechanical perlormances, or ot being
played upon by a competent musician, who will accompany the engineer and stoker for that
purpose.
Besides delighting the ear of the passengers and the public, this instrument will form
an important addition to the present means of making railway signals. It will give
Gifferent intimations by distinct tunes. There is a song called, " Men of Action clear the
ioay" Well, _ on approaching a station the
Siderodharmimicon—that seems to be a simple
and appropria'e name for the instrument—might
play the air of that song. "There's a goods-
train coming, boys" would be the unmistakeable
import of an obvious popular air. The approach
of the Parliamentary train might be indicated
by what fast people denominate slow music—
because they cannot discern any other quality in
it than slowness of time; for instance, the
"Bead March in Saul." A graver occasion
for the performance of that funereal com-
position might be averted by thus playing it in
time.
During the whole Royal Progress to Osborne,
Bdmoral, or elsewhere, the Siderodharmonicon
might play, " God Save the Queen" for the enter-
tainment _ of Her Majesty ; thus she would
have music wherever she went.
Old stagers miss and regret the guard of the
ancient coaching days, and his horn. This defi-
ciency of the iron road, as compared with the
turnpike, will be more than supplied by the
Siderodharmonicon.
No doubt this invention will be forthwith
adopted and applied by the Railway Companies,
and they will appoint an able Professor of Music
to travel with every train, and perform appro-
priate airs, at an ample salary; behaving in this
respect with that generosity, liberality, munifi-
cence, and solicitude for the public safety,
accommodation and comfort, for which all their
arrangements are so justly celebrated.
Human Forgiveness.
Let cynics say what they will, Man is not
vindictive. Here for years we have been sub-
jected to the daily torture of wearing the Hat,
and we haven't even preserved the name of the
wretch who invented it!
THE PHILOSOPHY OP LIGHT.
It was settled that Liverpool should not illuminate on the occasion
of the Duke op Cambridge's visit. Many ardent souls were bursting
into light, when suddenly Mr. J. R. Jeffrey, in the expansive shape
of a wet blanket, came down upon them, and the nascent fires were put
down. We avow and admire the courage of the Dure of Cambridge.
He fought like a trooper at Inkermann : and, doubtless, even as a Royal
Duke, won his after-ease and his round of nobility visits, although
Sebastopol remained to be taken. But wherefore illuminate? If the
English Duke were a Russian Duke Constantine, a huge offering of
oil and tallow would be only a due sacriSce to the idol. It is otherwise
with our hearty Duke of Cambridge. Let him be highly and fully
feasted; and let aM the wind instruments of Liverpool blow till they
crack again on his advent "See the Conquering Hero Comes!" and let the
dear women flutter their cambric, and scatter their roses; let them,
moreover, in their own eyes light up the best Liverpool illumination, to
the great economy of Liverpool gas.
Mr. Wet Blanket Jeffrey talked, it must be confessed, in avery
unphilosophical way on what he democratically stigmatised as "tom-
foolery !" he, moreover, more than hinted that it would be far better
to expend the £4,000 at least, required for gas, oil and candle, " on those
who would be left widows and orphans" by the War. To this senti-
ment there were—could it be doubted ?—" loud cheers."
Ere the damp periods of the Wet Blanket aforesaid had penetrated
to the skins of the hearers (who finally voted against the illumination),
promises had been received, " when the books were first put round," to
the extent of about £200. The light was put out in favour of the widow
and orphan; when the " actual cash" that came to hand, " did not
•exceed £3 ! " Such is the philosophy of light at Liverpool. And how
should it be otherwise ? When Dot, of the house of Dot, Cross, and
Co. gives £5 for an illumination, his eyes have the money's worth. He
sees the brilliancy of his public spirit, the lustre of his citizenship. But
when the £5 is expended in coals and candles for the widow and orphan,
what knows he of the tallow and Wall's-End? They make an illumi-
nation of which he must needs be insensible. Dot, therefore, buttons
his pocket; and if the Duke of Cambridge is not to fee illuminated,
neither shall be the fire-side of the soldier's widow. If the Duke
be denied his blaze of gas, the orphan shall go to bed without a
candle. i A) Police admitted.] [Tickets {of leave) at the Bar.
PETES FOR TICKET-OP-LEAVERS.
The Proprietor of the Clyfaker Gardens, Convictoria Road, Brixton,
in humble imitation of the example of his superiors, who avail them-
selves of passing events to attract patronage to their entertainments,
begs respectfully to announce, that it is his intention to open the above
brilliant and enchanting gardens with a series of fetes, in commemoration
of various matters more or less interesting to his own immediate
patrons. _ He proposes that the following Galas shall take place during
the ensuing week (wet, or dry).
Monday. A Pete in honour of Liberty—this being the anniversary ot
the discharge of Samuel Mordecai Isaacs from the manacles ot
tyranny. The identical handkerchief, whose abstraction caused his
retirement for two months, will be exhibited at the Bar.
Tuesday. A Pete in honour of our American Brethren, to whom on
this day four years, "Jimmy" Duffer and Ebenezer Smasher
escaped from the bloodhounds of law. The Star-spangled Banner
in fireworks.
Wednesday. A Fete in honour of WToman's Love and Courage, when
a transparency will be exhibited, showing the heroic Sal of Battersea,
as she appeared this day three weeks pouring hot water on the heads of
the policemen who came to arrest her lover tor burglary.
Thursday. A Fete in honour of Art. A lecture will be delivered by
Copperas Flimsy, Esq., in which the science of multiplying Bank
of England notes without the aid of the Bank of England will be
explained, with anecdotes of personal experiences inside and outside
Newgate.
Friday. A Fete in honour of the Laws of the Country, when a testi-
monial will be presented to the eminent Old Bailey barrister, Horse-
hair Cheekey, Esq., for his exertions in procuring, during the past
year, no less than two hundred and seventeen acquittals of parties per-
secuted by conventional hypocrisy.
Saturday. A Fete in honour of the Constitution, when the Humours
of a contested Election will be exemplified, and a series of combats
between the Slogging Spider, Cracksman Cribb, Bill Staggers,
and a host of supernumeraries, accustomed to "physical canvassing,"
will give enlivenment and truth to the picture.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
145
IMPROVEMENT OF THE RAILWAY WHISTLE.
A patent lias just
been taken out for an
invention which will
very much increase
the pleasure, and in
the same degree di-
minish the danger of
travelling by railway.
Not only that, but
the excursion of a few
will be rendered con-
ducive to the delight
of the many by this
contrivance.
The railway whistle
has hitherto been a
necessary nuisance.
But what a nuisance !
Ten thousand screech-
owls, as many cats,
and an equal number
of infants in concert,
could hardly make a
mote horrible noise.
It is worse than the
most piercing squall
wherewith any young
lady that couldn't sing
and would sing ever
split our ears at an
evening party.
The invention above
alluded to will substitute railway harmony and railway melody, for railway discord and_ rail-
way din. It will supersede the "steam-whistle. It is, in fact, a sort of Steam Apollonicon;
to be connected witb the engine, capable either of mechanical perlormances, or ot being
played upon by a competent musician, who will accompany the engineer and stoker for that
purpose.
Besides delighting the ear of the passengers and the public, this instrument will form
an important addition to the present means of making railway signals. It will give
Gifferent intimations by distinct tunes. There is a song called, " Men of Action clear the
ioay" Well, _ on approaching a station the
Siderodharmimicon—that seems to be a simple
and appropria'e name for the instrument—might
play the air of that song. "There's a goods-
train coming, boys" would be the unmistakeable
import of an obvious popular air. The approach
of the Parliamentary train might be indicated
by what fast people denominate slow music—
because they cannot discern any other quality in
it than slowness of time; for instance, the
"Bead March in Saul." A graver occasion
for the performance of that funereal com-
position might be averted by thus playing it in
time.
During the whole Royal Progress to Osborne,
Bdmoral, or elsewhere, the Siderodharmonicon
might play, " God Save the Queen" for the enter-
tainment _ of Her Majesty ; thus she would
have music wherever she went.
Old stagers miss and regret the guard of the
ancient coaching days, and his horn. This defi-
ciency of the iron road, as compared with the
turnpike, will be more than supplied by the
Siderodharmonicon.
No doubt this invention will be forthwith
adopted and applied by the Railway Companies,
and they will appoint an able Professor of Music
to travel with every train, and perform appro-
priate airs, at an ample salary; behaving in this
respect with that generosity, liberality, munifi-
cence, and solicitude for the public safety,
accommodation and comfort, for which all their
arrangements are so justly celebrated.
Human Forgiveness.
Let cynics say what they will, Man is not
vindictive. Here for years we have been sub-
jected to the daily torture of wearing the Hat,
and we haven't even preserved the name of the
wretch who invented it!
THE PHILOSOPHY OP LIGHT.
It was settled that Liverpool should not illuminate on the occasion
of the Duke op Cambridge's visit. Many ardent souls were bursting
into light, when suddenly Mr. J. R. Jeffrey, in the expansive shape
of a wet blanket, came down upon them, and the nascent fires were put
down. We avow and admire the courage of the Dure of Cambridge.
He fought like a trooper at Inkermann : and, doubtless, even as a Royal
Duke, won his after-ease and his round of nobility visits, although
Sebastopol remained to be taken. But wherefore illuminate? If the
English Duke were a Russian Duke Constantine, a huge offering of
oil and tallow would be only a due sacriSce to the idol. It is otherwise
with our hearty Duke of Cambridge. Let him be highly and fully
feasted; and let aM the wind instruments of Liverpool blow till they
crack again on his advent "See the Conquering Hero Comes!" and let the
dear women flutter their cambric, and scatter their roses; let them,
moreover, in their own eyes light up the best Liverpool illumination, to
the great economy of Liverpool gas.
Mr. Wet Blanket Jeffrey talked, it must be confessed, in avery
unphilosophical way on what he democratically stigmatised as "tom-
foolery !" he, moreover, more than hinted that it would be far better
to expend the £4,000 at least, required for gas, oil and candle, " on those
who would be left widows and orphans" by the War. To this senti-
ment there were—could it be doubted ?—" loud cheers."
Ere the damp periods of the Wet Blanket aforesaid had penetrated
to the skins of the hearers (who finally voted against the illumination),
promises had been received, " when the books were first put round," to
the extent of about £200. The light was put out in favour of the widow
and orphan; when the " actual cash" that came to hand, " did not
•exceed £3 ! " Such is the philosophy of light at Liverpool. And how
should it be otherwise ? When Dot, of the house of Dot, Cross, and
Co. gives £5 for an illumination, his eyes have the money's worth. He
sees the brilliancy of his public spirit, the lustre of his citizenship. But
when the £5 is expended in coals and candles for the widow and orphan,
what knows he of the tallow and Wall's-End? They make an illumi-
nation of which he must needs be insensible. Dot, therefore, buttons
his pocket; and if the Duke of Cambridge is not to fee illuminated,
neither shall be the fire-side of the soldier's widow. If the Duke
be denied his blaze of gas, the orphan shall go to bed without a
candle. i A) Police admitted.] [Tickets {of leave) at the Bar.
PETES FOR TICKET-OP-LEAVERS.
The Proprietor of the Clyfaker Gardens, Convictoria Road, Brixton,
in humble imitation of the example of his superiors, who avail them-
selves of passing events to attract patronage to their entertainments,
begs respectfully to announce, that it is his intention to open the above
brilliant and enchanting gardens with a series of fetes, in commemoration
of various matters more or less interesting to his own immediate
patrons. _ He proposes that the following Galas shall take place during
the ensuing week (wet, or dry).
Monday. A Pete in honour of Liberty—this being the anniversary ot
the discharge of Samuel Mordecai Isaacs from the manacles ot
tyranny. The identical handkerchief, whose abstraction caused his
retirement for two months, will be exhibited at the Bar.
Tuesday. A Pete in honour of our American Brethren, to whom on
this day four years, "Jimmy" Duffer and Ebenezer Smasher
escaped from the bloodhounds of law. The Star-spangled Banner
in fireworks.
Wednesday. A Fete in honour of WToman's Love and Courage, when
a transparency will be exhibited, showing the heroic Sal of Battersea,
as she appeared this day three weeks pouring hot water on the heads of
the policemen who came to arrest her lover tor burglary.
Thursday. A Fete in honour of Art. A lecture will be delivered by
Copperas Flimsy, Esq., in which the science of multiplying Bank
of England notes without the aid of the Bank of England will be
explained, with anecdotes of personal experiences inside and outside
Newgate.
Friday. A Fete in honour of the Laws of the Country, when a testi-
monial will be presented to the eminent Old Bailey barrister, Horse-
hair Cheekey, Esq., for his exertions in procuring, during the past
year, no less than two hundred and seventeen acquittals of parties per-
secuted by conventional hypocrisy.
Saturday. A Fete in honour of the Constitution, when the Humours
of a contested Election will be exemplified, and a series of combats
between the Slogging Spider, Cracksman Cribb, Bill Staggers,
and a host of supernumeraries, accustomed to "physical canvassing,"
will give enlivenment and truth to the picture.