DOI Heft:
October 27, 1855
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16616#0183
October 27, 1855.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
171
BLIGHTED BEING
" Office of Civil Commissioners, Westminster.
espected SlR,
" Having failed
iu a late examina-
tion for Her Majes-
ty's Civil Service
(owing to a not un-
7. Is the Earth round or spherical?
8. Did you ever receive a black eye at school ?
9. What is the difference between a loose fish and a fish loose ?
10. What work do you propose to do in proportion to Salary ?
11. Meaning of the word Salary ?
12. Meaning of the word work in its primary and secondary sense?
13. Was William the Conqueror, married or single?
14. Can you explain if England was joined to the main-land
originally ?
15. Which is most, useful—a s*cel or quill pen, and why ?
lu. Explain the difference between a leasonable man and a man of
natural mistake be-1 reason ?
tween Homer's! l7. Which is the Examiner ?
Odyssey and Omar \ 18- Which is the -Examinee ? "
Pasha), \ beg to I --
offer myself as a can-1
didatefor any situa-jTHE IDOL-WORSHIP OF THE WHITE NIGGERS.
tion in your domestic w . . , , _ , , ,., '.^
• ] I What a pity it is that the European peoples do not realise the con-
cir££ ' , ^ j dition in which they would find themselves if the Russians were to
you
a copy of the last
paper I wrote at
the examination —
the subject being, to
wrue an official to
some great autho-
succeed in the attempt to subjugate them! Could they but imagine
that, they would unite instantly, and form a general coalition against
these ambitious aud powerful savages. The superiority of the Czak's
subjects to those of King Kossoko may be great, but is only military.
Nor, to judge from some antics of an idolatrous kind in which he has
been lately indulging, does the former potentate appear to be, intellec-
tually and morally, a very much more exalted monarch than the latter,
"'he following ext'act from a contemporary exhibits the Emperor op
rity, explaining your THE Rtjssias engaged in devotions verv clo-elv resembling those
general views on the
subject of the Civil
Service-
" I have the honour to be, Sir,
" Your most obeaient, humble servant,
" C. - A."
(An algebraic expression, signifying a Clerk without an Appointment^)
" To the Secretary for War.
" Sir,—I have the honour to inform you that I wish to distinguish
myself in any capacity, and my notions are that the pay should be
equal to the work, as well as the wishes of the aspirant. 1 have been
educated on an Island which has not circumscribed my knowledge,
wiiich is as extensive as the track of sea I formerly gazedi upon, and j a_way Czar Al& xander has gone with his Eetish ; and, perhaps, 11
which induced me to study the height, depth, and breadth ot all things ^ resorves on perpetrating any wickedness whilst be holds it in his
which are wont to be performed by the dingy sovereigns of Western
AJ'rica :—■
" A letter from St. Petersburg says that the. Emperor Alexander, In his recent visit
to Moscow, not only went with all the Imperial family to the holy places, temples,
catacombs, and chapels, kissing the relics of the saints, and prostrating themselves
before the altars; but in order to fortify the courage of his army, determined on
carrying to it a relic of St. Sergius, consisting of a painted image of the saint from one
of the sides of his coffin, which is supposed to be of great sanctity and virtu", and which
figured in the wars of the Czars, Michel Feodorovich, and Peter the First, and in
that of Moscow in 1812. On giving up the ic age to the Czar, a grand religious cere-
mony took place, and the Metropolitan, in the course of it, made the following solemn
appeal to the Saint:—'St Sergius!—Thou gavest thy blessing to Prince Dimiy&i, in
the Czars, Michel, Peter, and Alexander—look down favourably on the Czau,
Alexander Nicolaievitch, who comes to demand from thee thy holy image, iu order
to show it to his Army as the sacred mark of thy praje'S of benediction and protection.'
. . . The Czar, on receiving the image, reverently kissed it.
" The Emperor has tiken the image in question with him to the south."
within my circumference. You will not think it exaggeration for me
to sav that I could look far a-head. With respect to my predilections for
the Civil Service, I beg respectfully to state that honour will not cure a
wound nor restore a dead body; that I was always attached to civility,
and therefore prefer a service where bows and attention to the polite
arts of Routine are eminently practised. The honour of the Queen's
Service surpasses that of a nrivate individual in the same ratio that
Lombard Street holds to a China orange, or Windsor Castle to a sentry-
box, more or less. Having disposed of the quo modo and quare, I have
no difficulty in speaking of the modo, according to the expression of
Horace, rem quocunque modo, rem. This then is not a matter of in-
difference, but is rattier a sine qua non. Philosophers and statesmen
have disputed whether a little with comfort, or much with discomfort
is most desirable. I beg to differ from both parties, and to assert,
without flinching, my firm conviction, that a great deal of pecunia is
very compatible with ease and comfort. I might go further and state
keeping, he will, in order that it may not see him, bury it in the
earth, after the manner of one of his royal brethren of the Guinea
Coast uninfluenced by Missior.aries. If such is the Sovereign, what
must the subjects be? And these, debased and grovelling, but for-
midable adorers of ridiculous idols are menacing the civilisation of
Europe!
But, some cosmopolitan gentleman will tell us, this is an illiberal and
narrow-minded way of looking at a practice of the Greek Church.
However, Fetishism is EctLhism; though, perhaps, our cosmopolitan
friends would insist on having a large and liberal view taken of that.
If we are ever at peace again with Russia, the gentlemen concerned in
the Birmingham idol trade, who export gods to India, will probably
find an extended market for tkeir manufactures among the natives of
the Autocrat's territory, and their best customer in that enlightens
uler himself. That is to say, if their scandalous and shocking traffic
is allowed to proceed.
the general impression of clerks in office—that mending pens and looking! The Czar may not be accustomed to sport a footman's gold-laced
out of window is a pleasant routine of official time, and will entitle a j hat and a peacock's feather. His undress may not be a state of half-
competent person to quarterly payments. Indeed we have heard the j uakedness, nor his full costume an old red coat and a pair of striped
fact of an ex-Colonial Secretary, who 'cursed all the Hindoos, looked j cotton drawers. His usual posture, when seated, may not be that ot
out at the windows, and sometimes he mended a pen.' My aspirations j SqUattiDg on his hams. Nei her his Bnssian Majesty, nor his sub-
then lead me to think that in Her Majesty's Service 1 should ! jectS) may wear rings in their lips; and, finally, we know that their
receive a competent salary, with the privilege of rising higher, that it skins are"not black. This is to be lamented; for, if their hides were
is immaterial where I go, provided it is at Her, Majesty's expense
that my wishes, perhaps, out-run my prospects with regard to an
increase of pay; and that eventually my reward will be, mens sibi
conscia recti (a mind conscious of right). I would simply add, that I
consider all examinations rather a bore than otherwise, being a test of
temper, patience, memory, and self-command, highly injurious to the
nervous system, involving a concatenation of ideas, which sometimes
leaves the examinee worse than they found him. Therefore, 1 rejoice
in that noble sentiment ' my mind to me a kingdom is '
111 send a form of examination for the benefit of the Service:—
1. Your name and age.
2. State your own merits.
3. Mention your own wishes.
4. Have you had the small-pox ?
5. Will you serve the Queen ?
6. Give your idea of two and two.
sable, the darkness of their exteriors would symbolise their internal
want of light, strike the mind through the eye, and scare all the
civilised races of mankind into a confederacy, resolved to disarm
or destroy them._____
Bear and Forbear.
A be cent paragraph, from a Toronto paper, informs us that a
" struggle with a wounded bear is considered generally hopeless." If
this is the case, it is probable that Mr. Hamilton will abandon in
despair his dispute with the Duke of Somerset, notwithstanding the
mauling which the latter has experienced.
Political Turnips.—Ministers cannot understand agriculture. At
least they do not appear to be aware of the importance of cultivating
Swedes.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
171
BLIGHTED BEING
" Office of Civil Commissioners, Westminster.
espected SlR,
" Having failed
iu a late examina-
tion for Her Majes-
ty's Civil Service
(owing to a not un-
7. Is the Earth round or spherical?
8. Did you ever receive a black eye at school ?
9. What is the difference between a loose fish and a fish loose ?
10. What work do you propose to do in proportion to Salary ?
11. Meaning of the word Salary ?
12. Meaning of the word work in its primary and secondary sense?
13. Was William the Conqueror, married or single?
14. Can you explain if England was joined to the main-land
originally ?
15. Which is most, useful—a s*cel or quill pen, and why ?
lu. Explain the difference between a leasonable man and a man of
natural mistake be-1 reason ?
tween Homer's! l7. Which is the Examiner ?
Odyssey and Omar \ 18- Which is the -Examinee ? "
Pasha), \ beg to I --
offer myself as a can-1
didatefor any situa-jTHE IDOL-WORSHIP OF THE WHITE NIGGERS.
tion in your domestic w . . , , _ , , ,., '.^
• ] I What a pity it is that the European peoples do not realise the con-
cir££ ' , ^ j dition in which they would find themselves if the Russians were to
you
a copy of the last
paper I wrote at
the examination —
the subject being, to
wrue an official to
some great autho-
succeed in the attempt to subjugate them! Could they but imagine
that, they would unite instantly, and form a general coalition against
these ambitious aud powerful savages. The superiority of the Czak's
subjects to those of King Kossoko may be great, but is only military.
Nor, to judge from some antics of an idolatrous kind in which he has
been lately indulging, does the former potentate appear to be, intellec-
tually and morally, a very much more exalted monarch than the latter,
"'he following ext'act from a contemporary exhibits the Emperor op
rity, explaining your THE Rtjssias engaged in devotions verv clo-elv resembling those
general views on the
subject of the Civil
Service-
" I have the honour to be, Sir,
" Your most obeaient, humble servant,
" C. - A."
(An algebraic expression, signifying a Clerk without an Appointment^)
" To the Secretary for War.
" Sir,—I have the honour to inform you that I wish to distinguish
myself in any capacity, and my notions are that the pay should be
equal to the work, as well as the wishes of the aspirant. 1 have been
educated on an Island which has not circumscribed my knowledge,
wiiich is as extensive as the track of sea I formerly gazedi upon, and j a_way Czar Al& xander has gone with his Eetish ; and, perhaps, 11
which induced me to study the height, depth, and breadth ot all things ^ resorves on perpetrating any wickedness whilst be holds it in his
which are wont to be performed by the dingy sovereigns of Western
AJ'rica :—■
" A letter from St. Petersburg says that the. Emperor Alexander, In his recent visit
to Moscow, not only went with all the Imperial family to the holy places, temples,
catacombs, and chapels, kissing the relics of the saints, and prostrating themselves
before the altars; but in order to fortify the courage of his army, determined on
carrying to it a relic of St. Sergius, consisting of a painted image of the saint from one
of the sides of his coffin, which is supposed to be of great sanctity and virtu", and which
figured in the wars of the Czars, Michel Feodorovich, and Peter the First, and in
that of Moscow in 1812. On giving up the ic age to the Czar, a grand religious cere-
mony took place, and the Metropolitan, in the course of it, made the following solemn
appeal to the Saint:—'St Sergius!—Thou gavest thy blessing to Prince Dimiy&i, in
the Czars, Michel, Peter, and Alexander—look down favourably on the Czau,
Alexander Nicolaievitch, who comes to demand from thee thy holy image, iu order
to show it to his Army as the sacred mark of thy praje'S of benediction and protection.'
. . . The Czar, on receiving the image, reverently kissed it.
" The Emperor has tiken the image in question with him to the south."
within my circumference. You will not think it exaggeration for me
to sav that I could look far a-head. With respect to my predilections for
the Civil Service, I beg respectfully to state that honour will not cure a
wound nor restore a dead body; that I was always attached to civility,
and therefore prefer a service where bows and attention to the polite
arts of Routine are eminently practised. The honour of the Queen's
Service surpasses that of a nrivate individual in the same ratio that
Lombard Street holds to a China orange, or Windsor Castle to a sentry-
box, more or less. Having disposed of the quo modo and quare, I have
no difficulty in speaking of the modo, according to the expression of
Horace, rem quocunque modo, rem. This then is not a matter of in-
difference, but is rattier a sine qua non. Philosophers and statesmen
have disputed whether a little with comfort, or much with discomfort
is most desirable. I beg to differ from both parties, and to assert,
without flinching, my firm conviction, that a great deal of pecunia is
very compatible with ease and comfort. I might go further and state
keeping, he will, in order that it may not see him, bury it in the
earth, after the manner of one of his royal brethren of the Guinea
Coast uninfluenced by Missior.aries. If such is the Sovereign, what
must the subjects be? And these, debased and grovelling, but for-
midable adorers of ridiculous idols are menacing the civilisation of
Europe!
But, some cosmopolitan gentleman will tell us, this is an illiberal and
narrow-minded way of looking at a practice of the Greek Church.
However, Fetishism is EctLhism; though, perhaps, our cosmopolitan
friends would insist on having a large and liberal view taken of that.
If we are ever at peace again with Russia, the gentlemen concerned in
the Birmingham idol trade, who export gods to India, will probably
find an extended market for tkeir manufactures among the natives of
the Autocrat's territory, and their best customer in that enlightens
uler himself. That is to say, if their scandalous and shocking traffic
is allowed to proceed.
the general impression of clerks in office—that mending pens and looking! The Czar may not be accustomed to sport a footman's gold-laced
out of window is a pleasant routine of official time, and will entitle a j hat and a peacock's feather. His undress may not be a state of half-
competent person to quarterly payments. Indeed we have heard the j uakedness, nor his full costume an old red coat and a pair of striped
fact of an ex-Colonial Secretary, who 'cursed all the Hindoos, looked j cotton drawers. His usual posture, when seated, may not be that ot
out at the windows, and sometimes he mended a pen.' My aspirations j SqUattiDg on his hams. Nei her his Bnssian Majesty, nor his sub-
then lead me to think that in Her Majesty's Service 1 should ! jectS) may wear rings in their lips; and, finally, we know that their
receive a competent salary, with the privilege of rising higher, that it skins are"not black. This is to be lamented; for, if their hides were
is immaterial where I go, provided it is at Her, Majesty's expense
that my wishes, perhaps, out-run my prospects with regard to an
increase of pay; and that eventually my reward will be, mens sibi
conscia recti (a mind conscious of right). I would simply add, that I
consider all examinations rather a bore than otherwise, being a test of
temper, patience, memory, and self-command, highly injurious to the
nervous system, involving a concatenation of ideas, which sometimes
leaves the examinee worse than they found him. Therefore, 1 rejoice
in that noble sentiment ' my mind to me a kingdom is '
111 send a form of examination for the benefit of the Service:—
1. Your name and age.
2. State your own merits.
3. Mention your own wishes.
4. Have you had the small-pox ?
5. Will you serve the Queen ?
6. Give your idea of two and two.
sable, the darkness of their exteriors would symbolise their internal
want of light, strike the mind through the eye, and scare all the
civilised races of mankind into a confederacy, resolved to disarm
or destroy them._____
Bear and Forbear.
A be cent paragraph, from a Toronto paper, informs us that a
" struggle with a wounded bear is considered generally hopeless." If
this is the case, it is probable that Mr. Hamilton will abandon in
despair his dispute with the Duke of Somerset, notwithstanding the
mauling which the latter has experienced.
Political Turnips.—Ministers cannot understand agriculture. At
least they do not appear to be aware of the importance of cultivating
Swedes.