DOI issue:
November 24, 1855
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16616#0218
206
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[November 24, 1855.
CONSTANT! NE'S DREAM.
Scene—St. Petersburg]],. A Private Apartment in the Palace, The Emperor Alexander, the Empress, and the Grakd Duke Constantxne,
Alex. Sebastopol gone ; Kertch and Kinburn too!
Sveaborg in rains; Bomarsund destroy'd !
Our troops repulsed at Kars, and now again
Iu battle worsted by Omar Pacha!
One almost might suppose our cause unjust,
And a just Power to over-rule the world.
What's to be done?
Empress. Peace made.
Const. Pooh! Mac'am, Pooh!
Excuse me—but the very name of peace
Inflames me with ungovernable rage.
Peace is submission : sooner than submit
Let us take poison all, or cut our throats ;
Disaster desperation should inspire;
Ab, Sire, my brother! had 1 but my way
1 know what I would do.
Alex. What wouldst thou do ?
Const. No longer let our navy skulk beneath
Yon walls of stone with cannon fortified;
But, on some favouring and foggy night,
Break, or elude, the Anglo-French blockade.
Alex. Unto what, end, good brother ?
Const. Marry, this;—
Some twenty thousand soldiers to convey,
With whom we would ascend the Paver Thames,
As once the Dutchmen did : then London burn :
Which could we do, I should not care, although
We perish'd iu the ruins.
Empress. How commence?
How cause the conflagration to begin ?
Would you not first deliver that same Thames
A prey to the devouring element?
Const. Although I might not set the Thames on fire,
I might and would burn the Lord Mayor alive,
And slowly roast, the Aldermen to death,
Chop Gog and Magog into little bits,
Slit up the nose of Viscount Palmerston,
Ana by the roots tear out the tongue of Punch.
Blow up the Tower, and leave not of St. Paul's
A stone upon a stone; likewise destroy
Westminster Abbey, and the Houses raze
Of Parliament: the National Gallery,
British Museum, and the Post Office.
Buckingham Palace, also, I would knock
About their ears who would not be, I hope,
At Balmoral, or Osborne. Oh ! what games,
To wrap Great Britain's capital in flames !
Empress. Oh! Constantine, how stupidly you talk !
What ! risk our fleet and twenty thousand men,
Leaving St. Petersburg without defence p
Don't Jisten to him, Alexander, dear.
Alex. Brother, your scheme of oaring and of dash
The merit has, no doubt—but it is rash.
We fear the enterprise would not succeed,
We think it hazardous—we do, indeed.
Yet London 'twere a glorious thing to burn.
Weil, well, the matter in our mind we'll turn.
Scene closes.
HOW THE GRAND DUKE CON STAN TINE SET OUT TO INVADE ENGLAND
ENCOURAGEMENT OF NATIVE TALENT.
Among the exhibitors at the French Exposition of Industry, twenty-
four Englishmen out of two hundred and fifty-four persons, have received
the decoration of the Legion of Honour; and the Times correspondent
at Paris savs -.—
"Of the 254 seven are to be named officers, having no doubt received the simple
cross of Knight previously, and among the English Ms. Fabaday has the still higher
grade of Commander conferred on him."
We have reason for stating that a Cabinet Council will be imme-
diately convened for the purpose of taking into consideration the
expediency of forthwith conferring on Professor FVraday the Order
of the Bath, lest it should seem, that in consequence of the neglect of
the British Government to encourage Science, the Emperor Napoleon
has felt himself obliged to take that office on himself. Whdst our
rulers are about it, perhaps, they will also knight a few more phdo-
sophers—if the philosophers will accept the knighthood.
DEFINITIONS.
by a disappointed man.
Love. A Subject with poets for a song, and frequently not worth
one.
Music. The signal for talking in a drawing-room, during which you
hear the words of every one but the person who is singing.
Madman. Any one who differs from us.
Doctor. One who kills us to-day to prevent us dying to-morrow.
Card. What a tradesman gives v/hen he wants your custom, and a
gentleman when he wan's your life.
Youth. Anything under a wig.
My dear, my Love. The commencement of a quarrel between man
and wife.
Hearts. Little red things, that men and women play with for money.
Bread and Cheese. The pretence with a rich man for accumulating
a fortune—and which is about the last thing you ever see at his table.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[November 24, 1855.
CONSTANT! NE'S DREAM.
Scene—St. Petersburg]],. A Private Apartment in the Palace, The Emperor Alexander, the Empress, and the Grakd Duke Constantxne,
Alex. Sebastopol gone ; Kertch and Kinburn too!
Sveaborg in rains; Bomarsund destroy'd !
Our troops repulsed at Kars, and now again
Iu battle worsted by Omar Pacha!
One almost might suppose our cause unjust,
And a just Power to over-rule the world.
What's to be done?
Empress. Peace made.
Const. Pooh! Mac'am, Pooh!
Excuse me—but the very name of peace
Inflames me with ungovernable rage.
Peace is submission : sooner than submit
Let us take poison all, or cut our throats ;
Disaster desperation should inspire;
Ab, Sire, my brother! had 1 but my way
1 know what I would do.
Alex. What wouldst thou do ?
Const. No longer let our navy skulk beneath
Yon walls of stone with cannon fortified;
But, on some favouring and foggy night,
Break, or elude, the Anglo-French blockade.
Alex. Unto what, end, good brother ?
Const. Marry, this;—
Some twenty thousand soldiers to convey,
With whom we would ascend the Paver Thames,
As once the Dutchmen did : then London burn :
Which could we do, I should not care, although
We perish'd iu the ruins.
Empress. How commence?
How cause the conflagration to begin ?
Would you not first deliver that same Thames
A prey to the devouring element?
Const. Although I might not set the Thames on fire,
I might and would burn the Lord Mayor alive,
And slowly roast, the Aldermen to death,
Chop Gog and Magog into little bits,
Slit up the nose of Viscount Palmerston,
Ana by the roots tear out the tongue of Punch.
Blow up the Tower, and leave not of St. Paul's
A stone upon a stone; likewise destroy
Westminster Abbey, and the Houses raze
Of Parliament: the National Gallery,
British Museum, and the Post Office.
Buckingham Palace, also, I would knock
About their ears who would not be, I hope,
At Balmoral, or Osborne. Oh ! what games,
To wrap Great Britain's capital in flames !
Empress. Oh! Constantine, how stupidly you talk !
What ! risk our fleet and twenty thousand men,
Leaving St. Petersburg without defence p
Don't Jisten to him, Alexander, dear.
Alex. Brother, your scheme of oaring and of dash
The merit has, no doubt—but it is rash.
We fear the enterprise would not succeed,
We think it hazardous—we do, indeed.
Yet London 'twere a glorious thing to burn.
Weil, well, the matter in our mind we'll turn.
Scene closes.
HOW THE GRAND DUKE CON STAN TINE SET OUT TO INVADE ENGLAND
ENCOURAGEMENT OF NATIVE TALENT.
Among the exhibitors at the French Exposition of Industry, twenty-
four Englishmen out of two hundred and fifty-four persons, have received
the decoration of the Legion of Honour; and the Times correspondent
at Paris savs -.—
"Of the 254 seven are to be named officers, having no doubt received the simple
cross of Knight previously, and among the English Ms. Fabaday has the still higher
grade of Commander conferred on him."
We have reason for stating that a Cabinet Council will be imme-
diately convened for the purpose of taking into consideration the
expediency of forthwith conferring on Professor FVraday the Order
of the Bath, lest it should seem, that in consequence of the neglect of
the British Government to encourage Science, the Emperor Napoleon
has felt himself obliged to take that office on himself. Whdst our
rulers are about it, perhaps, they will also knight a few more phdo-
sophers—if the philosophers will accept the knighthood.
DEFINITIONS.
by a disappointed man.
Love. A Subject with poets for a song, and frequently not worth
one.
Music. The signal for talking in a drawing-room, during which you
hear the words of every one but the person who is singing.
Madman. Any one who differs from us.
Doctor. One who kills us to-day to prevent us dying to-morrow.
Card. What a tradesman gives v/hen he wants your custom, and a
gentleman when he wan's your life.
Youth. Anything under a wig.
My dear, my Love. The commencement of a quarrel between man
and wife.
Hearts. Little red things, that men and women play with for money.
Bread and Cheese. The pretence with a rich man for accumulating
a fortune—and which is about the last thing you ever see at his table.