DOI Heft:
November 24, 1855
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16616#0226
214
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[November 24, 1855.
\ V
No. 999 GOVERNMENT TRANSPORT, OFF QTJEENSTOWN-
VISITORS ON BOARD.
Party {in cheering tone, calculated to impart confidence to the weaker sex). " Follow
me, follow Mli—there 's mo (JAl SE fob alarm, I assure you. WOA—wo—-wo
—my man—Steady, Mare—wo! (Sotto voce) I'm deuced glad it's their
heads instead of their heels—wo ! "
LONDON ON WHEELS.
Early in the new year we are promised a toral reform of
the present omnibus system. The omnibuses themselves
will, it is said, be turned inside out; and the omnibus
drivers and conductors will become so refined and cour-
teous that even the wives of their bosoms will hardly
know them. We are to owe all this to the benign and
enterprising example of our gallant Allies. As in Paris,
all the London omnibuses will form only one company;
and, a preliminary fourpence being paid, an extra penny
will take the enlightened traveller by any other omnibus to
any other point. The imaginative and vivacious author of
Helionde, or book of the Sun, especially remarks upon those
in the planet Sol, whom on "this dull spot named earth "
we call " cabmen, cad?, conductors, and omnibus-drivers."
In the Sun they are all of them the very pink of courtesy;
the on'y fare demanded of their passengers "some
charming little aphorism:" Now tlais—says Mb. Sidney
Whiting—this
" Is the only guerdon our Chesterfield expects, and in return he
utters some exquisite line of poetry, and with mutual good wishes and
amicable gestures you separate, satisfied and charmed with each other.
Cabbie drives off delighted with the urbanity of his ' fare,' and ' fare'
enters his domicile only regretting his short acquaintance with
1 cabbie.' "
This is certainly an improvement upon the material four-
npnce, with the recurring pennies; but, all in good time.
We may yet see all the same aphoristic brightness and
poetic beauty at the Elephant and Castle as in Helionde.
Thus, some day, a City attorney taking his two miles' worth
out of a cabman may, on descending, button bis pocket,
wink his eye at cabhy, and quote this " charming little
aDhorism" from The Castle of Indolence:
" A shilling saved is a shilling got.''
Whilst the cabman, having all Thomson by heart, may
remove his glazed hat, make a bow, and with a knowing
smile add the following line—
" True to this scoundrel maxim keepeth he."
Politeness has been called the small change of morals ; and
this change, like the five-franc gold pieces, will he at once
small and precious. We wonder, under this hoped-for
system, what cabby will allow his master? "You cannot
feed turkeys so," says Hamlet, talking of the "promise-
crammed." But then cab-proprietors are not turkeys,
but mostly cormorants.
THE " SPREAD " OE VEGETARIANISM.
tjr old friends, the Vegetarians, have
been enjoving a tremendous feed of
" green meat " at Birmingham, We
have no objection to the consumption
of any amount of herbage by the>e
graminivorous enthusiasts ; but we
must protest against their toasting
the Queen in iced water; a pro-
ceeding which is calculated to throw
an almost dcatb-like chill into every
loyal bosom. Iced water at this
time of year is, of itself, sufficient to
break sociality into shivers; but all
the springs of feeliDg appear to be
congealed, when we hear of the
health of our Sovereign having been drunk in this uncomfortable
beverage. Putting aside the disloyalty of the very freezing politeness
exhibited towards Her Majesty, there were some points of interest
about the Vegetarian Banquet. Among the stars of the evening were
" four gentlemen, whose united ages amounted to 263 years, 178 of
which had been spent in advocating Vegetarian principles." It is diffi-
cult to understand the arithmetic, by whose rules 178 years can have
been consumed by any number of living individuals. According to
such a mode of calculation, half-a-dozen pickpockets, committed for
three months, might argue that, when they had " served " their four-
teen days each, their period of three months' imprisonment would be
completed.
Perhaps, however, the most remarkable feature of the whole affair
was the presence of a Vegetarian Alderman, who declared that for forty
years he had lived upon cabbage-leaves, onions, arrowroot, stuffiug
herbs, and other garden produce. We must confess that we regard
with a mixture of surprise and admiration the man who, while holding
an office essentially identified with the consumption of almost every
living thing that is calculated to form a plat, should have reached a
green old age in the quiet enjoyment of his apples, oranges,_ nuts, and
pears,—or other kindred esculents. We do not wish to disturb the
Vegetarians in their ruminant propensities, and if we cannot sympathise
with, them in their abstinence from animal food, we will not grudge
them their indulgence in the delicacies of the kitchen garden. As it is
the fashion in these days to popularise principles by lectures and vocal
entertainments, we would suggest to the Vegetarians the propriety of
engaging some favourite performer or singer to visit the Literary Insti-
tutions of the country with a sort of Monopolylogue, called
a bunch of greens, or a night with a market .gardener.
Such an entertainment, with gastronomical illustrations, in the course
of which the performer might cook and consume a variety of herbage,
would perhaps give an impulse to the Vegetarian movement, or at least
bring it so palpably before the public that an opinion could be formed
of its advantages or otherwise.
Official Intelligence.
We know an Old Woman (you will find his name in the Peerage),
who, upon being solicited to join the present Ministry, humm'd and
ha'd, and played with his smelling-bottle, and at last mustered courage
enough to say "If you please, Sir, I don't know—but if you will allow
me, Sir, I'll go and ask Mamma."
An old Song with a new Improvement.—With so many military
officers from the Crimea, returned on private urgent business, we pro-
pose that " See the Conq'ring Hero Cames" be changed to " See the
Conq'ring Hero Goes."
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[November 24, 1855.
\ V
No. 999 GOVERNMENT TRANSPORT, OFF QTJEENSTOWN-
VISITORS ON BOARD.
Party {in cheering tone, calculated to impart confidence to the weaker sex). " Follow
me, follow Mli—there 's mo (JAl SE fob alarm, I assure you. WOA—wo—-wo
—my man—Steady, Mare—wo! (Sotto voce) I'm deuced glad it's their
heads instead of their heels—wo ! "
LONDON ON WHEELS.
Early in the new year we are promised a toral reform of
the present omnibus system. The omnibuses themselves
will, it is said, be turned inside out; and the omnibus
drivers and conductors will become so refined and cour-
teous that even the wives of their bosoms will hardly
know them. We are to owe all this to the benign and
enterprising example of our gallant Allies. As in Paris,
all the London omnibuses will form only one company;
and, a preliminary fourpence being paid, an extra penny
will take the enlightened traveller by any other omnibus to
any other point. The imaginative and vivacious author of
Helionde, or book of the Sun, especially remarks upon those
in the planet Sol, whom on "this dull spot named earth "
we call " cabmen, cad?, conductors, and omnibus-drivers."
In the Sun they are all of them the very pink of courtesy;
the on'y fare demanded of their passengers "some
charming little aphorism:" Now tlais—says Mb. Sidney
Whiting—this
" Is the only guerdon our Chesterfield expects, and in return he
utters some exquisite line of poetry, and with mutual good wishes and
amicable gestures you separate, satisfied and charmed with each other.
Cabbie drives off delighted with the urbanity of his ' fare,' and ' fare'
enters his domicile only regretting his short acquaintance with
1 cabbie.' "
This is certainly an improvement upon the material four-
npnce, with the recurring pennies; but, all in good time.
We may yet see all the same aphoristic brightness and
poetic beauty at the Elephant and Castle as in Helionde.
Thus, some day, a City attorney taking his two miles' worth
out of a cabman may, on descending, button bis pocket,
wink his eye at cabhy, and quote this " charming little
aDhorism" from The Castle of Indolence:
" A shilling saved is a shilling got.''
Whilst the cabman, having all Thomson by heart, may
remove his glazed hat, make a bow, and with a knowing
smile add the following line—
" True to this scoundrel maxim keepeth he."
Politeness has been called the small change of morals ; and
this change, like the five-franc gold pieces, will he at once
small and precious. We wonder, under this hoped-for
system, what cabby will allow his master? "You cannot
feed turkeys so," says Hamlet, talking of the "promise-
crammed." But then cab-proprietors are not turkeys,
but mostly cormorants.
THE " SPREAD " OE VEGETARIANISM.
tjr old friends, the Vegetarians, have
been enjoving a tremendous feed of
" green meat " at Birmingham, We
have no objection to the consumption
of any amount of herbage by the>e
graminivorous enthusiasts ; but we
must protest against their toasting
the Queen in iced water; a pro-
ceeding which is calculated to throw
an almost dcatb-like chill into every
loyal bosom. Iced water at this
time of year is, of itself, sufficient to
break sociality into shivers; but all
the springs of feeliDg appear to be
congealed, when we hear of the
health of our Sovereign having been drunk in this uncomfortable
beverage. Putting aside the disloyalty of the very freezing politeness
exhibited towards Her Majesty, there were some points of interest
about the Vegetarian Banquet. Among the stars of the evening were
" four gentlemen, whose united ages amounted to 263 years, 178 of
which had been spent in advocating Vegetarian principles." It is diffi-
cult to understand the arithmetic, by whose rules 178 years can have
been consumed by any number of living individuals. According to
such a mode of calculation, half-a-dozen pickpockets, committed for
three months, might argue that, when they had " served " their four-
teen days each, their period of three months' imprisonment would be
completed.
Perhaps, however, the most remarkable feature of the whole affair
was the presence of a Vegetarian Alderman, who declared that for forty
years he had lived upon cabbage-leaves, onions, arrowroot, stuffiug
herbs, and other garden produce. We must confess that we regard
with a mixture of surprise and admiration the man who, while holding
an office essentially identified with the consumption of almost every
living thing that is calculated to form a plat, should have reached a
green old age in the quiet enjoyment of his apples, oranges,_ nuts, and
pears,—or other kindred esculents. We do not wish to disturb the
Vegetarians in their ruminant propensities, and if we cannot sympathise
with, them in their abstinence from animal food, we will not grudge
them their indulgence in the delicacies of the kitchen garden. As it is
the fashion in these days to popularise principles by lectures and vocal
entertainments, we would suggest to the Vegetarians the propriety of
engaging some favourite performer or singer to visit the Literary Insti-
tutions of the country with a sort of Monopolylogue, called
a bunch of greens, or a night with a market .gardener.
Such an entertainment, with gastronomical illustrations, in the course
of which the performer might cook and consume a variety of herbage,
would perhaps give an impulse to the Vegetarian movement, or at least
bring it so palpably before the public that an opinion could be formed
of its advantages or otherwise.
Official Intelligence.
We know an Old Woman (you will find his name in the Peerage),
who, upon being solicited to join the present Ministry, humm'd and
ha'd, and played with his smelling-bottle, and at last mustered courage
enough to say "If you please, Sir, I don't know—but if you will allow
me, Sir, I'll go and ask Mamma."
An old Song with a new Improvement.—With so many military
officers from the Crimea, returned on private urgent business, we pro-
pose that " See the Conq'ring Hero Cames" be changed to " See the
Conq'ring Hero Goes."