Punch (30.1856)

242 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI, [June 14, 1856.


John Thomas always was very particular about his Hair ; but somehow or
another, to-day, he cannot get the " Back Parting " to his satisfaction.

A PLACE FOR THE POPE.
What is to be done with the Pope ? appears to be a question with
the Great Powers. Nothing can be clearer. Let him follow the
example of other insufferable foreign monarcbs, and quietly come over
here. The see of Peter is as transferable as an Opera stall-ticket,
and his Holiness might remove it to-morrow, if he chose, from Rome
to Richmond; which would be a happy removal, since Richmond is
close to Petersham.
The Ecclesiastical Titles Act would not be violated by this s^ep ; for
as the Pope never styles himself Bishop op Rome, so neither would
he assume the title of Bishop of Richmond, but continue to put
simply "Papa" and "Pontifex Maximus" atter his name.
Tde fear that, if the Roman Pontiff were to set up h;s chair of
Infallibility in this country, he would occasion a No-Popery agitation,
is quite groundless. He would cease to be a foreign potentate, which
is the only political objection to him on the part of the British public;
and so long as he contented himself with preaching against the British
faith, we should be satisfied, on our parts, with leaving our different
British clergymen to preach against his. He would live amongst U3
on the same terms with any other Dissenting Minister, and instead of
being hooted, would, as a distinguished foreigner, most likely be
cheered by the multitude and the boys whenever he turned out. In
fact, the cry of "No Popery" is very much less popular in London
than it is at Rome.
Moreover, a papal bull which, dated at the Vatican, could not,
perhaps, be published here without running the publisher into a
praemunire, might be circulated with perfect safety if it were promul-
gated from the Star and Garter.
As to the maintenance of the Pope—that would be no doubt amply
provided for by the liberality of his British flock, who are quite as
ready to shell out for the support of their pastors as their Protestant
fellow-countrymen. The Popery of Englaud would support its own
Pope, and there would be no necessity for sending the triple hat round
the Roman Catholic world.

Napier's Explanation.
The only cause assigned for the absence of Sir Chables Napikr
from Oxford was, " He woulda't meet Sir James Graham there ; and,
what was more, didn't know he was iuvited."

Austria Contented. — We learn, with a shiver, that Austria
expresses herself contented with the future intentions of France and
England towards Italy. When the vulture is contented, it must fare
hard with the lambs.

THE BRITISH FARMER AT THE FRENCH
CATTLE SHOW.
'Tis over there in Parrus as I've a ben to zee,
The Cattle Show in what they calls their Pally Daugdoostree ;
They French be clever feller?, of that there bain't bo doubt,
In tittivatun up a pleace and zettun of it out.
'Tis in the Shongseleasy, their public pleasure grounds,
Where company, refreshment, and all sarts o' games abounds,
And well it is wuth zeeun, the truth I '11 own to you,
Not only for the beastiees but tiie beauty on it too.
Wi' flags o' differ'nt colours upon his outer part,
They've stuck their Pally woaver and made un gay and smart.
Likewise wi' shrubs and vlowers, adornun' the way in,
The purtiest shrubs and vlowers as I thinks I ever ziu.
Inzide wi' turf and gravel walks they'd got the ground laid os.t,
And trees, and shrubs, and fountains, which was summat like to spout,
And fruits, and blooms, and blossoms, that smelt so sweet and strong,
That I thought o' Cupid's Gearden as you hears of in the zong.
Then there was molten imidges and sta'chies for to zee,
And now I s'pose you wonders where the beastiees could be;
To the bullocks, cows, and oxen, the stations as was gave,
They was underneath the galleries and round about the nave.
Their nations, names, and breeds, weren't wrote on papers like to ours.,
But on shields adorned wi' flags, and trimmed wi' imitation vlowers,
And lots more flags hung woaver 'em, and garlands, likewise, more;
I never zee sitcli cattle-stalls in all my life afoie.
There wasYorksbire, there was Durham, Sussex, Jersey, Guernsey too
There was Hereford, and Devonshire, as fine a3 e'er was grew;
And also Scotch, and Alderney, Swiss, Jarman, Danish, Dutch,
And French ; zum oq 'em pretty good : zum wasn't good for much.
The pigs and ship and poultry was lodged in pens outzide,
I never thought a Frenchman in his pig could take a pride ;
I vancied nobody could breed a good fat hog but we,
But here was zome as purty pigs as ever I did zee.
And there was purty creeturs too—another kind and sort,
Thr-y poked the pigs wi parasols to make 'em squeak and snort \
How they did giggle, to be sure, and laugh to luar the row !
'Tis rum to zee a purty gal a playun wi' a zow.
To zee the voreign herdsmen and shepherds drest so gay,
'Twas raly quite as good, mun, as gwiun to a play ;
How differ'nt to our drovers, and gaapun shepherd-boys,
And carter-chaps, 'longzide 'em in smock-frocks and corduroys'.
The talkun and the babble was wuss than any mill,
Them Frenchmen and Frenchwomen, their tongues is never still
They gabbles, screams, and chatters, till your head is in a maze,
Like a lot of noisy magpies and jackdaws, and rooks, and jays.
I missed one sort of animal I reckoned I should vind,
Which I thought as how a Frenchman ate as often as he dined,
There was no lack of ox and cow, nor yet of sheep and hog,
And goats they had, and rabbits—but they hadn't got ne'er a frog.
In purtiness, and all that there, our Zmithfield club they beat,
But I thinks we got the best on 'em, a purty sight, in meat:
They be better hands at ornyment, their trimmuns is the chief,
But the leg o' mutton we grows best and rears the primest beef.

WIT AND HUMOUR AT WASHINGTON.
Sharp enough in commercial transactions, the Americans are con-
sidered to be, nevertheless, as to wit and humour, a dull people.
Mr. President Pierce, however, and his Cabinet have, amongst
them, contrived to make a joke which, at least, beats anything that has
ever appeared in the columns of a publication, called by Yankee
journalists the London Punch. The joke of the American Government
consists in the recognition of the marauder Walker's authority in
Nicaragua. The fun of it, which is not obvious, lies in the entire
disregard of honour and justice which it exhibits. The extreme of
shameless immorality, as displayed by Mr. Merrtman in a pantomime,
and Mr. Pierce in politics, is ludicrous, and the only difference
between the Clown and the President, is that the comical depravity of
the latter gentleman may lead to serious consequences.

News prom Naples.—"Vesuvius does not smoke particularly, but
an eruption is feared.