Punch (30.1856)

Mav 31, 1856.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

THE HOLY STATE IN THE HIGHEST LIFE.

HE Morning Herald prints the
subjoined handsome offer from
a nobleman to any lady, "not
necessarily above the middle
class." We think we can trace
the aristocratic hand of a mar-
quis in every line.
MATRIMONY IN HIGH
LIFE.— From £2000 to £3000
will be paid to any person who can
INTRODUCE a LADY, from 25 to 35
years, to a MATRIMONIAL CON-
NECTION with a NOBLEMAN, of
distinguished appearance, able to raise
her with an alliance with the first
families in England and on the Conti-
nent. The lady must be .fair, attrac-
tive, not necessarily above the middle
class, and possess a fortune adequate
to the title she will receive. As this
advertisement is genuine, the strictest
investigation will be afforded, the
fullest particulars treated with honour-
able confidence, and a contract entered
into to pay the sum stated for eommis
sion upon the marriage being com-
pleted. References will be given to
the most detailed answers, which are
to be addressed to--

(but for further particulars, says
Mr. Punch, see his respected
contemporary, the M.H.)
With one or two hard condi-
tions excepted, the nobleman of
distinguished appearance offers
liberal terms. "The lady must be fair;" and this is rather hard upon the brunettes.
Had black eyes not been objectionable, Mr. Punch—but purely as a matter of disinterested
benevolence—could have introduced a young lady of the Hebrew prejudice, a budding
ro3e of Sharon to the nobleman, whilst at the same time Mr. Punch would have handed
over the sum " from £2 000 to £3,000" to that invaluable body, the Society for the Con-
version of Houndsditch and Holy well-street. Again, what will be considered adequate in
the way of fortune P Tf " —il0 lad^ hrincr -PinOfift ner annum ; if an earL
may she be happy yet, = illy hard times, wb<u
rank has fallen so low =- L\lf FA idy to sell itself a*, so


THE TEMPLE OF HUMBUG
A Pastoral.
Tell me, shepherds, tell me, pray,
Unro Humbug's Fane the way; "
Shepherd swains, this pilgrim tell,
Whereabouts doth Humbug dwell ?
Gentle stranger, take thy way,
On a morn in jocund May,
Walking Eastward up the Strand;
Humbug dwells on thy left hand.
Yea, but shepherds, what may I
Know the dome of Humbug by ?
Shepherds, kindly tell me what
Signs denote the hallowed spot ?
Crowds of votaries who wait,
Thronging round the Temple gate,
Over whom sleek Humbug reig.is,
Serious nymphs and solemn swains.
Are they, then, so clearly seen
By their countenance and mien ?
May they be so surely known,
By their garb, for Humbug's own?
By their visages severe
Nymphs and swains revealed appear ;
These in black with ties of white,
Those in saddest hues bedight.
Thanks, kind shepherds—now I'll go
Where Cant's tumid rivers flow,
Floods which Mawworm poureth out,
And the Sabbatarians spout.
Go where wild fanatics stray,
If, like them, thou lose thy way,
Ask for guidance to the Hall
Exeter which shepherds call.

rank has talien so low =- ^\lf WA
much in the pound. = co ^^fo£
Caws


England in a Line. — Palmeeston rules,
but Cant governs.

^r*.*^ THE ARCHBISHOP'S STAINED WINDOW.
So the Lord Chan< -

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the plain unvarnished E_ ( *\
If the law-ufficers of -
merits which the Crow=_i?
clear that somebody eE
think that proper pers=- /in
it open to competition™ m v_ §
a given subject, let it a —— ^ 0
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Lambeth Pala.ce was not attacked, although there was no Sunday
music in the Parks. Nevertheless, it is not possible to overpraise the
vigilance of the police, who, upon their own responsibility, had assured
Sir Ricsard Mayne, who had confided the story to Sir George
Grey, who had lost no time in imparting the intelligence to his Grace
op Canterbury that, on the Sunday, when the music ceased, the popu-
lace proposed to attack and sack Lambeth Palace, and afterwards blow
up the Established Church. Will the reader be surprised, when he
learns that—his Grace, the Archbishop, went out of town ? However,
absent and safe in the flesh, his Grace was present in the spirit.
Now, it so happens that Lambeth Palace is enriched with " a stained
glass window of considerable beauty and richness; " the radiant legacy
of meek and mild Archbishop Howley. " A mob in the Bishop's-walk
armed with stones could demolish this beautiful specimen of modern
art." Whereupon were plac?d "a strong tarpaulin in front of the
window, av such a distance, and with strong pieces of timber behind, as
to ward off any missile that might be thrown." But all was quiet: no
pebble was thrown.
Unconsciously has the Archbishop illustrated the bigotry that has
hushed Sunday music. Music, even as the stained window aforesaid, is a
thing of beauty; and being so, if, is allowed, a joy for ever. Now this thing
of beauty—out of the very weakness of fear that it may excite the evil
passions of mankind, provoking envy, and thereupon violence—this very-
piece of loveliness the Archbishop shrouds in tarpaulin and buttresses
with timber. Is not the tarpaulin the darkening bigotry of the over-
righteous ; and the timber the wooden heads of the saints ?

Philosophy and Fireworks.
It is all very well to call the 29th instant a day of rejoicing, but in
celebrating our deliverance from the misery and horrors of war by
letting off squibs, and burning unnecessary candles, in order to show
© the delight, which, if we felt it, we might be content with feeling, we
O exhibit a soectacle, which will probably cause some philosophers to
regard that day, for themselves, considering that the authors of this
tomfoolery are their fellow-creatures, as a day of humiliation.