Punch (30.1856)

Mat 10, 1856.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 181


A BAD TIME FOR JOHN THOMAS.
Rude Boy. "I sat, Jack, ain't he a fine un ?—D'ye think he's real, or onlv
stuffed ? "

PIUS AND BOMBA.
a Burt.
B. Holt Father, holy Father,
Are you glad the War is o'er ?
Don't you rather—don't you rather
Think this peace will prove a bore?
P. Well son, truly, well son, truly,
I have doubts upon the point;
Our dominions are unruly.
And our noses out of joint.
B. 0, Successor of St. Peter,
Now the Western Powers are free,
And in order somewhat neater
They will put the Holy See.
P. Yes, my son, I should not wonder,
Such a sin were they to do,
And their wings if they took under
The affairs of Naples, too.
B. Do yeu think your fulminations
Will their bold proceedings check i
Of your excommunications
Do you fancy they will reck ?
P. Ab ! son Bomba, of my bluster,
They will take as small account,
As of all the men you muster,
And of all the guns you mount.
B. Shall I try the liquefaction
Of Gennaro's wondrous blood ?
P. If 'tis any satisfaction,
Yes my son, I think I would.
B. Of St. Peter's chain a filing
Might avail us, I suppose ?
P. Well, perhaps—excuse my smiling-
Can't you file Poerio's ?

PUNCH'S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
A Large portion of the Parliamentary week has been devoted to the
performance of a Parce, to understand which Mr. Punch's friends will
step behind the scenes.
The Pall of Kars was at once an unfortunate and a disgraceful event;
and people who affect to make light of it, have only to look into the
Treaty, and see that the Emperor of Russia returns Kars, as " con-
sideration " for the return to him of half-a-dozen captures by the Allies.
There is no sense in mincing anything except veal. Everybody who
might have helped to save Kars, and did not, ought to be utterly
ashamed of himself. Lord Palmerston knows this perfectly well;
and, when it was announced in Lords and Commons that an on-
slaught was to be made upon the Cabinet, in connection with this
subject,}jhe took measures for averting the storm. Prom "a high
quarter" Lord Derby received a hint, which induced that good-
natured Nobleman to Wink at Lord Palmerston, in the most unhesi-
tating manner, the first time they met, The Premier understood that
explicit, if vulgar demonstration to mean, that political decency
demanded a Kars row—but that the battle should not be a party one;
that is, the Conservatives were not to be in earnest. On Monday, just
before the combat, Pam called his men together into his dining-room in
Piccadilly, and gave them a good blowing-up for the way in which they
had been allowing the Government to be beaten of late. He explained
the Kars affair in an off-hand way ; the Generals had no men to spare ;
Stratford had behaved ill; but "Ambassadors," said Pam, "were
not Angels." But this was nothing to the purpose. If they called
themselves Liberals, they must vote for a Liberal Government, By a
curious coincidence, Derby called his men together in his drawing-
room in St. James's Square at the same time, and he explained to them
that the Government must not be beaten, for that his party was not in
a condition to take office. He did not use these words, but urged that
the Kars question was too grave to be used for a factious quarrel; but
he was perfectly well understood. Some of the men grumbled, being
hungry for office; but Derby was peremptory. Now come into the
front of the house—the curtain goes up on
Monday, April 2Stk. Mr. Whiteside, an Irish lawyer (perhaps he
would like to know what participle the Conservative country gentlemen
prefix to their habitual mention of "those Irish, lawyers") jumped
about the table, bumping and bawling for four hours, and abusing the
Government for losing Kars. He proposed a motion in accordance
with his speech. An English lawyer, Sir Alexander Cockburn,

defended the Government (of which he is a member), and abused
Lord Stratford. Lord John Manners defended Lord Stratford,
and abused the Government. A Scotch lawyer, the Lord Advocate,
did not abuse anybody, but defended the Government. Then the
House adjourned, but renewed the performance on
Tuesday. Mr. J. G. Phillimore, another lawyer who wants office,
abused Mr. Whiteside. Mr. Ker Seymer then moved an amend-
ment to the effect that the House knew nothing about the matter, and
ought to wait for further information. The Chancellor of the
Exchequer pooh-pooh'd Kars, Sir John Pakington rebuked the
Lord Advocate for audacity, and Mr. Latabd apologised lor Lord
Stratford, and laid all the blame on Lord Aberdeen s Government.
Mr. Maguire abused the Turkish officers; Sir William Hkathcote
was for escaping a decision ; Mr. Warner called Lord Stratford
inhuman- and Serjeant Shee was too happy to be able to abuse his
fellow-countryman and fellow-lawyer, Whiteside. Then there was
talk of another adjournment, and Lord Palmerston knowing that he
was quite safe, taunted the Opposition, and defied them to divide
On the question of Adjournment, it was seen that Lord Derby had
not Winked to blind horses-the numbers were 213 to 173, majority for
Government 70. Pam then laughed, and said they might talk for
another night if they liked, but the question was settled, ihe debate
stood over until
Thursday. When Sir Bulwer Lttton neatly abused Lord Pan-
mure laving the fall of Kars at his door, and Mr. Vernon Smith
tried to clear the noble Lord's doorstep. Several nobodies chattered
to a House of thirty members, but afterwards the House failed, and trie
«reat «uns came in for a finish. Sir James Graham did not know
what to do, but on the whole, "would do as he would be done by " so
supported a Government he " could not acquit. Disraeli declared
that it was every honest man's duty to vote against Ministers without
regard to consequences, and said it as imposingly as if he and Lord
Derby had not given the party their orders. Lord John Russell
thought the motion ill-timed, and took the opportunity of explaining
that he himself was a misunderstood man, but a first-rate patriot, and
then Lord Palmerston made some good fun of Whiteside's gym-
nastic performances, and puffed the Treaty as the best answer to all
objections. The House divided, got rid of Ker Seymer by 451 to 52,
a d then divided on the Whiteside motion, when a curious spectacle
was presented. The Tories are kept in good order, and only three more
voted than on Tuesday; their number being 176. But the outsiders, the
folks who call themselves independent, and all the rest of the lot who