DOI Heft:
June 28, 1856
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16617#0263
Jdne 28e 1856.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
255
STUM K IKG POLITENESS.
FEED. PEEL'S MEMORANDUM BOOK.
M&rn.—To commit to memory the Handbook of Latin
Quotations.
Mem.—To file washing-bills for the last ten years, at d
make Index and resume of same.
Mem.—To have a new set of pigeon-holes fitted up in
drawing-room.
Mem.—To prepare list of all celebrated men of the name
of Frederick, including Frederick the Great, Frede-
rick Lemaitre, Frederick Lablache, or any other that
may have the most remote point of resemblance «dth myself.
Mem — To order 92,000 yards of Red Tape (Government
Pattern) for the Circumlocution Office.
Mem,.—To study the properties of Babbage's Calculating
Machine, and see how far they are adaptable to oneself.
Mem.—Ho practise shaving in two minutes and seventeen
seconds.
Mem.—To take lessons of John Cooper in the art of
speaking, and what to do with one's hand?.
Men — To go to Wormwood Scrubbs the first holiday,
and enjoy without being disturbed the pure luxury of
reading by myself the Dictionary of Bates.
Mem.—To prepare impromptu against next sarcasm of
Bernal Osborne's.
Mem.—To draw up a table showing the comparative
expense per Ann. of wearing shirts with or without collars.
Mem.—To read Magna Charta, or the Reform Bill, or
an Act. of Parliament of high political instructive import-
ance, to the servants every evening during the recess.
Mem.—To reflect upon the chances that, intervene between
my present position and my future elevation to the Premier-
ship of England, and to consider how the same may be daily
diminished and hourly improved by long study, discipline,
abstinence, economy, and sleepless application.
Mem.—To wri'e to Madame Tussatjd (anonymously)
about not finding in her illustrious collection of great men
the statue of Mr. Frederick Peel, and demonstrating to
her in passionate but conclusive terms, how very incomplete
it is without that addition.
Mem.—To teach the Parrot the Multiplication table.
PUNCH'S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
June 16, Monday. Mr. Punch having privately favoured the Govern-
ment with his view of what should be done on the American question,
and Lord Palmerston having, of course, gladly but respectfully
assented, it was not extraordinary that Mr. Punch should have been
able, writing long before the announcement on Monday night, to mark
out the policy to be adopted by England. He mentions this in answer
to scores of letters, demanding whether he is "in the confidence of
Lord Palmerston," and arguing, that to have been enabled to write,
that we were not to dismiss Mr. Dallas, but, to hear what he had to
say,—precisely what Lords Clarendon and Palmerston subsequently
stated would be our course,—he "must be very much behind the
scenes." There was neither confidence nor scene in the matter. He
gives no unqualified support to this or any conceivable Government;
but, like a patriot, he steps forward on occasion to put any Cabinet in
the right course, and therefore is quite able to print on a Monday
morning what a Cabinet will say on a Monday night. We do not dis-
miss Dallas ; and we intend to hear what his arbitration proposals
are. Meantime, it appears that all Mr. Pierce's election dodges have
come to nought, and he has come to grief. The Democratic Conven-
tion, meeting at Cincinnati, is understood to have settled that Mr,
James Btjchanajj, lately the American representative here, shall be
the new President, waereby it is calculated that Pierce is chawed up
like thunder, yes, Siree.
The Joint Stock Companies' Bill was read a second time, Loud
Overstone enacting the part of Sisyphus, from whose legend he takes
his title. He rolled up a very heavy argumentative S'one, with great
success, as he thought, when Over it went, and he took nothing by his
trouble, except commendation from Lord Monteagle, which is not
exactly the highest reward a great and good man can achieve in this
life. Five lords divided against this useful, though by no means perfect
measure—eighteen in its favour.
In the Commons another million was instantly and unanimously
advanced to Sardinia. Mr. Bunch desires to keep his readers well
instructed in the signs of the times; and calls their attention to the
fact, that the Manchester Peace-mongers have now taken to sneering
at Sardinia, and the cause of Italian liberty. They horribly fear lest
nation. Some weeks back the Government said that the fortifications
of Ismail wen; not to be destroyed by the Russians before giving it up.
Now, the Government states that they are. One statement must have
been an inexactitude, and the conflict of statements is discreditable;
but we might be quite sure that Russia would do what was best for
herself. There was discussion on the system of Army Promotion, and
the unfairness with which the family of a deceased officer is treated
in regard to the price of his commission; and the Army Estimates
were taken, 'be first being the rather ludicrous proposal, "that a sum
of £10, in addition to £7,000,000 already voted," should be granted.
The St. James's Park Road and Bridge, were finally decided on, by
119 to 93.
Tuesday. Lord Campbell warned the nation that Hampstead
Heath would soon become the property of a person who could do as he
liked with it; so that if it were to be preserved to the nation, now was
the time to buy.
In the Commons, a bit of real religious mischief was done. The
Sfooner and Newdegate party, led by Mr. Walpole, and, we are
ashamed to say, supported by Mr. Disraeli, took advantage of the
absence of members at the Queen's Ball, to carry, by a small majority
(113 to 103) a motion tending to overturn the system of National
Education in Ireland, for the sake of gratifying Exeter Hail and the
Irish parsons. The character of the victory may be estimated from
the fact that, the uarson party exult in it as a similar triumph to that or
Spooner over Maynooth. However, active mischief cannot, be per-
mitted to bigotry, and the motion will have been contemptuously
rescinded before these lines are in the hands of many myriads of
readers. Its nature is not worth more words than suffice to say that
under pretext of love for The Book, the bigots struggle for a renewal
of Protestant, Ascendency.
Wednesday. The case of the noor heir to the Nabobs of Surat came
on again, and despite the struggles of the East India Company's men, a
Bill for doing him justice was read a third time. Lord Palmerston
very properly lost no time before intimating that the foolish work of
the preceding night must be effaced as soon as possible.
Thursday. A curious Petition was presented from the Mayor and
Aldermen of Reading, in favour of a Bill for enabling people to sell
property ihat does not belong to them—that is, for enabling tenants in
a blow, struck anywhere for freedom, should cause the countermand of tail to sell. We could paidon ths King op Oude's sauce upon the
a trade order. But they had not courage to say a word against this I subject of property, seeing that his own has been rather unceremo
new advance. The American explanations fallowed, and another expla- j' niously Dcgald Dal-housied, but this Reading sauce will not do
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
255
STUM K IKG POLITENESS.
FEED. PEEL'S MEMORANDUM BOOK.
M&rn.—To commit to memory the Handbook of Latin
Quotations.
Mem.—To file washing-bills for the last ten years, at d
make Index and resume of same.
Mem.—To have a new set of pigeon-holes fitted up in
drawing-room.
Mem.—To prepare list of all celebrated men of the name
of Frederick, including Frederick the Great, Frede-
rick Lemaitre, Frederick Lablache, or any other that
may have the most remote point of resemblance «dth myself.
Mem — To order 92,000 yards of Red Tape (Government
Pattern) for the Circumlocution Office.
Mem,.—To study the properties of Babbage's Calculating
Machine, and see how far they are adaptable to oneself.
Mem.—Ho practise shaving in two minutes and seventeen
seconds.
Mem.—To take lessons of John Cooper in the art of
speaking, and what to do with one's hand?.
Men — To go to Wormwood Scrubbs the first holiday,
and enjoy without being disturbed the pure luxury of
reading by myself the Dictionary of Bates.
Mem.—To prepare impromptu against next sarcasm of
Bernal Osborne's.
Mem.—To draw up a table showing the comparative
expense per Ann. of wearing shirts with or without collars.
Mem.—To read Magna Charta, or the Reform Bill, or
an Act. of Parliament of high political instructive import-
ance, to the servants every evening during the recess.
Mem.—To reflect upon the chances that, intervene between
my present position and my future elevation to the Premier-
ship of England, and to consider how the same may be daily
diminished and hourly improved by long study, discipline,
abstinence, economy, and sleepless application.
Mem.—To wri'e to Madame Tussatjd (anonymously)
about not finding in her illustrious collection of great men
the statue of Mr. Frederick Peel, and demonstrating to
her in passionate but conclusive terms, how very incomplete
it is without that addition.
Mem.—To teach the Parrot the Multiplication table.
PUNCH'S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
June 16, Monday. Mr. Punch having privately favoured the Govern-
ment with his view of what should be done on the American question,
and Lord Palmerston having, of course, gladly but respectfully
assented, it was not extraordinary that Mr. Punch should have been
able, writing long before the announcement on Monday night, to mark
out the policy to be adopted by England. He mentions this in answer
to scores of letters, demanding whether he is "in the confidence of
Lord Palmerston," and arguing, that to have been enabled to write,
that we were not to dismiss Mr. Dallas, but, to hear what he had to
say,—precisely what Lords Clarendon and Palmerston subsequently
stated would be our course,—he "must be very much behind the
scenes." There was neither confidence nor scene in the matter. He
gives no unqualified support to this or any conceivable Government;
but, like a patriot, he steps forward on occasion to put any Cabinet in
the right course, and therefore is quite able to print on a Monday
morning what a Cabinet will say on a Monday night. We do not dis-
miss Dallas ; and we intend to hear what his arbitration proposals
are. Meantime, it appears that all Mr. Pierce's election dodges have
come to nought, and he has come to grief. The Democratic Conven-
tion, meeting at Cincinnati, is understood to have settled that Mr,
James Btjchanajj, lately the American representative here, shall be
the new President, waereby it is calculated that Pierce is chawed up
like thunder, yes, Siree.
The Joint Stock Companies' Bill was read a second time, Loud
Overstone enacting the part of Sisyphus, from whose legend he takes
his title. He rolled up a very heavy argumentative S'one, with great
success, as he thought, when Over it went, and he took nothing by his
trouble, except commendation from Lord Monteagle, which is not
exactly the highest reward a great and good man can achieve in this
life. Five lords divided against this useful, though by no means perfect
measure—eighteen in its favour.
In the Commons another million was instantly and unanimously
advanced to Sardinia. Mr. Bunch desires to keep his readers well
instructed in the signs of the times; and calls their attention to the
fact, that the Manchester Peace-mongers have now taken to sneering
at Sardinia, and the cause of Italian liberty. They horribly fear lest
nation. Some weeks back the Government said that the fortifications
of Ismail wen; not to be destroyed by the Russians before giving it up.
Now, the Government states that they are. One statement must have
been an inexactitude, and the conflict of statements is discreditable;
but we might be quite sure that Russia would do what was best for
herself. There was discussion on the system of Army Promotion, and
the unfairness with which the family of a deceased officer is treated
in regard to the price of his commission; and the Army Estimates
were taken, 'be first being the rather ludicrous proposal, "that a sum
of £10, in addition to £7,000,000 already voted," should be granted.
The St. James's Park Road and Bridge, were finally decided on, by
119 to 93.
Tuesday. Lord Campbell warned the nation that Hampstead
Heath would soon become the property of a person who could do as he
liked with it; so that if it were to be preserved to the nation, now was
the time to buy.
In the Commons, a bit of real religious mischief was done. The
Sfooner and Newdegate party, led by Mr. Walpole, and, we are
ashamed to say, supported by Mr. Disraeli, took advantage of the
absence of members at the Queen's Ball, to carry, by a small majority
(113 to 103) a motion tending to overturn the system of National
Education in Ireland, for the sake of gratifying Exeter Hail and the
Irish parsons. The character of the victory may be estimated from
the fact that, the uarson party exult in it as a similar triumph to that or
Spooner over Maynooth. However, active mischief cannot, be per-
mitted to bigotry, and the motion will have been contemptuously
rescinded before these lines are in the hands of many myriads of
readers. Its nature is not worth more words than suffice to say that
under pretext of love for The Book, the bigots struggle for a renewal
of Protestant, Ascendency.
Wednesday. The case of the noor heir to the Nabobs of Surat came
on again, and despite the struggles of the East India Company's men, a
Bill for doing him justice was read a third time. Lord Palmerston
very properly lost no time before intimating that the foolish work of
the preceding night must be effaced as soon as possible.
Thursday. A curious Petition was presented from the Mayor and
Aldermen of Reading, in favour of a Bill for enabling people to sell
property ihat does not belong to them—that is, for enabling tenants in
a blow, struck anywhere for freedom, should cause the countermand of tail to sell. We could paidon ths King op Oude's sauce upon the
a trade order. But they had not courage to say a word against this I subject of property, seeing that his own has been rather unceremo
new advance. The American explanations fallowed, and another expla- j' niously Dcgald Dal-housied, but this Reading sauce will not do