Punch (30.1856)

March 29, 1856.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

121

THRILLING DOMESTIC INCIDENT.
Master A lj red. "Don't Baby! You'll Spoil it. Leaye go, Sir ! Hehe, Nurse!
Swallowing mt New Watch."

A COMMITTEE COMMITTING ITSELF.

PRO BONO PIML1CO.
To the Chairman of the Metropolitan Central.
Board.
Thwaites, of every Nuisance foe,
Hear the Cries of Pimlico,
Listen with judicial frown—
Hear the Cries—and put them down.
Why should each Belgravian dwelling
Echo with such awful yelling,
Why, from rise to set of sun,
Should a Roaring trade be done ;
Why should folks of every calling
Stun us with their hideous bawling;
Why should streets mischristened Quiet
Ring with one protracted riot,
Where the costermonger touts
Eor support with frantic shouts,
Where hearth-stones and Brick of Bath
Slay the peace of every hearth ;
Where the squalling milkman tells
Of the chalky slop he sells,
And the fish man shrieks his wishes
That we'd buy his flaccid fishes,
And a cry that never ceases,
Tells of dirty water-creeeeses ;
And a scream through Eaton Square
Begs the skin of eaten hare ;
While the raving poulterer howls
Frenzied praise of flabby fowls ?
Thwaites, to thwart and thwack begin,
Make them stop that maddening din.
Thwaites, our Lord Protector. 0 !
Give us peace in Pimlico.
Not unfairly we apply,
Cubitt's rents are very high,
And to furnish in the fashion
We have laid no end of cash on,
And we 're under heavy rating;
Therefore, Thwaites, it's aggravating
That we can't have peace and comfort,
When we pay so large a sum for't,
You, of every Nuisance foe,
Stop the Cries of Pimlico.

Organs' roar long time we bore,

The Committee of Council on Education seem to have been indulging in a bit of a lark, by
proposing all sorts of absurd questions to the pupils at the Training Schools. If the
answers should be given in the same rollicking spirit of fun in which the questions appear to
be proposedpthe result will be quite worthy of our own columns.
" Who were the Popes during the first quarter of the fourteenth century ? " is one of the
questions asked; as if it signified a jot who they were, where they came from, and where I Hurdygurdies by the score,
they ultimately went, so that the world has got effectually rid of them. Another question I (Eor the ladies won't refuse
asks, " Wrhat is the method of bringing a Private Bill into the House of Commons, and j Payment of the vile Sound dues)
what is the mode of bringing in a Public Bill?"—a query which, as none of the pupils at the
Training School have been in the habit of watching at the doors of the House to see how
the Members bring in their Bills, will probably lead to guesses and conjectures of the
boldest character. The most natural reply will be, that the Private Bills are brought
in under the Members' cloaks, while the Public Bills are carried in openly.
The questions we have seen quoted terminate with a frightful poser, in which the pupil
is requested to imagine that A and B are a foot apart, and he is then called upon to say,
how much further A will go than B in an hour, and he is to finish his work by "applying
the resulting formula to explain Bourcicault's pendulum experiment." As he probably
will never have heard of Bourcicatjlt, and will not have the faintest notion of what he did
with his pendulum (any experiment on which would certainly interfere with his clock, and
perhaps stop it altogether) the answer to the query we have quoted will, of necessity, be
unsatisfactory. We hope the Committee of Council on Education will henceforth be a little
more practical in their questions, and less practical in their joke-,, when dealing with Training
Schools.____

VERY WELL EOR A BEGINNING.
France cannot grow "a special correspondent." A William Russell is, in no way,
indigenous to the soil; and, were it not so, there can be little doubt that he would be so
pruned by the scissors—we meau by the sword, for in Gaul the sword does everything—
of the censor, that he would never survive the clipping. Blissful is the ignorance of France
as to France's losses in the Crimea ! In England, it is said, we have known too much: this
evd is balanced by our opposite neighbours, who are allowed to know nothing. Strong, how-
ever, and persistent is truth, and will prevail. Like the flower Picciola, it will struggle
into light, forcing its way between the stone slabs of even a prison. Thus, it now comes out
that during the last seven months the French have lost in the Crimea by battle, wounds,
and sickness, no less than a hundred and five thousand men. France, however, through
the Moniteur reports a loss of only twenty thousand. Now, this is very encouraging. It is
almost one-fifth of the truth; and, all things considered, one-fifth must be considered as a
very fair composition. _
The most Permanent Way.—" That's the way the money goes."—Mr. John Bull.

Strings of beggars, bawling, whining,
At their Christian Friends repining,
Matches, muffins, mackerel, mats,
Grunting Jews with triple hats,
Images, for Proud Alcoves,
Ornaments for fireless stoves,
And the periwinkle black"
Which the Peerage loves to crack,
Bore the fifty various screeches
Touching walnuts, plums, and peaches,
And the thundering German band,
(Dirtier youths were never scanned,)
And the ballad's croaking bard,
By whose howl the sense is jarred,
Bore it all, yet sometimes thought
Our Police was dearly bought,
If that costly thing, Police,
Could not keep our streets in peace.
But to this there's added, now,
All the other tradesmen's row,
And we cry, O Thwaites, despairing,
Such a riot's past all bearing.
Lord Protector, hear us, O !
Stop these Cries in Pimlico.

The System of the Squirrel's Cage.
Everybody sees that Routine is like the
squirrel's Cige; but perhaps certain persons
may not see that it is particularly so, because
it keeps Ability at work, and at the same time
hinders it from climbing and getting on.