DOI Heft:
March 29, 1856
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16617#0130
122
PUNCH, OH THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[March 29, 1856.
FRAUDS IN TURKEY.
{From our Special Correspondent!)
Constantinople, March 3
AN ODE TO SIR BENJAMIN HALL.
Member for Mar/bone!
Of the applause of marrow-bone ami cleaver,
Thou in old rimes had'st shone
HE Sultan is very earnest in' The honoured and ingenuous receiver;
the prosecution of still further j Buf, marrow-bones and cleavers have their day,
reforms. The Tauzimat is the j They ring, they rattle, and they pass away !
aversion of all the good old; A more enduring triumph greets thee—
Mussulman school, who do not! Punch with his Pipes Pandean meets thee—
stroke their beards, but, like ! H_is Pipes Pandean, and his double drum—
the Turk in the phantasmagoria, I q;0 greet his Benjamin, Lo, Punch is her*!
roll their eyes in horror of all j To greet his Benjamin, in Ode sincere;
change. It was to be supposed ; All lesser praise be dumb!
that the alliance of Turkey
with England, still further se- In Chaos London long had weltering lain,
Plound'ring in mud and mire,
Unswept, ill-watered, crying for a drain,
Like thirsty cabman 'neath July's hot tire;
Outspread o'er many a rood,
This Gulliver of cities lay,
While round a Lilliputian brood,
Eettered it to the clay ;
Trustees, Commissioners, and Paving Boards,
Each with its hangers-on—rapacious hordes—
Upon the prostrate city worked their will;
Firing, each, his little arrow
Of Rates into the Giant's marrow,
cured and prized under the
amiable influence of Loud
Stratford, would have the
best effect on the councils of
the Sdltan; you will there-
fore not be surprised to learn
that in emulation of the noblest
institutions and the most moral
people upon the earth (need I
hesitate as an Englishman to
claim for my beloved country
and my much respectedcountry-
men these distinctions?) the
Sultan has resolved to visit
all frauds, all adulterations,
with the severest, punishment.
He has expressed himself deter-
mined to root the false con-
tractor and the adulterator out of the land. He has, of late, made two or three
terrible examples of delinquents that will, I trust, strike an instructive terror into
the bosoms of all traders, manufacturers, and contractors. I may instance a few
cases that have occurred during the last week.
Sadi Greaseldi contracted for twenty long brass guns to be mounted on the
Golden =Horn. The brass was found to be of the basest sort and worst alloy :
two burst on the first discharge. Whereupon, Sadi was taken into custody, and
to relieve him of all suspense, was immediately tried and condemned. He was
sentenced to be fired from one of his own guns. The unfortunate man was first
horribly compressed to reduce his figure to the bore of the piece of ordnance, and
was then fired off into infinite space, the military band of the Sultan playing the
national music. The widows of the unfortunate man have, with considerable diffi-
culty and praiseworthy fortitude, collected his scattered remains in their work-
baskets.
Musad El-Chalki, a miller of opulence, was found guilty of adulterating his
flour with gypsum. _ He was therefore sentenced to be walled up. That is, he
was fastened by chains to a wall, and his mouth covered with mortar four inches
thick. Before him was set a dish of mutton kabobs and other savoury food; the
pleasant smell of which ascended to his nostrils, whilst indue season famine ftd
upon _ his vitals. On the tenth day he had eaten all the mortar, and was then
permitted to squat and take fifty grains of rice.
Abderrhaman Plaski was found guilty of mixing sawdust with rhubarb, to
the injury of the sick who should swallow the adulterated drug, and to the scandal
of Turkey, whose national character rests upon its rhubarb. The culprit was sen-
tenced to receive- the bastinado : be underwent five hundred blows on the soles of
his feet, that were then dressed with a hot poultice of sawdust, his own sawdust
sorted from his own rhubarb, that he was graciously allowed, or rather compelled,
to swallow in its purified state. His dose was a quarter of a pound a-day; and
at the end of a week he was going on—what remained of him—quite as well as could
be expected.
I might add to these instances of summary justice, but have, perhaps, given a
sufficient, number. As I have said, the old bigoted school of Turks complain
bitterly of them; wholly attributing them to the example of England, whose forbid the trees from growing, _
world-wide reputation for commercial purity, from the British contractor to the i And check the streams from flowing,
British greengrocer, has excited in the breast of the Sultan a spirit of emulation. Nor iet Heaven s own sun shine on their dark Saobat u
day.
Whom innocent mirth on Sunday sends in twitters ;
And who appear to think,
LOOSE SILVER. AT THE FALACE. Our only Sunday drink,
The robbery of Her Majesty's plate from the Carrier's cart, to which the ! ^onld be ,hei,r I™te tap of theologic bitters
idle flunkeys of Royalty bad consigned it, has caused the greatest consternation ! £h^souf and ui'fi ° TV ?KW 1
in the Royal Nursery. The juvenile breakfast party at the Palace has been reduced And U!ere,!?re sha11 th^ name Punch be praised and
to Queen s Metal by the abstraction of the Queen's silver; and the infant Princes 1 „. .„ Pf1*"1! . , n
and Princesses have deplored the loss of their favourite articles. The Prince of \ 5jlQ $al1 our brfzes as fej , , m , d11
Wales changed countenance at the news of the loss of his mug; and the Princess I 9 er Barnes made pure, from Chelsea to Blackwall
Royal, who is waggishly disposed, confessed her surprise, that, with so many KeeP sweet to after-times the memory of Ben. HaTA,
spoons about the Royal household, the teaspoons should not have been more -
efficiently looked after. It is to be hoped that, after the proof that has been
given of tne_ uselessness of some at least of the Royal flunkeys, a few of them in the carriage department.
may be dismissed, and, to adopt the figure of the Princess Royal, the spoons The First Light Chariot. The Chariot of the Sun.
still remaining may be despatched to look after the spoons that are missing. The First One-Eorss Fly Pegasus
Who groantd and grumbled, but could do no more,
Eettered head, foot, and hand,
By thick laid strand on strand
Of Local Acts, which none might understand—
So fine the mesh of quibble, quip, and quirk,
That English Law, and English Parliaments can work ;
Then came Sir Benjamin, to work be went,
And with his Bill for Better Management,
This set of Local Acts to kingdom come he sent!
So have I seen,
Upon some sluttish village-green,
An aged dog untended lie,
While, o'er his mangy hide and rib-bones high,
The ticks in lively revel held their sway,
Without one kindly hand the torment to allay.
Such was the state of London, as it lay
To Local Boards innumerous a prey,
When Benjamin arose and swept the swarms away ,
Nor this his only deed that doth demand
Acclaim of pipes and drum at Punch's hand,
To him, 0 Kensington, thy gardens owe
The Sunday sight they now can show—
A decent crowd, that hears
With pleased and not irreverent ears,
The thrilling music of a good brass band!
A.nd this in spite of Sabbatarians' groan,
Who no religiousness in music own,
(Forgetting sack-but, psaltery, and shawm,
And David's Heaven-ward harp, and psairn)
W7ho hold the rest of Sunday godless res',
If taken on the green earth's balmy breast.
Or anywhere, save on the perch
Of some stern, straight-backed pew in chapel or in church,-
Who, if they had their way,
Would stop the lambs from Sunday play,
PUNCH, OH THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[March 29, 1856.
FRAUDS IN TURKEY.
{From our Special Correspondent!)
Constantinople, March 3
AN ODE TO SIR BENJAMIN HALL.
Member for Mar/bone!
Of the applause of marrow-bone ami cleaver,
Thou in old rimes had'st shone
HE Sultan is very earnest in' The honoured and ingenuous receiver;
the prosecution of still further j Buf, marrow-bones and cleavers have their day,
reforms. The Tauzimat is the j They ring, they rattle, and they pass away !
aversion of all the good old; A more enduring triumph greets thee—
Mussulman school, who do not! Punch with his Pipes Pandean meets thee—
stroke their beards, but, like ! H_is Pipes Pandean, and his double drum—
the Turk in the phantasmagoria, I q;0 greet his Benjamin, Lo, Punch is her*!
roll their eyes in horror of all j To greet his Benjamin, in Ode sincere;
change. It was to be supposed ; All lesser praise be dumb!
that the alliance of Turkey
with England, still further se- In Chaos London long had weltering lain,
Plound'ring in mud and mire,
Unswept, ill-watered, crying for a drain,
Like thirsty cabman 'neath July's hot tire;
Outspread o'er many a rood,
This Gulliver of cities lay,
While round a Lilliputian brood,
Eettered it to the clay ;
Trustees, Commissioners, and Paving Boards,
Each with its hangers-on—rapacious hordes—
Upon the prostrate city worked their will;
Firing, each, his little arrow
Of Rates into the Giant's marrow,
cured and prized under the
amiable influence of Loud
Stratford, would have the
best effect on the councils of
the Sdltan; you will there-
fore not be surprised to learn
that in emulation of the noblest
institutions and the most moral
people upon the earth (need I
hesitate as an Englishman to
claim for my beloved country
and my much respectedcountry-
men these distinctions?) the
Sultan has resolved to visit
all frauds, all adulterations,
with the severest, punishment.
He has expressed himself deter-
mined to root the false con-
tractor and the adulterator out of the land. He has, of late, made two or three
terrible examples of delinquents that will, I trust, strike an instructive terror into
the bosoms of all traders, manufacturers, and contractors. I may instance a few
cases that have occurred during the last week.
Sadi Greaseldi contracted for twenty long brass guns to be mounted on the
Golden =Horn. The brass was found to be of the basest sort and worst alloy :
two burst on the first discharge. Whereupon, Sadi was taken into custody, and
to relieve him of all suspense, was immediately tried and condemned. He was
sentenced to be fired from one of his own guns. The unfortunate man was first
horribly compressed to reduce his figure to the bore of the piece of ordnance, and
was then fired off into infinite space, the military band of the Sultan playing the
national music. The widows of the unfortunate man have, with considerable diffi-
culty and praiseworthy fortitude, collected his scattered remains in their work-
baskets.
Musad El-Chalki, a miller of opulence, was found guilty of adulterating his
flour with gypsum. _ He was therefore sentenced to be walled up. That is, he
was fastened by chains to a wall, and his mouth covered with mortar four inches
thick. Before him was set a dish of mutton kabobs and other savoury food; the
pleasant smell of which ascended to his nostrils, whilst indue season famine ftd
upon _ his vitals. On the tenth day he had eaten all the mortar, and was then
permitted to squat and take fifty grains of rice.
Abderrhaman Plaski was found guilty of mixing sawdust with rhubarb, to
the injury of the sick who should swallow the adulterated drug, and to the scandal
of Turkey, whose national character rests upon its rhubarb. The culprit was sen-
tenced to receive- the bastinado : be underwent five hundred blows on the soles of
his feet, that were then dressed with a hot poultice of sawdust, his own sawdust
sorted from his own rhubarb, that he was graciously allowed, or rather compelled,
to swallow in its purified state. His dose was a quarter of a pound a-day; and
at the end of a week he was going on—what remained of him—quite as well as could
be expected.
I might add to these instances of summary justice, but have, perhaps, given a
sufficient, number. As I have said, the old bigoted school of Turks complain
bitterly of them; wholly attributing them to the example of England, whose forbid the trees from growing, _
world-wide reputation for commercial purity, from the British contractor to the i And check the streams from flowing,
British greengrocer, has excited in the breast of the Sultan a spirit of emulation. Nor iet Heaven s own sun shine on their dark Saobat u
day.
Whom innocent mirth on Sunday sends in twitters ;
And who appear to think,
LOOSE SILVER. AT THE FALACE. Our only Sunday drink,
The robbery of Her Majesty's plate from the Carrier's cart, to which the ! ^onld be ,hei,r I™te tap of theologic bitters
idle flunkeys of Royalty bad consigned it, has caused the greatest consternation ! £h^souf and ui'fi ° TV ?KW 1
in the Royal Nursery. The juvenile breakfast party at the Palace has been reduced And U!ere,!?re sha11 th^ name Punch be praised and
to Queen s Metal by the abstraction of the Queen's silver; and the infant Princes 1 „. .„ Pf1*"1! . , n
and Princesses have deplored the loss of their favourite articles. The Prince of \ 5jlQ $al1 our brfzes as fej , , m , d11
Wales changed countenance at the news of the loss of his mug; and the Princess I 9 er Barnes made pure, from Chelsea to Blackwall
Royal, who is waggishly disposed, confessed her surprise, that, with so many KeeP sweet to after-times the memory of Ben. HaTA,
spoons about the Royal household, the teaspoons should not have been more -
efficiently looked after. It is to be hoped that, after the proof that has been
given of tne_ uselessness of some at least of the Royal flunkeys, a few of them in the carriage department.
may be dismissed, and, to adopt the figure of the Princess Royal, the spoons The First Light Chariot. The Chariot of the Sun.
still remaining may be despatched to look after the spoons that are missing. The First One-Eorss Fly Pegasus
Who groantd and grumbled, but could do no more,
Eettered head, foot, and hand,
By thick laid strand on strand
Of Local Acts, which none might understand—
So fine the mesh of quibble, quip, and quirk,
That English Law, and English Parliaments can work ;
Then came Sir Benjamin, to work be went,
And with his Bill for Better Management,
This set of Local Acts to kingdom come he sent!
So have I seen,
Upon some sluttish village-green,
An aged dog untended lie,
While, o'er his mangy hide and rib-bones high,
The ticks in lively revel held their sway,
Without one kindly hand the torment to allay.
Such was the state of London, as it lay
To Local Boards innumerous a prey,
When Benjamin arose and swept the swarms away ,
Nor this his only deed that doth demand
Acclaim of pipes and drum at Punch's hand,
To him, 0 Kensington, thy gardens owe
The Sunday sight they now can show—
A decent crowd, that hears
With pleased and not irreverent ears,
The thrilling music of a good brass band!
A.nd this in spite of Sabbatarians' groan,
Who no religiousness in music own,
(Forgetting sack-but, psaltery, and shawm,
And David's Heaven-ward harp, and psairn)
W7ho hold the rest of Sunday godless res',
If taken on the green earth's balmy breast.
Or anywhere, save on the perch
Of some stern, straight-backed pew in chapel or in church,-
Who, if they had their way,
Would stop the lambs from Sunday play,