Punch (30.1856)

March 22. 1850.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 13


VAULTING AMBITION.
Now, then, Charity—Higher ! You don't call that a Back !"
PUNCH'S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

March 8, Monday. Lord Malmesbury gave notice that as soon as
Lord Clarendon came back from Paris, the Kars Crow should be
plucked. It is not a bad dodge of stronger men, like Ellenbokotjgh
and Derby, to let a weak man, like Malmesbtjry, begin the fight; be-
cause Government must bring out its whole case in reply, and then
they can be down upon Government. The Foreign Office, and not the
War department was, curiously, entrusted with the care of Kars. Lord
St. Leonard's made a long speech against the little Ministerial Law
Preforms; and was told by the Chancellor that the greatest part of
his address was utterly inapplicable to the matter before the House ;
namely, the Tommy Wilson of Hampstead Bill, which was advanced a
stage.
Lord Palmerston had to produce a copy of the " Take Care of
Dowb" message from Panmure to the Crimean Commander. He
would not lay it on the table, but let General Evans look at it; a
piece of caution which people may interpret as they please. It seems
only fair to say, that Dowb can fight, and did; but this is no excuse
for the nepotical Pan. Mb. Labouchere announced the birth of a
new Colony, to be christened Bay Islands; but, as he did not say
where it was, the House refrained from congratulations until it should
have had time to consult Gazetteers. The Counties and Boroughs
Police Bill then came on for second reading. As its object was
to establish a general, uniform, and rational system of police, the
"localities" opposed it, and it might have shared the fate of the
Local Dues Bill, but that in the first place Government made some
not unreasonable concessions to provincial feeling1, and secondly,
stood manfully by the measure, and so carried it by 259 to 106. The
Bill for trying Palmer in London went through Committee. The
Partnership Amendment Bill has been so botched as to become in-
formal, and is withdrawn, that a less clumsy attempt may be made on
the subject hereafter.
Tuesday. A pleasant illustration of mercantile honour and honesty
came up in the Lords. Five mortars, supplied to Government by
Messrs. Grissel, of the Regent's Canal Iron Works—who publish a
letter begging that public judgment may be " suspended "—have been
found tohave been "tampered with." In order to conceal defects in
the casting, pieces of iron had been so cunningly screwed in as to be
difficult of detection; only, in the test, the first mortar burst, and the
fraud was discovered, and examination of the other four showed that they
had also been pieced or were bad. Had the requirements of war hurried
these guns away untried, the lives of the brave men who worked them
might have been sacrificed, in which case an English jury might have........._______
recommended another suspension instead of that of judgment. j praying for an alteration of'the lav which gives a husband, no matter
A Bill was read a second time for compelling the British Farmer to | whet her he be idle, profligate, or actually separated from his wife, a
make a complete annual disclosure of his affairs—to tell how man} \ right, to all her earnings. A virtuous woman is a perpetual crown to
acres he cultivates, what crops he gets off them, what stock he keep's] hei husband, but that is no reason why he should take every five shil-
and breeds, and so forth. It is "most desirable," it seems, to have lings she earns. Lawyers and priests will, however, adduce legal and
this information. Very likely; but we should not desire to be entrusted! theological ieasons against any modification of their idea of the matri-

with the job of asking for it. At this moment the British Farmer, IM
has begun to understand the proposal, is supposed to be boiling over
with an indignation which has not, as yet, got beyond incongrutmSi
comnMnations, but which will probably take the form of cudgel and
kitchen-poker by the time the forms are delivered at his door. By r)
curious poetical justice, too, the authorities of the Poor Law, of which
our friend the B. F. has been a most grinding administrator, are to
work him for these returns. And Lord Derby says, that the B. F.
ought to give them.
The Commons saw a threatening notice on the paper about KiJ-
begnel and Ballynakil and an Irish grievance, so wisely abstained from
making a House.
Wednesday. A Bill for Founding Reformatory Schools in Scotland
(for, despite the Scotch authors, it seems that there are a few naughty
people among the angelic race north of Tweed) was opposed by Mr.
Maguire, as a Boman Catholic who was afraid of "base proselytism."
Mr. Drummond immediately declared that all Catholic priests were
spies _ and intruders, and that Catholic children were brought up to
practise the most odious espionage upon each other. This little chari-
table spurt sent the Bill on pleasantly, and, after some discussion, it
was read a second time. A Compulsory Vaccination Bill was furiously,
opposed by Mr. Mitchell, as one for legalising murder, and was post-
poned; and Mr. Dillwyn, member for Swansea, brought in a Bill for
enabling Magistrates to flog the ruffians who ill-treat women and
children. He was supported by Mr. Miall and Mr. W. Williams,
and Government did not oppose the introduction, but Mr. Botjverie
intimated future resistance. It was remarked that the merely enacting
that such punishment should follow an assault on the Queen had put
an end to that outrage, and that the other women of England deserved
similar protection. As the creature who can commit such a crime is
simply a brute beast, there can be no objection to experimenting upon
him with a punishment fit only for brutes; but a Divorce law, that is
not a mockery, would be a greater boon to those who are the victims to
the brutality of so-called husbands, A measure upon this subject is
promised by the Lord Chancellor.
Thursday. Lord Albemarle sticks to his Torture text, and has
fixed a day for putting the East India Company on the rack, which it is
to be hoped he will ply mercilessly. Lord St. Germans brought
in another Bill for allowing you to marry your wife's sister, bu^, out of
respect to the priests of all denominations, he proposes that such a
marriage shall not take place in a church, chapel, or Ebenezer, but only
before a registrar. Lord Granville made an earnest speech on
Education, affirming that it was impossible to allow the matter to
remain in its present condition—and, as a Ugmttir, postponed the small
Governmental measure recently introduced.
In the Commons it was elicited that tbe Attorney-General has
found an omission in the Metropolis Local Management Act which
renders all Vestries unlawful. The parochial spcuters are frantic.
Lord Palmerston snubbed poor Mr. Bowyer for asking whether the
Conference would consider the affairs of Italy, and tried to snub Mr,
Disraeli in the same way, but Benjamin insisted upon being more
respectfully treated, and was. Next night he repeated his inquiry,
which referred to the admission of Prussia to the Conference, and
Palmerston gave him a complete reply, which might as well have been
given at once. Prussia is to come in, not to join in the negotiations
for Peace, but to assist in the revision of treaties in which she is inte-
rested. She is only tco happy to wriggle in on any terms.
The great duel, long promised, then took place between Sir Charles
Napier and Sir James Graham. The Admiral spoke five columns and
a-half, and then only got his motion for a Committee seconded out of
the charity of a brother officer, who said he could not see him adrift
without throwing him a tow-rope. The ex-First Lord spoke at nearly
the same length. The Kilkenny Cats did not make a cleaner end of
each other. Sir Charles proved, incontestably, that Sir James had
no business to send him to the Baltic, and had otherwise neglected his
duty to the British Fleet. Sir James proved, equally satisfactorily,
that Sir Charles was loquacious, arrogant, and timid; that he de-
clared he could not take Sweaborg, when he had never been to loot at
it; and that he insulted the French and English engineers who reported
that it could be taken. No end of personalities were exchanged, Sir
Charles abusing point-blank, and Sir James vituperating more
adroitly, and by implication. The feeling of the House was, that
Napier had been all wrong, both at sea and on shore, and'had wound
up a not very creditable campaign with a still less creditable brawl.
He had to withdraw his motion, but the Hero of the Baltic—as Graham
cruelly called him—is no true Napier if he does not go on bawling and
scribbling for a long time to come.
Friday. Lord Brougham presented a petition from a large number
married women, including Mrs. Jameson and Mrs. Mary Howitt.