DOI issue:
September 27, 1856
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16618#0136
128
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [September 27, 1856.
[ Advertisement. ]
DO YOU WISH TO AVOID BEING STBAtfGLED!!
I? so, try our Patent, Antigarotte Collar, which enables Gentlemen to
walk the streets of London in perfect safety at all hours of the day or
night.
THESE UNIQUE ARTICLES OF DRESS
Are made to measure, of the hardest steel, and aie warranted to
withstand the grip of
THE MOST MUSCULAR RUFFIAN IN THE METROPOLIS,
Who would get black in the face himself before he could make the
slightest impression upon his intended victim. They are highly polisher1,
and
Elegantly Studded with the Sharpest Spikes,
Thus combining a most recherche appearance with perfect protection
fiOm the murderous attacks which occur every day in the most fre-
quented thoroughfares. Price Is. Qd, or six for 40s.
WHITE, CHOKER, AND Co.
Effect of the Antigarotte Collar on a Garrotteer.
Queer Queries.
When a Lady says she '11 give you " a bit of her mind," do you think there's any
chance ot her doing so without breaking the peace '?
Shouldn't you imagine that the Board of Health could be no other than Lignum
Vita f *
In voting the supplies for the Bell of the Parliament Clock, would it not be the
Speaker, who would have the casting vote?
putting the question.—spain to napoleon.
abe your intentions honourable ?
[Mr. Punch will give the gentleman's answer when he makes it.
DUKES OF THE GKEEN TABLE.
These exalted German dignitaries keep open hell and, with a tax
upon the undone, welcome all to ruin. Why not ? When dicers of ail
countries meet,—
" When rattling bones together fly,
From the four corners of the sky,"—
it, is pleasant to know that, at least, the paternal ruler of the
Ductiy of Baden mulcts the vice for some governmental virtue; and
if men do now and then shoot themselves, they are nor, permitted to
leave the wo; Id without having first contributed to the enduring good
of the country they have hastily turned their backs upon. Hom-
burg, Wiesbaden, Baden-Baden, Spa, and other similar places sacred to
Fortune in her fickle hour of pasteboard and bones, have a fair sprink-
ling of English at these grim festivities; but whether they can better
afford to lose, or have more philosophy under misfortune, we will not
inquire: anyway, they do not maintain their Continental reputation
for suicide; three-fourths of theEi.glish, according to French statists,
invariably killing themselves every recurring November.
However, it is said that the Dtjke of Baden has tesolved to break
up his monopoly of gaming-tables, baving been sorely affrighted by a
recent dream; in which His Serene Highness dreamt thar, removed to
the Shades, he wa« introduced to a table of green flames, where he saw
his contemporary Dukes—or rather the skeletons of their Highnesses,
their wan, pinched faces only remaining in the flesh—all ranged for the
desperation cf play. The cards flew, and the bones rattled. Rovge was
a glowing coal, and Noir bubbling pitch from the lake of Acneion.
Goblets were passed round, but every goblet seemed to His Serene
Highness the skull of some suie'de who bad duly contributed to the
table-tax of Baden-Baden. For a time, very sorely was His Serene
Highness afflicted by the sufferings of his brother Sovereigns, all of
whom scorched their bony fiegers with the burning Rouge or the boiling
Noir.; yet all of them, compelled by some horrible 'ascination, playing
and howling the more impetuously, the more dismally. For a time,
Baden-Baden remained a pitying spectator. At lei gtb, a diabolic
dwarf, with a family likeness to the Knave of Spades, approached
Baden-Baden, saying, "That's for jou. Play!" Whereupon the
wretched Duke discovered (but me reader will be pleased to remember
it wa3 only a dream) that it was his doom, for ever and for ever, to
rattle a red-hot dice-bcx and still to throw aces !
A FABLE'FOR A HAH I) FROST.
Once upon a time, a very foolish Welshman persuaded other Welsh-
men, even more foolish than himself for listening to bin., that he was a
hero, and bis listeners and good friends nothing better than slave?-.
" Follow me," said Taffy, " and you shall all of you be clothed in silk
coats and velvet nreec e*, aud live in a paradise:of metheglin ami leeks "
And the fools followed him.; the hero, however, taking good care, of
bims>elf,—followed him, and were shot at, and some of them, it is sad
to think of it, knocked on the head for their pains. Now Taffy was
taken prisoner, was justlv tried, and justly condemned. Taffy was to
be hanged : yes, in a few hours, as things looked withnio?, there would
be no more vitality in Taffy than in a Welsh rabbit. However,
although the sc-ffoid and the beam were up, Taffy was mercifully
spared, and shipped far across the sea.
Years pass away, Taffy becomes an old man. "He has grown
wiser, gentler, so let the old man ieturn, it he will, to Taffy-land to
doze out the evening of his life, and then sleep in peace." buch was
the resolution of a soft-hearted Queen ; and lo ! a pat don was signed
for Taffy; signed at d tied to one of the Queen's beauti'ul carrier
pigeons that, breed and coo in the towers of Windsor. The beautiful
pigeon crossed the s,:a, aud al'ghted on the shoulder of Taffy, then a
stave and a drudge, doing drudge's work. Taffy untied the uaper
from the beautiful pigeon, and read his pardon. And what did Taffy
to the beautiful bird ? With melted heart, did he not caress and love
and cherish it for the dear fake of it* merciful mistres-? No! The
ink ought to turn scarlet that writes down the deed. Toe urgiateful
Taffy, with his pardon ta'e in his pocket, wrung the neck of the
beautiful pigeon, and flung it, a dead thing, ou the ground.
We have given this little Fable for s Hard Frost in prose : but, at the
same time, the subject is quite at the se/vice of the Primrose-hill poet,
at d will, we trust, he duly enshrined in verse by Mr. Ernest Bones.
The original Bonus !
Guildhall and the Kremlin.
It was remarked, by a British witness of the Emperor of Russia's
Coronation, that if the pageant produced on that occasion was superior
to our Lord Mayor's Show, it was eclipsed by the Lord Major's feast:
the latter being, of the two, much the more gorge-ous.
Foreign Litefature.—Literature is dead in France, and as a proof
of it, there is a cemeteiy in Paris actually called Mont-Parnas e.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [September 27, 1856.
[ Advertisement. ]
DO YOU WISH TO AVOID BEING STBAtfGLED!!
I? so, try our Patent, Antigarotte Collar, which enables Gentlemen to
walk the streets of London in perfect safety at all hours of the day or
night.
THESE UNIQUE ARTICLES OF DRESS
Are made to measure, of the hardest steel, and aie warranted to
withstand the grip of
THE MOST MUSCULAR RUFFIAN IN THE METROPOLIS,
Who would get black in the face himself before he could make the
slightest impression upon his intended victim. They are highly polisher1,
and
Elegantly Studded with the Sharpest Spikes,
Thus combining a most recherche appearance with perfect protection
fiOm the murderous attacks which occur every day in the most fre-
quented thoroughfares. Price Is. Qd, or six for 40s.
WHITE, CHOKER, AND Co.
Effect of the Antigarotte Collar on a Garrotteer.
Queer Queries.
When a Lady says she '11 give you " a bit of her mind," do you think there's any
chance ot her doing so without breaking the peace '?
Shouldn't you imagine that the Board of Health could be no other than Lignum
Vita f *
In voting the supplies for the Bell of the Parliament Clock, would it not be the
Speaker, who would have the casting vote?
putting the question.—spain to napoleon.
abe your intentions honourable ?
[Mr. Punch will give the gentleman's answer when he makes it.
DUKES OF THE GKEEN TABLE.
These exalted German dignitaries keep open hell and, with a tax
upon the undone, welcome all to ruin. Why not ? When dicers of ail
countries meet,—
" When rattling bones together fly,
From the four corners of the sky,"—
it, is pleasant to know that, at least, the paternal ruler of the
Ductiy of Baden mulcts the vice for some governmental virtue; and
if men do now and then shoot themselves, they are nor, permitted to
leave the wo; Id without having first contributed to the enduring good
of the country they have hastily turned their backs upon. Hom-
burg, Wiesbaden, Baden-Baden, Spa, and other similar places sacred to
Fortune in her fickle hour of pasteboard and bones, have a fair sprink-
ling of English at these grim festivities; but whether they can better
afford to lose, or have more philosophy under misfortune, we will not
inquire: anyway, they do not maintain their Continental reputation
for suicide; three-fourths of theEi.glish, according to French statists,
invariably killing themselves every recurring November.
However, it is said that the Dtjke of Baden has tesolved to break
up his monopoly of gaming-tables, baving been sorely affrighted by a
recent dream; in which His Serene Highness dreamt thar, removed to
the Shades, he wa« introduced to a table of green flames, where he saw
his contemporary Dukes—or rather the skeletons of their Highnesses,
their wan, pinched faces only remaining in the flesh—all ranged for the
desperation cf play. The cards flew, and the bones rattled. Rovge was
a glowing coal, and Noir bubbling pitch from the lake of Acneion.
Goblets were passed round, but every goblet seemed to His Serene
Highness the skull of some suie'de who bad duly contributed to the
table-tax of Baden-Baden. For a time, very sorely was His Serene
Highness afflicted by the sufferings of his brother Sovereigns, all of
whom scorched their bony fiegers with the burning Rouge or the boiling
Noir.; yet all of them, compelled by some horrible 'ascination, playing
and howling the more impetuously, the more dismally. For a time,
Baden-Baden remained a pitying spectator. At lei gtb, a diabolic
dwarf, with a family likeness to the Knave of Spades, approached
Baden-Baden, saying, "That's for jou. Play!" Whereupon the
wretched Duke discovered (but me reader will be pleased to remember
it wa3 only a dream) that it was his doom, for ever and for ever, to
rattle a red-hot dice-bcx and still to throw aces !
A FABLE'FOR A HAH I) FROST.
Once upon a time, a very foolish Welshman persuaded other Welsh-
men, even more foolish than himself for listening to bin., that he was a
hero, and bis listeners and good friends nothing better than slave?-.
" Follow me," said Taffy, " and you shall all of you be clothed in silk
coats and velvet nreec e*, aud live in a paradise:of metheglin ami leeks "
And the fools followed him.; the hero, however, taking good care, of
bims>elf,—followed him, and were shot at, and some of them, it is sad
to think of it, knocked on the head for their pains. Now Taffy was
taken prisoner, was justlv tried, and justly condemned. Taffy was to
be hanged : yes, in a few hours, as things looked withnio?, there would
be no more vitality in Taffy than in a Welsh rabbit. However,
although the sc-ffoid and the beam were up, Taffy was mercifully
spared, and shipped far across the sea.
Years pass away, Taffy becomes an old man. "He has grown
wiser, gentler, so let the old man ieturn, it he will, to Taffy-land to
doze out the evening of his life, and then sleep in peace." buch was
the resolution of a soft-hearted Queen ; and lo ! a pat don was signed
for Taffy; signed at d tied to one of the Queen's beauti'ul carrier
pigeons that, breed and coo in the towers of Windsor. The beautiful
pigeon crossed the s,:a, aud al'ghted on the shoulder of Taffy, then a
stave and a drudge, doing drudge's work. Taffy untied the uaper
from the beautiful pigeon, and read his pardon. And what did Taffy
to the beautiful bird ? With melted heart, did he not caress and love
and cherish it for the dear fake of it* merciful mistres-? No! The
ink ought to turn scarlet that writes down the deed. Toe urgiateful
Taffy, with his pardon ta'e in his pocket, wrung the neck of the
beautiful pigeon, and flung it, a dead thing, ou the ground.
We have given this little Fable for s Hard Frost in prose : but, at the
same time, the subject is quite at the se/vice of the Primrose-hill poet,
at d will, we trust, he duly enshrined in verse by Mr. Ernest Bones.
The original Bonus !
Guildhall and the Kremlin.
It was remarked, by a British witness of the Emperor of Russia's
Coronation, that if the pageant produced on that occasion was superior
to our Lord Mayor's Show, it was eclipsed by the Lord Major's feast:
the latter being, of the two, much the more gorge-ous.
Foreign Litefature.—Literature is dead in France, and as a proof
of it, there is a cemeteiy in Paris actually called Mont-Parnas e.