Punch (31.1856)

November 29, 1856.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

219

MARY ANN'S NOTIONS

eye one after the other, not both at once you
know, but separate (he couldn't say alternately for
his life) and Georgie Barker,-know Georgte
Barker? — goes to Lady Vulture's—well,
Geobgie offered him thirty guineas for the dog,
but he would not take it. My dearest Mr. Punch,
imagine a woman such a helpless idiot as an
All-rounder.

" But I have not half done showing you why
men are not worth my pitching into—there ! are
you shocked ?—well, it's Augustus's fault. I
shall not write to you again,7 unless you print
in the corner, not the least I all this letter without what you call improye-
bit in the world like me! ments.

" Your,

" Saturday. " Mary Ann."

ear Mr. Punch,— "I did
not suppose it possible that
you could be so rude and
unkind a3 you showed your-
self a fortnight ago, when I
wrote you a letter offering to
become your correspondent.
I declare, when I read that
letter in print, with a picture

/ (though, I admit, rather pretty
/ in its way), I coloured up to
the tipdop of my forehead,

and I am 8Ure that if I had ; 7 We will not be menaced, Miss

worn those pastry - cook' s
girl's ornaments called kiss-
curls, the gum would have
|, been melted off in a minute. ETIQUETTE OF BURGLARY.

My letter was not intended! ,„ „ „ „ n , .

I , •', • . i . [For the Use of Hightoby Cracksmen.)

J ! to be pnnttd, as you musts

have known. I could quite Call when the family is out of town.
)' have cried over it, only I Choote a dark night for your visit,

remembered a very pretty Make as little noise an po?sible. _
and gentle speech of my Walk on tiptoe, as you keep moving from room
brother Augustus's about I to room, for fear of disturbing any one who might
',! V\ J^ftiilll^K crying. He said that tears [ be asleep.

— i^""1*""^ £rom a woaaau roean n0 nl0re S Remove all articles of value that come in jour

than swearing in a man, and | way.
that neither demonstration ought to produce the least effect upon a rational mind. This; Don't slam the doors.

is the chivalry of the Nineteenth Century, as dear Mrs. Gore says. j Before leaving, drink your host's health in his

"But as you are good enough to say, in your condescending way, that *1 may do just best Sherry,
what I like,' I shall put my dignity on one side, and occasionally give you some of my Shut the street-door carefully as you go out.
Notions. As you are not expected to show your faces

"I spoke in my letter (which you had no right to publish) about Giving it to the Men.\ on such occasion?, you may as well protect them
Bat, really, my dear Punch, when one comes to think aoout it, they seem to me what Suak- j from the cold by wearing pieces of black crape
spese calls ' such small game.'1 Fancy an earnest woman setting herself to satirise the , over them.

young men of the pres— to satirise us is likely I You needn't leave your Card, much less your

enough, and that tney ^_ kXIIX^ us than old twaddle of Ticket-of-Leave, behind you, because if your host

which an Eton boy of = ^Oijlyy^ 311 repeating about us, troubled himself in the least by attempting to

and thinking it smart' — ^~ eiS- As if a man did return your call, you would only be putting him

not judge a woman bi= *^^A^^^ :oom do not invariably to a great deal of inconvenience, and besides you

cluster round the pret =- ^fi\^\ ' 08 the greatest goose would not be able to treat him with the same

in existence.2 Well, aage to the intellectual hospitality. Moreover, such visits, paid, as they

Lords of the Creation Er— ^^^^^^^^ vder and carmine, and are, with such little ceremony, are never expected

a good deal of satin, i= | yise eyes, and mouths to be returned,

the room (to be sure, Should you, by any accident, meet with a

;rs in her bouquet, or policeman, do not behave meanly or discour-

.tion. teously to him, but invite him by all means to join

;o like them. Mothers jour little festive party, unless he should prefer

8 wonder to me is how to keep watch for you by remaining outside.

— t- £T< I things, with their litHe ___

■ ew a mother is foolish.

_lw x yj n « i ~<o

o3

= co

D<0 > e met you at Lady P's, or

2 ired one.

0° a
rhat is meant for the public

•—nothing can be less arti —

5 You might have used ~ tener.

6 Be good enough to av ~

o

E E
— o

ring up into one of the Morbid Philanthropy,

ridiculous animala w = / "\ ^ § |.t infest our drawing-

rooms, is rather absi=_S? \-/ a> ^| I one another what they As a proof of the maudlin benevolence that

are, feel surprised th*= 1 O I I ke babies—why should is so largely on the (apis at the present day,

we pretend it ? Does— I ?stallised green gage ? 1 we may as well mention that there is some

Is it to please your — m {J not one of whom in a soft-hearted, soft-headed philanthropist, who is

thousand c=tn appreciirr— 1_ ■ nnocent helpless baby, actually advertising every day: "Don't beat

But I am ashamed of I j your Cabpets." 'We suspect that this tender

" Well, then, we ti— C > co ■ id pleasantly. "We are creature must be a brother of the lady who is

not vulgar strainers i= n ^ J > I ' do we ' chaff,'—(0, I always putting to the public the agonising

know all those wordz: \J -55 £ I le persons we talk to.! question: "Do you bruise your Oats?" Some

Besides, we know sc^_ t \ >■ 0 I Id people,5 and read a other Howard of the pantiy will be next jumping

good many books. ._ v«/ I for talking, we pouted up amongst the advertisements, and perpetually

oat the stream of C£^J? II not) which the young bawling out, «c Ladies, you subely are not so

men of the day utte = ^ I hy, good gracious me !6 cruel as to Whip a Syllabub !"

when one of the All-=_ pi\ m, and told you what a _

squash there was at = W c cm g e that give balls, and

asked if jouknew tl=— m > iss Eugenie ain't half What is a Comet»

so handsome when y> = /H 0 is 1 ch is exhausted, unless ,T D , ,, ,

*=- \J U good hour of anecdotes Monsieur Babinet one of the most distin-

bacco, you know, and gmshed members of the French Academy of
lo, and winks with each Science answers the above question by _ very

learnedly explaining that a Lomet is a visible
nothing." The same explanation might be given
with regard to many of the Comets and Stars
in our theatrical firmament. For instance, what
is Mr. Murdoch at the Flamy ark*t, but,
sidereally viewed, " A Visible Nothing?"

Bjeirs-ai-Law.—Barristers' Wigs.