DOI Heft:
September 27, 1856
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16618#0129
September 27, 185C]
121
THE CHURCH ON A LOW DIET.
"No Cure no pay" is an expression with which every-
one of course is well familiar; but with us familiarity is
now engendering the most complete contempt for an obser-
vation which, we have discovered, is a manifest untruth.
For if the letters which have recently been published in
the Times may be in any way received by us as letters of
credit, there are at present very many cures about the
I kiogdom to which the words "no pay" might not im-
! properly attach, the pay beirig so small as scarcely to be
payable in our existing coinage, and iu fact it real'y does
not pay to take it.
Equality of church revenues would be a doctrine only
entertain able by perdition-caught heretics and dissenting
revolutionists. But every amicus curiae, or friend of the
curates, must regret that their pay is not more equal to
their work. We hear of certain medicines being rapidly
" absorbed," but their rapidity in this respect is far sur-
passed by that of certain metals. The absorption, for
instance, of such ores as gold and silver, by a small curate's
small family—small we mean in point of stature only, not
in numbers or in appetites—is generally so raoid as to
border on the marvellous. Fifty, or even a full hundred,
pounds a-year may be readily swallowed up in the shape
of bread and milk and vegetables by any "litcle" family ;
and there need bemo maternal fears of tneir young digestions
being injured by such clogging luxuries as pies and puddings.
Indeed, the chances are that half the sons of the Church,
that i=, at least, all the children of the curates, must, even
before the sanctifying hands are laid on them, have become
from early habit confirmed vegetarians, since it is not
probable that they Cin have formed a taste for meat.
Whereas the son of any of the Fathers of the Church—
we mean, of course, to use the noun in its episcopal
rendering—has by cause of his good livings (for the case
is rarely singular) far less chance of ever suffering from
any poverty of blood than from actual pluracy.
Rosa Bonheur's Ewes and Wethers.
The Scotsman tells us that Rosa Bonhmjr—the mar-
HORRIBLE ATTACK UPON (THE NERVES OF) AN OFFICER IN J vellous Rosa !—has been at Falkirk Tryst, where she
ST JAMES'S PARK '■ DOUnQt' ^w0 black-taced ewes and two wethers, for subjec's
of study. It is a pity that Rosa was not present at Priin-
" There, don't cry, darlin'—Uess 'is 'art—and th'is pretty soger gentleman HI let Billy . rose Hill, to see John Frost's mob. She might then have
look at his watch!" I selected some wonderful specimens of English asses.
CHALLENGES TO CURIOSITY.
A Correspondent gratifies our taste for curiosities by sending us
the following couple of advertisements, which we thiok with him
deserve a somewhat wider circulation than that which their inserters
originally bargained for. As, however, in the light of literary compo-
sitions they perhaps may prove of interest to our readers, we shall
generoubly waive our usual charge for their insertion: although we
certainly are not too proud to think of taking it as conscience-money,
should the advertisers feel that it would ease their minds to forward it.
The first is from the Shields Gazette:—
CHALLENGE.
T<EE HOWDON KEELMEN are ready to make a Sweepstake to row
any Keelmen on the Tyne for a Sweepstake of 5s. entry, with £2 added. The
boats to be taken on shore, and tossed for choice Six days before the Race.
We should say these Howdon Keelmen are a stalwart set of fellows,
if they can take their boats on shore, and play pitch and toss with
them. Hitherto, in our ignorance, we have only heard of boats being
"tossed" by whales, and "very like a whale" would be a natural
exclamation if one were told of such a feat being humanly accomplished.
It certainly is not the sort of exercise that we should try " for choice,"
and while half-pennies exist, we are rather at a loss to see the use of it.
It the boats be merely tossed as substitutes for coppers, we suppose
that ""thwarts or keels " would be called as the equivalent for " heads
or tails." But regarding the performance simply as a feat of strength,
it strikes us as coming it a Little too strong.
The second challenge is given in the Newcastle Guardian:—
A challenge.
THOMAS AND MATTHEW CLOUGH, brothers, of Cowpen Colliery,
are open to Shoot any Two Persons in the Coal Trade for £10 or £15; 21 yards
rise, and 60 ^ ards fall, with 10 or 15 birds each; and Thomas Cloogh is open to Shoot
any Single Person on the above terms.
We think we ne\er properly appreciated until now what advantages
we enjoy as connubial beings. Judy preserve us ! how we tremble to
reflect, that but for her we might find ourselves the " any Single
Person " whom this Mr. Clottgh would single out for his especial
shooting. As it is, being happily in a marital state, and having no
connection whatever with the coal trade, wre feel ourselves secure
against these gunpowdery-minded brothers : who for the small charge
of " £10 or £15 "—mercenary miscreants ! our Judy even would not part
with us for that!—would be so murderously £topen to shoot "us.
But it makes us nervous even now to picture to ourselves what might
have otherwise befallen us. Only imagine at our time of life, and state
of corpulence, having a " 21 yards rise" taken out of us ; and this but
as a preludi to a " 60 yards Jail! " Compared to that, what to us were
all the ups and downs of bubble bank-shares or cross-the-Channel
steamboats ?
A Clerical Cypher.
A Certain Dignitary (or indignitary, rather) of the Church, previous
to leaving it, left his card on the Bishop of his diocese, with >he initials
marked in the corner, " P. P. C." Upon the matter being referred to
some ladies, they said that it was the customary abbreviation of " Pour
Prendre Conge," the conge in this instance being obviously intended for
Rome; but Bernal Osborne, who was present, exclaimed ; "No, no,
no,—don't destroy the meaning, it is perfect almost to a letter—in my
opinion the initials clearly mean P(#),P(#),C(#),—in one word,
Papacyj " _
What is the Derivation of " Kursaal ? "
Why, my dear young friends, you must know a " Kursaal" is a
beautiful palatial establishment, ever so much finer than Buckingham
Palace, that is generally thrown open, with its gardens, lakes, ducks
and a:eese, to everybody at a German watering-place, and it is so called
a " Kursaal," because I must tell you that the Curse of gambling is
always going ou there morning and night!
121
THE CHURCH ON A LOW DIET.
"No Cure no pay" is an expression with which every-
one of course is well familiar; but with us familiarity is
now engendering the most complete contempt for an obser-
vation which, we have discovered, is a manifest untruth.
For if the letters which have recently been published in
the Times may be in any way received by us as letters of
credit, there are at present very many cures about the
I kiogdom to which the words "no pay" might not im-
! properly attach, the pay beirig so small as scarcely to be
payable in our existing coinage, and iu fact it real'y does
not pay to take it.
Equality of church revenues would be a doctrine only
entertain able by perdition-caught heretics and dissenting
revolutionists. But every amicus curiae, or friend of the
curates, must regret that their pay is not more equal to
their work. We hear of certain medicines being rapidly
" absorbed," but their rapidity in this respect is far sur-
passed by that of certain metals. The absorption, for
instance, of such ores as gold and silver, by a small curate's
small family—small we mean in point of stature only, not
in numbers or in appetites—is generally so raoid as to
border on the marvellous. Fifty, or even a full hundred,
pounds a-year may be readily swallowed up in the shape
of bread and milk and vegetables by any "litcle" family ;
and there need bemo maternal fears of tneir young digestions
being injured by such clogging luxuries as pies and puddings.
Indeed, the chances are that half the sons of the Church,
that i=, at least, all the children of the curates, must, even
before the sanctifying hands are laid on them, have become
from early habit confirmed vegetarians, since it is not
probable that they Cin have formed a taste for meat.
Whereas the son of any of the Fathers of the Church—
we mean, of course, to use the noun in its episcopal
rendering—has by cause of his good livings (for the case
is rarely singular) far less chance of ever suffering from
any poverty of blood than from actual pluracy.
Rosa Bonheur's Ewes and Wethers.
The Scotsman tells us that Rosa Bonhmjr—the mar-
HORRIBLE ATTACK UPON (THE NERVES OF) AN OFFICER IN J vellous Rosa !—has been at Falkirk Tryst, where she
ST JAMES'S PARK '■ DOUnQt' ^w0 black-taced ewes and two wethers, for subjec's
of study. It is a pity that Rosa was not present at Priin-
" There, don't cry, darlin'—Uess 'is 'art—and th'is pretty soger gentleman HI let Billy . rose Hill, to see John Frost's mob. She might then have
look at his watch!" I selected some wonderful specimens of English asses.
CHALLENGES TO CURIOSITY.
A Correspondent gratifies our taste for curiosities by sending us
the following couple of advertisements, which we thiok with him
deserve a somewhat wider circulation than that which their inserters
originally bargained for. As, however, in the light of literary compo-
sitions they perhaps may prove of interest to our readers, we shall
generoubly waive our usual charge for their insertion: although we
certainly are not too proud to think of taking it as conscience-money,
should the advertisers feel that it would ease their minds to forward it.
The first is from the Shields Gazette:—
CHALLENGE.
T<EE HOWDON KEELMEN are ready to make a Sweepstake to row
any Keelmen on the Tyne for a Sweepstake of 5s. entry, with £2 added. The
boats to be taken on shore, and tossed for choice Six days before the Race.
We should say these Howdon Keelmen are a stalwart set of fellows,
if they can take their boats on shore, and play pitch and toss with
them. Hitherto, in our ignorance, we have only heard of boats being
"tossed" by whales, and "very like a whale" would be a natural
exclamation if one were told of such a feat being humanly accomplished.
It certainly is not the sort of exercise that we should try " for choice,"
and while half-pennies exist, we are rather at a loss to see the use of it.
It the boats be merely tossed as substitutes for coppers, we suppose
that ""thwarts or keels " would be called as the equivalent for " heads
or tails." But regarding the performance simply as a feat of strength,
it strikes us as coming it a Little too strong.
The second challenge is given in the Newcastle Guardian:—
A challenge.
THOMAS AND MATTHEW CLOUGH, brothers, of Cowpen Colliery,
are open to Shoot any Two Persons in the Coal Trade for £10 or £15; 21 yards
rise, and 60 ^ ards fall, with 10 or 15 birds each; and Thomas Cloogh is open to Shoot
any Single Person on the above terms.
We think we ne\er properly appreciated until now what advantages
we enjoy as connubial beings. Judy preserve us ! how we tremble to
reflect, that but for her we might find ourselves the " any Single
Person " whom this Mr. Clottgh would single out for his especial
shooting. As it is, being happily in a marital state, and having no
connection whatever with the coal trade, wre feel ourselves secure
against these gunpowdery-minded brothers : who for the small charge
of " £10 or £15 "—mercenary miscreants ! our Judy even would not part
with us for that!—would be so murderously £topen to shoot "us.
But it makes us nervous even now to picture to ourselves what might
have otherwise befallen us. Only imagine at our time of life, and state
of corpulence, having a " 21 yards rise" taken out of us ; and this but
as a preludi to a " 60 yards Jail! " Compared to that, what to us were
all the ups and downs of bubble bank-shares or cross-the-Channel
steamboats ?
A Clerical Cypher.
A Certain Dignitary (or indignitary, rather) of the Church, previous
to leaving it, left his card on the Bishop of his diocese, with >he initials
marked in the corner, " P. P. C." Upon the matter being referred to
some ladies, they said that it was the customary abbreviation of " Pour
Prendre Conge," the conge in this instance being obviously intended for
Rome; but Bernal Osborne, who was present, exclaimed ; "No, no,
no,—don't destroy the meaning, it is perfect almost to a letter—in my
opinion the initials clearly mean P(#),P(#),C(#),—in one word,
Papacyj " _
What is the Derivation of " Kursaal ? "
Why, my dear young friends, you must know a " Kursaal" is a
beautiful palatial establishment, ever so much finer than Buckingham
Palace, that is generally thrown open, with its gardens, lakes, ducks
and a:eese, to everybody at a German watering-place, and it is so called
a " Kursaal," because I must tell you that the Curse of gambling is
always going ou there morning and night!