DOI Heft:
August 9, 1856
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16618#0059
acu.-st v mm.< PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 51
I "Her Majesty would like to know what you have been and done
PUNCH'S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. | with the Partnership Bill, with, the Local Frauds on Shipping Bill, with
. . the Church-rates Bill, with the Church Discipline Bill, with the Fdu-
N ignominious Session j cation Bi]1 fof England wlth the Education Bill for Scotland, with the
was brought; to anigno- ™ , • , ^ . f>-n n. t-.- t>-h *l t> i_v
minions end on Tues-' Ecclesiastical Courts Bill, with the Divorce Bill, with the Public
day, July the Twenty- Health Bill, with the Agricultural Statistics Bill, with the London
ninth. Her Majesty, Corporation Reform Bill, with the Appellate Jurisdiction Bill, with
who opened Parliament, the Civil Service Superannuation Bill, with the Jew Bill, with the
felt, m common wither, Wife»a gistec j5.ll, and with the Vaccination Bill,
subjects, tar too much
disgusted with its pro-1 "Gentlemen of the House of Commons,
ceedings, to closed and; " Her Majesty's opinion, and that of Her Majesty's subjects,
had reured to the lsia . , , , ,»n , . , , , , , .
of Wight The Louses !S 0 0 ' y°u 0 ve *;a^en prominent part m one
had met on the previous debates, nine-tenths ought to have followed the example of the 273
Saturday, but the only who have not spoken a word during the Session,
thing done that is woith ,. ... T „
recording was that the ' Lords and Gentlemen,
Commons compelled the " Her Majesty's Ministers ought to be ashamed of themselves for
Lords to give way, and. having utterly failed in their duty. Her Majesty's Opposition ought
to re- insert, in the to be ashamed of themselves for not having compelled them to do it,
Hampstead Heath Bill, ,7. ,. , - , , , ., , ^ ... ,. , , '
the clause for discomfit- aac' Da',u ouo !t to be ashamed 01 tne utterly unconstitutional precedent
ing Sir Tommy Wil- set in the retention of office by a Cabinet without principles or power.
son. On the Monday "This sort of thing will not do again. Deposit that Lint in the
neither House met, but b j f y6m respectiTe mpes and fumjgate it.
at two on Tuesday, a p - * '
good many Indies and other spectators having assembled in the House of 'You may go."
Lords five Commissioners, looking as much .like five Guys as possible,1 Patliament theri dispersed, and Mr. Punch, with a pleasure which it
took their-seats before the throne, and the Royal Assent was given to WQuld be to0 mucll lroubie, this hot weather, to describe, put the
a exeat lot of Bills, chiefly measures of no general interest. stopper, once more, into the crystal phial containing his
Lord Chancellor uranworth then advanced, and was about to
lead some ridiculous paper, when Lord Chancellor Punch politely ©Mmce of parliament,
shoved him out or the way, and, bowing blandly to his aeiigateaj
audience, read as follows, in a loud and distinct tone of voice :—
"My Lords and Gentlemen,
" We are commanded by Her Majesty to relieve her subjects from
the annoyance of further Parliamentary exhibitions for some montns
to come.
" When Her Majesty met you in Parliament at the opening of the
Session, we were at War. You certainly voted a»ay other people's
money in unhesitating style for carrying on that War, and in doing so,
you gave satisfaction to the nation.
"A Peace was patched up, and a treaty was signed by which Her
Majesty's subjects gained nothing at all, and out of the engagements
of which Russia is already skulking.
" We are squabbling with America, but to fight her, unless compellect
to do so, would be absurd, and if we can protract negotiation, and if
Colonel Fremont, the only decent candidate for the Presidentship, TACTS OF DOMESTIC INTEREST,
should be elected in November, Her Majesty mav not have to! 4 •, , , ., . ... . , ., .
announce to you in Pebruarv, that we have captured New York or LJ^"8 f ?c,eify tormented, as 11 is, with rates and tas - though
. T. • ■' y 1 tew, except housekeepers, know what rates and taxes are. ine a\s-
lost Liverpool. j inclination to acquire this knowledge must strongly tend to make every
"Her Majesty regrets to inform you that the bad and foolish reflecting young man afraid, to marry and settle ; and the fear of
woman on the throne of Spain has lent herself to a sanguinarv plot for entering into the domestic state may, in some cases, be heightened by
cashing freedom, which has succeeded, and Her Majesty's'august tne perusal of the following offic.al paragraph
ally, the Emperor 0* the French, is concentrating troops, and pre- J^^K I^^^^^^^^^^C^
paring fleets, and will probably have annexed Spain to France before-, light of these returns, is favourable."
Hbr Majesty has the pleasure of seeing you again. I However, the affectionate but thinking youth, desirous of the position,
"Her Majesty's Ministers have been exceedingly well snubbed hut dreading the responsibilities of a husband and a father, must not
l jr ~r> j T t> u i. " n. 4- 4-u he superfluous v alarmed by the above statement. Married persons, as
by King Bomba, and Lord Palmerston has every hope that the mch*„e not r*ted to the *m[sh higher than anybody else, and not' so
deveiopement of events in Italy will shortly justify the placing that high as some other people. There is no rate to pay on births beyond
country under the dominion of the King op Sardinia, as Her the fax involved in the hire and maintenance of nurses dry or wet,
Majesty's Viceroy. those necessary nuisances. The pecuniary death rate, over and above
tl r, • , • 1 11 ii 1 tj vr -n 1 < ii t) ■-] burial fees, consists simplv in the monstrous exaction on the part of
It is not improbable that Her Majesty will have to blow Brazil UD(iertaker'S) to which th£ wise and the few are c0„)pelled to submit by
to blazes lor the beneat ot the Blacks. the tyranny of custom, imposed by the melancholy ostentation and
Foreign affairs being upon this highly satisfactory footing, Her irrational sentiment of the foolish and the many.
The paragraph in question, which is copied from the Quarterly
Keturn of the Registrar-General, simply means to say that marriages are
a little on the increase—in the face of the Income-tax, and in spite of
the high price of provisions; and that, whereas the necessity for cradles
Majesty turns to subjects of domestic legislation
" Not one of the measures which were recommended to you in the
Speech from the Throne, in January, have you been good enough to
pass, with the exception of an Act for assimilating mercantile law in j is great, there is only a moderate demand tor coffins.
England and Scotland, and a Joint-Stock Companies Bill. When Her
Majesty adds that you have passed a bill for improving the Coast
Guard, and the Country Police, and have somewhat improved the
University of Cambrido-° trip Otip-fv has Riimmprl nn thp wmilrq nf Hox't blunt yonr razor to open another man's oysters.
00 V . v- 0 ' r»DB*a uUmmea up ine iCSUns 01 yo(ll. vU aH a buckIer ,0 de%nd yourself, and not as a sword to wound others.
03 days in this House, and 106 iu the Commons. I Pet'cous whu wash at home should take care to keep the kitchen-door shut.
13
Advice Gratis. (Second Eatcc)
I "Her Majesty would like to know what you have been and done
PUNCH'S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. | with the Partnership Bill, with, the Local Frauds on Shipping Bill, with
. . the Church-rates Bill, with the Church Discipline Bill, with the Fdu-
N ignominious Session j cation Bi]1 fof England wlth the Education Bill for Scotland, with the
was brought; to anigno- ™ , • , ^ . f>-n n. t-.- t>-h *l t> i_v
minions end on Tues-' Ecclesiastical Courts Bill, with the Divorce Bill, with the Public
day, July the Twenty- Health Bill, with the Agricultural Statistics Bill, with the London
ninth. Her Majesty, Corporation Reform Bill, with the Appellate Jurisdiction Bill, with
who opened Parliament, the Civil Service Superannuation Bill, with the Jew Bill, with the
felt, m common wither, Wife»a gistec j5.ll, and with the Vaccination Bill,
subjects, tar too much
disgusted with its pro-1 "Gentlemen of the House of Commons,
ceedings, to closed and; " Her Majesty's opinion, and that of Her Majesty's subjects,
had reured to the lsia . , , , ,»n , . , , , , , .
of Wight The Louses !S 0 0 ' y°u 0 ve *;a^en prominent part m one
had met on the previous debates, nine-tenths ought to have followed the example of the 273
Saturday, but the only who have not spoken a word during the Session,
thing done that is woith ,. ... T „
recording was that the ' Lords and Gentlemen,
Commons compelled the " Her Majesty's Ministers ought to be ashamed of themselves for
Lords to give way, and. having utterly failed in their duty. Her Majesty's Opposition ought
to re- insert, in the to be ashamed of themselves for not having compelled them to do it,
Hampstead Heath Bill, ,7. ,. , - , , , ., , ^ ... ,. , , '
the clause for discomfit- aac' Da',u ouo !t to be ashamed 01 tne utterly unconstitutional precedent
ing Sir Tommy Wil- set in the retention of office by a Cabinet without principles or power.
son. On the Monday "This sort of thing will not do again. Deposit that Lint in the
neither House met, but b j f y6m respectiTe mpes and fumjgate it.
at two on Tuesday, a p - * '
good many Indies and other spectators having assembled in the House of 'You may go."
Lords five Commissioners, looking as much .like five Guys as possible,1 Patliament theri dispersed, and Mr. Punch, with a pleasure which it
took their-seats before the throne, and the Royal Assent was given to WQuld be to0 mucll lroubie, this hot weather, to describe, put the
a exeat lot of Bills, chiefly measures of no general interest. stopper, once more, into the crystal phial containing his
Lord Chancellor uranworth then advanced, and was about to
lead some ridiculous paper, when Lord Chancellor Punch politely ©Mmce of parliament,
shoved him out or the way, and, bowing blandly to his aeiigateaj
audience, read as follows, in a loud and distinct tone of voice :—
"My Lords and Gentlemen,
" We are commanded by Her Majesty to relieve her subjects from
the annoyance of further Parliamentary exhibitions for some montns
to come.
" When Her Majesty met you in Parliament at the opening of the
Session, we were at War. You certainly voted a»ay other people's
money in unhesitating style for carrying on that War, and in doing so,
you gave satisfaction to the nation.
"A Peace was patched up, and a treaty was signed by which Her
Majesty's subjects gained nothing at all, and out of the engagements
of which Russia is already skulking.
" We are squabbling with America, but to fight her, unless compellect
to do so, would be absurd, and if we can protract negotiation, and if
Colonel Fremont, the only decent candidate for the Presidentship, TACTS OF DOMESTIC INTEREST,
should be elected in November, Her Majesty mav not have to! 4 •, , , ., . ... . , ., .
announce to you in Pebruarv, that we have captured New York or LJ^"8 f ?c,eify tormented, as 11 is, with rates and tas - though
. T. • ■' y 1 tew, except housekeepers, know what rates and taxes are. ine a\s-
lost Liverpool. j inclination to acquire this knowledge must strongly tend to make every
"Her Majesty regrets to inform you that the bad and foolish reflecting young man afraid, to marry and settle ; and the fear of
woman on the throne of Spain has lent herself to a sanguinarv plot for entering into the domestic state may, in some cases, be heightened by
cashing freedom, which has succeeded, and Her Majesty's'august tne perusal of the following offic.al paragraph
ally, the Emperor 0* the French, is concentrating troops, and pre- J^^K I^^^^^^^^^^C^
paring fleets, and will probably have annexed Spain to France before-, light of these returns, is favourable."
Hbr Majesty has the pleasure of seeing you again. I However, the affectionate but thinking youth, desirous of the position,
"Her Majesty's Ministers have been exceedingly well snubbed hut dreading the responsibilities of a husband and a father, must not
l jr ~r> j T t> u i. " n. 4- 4-u he superfluous v alarmed by the above statement. Married persons, as
by King Bomba, and Lord Palmerston has every hope that the mch*„e not r*ted to the *m[sh higher than anybody else, and not' so
deveiopement of events in Italy will shortly justify the placing that high as some other people. There is no rate to pay on births beyond
country under the dominion of the King op Sardinia, as Her the fax involved in the hire and maintenance of nurses dry or wet,
Majesty's Viceroy. those necessary nuisances. The pecuniary death rate, over and above
tl r, • , • 1 11 ii 1 tj vr -n 1 < ii t) ■-] burial fees, consists simplv in the monstrous exaction on the part of
It is not improbable that Her Majesty will have to blow Brazil UD(iertaker'S) to which th£ wise and the few are c0„)pelled to submit by
to blazes lor the beneat ot the Blacks. the tyranny of custom, imposed by the melancholy ostentation and
Foreign affairs being upon this highly satisfactory footing, Her irrational sentiment of the foolish and the many.
The paragraph in question, which is copied from the Quarterly
Keturn of the Registrar-General, simply means to say that marriages are
a little on the increase—in the face of the Income-tax, and in spite of
the high price of provisions; and that, whereas the necessity for cradles
Majesty turns to subjects of domestic legislation
" Not one of the measures which were recommended to you in the
Speech from the Throne, in January, have you been good enough to
pass, with the exception of an Act for assimilating mercantile law in j is great, there is only a moderate demand tor coffins.
England and Scotland, and a Joint-Stock Companies Bill. When Her
Majesty adds that you have passed a bill for improving the Coast
Guard, and the Country Police, and have somewhat improved the
University of Cambrido-° trip Otip-fv has Riimmprl nn thp wmilrq nf Hox't blunt yonr razor to open another man's oysters.
00 V . v- 0 ' r»DB*a uUmmea up ine iCSUns 01 yo(ll. vU aH a buckIer ,0 de%nd yourself, and not as a sword to wound others.
03 days in this House, and 106 iu the Commons. I Pet'cous whu wash at home should take care to keep the kitchen-door shut.
13
Advice Gratis. (Second Eatcc)