Punch (31.1856)

December 6. 1856.]

221

EASIER SAID THAN DONE.

Hair-Dresser. " M'sieu wish ze barbe shave ? "

Resident Parisian. " Oui, je fay—a—that is, I do.—And—a—I say,
just trimmay le moostarsh a V Omperoor, sivvooplay—like—a—that is—com
le vdtre—I mean, you knotv, like yours 1"

SCOTLAND SNUBBEI

There can be no doubt in the breast of any impartial Sccichman
that a conspiracy bas a lon2 time existed among Englishmen, infac,
the plot has become an English affair—to Snub Scotland. Otherwise,
it has been and is forcibly put—otherwise, why the exclusive use of the
word English, which simply implies things of England, to the con-
temptuous disuse of British, that comprehends both countries? In
our thriving contemporary, the Caledonian Mercury, the case is admir-
ably put. Indeed, the columns of the Mercury seem especially chosen
by all patriotic Scotchmen with a grievance. Thus, when in his recent
lectures, our tender and judicious Thackeray, with gentlest breath
that would have scarcely stirred a white rosp-leaf, ventured to say
something of the living and vivacious dust of Mary Queen of Scots,
there was great indignation. The perfervidum genium Scotorum glowed
at white heat; and sundry patriots in the Mercury did battle for Mary.
proving her every bit as nice and as judicious as our virgin Elizabeth,
whose chastity, like a chevaux.de-frise defied even cavalry. However,
Thackeray has made his peace; and Mary rests, like a folded lily,
every bit as pure as when Thackeray entered Edinburgh.

And now in the Mercury a Scottish patriot draws his claymour steel,
ppn for his country. He writes, and what is more cruel, brings in
Alison : —

" Even historians, Alison, for instance, constantly use the word English, a mere
translation from the French, who have no word for Britain except that of their own
old Province. Some years ago a letter was published under the heading of ' Lokd Pal-
merston and the Qoeen's English,' according to which his Lordship gave assurance
that, in using on some occasion which caused remark in Scotland, the word English and
England, he meant no disparagement to Scotland, Ireland, or Wales/'

And the potato slept quietly under the slight; so did the leek—but not
so the thistle. Nemo me impune! Nevertheless, it is a part of a system
lo annihilate Scotland.

"I cannot help thinking that there is a systematical design in some petty-minded
quarter to consign the word Scotland to oblivion, and that the custom above mentioned
has been introduced surreptitiously by underlings in public departments without the
knowledge of persons in authority."

And when we consider the number of Scotch clerks in public
departments ia England—clerks who originally swam the Tweed,
carrying their clothes iu a bundle in their teeth—the neglect, the
ingratitude on their part is the more atrocious. Scotchmen, it is
known, generally bring with them to England a very beautiful accent;
and yet it is painful to witness the designs, yes, the " systematical
designs " on the part of Eaglish wives to take the very words out of
their Scotch husbands' mouths, and so to deprive them of their own

lovely Doric. We have known the design so far succeed that after
only one year's residence in England a Scotchman has wholly forgotten
the Scotch bawbee in favour of the English shilling.

We think, with the Mercury's correspondent, the whole matter in its
length, breadth, and depth worthy of gravest consideration. Why
should there be anything exclusively English, and why not everything
comprehensively British ? Let the word English henceforth cease aud
determine ; and let us enter into a national bond to use only the word
Bitish.

Eor instance, let an English fog be a British Mist:
Let the English Constitution be a British Pact;
Let an English Mastiff be a British Tyke :—

And, above all, and as a great sustaining hope, and comfort, and
consolation unto all men, henceforth let the Bank of England be—A

British Bank !

A STIR FOR SEACOLE.

Dame Seacole was a kindly old soul,

And a kindly old soul was she ;
You might call for your pot, jou might call for your pipe,

In her tent on " the Col" so free.

Her tent on " the Col," where a welcome toll

She took of the passing throng,
That from Balaklava to tUe front

Toiled weariiy along.

That berry-brown face, with a kind heart's trace

Impressed in each wrinkle sly,
Was a sight to behold, through the snow-clouds rolled

Across that iron sky.

The cold without gave a zest, no doubt,

To the welcome warmth within:
But her smile, good old soul, lent heat to the coal,

And power to the pannikin.

No store she set by the epaulette,

Be it worsted or gold-lace ;
For K.C.B., or plain piivate Smith,

She had still one pleasant face.

But not alone was her kindness shown

To the hale and hungry lot,
Who drank her grog and eat her prog,

And paid their honest shot.

The sick and sorry can tell the story

Of her nursing aud dosing deedr.
Regimental M.D. never worked as she

In helping sick men's needs.

Of such work, God knows, was as much as she chose,

That dreary winter-tide,
When Death hurjg o'er the damp and pestilent camp,

And bis scythe swung far and wide.

And when winter past, and spring at last

Made the mud-sea a sea of flowers,
Dogbunt, race and review her brown face knew,

Still pleasant, in sunshine or showers.

Still she'd take her stand, as blithe and bland,

With her stores, the jolly old soul—
And—be the right man in the right place who ean—

The right woman was Dame Seacolb

She gave her aid to all who prayed,

To hungry, and sick, and cold:
Open hand and heart, alike ready to part

Kind words, and acts, and gold.

And now the good soul is 1 in the hole,'

What red-coat in all the land,
But to set her npDn her legs again

Will not lend a willing handP

Humanity in the Slave Market.

The New Orleans Delta insists that " the African slave trade and
African slavery conducted on humane principles, and regulated by laws
must have the preference over every other form of compulsory labour."
When Humanity has quite settled itself as a slave-dealer, of course we
shall have Philanthropy beginning business as a housebreaker, and
Rectitude making its way through a crowd as a pickpocket.