Punch (31.1856)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

181

SE LF-EXAM INATiON.

Parly {slightly infiuenced). " Queshton Ish ! Am I pit to go intodrawingroom
LiEtsh shee !—I can shay Globiush Conshyshosn !—Have seen Brish Inshy

CHUSION—ALL THAT SHORTOTHING—ThaTLEDO —HERE GOSH !

CRINOLINA.

Leseia's ekirt doth streaming fly,

But none observes how full ir, atreametb :
Right and left toe men ao by,

But of remarking no one dreameth.
Bolder 'tis to dare put on

My Ltna's skirts of extra sizes;
Lieht s(ie seems, but every one

By unexampled bulk surprises.
Oh, my Crinolina dear,

My pavement-filling Crinolina,
Beauty Jies
In mod'rate size,

But Ton in your's, my Crinolina !

Lesbia's dress keeps out tbe cold,

Good-taste, good-sense, all fee), have graced it;
But Ton appioval must withhold,

There's not a breadth of stuff in't wasted !
Oh, my Ltna's skirt for me,

Thar, swells balloon-like on the breezes,
Letting everybody see

How far stuff can go, if it pleases !
Yes. my Crinolina dear,

My rustling, bell-shaped Crinolina,
Taste in dress
Can't well be less

Than you display, my Crinolina!

Lesbia bath a waist refined,

Bur. wirh such mod'rate drapery round it,
Who can tell her heart's confined,

From breaking bound?, when Love hath found it.
Pillowed sa'e, my Lina's heart

Within her miles of skirt, reposes,
Beyond the flight of Cupid's dart,—

Poor Love quite lost among tbe rows is.
Oh, my Crinoima dear,

Expansive and expensive Lina,
Waist less tight,
Skirts less a sight,

Indulge in, do, my Crinolina!

How 10 Ascertain the Thickness of the Fog.—
The first post, you knock your head against wiJl tell you at
once how thick it is !

A HIGH BUTLER.

There are many persons besides Mr. Disraeli and Lord Derby
who want plac-rs. Amor g them is a gentJeman who thus describes

himself: —

AS BUTLER, &c, a tall respectable Single Man, aged 41, who has
high testimonials from families or distinction, and can be well recommended hy
the noblem«n he has just left.

Celibacy, respectability, and mature age are conditions obviously
desirable m a butler, but the advantage of procerity is less apparent.
A short man would probably be rather more at. home in a cellar than a
tall one, and is not particularly likely to be less adroit in drawing a
cork. Perhaps the advertiser is willing to make himself generally
useful, under the head of "&c," and considers that his height of
stature might coustirute a qualification for tbe footboard. Still, this is
not holding himself so high as a butler might be entitled to do who can
be well recommended by the nobleman whom he has just left; and we
hope our tall friend will obtain a better situation than that which his
mode&ty is prepared to put up with.

Theatrical Intelligence.

The Alligator, who's to be the gr<i. d star of the Zoological Gardens,
next season, has already been engaged for the Princess's Theatre. L
it to make its first appearance on the banks of the Wile in Antony and
Cleopatra, which is to be revived for the occasion on a most enormous
scale of splendour. As au instance, we can mention that every scale of
the Alligator is to be doubly gilt.

How are Promises Made Fast ?—By nails or pins—according as
persons are in the habit ot running away from their words. For
instance, you nail a man to his promise, and pin a woman.

A NEW CHURCH "VANE."

The Newcastle Guardian assures the satisfied world that Lord
Vane Tempest thinks of entering the Church. We know how instan-
taneously Luther was converted from riotousness to piety by a thun-
der-bolt; and the thundering sentence (so very unexpected) of the
Ho'se Guards may have been as summary in its effect upon the ejected
Cornet. "In fact," says our Newcastle contemporary,—

" In fact, it is whispered that his more matured, and chastened inclinations now
incline towards the Church; a field in which he may be employed as honestly, as
honourably, and as usefully, both to himself and others, as in that of Mars."

Why cucumbers are nothing to clerical inclinations, if they can be
"matured" in so short a time. With this rapidity, you may grow a
parson in less time than a dish of cress or mustard.

" As the noble family to which he may still prove an ornament have more than one
living in their gift, it is not improbable that this may be bis ultimate and not un-
graceful destination, however distressing may have been the events which led to it."

Who knows ? The ejected Cornet may live to become the consecrated
Bishop ; in which case the ex-soldier will still have proved his prowess
and success in a "for lawn" hope.

Song for a Scotch Duke.

My harts in the Highlands shall have their hills clear,
My harts in the Highlands no serf shall come near—
1 'll chase out the Gael to make room for the roe,
My hatts in the Highlands were ever his foe.

1SJEWSPAPER EMPLOYMENT.—A Young Gentleman, who has his

-L ' evenings to himself, and is a perfect Master of French, is extremely anxious to
obtain a situation as Reader on any English paper, in order "to correct the Press."
The Times preferred. Salary no object whatever. Apply by letter (enclosing a Queen's
head;to Monsieur L—s N—p—l—n, Moniteur Office, Tuileries, Purls.—N.B. Has had
considerable experience in " locking up tbe forms " of the principal French Journals.