Punch (31.1856)

Mb. Tbemblk: Buekows a Hist peom his Wipe's Cbinc
oveecoat," which places him completely out

RAMPANT IDIOTS.

Ma. Punch wanted an opportunity of making amends to the directors
of that admirable Institution, the Asjluou for Idiots, ior an expression
which, in the sensitive mind of its estimable Secretary, seemed calcu-
lated to injure the charity. In a suggestion from Calcutta toucJiing
that model soldier, patriot, and nobleman, Loud Donkellin, it was
hinted that a Cell in the Asylum would be a fitting place lor him. We
are officially infoimed that the Asylum contains no cells, ana that its
inmares are all provided for in comfortable apartments. We are most
happy to give publicity to the fact.

The Asjlum lor Idiots was natuially brought to Mr. Punch's mind
by a piece of presumptuous folly on the part of the Board of Works.
That remarkable ser. of scavengers, instead of attending to the drains,
are scrambling up to the corners of the streets, and altering the names
thereof. Now really this is a little too bad. We almost doubt its
beiog believed. But the fact is so. One D'Ipfangeb, junior, (who
probably in moments of hallucination fancies hkns-lf as clever a fellow
as one D'Iseaeli, junior,) with a Committee, has been drawing up a
voluminous report upon street names in London. Re discovers*—as
everybody who has read Peter Cunningham or John Timbs knew
aheady—that there are numbers of streets bearing the same names;
and so, with the presumption of vestrymen, Dipfy (we may be par-
doned the liberty—we call the other great man Dizzy) aud his lot
have set to work to devise new appellations.

They have gone about it in the way that might be expected from
their class. To a lumber of the streets members of ttie Board of
Works propose to append their own dignified names, not one of which
was ever heard of before, out of its owner's locality. These people
suppose that Buggins, Togglns, and Wiggins, are words thht will
instantly conjure up the train of associations which in ia desirable a
name should awaken. The only conceivable reason for hhving a dis-
tinctive name was to save the necessity of following it with a second
reference. Therr, is some inconvenience in having to designate King
Street, as Kirg Street, St. James's, or King Street, Covent Garden. So
the modest Member of the Board of Works proposes to say Wiggins
Street at once, as all the world must knew where that is.

LINE, AND INVENTS what he CALLS HIS " patent AnTI-Ga&OTTE

of H-akm's Beach in his walks home prom the City.

But, Dismissing these ambitious snobs, whose names have alreadj
been trailed be'ore tne town, to the immense amusement, we should
think, of the districts in which it is proposed to stick them up, let ue
look at some of the rest of Diffi's nomenclature; against which,
by the way, protests have already been made by persons whose names
he proposed to use. It displays the kind of educational process through
which the parochial mind passes. Some names of great and good men
could not fail to have struck eveu members of the Board of Works,
whose children probably bring home Mangnall's Questions ixom^ school
for evening lessons. Some such happy accident accounts for the
pre:-ence in the report of suggestions in favour of men usually more
honoured anywhere than by " oorochials." But we want to know b»y
what sentence of B itish law Londoners are to be compelled to live in
streets coristened after

Mb.. Habbison Ainswobth,

" Poor " Powek, the Actor,

Mb. Miall of the Nonconformist,

Bookee, the Protectionist,

Adleb, the Hebrew Babbi,

Camkbon, supposed of the British Bank,

Soth bby, the Auctioneer,

^ib Culling Eabdley of Exeter EL-11,

And Mobley, of the Administration Reform Association !

Here are nine names which Dippy & Co. solemnly propose to stick up
at the corners of our streets. Could one suppose that the absurdity
would go much further, the owners of the property thus to be adorned
had betier consult tt eir solicitors, as we conceive actions for wilful
depreciation would lie against the Board. Fancy dating a dance
invitation from " Culling Eardley Street." 0r asking a Quaker to dine
in "Poor P<wer Street," or trying to effect a mortgage on a house in
"Cameron Street."

We are sorry to trouble Sib Benjamin Hall again upon an un-
pleasant subject, hut he really must f strain the vagaries of the Central
Boara—this Centre—very Gauche. Unless he does so foithwith, and
if be has not the power, lie had better get it in February (the House
will suspend standing orders on emergency), Mr. Punch cmst become