Punch: Punch (33.1857)

22

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[July 18, 1857,

PUNCH'S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

he Hero of Balaklava (it may be
as well to say that Lord Cardi-
gan is meant) inquired {Monday,
July 6,) whether it was true that
the troops just sent out to India
had been despatched in sailing ves-
sels. To this Lord Panmure re-
plied that it was so, and that it was
considered that sailing vessels
would reach their destination as
soon as steamers, or sooner. Lord
Shaftesbury gave an unqualified
condemnation of the French plan
for taking out " free " negroes to
the colonies, a scheme which he
declared would be tantamount to
a revival of the slave-trade, "the
most accursed crime ever perpe-
trated." As Lord Palme rston
notoriously gives his confidence to
Lord Shaftesbury, the Premier
is as likely to take the opinion of
the latter about blacks as about
bishops, and therefore the Viscount
probably speaks through the Earl.
We hope so. There was another
discussion about the right of the
Crown—a right that is undoubted—to the soil between high and low-
water mark. Lord Brougham intimated that in many cases the
agents of Government were careless in enforcing such right, a state-
ment for which Mr. Punch was not prepared. He would have thought
that they were always in charge of that property, considering their
habit of sticking in t lie mud.

In the Commons, Mr. Salisbury wanted correspondence about the
river Dee, but what connection there is between the river Dee and
Salisbury we are unaware; though, as Mr. S.is a remarkably sensible
gentleman, we presume that his geography is not at fault. Sir P>.
Hall said, that it had not been decided where the Baron Marochetti's
statue of Richard the First was to be'erected. It, or rather the
model, used to be behind the cab-stand in Palace Yard, with uplifted
sword, hailing all the cabs at once; but Sir C. Barry thought that it
somehow interfered with the clock-tower, so it was ordered off.
Wiscount Williams is said to have made the most execrable joke ever
heard, while the statue was there. He remarked that an unfortunate
cab-horse, looking at it, might exclaim, " 0, Richard ! 0, mqn raw /"
The Wiscount must have forgotten that whatever kind of animal may
speak, in or near Parliament, horses don't.

The House went into Committee on the Wills Bill, and the Attorney-
General went on swimmingly until the fortieth clause was reacued.
This limited the operation of probates, to be granted by district
registrars, to personal estates under £1,500. Mr. Westhead—who
ought to understand the question, his Christian name being Proctor—
proposed to do away with all limitation. Sir R. Bethell opposed
this suggestion, but the Committee liked it, and Lord Palmerston's
Government was beaten by a majority of 31. Mr. Hayter snatched
up his whip, and ran round the clubs and other resorts, slashing
violently at the legs of the absentee members, and he drove a lot of
them into the House, when Bethell thought he would make the
Committee eat humble-pie, so he took another division. Mr. Hayter's
whip had not been used quite enough, and Lord Palmerston's
Government was again beaten, this time by a majority of 2. The Com-
mittee cheered ; but, Lord Palmerston jumped up, and put a stop to
that sort of thing by having progress reported. At the end of the
week, Sir Richard made another attempt to impose a limitation, and
tried to frighten the House with the threat of giving up the bill, but
the House not being frightened, Lord Pam gave way.

Tuesday. The case of whippers of another kind, namely, coal-
whippers, among the most useful of hard-worked men in London,
came before the Peers. Much good was done by an Act passed in
favour of these men, who were temporarily delivered from the tyranny
of the publicans near the river. These persons get the business of
engaging the coal-whippers to unload the ships, and_ the man who
drinks most, is, of course, the pot-house-keeper's favourite, and obtains
work, while a better fellow is hindered in every paltry way. The Act,
which Mr. Gladstone passed, expired, and the poor fellows are again
in the hands of the publicans. Lord Kinnaird moved that a Bill for
their protection should be referred to a Committee, and Mr. Punch is
glad to say that the motion was carried.

In the Commons it was announced that Government had not yet
come to the determination of turning the Royal Academicians out of
the National Gallery, whose apartments they really have no more claim
to than Mr. Punch. Indeed, if He demanded them for his printing and

publishing office, Government might plead, as the excuse for giving
them, that he performed great services to the nation, but the most
impudent of the painting corporation will hardly assert this of the
Academy. But the R.A.'s will have to go, one of these days, for the
National Pictures are to remain in Trafalgar Square, and the rooms
will be wanted for the presents which Mr. PvMch, and other proprietors
of collections, intend to give to the nation.

Lord Palmerston then smashed, as he conceived, the Isthmus of
Suez Canal, declaring that the scheme was a bubble, and also that, for
political reasons, our Government would always oppose it. Some years
hence, the chief cabin passengers of the Bulbul, a steamer plving along
the Suez Canal, will read this record in Mr. Punch's Thirty-Third
Volume (a complete set of his works being among the necessaries of
the voyage), and will smile indulgently, and remark how Egypt has
improved since England accepted her as a present from the Sultan,
with the consent of the Republic of France.

Mr. Roebuck brought on a motion for abolishing the Lord
Lieutenant of Ireland. The debate was not a very amusing one, and
the House shirked a decision, by negativing the "previous question,"
numbers 266 to 115. A good deal of praise was lavished on Lord
Carlisle, especially by Mr. Disraeli, who, in his pleasant scoffing
way, hintf d to the House that Lord Morpeth had been somebody in
a Parliament in which there were other somebodies, men of mark, and
not the insignificant lot he had the honour of addressing. His praise
is of the order which, alone, Sir Philip Junius Francis held to be
tolerable, namely, praise in pdium tertii, or (to make our self clear to
railway members and the military), when one praises Brown in order
to show one's hate for Jones.

Wednesday. The Bill for dividing- the Thames, right to the Queen,
mud to the Mayor, passed. Sir G. Lewis brought in a little bill of
£500,000 for the Persian war, about which there was a row, on the
ground that he had no business to bother with his bdls on Wednesdays.
Mr. Adderley's useful Bill for sending criminal lads to industrial
schools, and making parents who had neglected to educate their
children pay the expense, got through Committee. The first victim to
an election petition was then thrust from his seat. This was Mr. Neate,
member for Oxford city, whose place Mr. Punch's old Contributor,
also _ advantageously known to the world at large as the author of
Vanity Fair, and, in fact, as William Makepeace Thackeray, pro-
poses to do fhe constituency honour by filling, should they have the
sense to elect him. Mr. Punch could, of course, return him by a word,
but, true to his Liberal sentiments, disdains to use coercion. Mr. W.
M. T. has addressed Oxford, in a capital speech, in which he avowed
allegiance to the ballot, and to the extension of the suffrage, but not
such extension as in France permitted an Emperor on Horseback " to
ride cockhorse over the whole country, one Tyrant ruling over the
people." All hands, save one dirty one, went up for Titmarsh.

Thursday. Lord Campbell, after a well-deserved condemnation of
the foulness known as French novels (evidence that one of which
books had been seen for three minutes in a married woman's hand
ought to be ample ground for divorce) advanced his Immoral Publica-
tions Bill. Lord Malmesbury gave notice that the eminent horse-
racing Christian, Lord Derby, meant to demolish the Jew Bill, next
evening, and the Reverend Rabbi Adler proceeded to compose an
elegant Hebrew hymn in his lordship's honour. We should quote it,
but our only compositor who says he understands Hebrew is gone to
a Wey-Goose, and by this time, is, we hope, joyously contemptuous
alike of Aleph, Beth, Tsaddi, Shin, and Taw.

In the Commons it was announced that the Mayo priests, in
their fury at the exposures before the committee, could not wait
for the decision, but immediately on the return of some of the
witnesses, set a mob upon them, and caused the most ruffianly
outrages to be committed. Mr. Punch emphatically lays these crimes
at the doors of the priests, and hopes that the Irish Attorney-
General, who has gone over to inquire into the subject, will be able
to convict, not the wretched tools, but their blasphemous instigators,
who invoke the holiest names in order to incite to the foulest brutalities.
The Bill for dealing with Fraudulent Trustees was discussed, and in
some respects improved.

Friday. Lord Derby kept his word, and demolished the Jew Bill.
Lord Granville moved the second reading, ably. The other Earl
then went to work, and rattled away merrily, hitting at everything
and everybody. He settled for ever the question of Mr.
Disraeli's orthodoxy, by declaring that no Hebrew ought to be
Chancellor of the Exchequer. His great objection to the Jews was
that they all intend to be off to Palestine some day—to Levant, in fact,
if one may borrow a word from the Jockey-club to which Lord Derby
has been writing so piteous a letter of complaint that our racehorses
are getting into the hands of our rascals. Lord Lyndhdrst, of course,
made short work with the turf logic. The Duke of Norfolk, laying
aside the grievance of the Catholic voted to redress that of the Jew.
The Bishop of London supported the admission of the Jews,
believing that the religious position of the Legislature^ rested, not on
oaths, but on the religious feeling of the country. The Bishop of

v