Punch: Punch (33.1857)

July 18, 1857.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 23

Oxford sneered savagely at Lord Shaftesbury's owning to a con-
science—some priests hate non-professional religionists. Henry
Brougham's voice was again raised for the Jews. But Lord Derby's
threat was no vain one. Of the Lords in presence, 91 were for the
bill, 109 agajnst, of the Lords in pocket 48 were for the Bill, 64 against.
So that the'doors of Parliament were once more slammed in Baron
Rothschild's face, the majority being 34 against the Premier and
the Jew. ____

BEAUTY IN ARMOUR.

HE Crinoline mania is
>>-^_-^ blazing more fiercely

A ' 'Ta^5^ tha.n ever — witness

J 1 " X, the following state-

^' ^^^j^feftwJl^^'^^jS^ ment in the Times :

J J \ J~",'«2fi>2s*e\' -^^r^*^ " Crinoline.—A firm

i| BE I iu Sheffield has taken an

~ ' ' jr| I order for 40 tons of rolled

I' j^"^^*^ WI ft ^f^K steel for Crinoline, and a

~ W~ vi J* © ^ foreign order has been

— V^ymiliEri^ Jfci tj! * ^ if given for one ton a-week

/ J• for several weeks."

^^^K«mmfWw^>^St '% Ladies are now, ac-

w'$i£3/vJW?\* A cording to the above

=:— \m^e^^^'^r^m< intelligence, encasing

"—' MSg^^ftS^* ^Jr^v themselves in armour

~~" .-T^^k^^^L * 'J' x\ — wearing Crinoline
F^^^^^^PJ^^^^l m. of mail, or, if we may
i^faalpill^m Err=r\§ 'u> pardoned the ex-
S^^^f^^^^^^^^^lFEEr^^ pression, of femad.

W$K£$S$LEk ^e suppose these

^ ^^jJ^^^^^T'Jz^ steel Crinolines will
jf^T-ji JjjiWii^lrrre'"' ^e caned Jupons a la
i^H^^^^^gtW^ Jeanne d'Arc. What-
^^^^jHfrW^^^^^^^^^^ eyer protection these
^^^^^^^^^^^o^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ petticoats of proof
^ "r^ifaallSOCL may afford under cir-

--^S^ ——=———— cumstances of peril,

such as those inci-
dental to a Eoyal Drawing Boom, there is one occasion on winch the
wealing of them would be dangerous. The occa ion alluded to is that
of a thunderstorm, when every sensible young lady, if any young lady
who wears such preposterous garments can be called sensible, should
divest herself of her steel Crinolines, lest they should attract the light-
ning ; which is the oidy way in which they can render their wearer at
all attractive.

Latest at Lloyd's.

A Painting of Niagara by Church, not the Church of England or
Borne, but one of the many American Churches, is at present to be
seen at Messrs. Lloyd's in Gracechurch Street—a locality more
appropriate to the artist than accessible to his admirers. For if the
work, as here shown, does Grace Church, its painter, it is quite
beyond the limits of a shilling cab-fare from any known locality.

It is a wonderful picture. The almighty water-power, as the Yankees
call the cataract, is represented with almost equal oil-power by the
painter. And we can only say, that the Church of America should be
visited by all worshippers of the Beautiful.

A Page from Cook's Voyages.

Soyer the Saucerer has returned to England, and has forwarded a
sample of his latest production, which he calls " the Sultana Sauce."
It may possess all the pungency which it professes to do for anything
we know to the contrary; but the richest Sauce with which we are
acquainted is that of Tom Blister, driver of Hansom Cab, No. 7,777,
when any country gentleman offers to pay him at the rate of sixpence
a mile.

" Alas ! regardless of their fate,
The Little Victims play."

Hugh Innes Cameron, late Manager of the British Bank, has sur-
rendered to an adjudication in Bankruptcy as a dealer in sheep; having
had a sheep-walk in Scotland. It must have been in this calling that
he acquired his propensity to fleece.

Serenade to the Comet.—Comet gentil.

an exception to every rule.

The Man who as a rule, thinks everything and everybody " a Bore ! "
always makes an exception in favour of—himself.

JOHN'S WARNING TO JONATHAN.

Oh ! listen, Jonathan, to me; I am, as true as my name's John,
Particularly vexed to see how some of you are going on;
Not only, too, as your sincere, albeit your mistrusted friend,
But on my own account, I fear to what a goal your rowdies tend.

Of Justice to the loud appeal with ear and heart stone deaf and dead,
They strive with headstrong wicked zeal the curse of slavery to spread.
The Fillibuster and his gang they greet with infamous applause,
And in absurd and shocking slang defy divine and human laws.

Your Border Buffians' horrid deeds all civilised mankind disgust,
And your account my own exceeds for swindling, fraud, and breach of
trust;

I for my Pauls and Bobsons blush, I take their shameful facts to
heart;

But you don't seem to care a rush; you grin and call your rascals smart.

The many in your States appear to be, in point of ethics, dense.
Your population is, I fear, deficient in the moral sense •
And senselessness of what is good, and heedlessness of what is true,
Are, by the wise ones, understood to level Human with Yahoo.

A race demoralized retains Freedom's high privilege not long,
The upper hand some brute soon gains than all the tribe more sly and
strong.

So therefore mind what you're about, or your Bepublic I shall see,
In no long time, beyond a doubt, an Empire or a Monarchy.

You'll have Lord Chamberlains and Grooms-in-Waiting, Gold and
Silver Sticks,

Levees, Court Balls, and Drawing-Booms ; and you'll be in a pretty fix,
When in a flunkey's broidered suit, adorned by Etiquette's commands,
I at your sovereign master's foot shall see you kneel and kiss his
hands.

Then I shall have to keep alone the spark of Liberty alight,
Against the world to hold my own, and singly Freedom's battle fight,
When over the United States a crowned and sceptred despot reigns,
And you, both whites and blacks, are mates, all fellow-slaves in equal
chains.

^Advertisement. |

EMPLOYMENT FOR THE BLIND. The Directors of a Joint
Stock Company, of well established reputation, and above a fortnight's standing,
are in want of an experienced and skilful person, to act in the capacity of Auditor
of the accounts. The duties of the situation will be found extremely light, con-
sisting merely of the regular routine of making the half-yearly inspection of the
books, and supplying a certificate (the form of which is stereotyped) that the figures
there contained ate pertectly correct, and entirely coincide with those named in the
Report. In looking over the accounts the Auditor will simply have to overlook
whatever may be wrong m them, and will be required to turn a blind eye to any-
thing that may appear to him suspiciously defective or fraudulently false. More-
over, where there seems the danger that some extensive piece of cookery may by
some means come to light, he wdl be expected to assist in the keeping of it dark.
Still, iu order to give somewhat the appearance of reality to his labour of inspection,
he will be allowed now and then to mention his discovery of a mistake of some
odd shillings, or to record that he has doubts if this or that security will not prove
some halfpence short, which errors, the Directors will of course take credit to
themselves for having rectified.

As the employment will be one of anything but trust, no pecuniary guarantee or
surety will be requisite. But inasmuch as it is part of the Directors' policy to give
a high tone of morality to each branch of their establishment, every applicant must
be furnished with the regulation testimonials as to his spotless and unblemished
reputation ; and must in addition be provided with certificates to prove his constant
attendance at his Sabbath place of worship. Moreover, as it is the custom to com-
mence the day's business with a short religious service, it is expected that each
gentleman engaged in the establishment shall be able, in rotation, to officiate as
Chaplain, for which some knowledge of the Scriptures will, of course, be requisite.
It is likewise a rule, that on Board Days and occasions of the Meeting of the Share-
bolders, every Clerk and official (inclusive even of the door-porters) shall be
uniformly dressed in a black suit and a white neckcloth : while, to preserve an air
of decent piety throughout the whole establishment, any one committing so much
as a smile, will, if detected, be summarily dismissed. Every applicant, therefore,
must provide himself beforehand with suitable apparel, and the possessors of long
faces and the recognised odour of sanctity will be preferred.

For further particulars, and terms as to the participation in the profits of the
Company, apply in person (after nightfall) at the office of the Agents, Messrs.
Sackitall and Bolt, No. 1, Fleece Street, Handover Square.—N.B. No Sheriff's
Officer or Policeman need apply.

Superfluous.

Lord Brougham, last week, charged Louis Napoleon with an
intention of reviving the slave trade under" the disguise of free African
immigration. Surely for Louis Napoleon to bring slaves into the
French territory would be very like carrying coals to Newcastle. A
man who makes slaves can have no occasion to import them.

Nobman Mac Donald Fecit.—The proper name for the receptions
at St. James's Palace should be Levies en masse.