Punch (33.1857)

August lb, 1857.j

61

THOUGHTS LYING ON THE SAND. j PLEASE DON'T REMEMBER THE

GBOTTO.

DVERSITY.brings to light many a
hidden beauty. It is like a hand-
some leg revealed for the fiist
time on a showery day.

The cliarms that Fashion lends
to women would be considered

To the cry of " Remember
The fifth of November"
Mr. Punch, long accustomed has got,
Rut the street-urchins' motto,
" Remember the Grotto,"

positive defects if .Nature had given w,'4-l, „____l i • i

f, 6 1 With anger olt makes him wax hot.

them. | D

They dirty one's boots,

And pursue one with hoots,
As their oyster-time war-cry they yell out:

And they frighten poor swells

Until into their shells
Odd coppers or even they shell out.

Now Punch has no mind

To be harsh or unkind,
Eorbearance is ever his motto ;

But he'd silence the noise

Of small dirty boys,
Screeching, " Please to remember the Grotto\"

We are never astonished at any
happiness that drops into our lap,
for we always fancy we are
deserving of it; but if any piece
of ill-luck falls down upon us, we
cannot imagine what we have done
to deserve it.

We fancy we are becoming wiser,
as we grow older, when it is simply
our incapacity to commit the same
follies as when we were young.

Envy lashes principally the fortu-
nate. It is like the ragamuffins in
the street, who cry out, "Whip
behind !" directly they see one
of their comrades who has got a

lift- • political distinctions.

To appreciate a free country, ^ T ., , . .

you must travel in a despotic One grows a Liberal—one is born a Tory,
state. It is like coming into the | As for a Whig, he is either a Liberal who
open air after visiting a prison. | has failed, or a Tory who has been snubbed.

PUNCH'S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

August 3rd, Monday. Having to re-conquer India, we send the Army
thither, but as it will not do to be without gallant defenders of some
kind, the War-Secretary obtains powers to embody the Militia.

Lord Brougham favoured the Lords with his views upon Parlia-
mentary Reform. Not, however, in the tone in which he addressed
the Commons on the same topic, and at the time when he politely
exclaimed to the late Sir Robert Peel, (in reference to the Duke op
Wellington's declaration against reform); " Him we scorn not, it is
you we scorn, his mean, base, fawning parasite." To-night his lordship,
being a nobleman, behaved as such, and while desiring that certain
defects in the last Reform Bill should be corrected, deprecated any
general or sweeping measure. Considering in whose hands the measure
is, Mr. Punch thinks his lordship does well to be afraid, as a more dan-
gerous radical and leveller could not exist than the fiery ultra-democrat
now our Premier. Lord Henry advocated the giving the franchise
to respectable men, though only lodgers; he stated that our artisans
generally treated the ballot with contempt; he spoke favourably of the
Educational franchise, and made a protest against our constitution
being rendered more "democratic" than it had seemed good unto
John Russell and himself to make it when they finally and eternally
settled it in 1832. Lord Granville was much obliged, but begged
it might be understood that Lord Brougham knew nothing whatever
of the intentions of Government.

The Australian post question came up. Some of these days we shall
have our able-bodied colonists coming over in force to thrash all parties
concerned, for not sending out the letters, or taking means to have
them delivered when they arrive. The present plan seems to be for
the Post-Master General to toss the Australian letter-bag on board any
vessel in the river that looks as if it was as likely to go to Australia
as anywhere else. That matter is then off his mind. And if the vessel
should go, the letters sometimes go also, unless the sailors want the
sack for anything else, in which case they are emptied into the sea.
The colonists object to this system, and although, ot course, we should
discourage colonial complaints as much as possible, the present course
seems to have its inconveniences.

In the Commons Lord John Russell brought up his new device in
favour of the Hebrews. As the Lords won't open the door, and the
Government don't like to break it open, Johnny proposes to pick the
lock. There was an Act of Parliament passed in the 5th year of King
William the Sailor, permitting All Bodies authorised to administer
or receive oaths, to substitute a declaration for the same. John's
notion is that the Commons is one of these bodies, and that it may let
in M. de Rothschild ou a declaration. So he has obtained a Com-
mittee, consisting of a set of 25 Members of his own selection, and also
all the gentlemen of the Long Robe (this shut out the attorneys Had-
pield and Cox, to their wrath) who were to consider the matter. The
opposition lawyers ridiculed the idea, and the Premier reserved his
sentiments, but, it appears, ordered the Attorney-General to support
Lord John's view. The Committee discussed in secret. Mr. Punch
has not the faintest hesitation in saying that the framers of the Act in

question had not the slightest idea of including the Parliamentary oath
in their provisions, but if this legal loophole is large enough for the
Baron to come in at, he had better do so, as one of these days he must
come in somehow or other. The Conservatives talked against the
Committee, but did not divide.

Compensation to the Proctors occupied the House the rest of the
evening, and a great deal of good money was voted away to these black
namesakes of Barry Cornwall.

Tuesday. Lord Brougham presented a petition on Education from
the parisli of St. George's, Hanover Square, a district in which the
grossest ignorance is understood to prevail, and whose prayers for
teaching ought not to be disregarded.

And, apropos of St. George's, Hanover Square, we now come to
the story of the week, namely, the Divorce discussion. The Commons
gave Tuesday, Thursday, and Eriday nights to the subject. Mr. Punch
has no intention of filling up his golden pages with an analysis of the
sense and nonsense that were talked, or to trace the various important
or trumpery amendments and alterations. He pledges himself, when
the Bill shall have become law, to explain to Persons about to Marry
what possibility there is of escaping the consequence of their rash-
ness. Meantime, suffice it to say, first, that the proposed abolition
of the suit for Jactitation of Marriage was prevented. Therefore, if
any young lady, no matter how beautiful and rich, goes about Jacti-
tating, that is, boasting, that she is Mrs. Punch (when she is not)
Mr. Punch has a remedy against her. Secondly, that Samuel
Warren made a remarkably piteous and perfectly unavailing speech
against the Bill. Thirdly, that, up to the end of the week, the whole
legal and lay wisdom of the House was taxed in vain to devise a clause
for protecting from a husband the earnings of a woman whom he had
deserted ; but finally Sir R. Bethell promised to strain his Intellect
to the utmost, and produce such a clause in the following week.
Fourthly, that the Government were beaten on a proposal which,
though made by the Tories, is really more for the benefit of the humbler
orders than anything in the Bill. This was to create a local juris-
diction in divorce cases, so that a poor man or woman in Northumber-
land or Cornwall may not be compelled to come to London, and live
there while seeking redress. Government sulked, and refused to give
effect to the decision of the Committee, by framing a scheme for the
local courts, and the work was finally left to Mr. Isaac Butt, a
Conservative. The majority was not large—98 to 87,—and Mr. Punch
will not wonder if, at another stage^ the proposition is smashed.
Lastly, Mr. Henry Drummond, the Angel of the Church in Gordon
Souare, endeavoured to place the husband and the wife on a footing
of equality as to the offences for which divorce should be asked, and the
Committee, being Men of the World, were mightily amused at so
preposterous a proposition, negatived it by 126 to 65, and doubtless
have since made, in club-windows, curious comments on the probable
changes in London society which such an enactment might produce.

Wednesday. Sir Thomas Wilson triumphed. The House of
Commons will no longer do an injustice to an individual whose
property the public covets." The Bill for letting him do as he likes
at Hampstead passed by 77 to 59. But after a Wednesday comes a